Chapter 17
I’ve showered and dressed in comfortable jeans and a tee.
I’ve done away with any makeup I had on and I’ve let my hair fall freely after having it knotted on the top of my head for the most part of the day.
Denham surprises me with a steak dinner he has cooked for us.
We sit at the table in Denham’s apartment surrounded by candles and gentle music in the background, creating a soft light and a mood to match.
“So, what will you do tomorrow?” Denham asks.
“I’m not sure. I only have a few days before I start working and there are lots of things I need to do while I still have time to do them.”
“Like what?”
“I …” I hesitate before I speak, knowing that what I’m about to say might change the relaxed mood. “I think I’d like to see my mom and …”
“And what?” he asks curiously, placing his knife and fork down on his plate and giving me his full attention, making it a little harder for me to speak.
“I’m going to see if I can get in touch with Aaron …”
He picks up his napkin, wipes his mouth, then places it carefully back down. “I don’t want you to,” he says flatly.
“Please don’t be like that. We’ve talked about this before. I know you don’t want me to, but you know I need to. I just don’t understand everything. I’ve been going over and over it in my head, trying to piece it all together, and I can’t. It all seems so unlike him.”
“There’s obviously things that you don’t know about your so-called husband.
Maybe he’s put on a front all this time and he’s not the person you think he is,” he states.
I don’t miss the clipped way he speaks. “After all, you fooled him pretty well. Don’t you think he could have done the same to you? ”
I get up from the table, my chair scraping on the hardwood floor as I stand.
I go to the kitchen, drop my plate in the sink and fumble around in the cabinet to find a glass, then pour a large neat vodka, knocking it back in one.
It slides down my throat then burns, making my eyes water.
I don’t know why his words have angered me so much, he’s only speaking the truth, but Aaron and I are not the same.
I lied to him to protect myself. I had to.
I didn’t have a choice. But it seems he lied to me for his own personal gain.
It makes me question all the good things I thought about him in the time that I spent with him.
It makes me question everything. So much so that I’m not sure if I feel dizzy from the quick vodka I’ve just tossed down my throat or the ball of conflicting thoughts whizzing around my head.
Denham comes to stand next to me and takes the glass from my hand. He places it gently on the countertop, then turns me into him. His touch calms my racing mind, and I bury my head into his chest as he strokes my hair. “I’m sorry, that was insensitive,” he admits. “I know you didn’t have a choice.”
“I couldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t have understood. It was too big a secret to let out.”
“I know,” he soothes.
“I’m fed up feeling like I’ve been the bad one in all of this.
I feel like I’m the one in the wrong because I lied to him about who I was, when the truth is that he has lied too.
” I break away from Denham and pace the expanse of the room while things start to slot into place in my head.
“But he’s a good person, deep down, you know?
He must be in trouble. I knew something wasn’t right. ”
I’m talking aloud but more to myself than Denham. “He was moody. I knew it wasn’t right, and I didn’t do anything. I could have done something. Everything could have been different. Why does he need the money so badly? What kind of trouble could he possibly have gotten himself into?”
Denham is sitting on the couch, with his elbows propped on his knees, chin resting in his hands as he lets me rant, giving me time. It’s the first time he’s let my mouth run away with me without trying to stop it with a kiss.
“You’re not kissing me.”
“No.” His simple answer sends a twinge of pain through my heart.
“Why?”
He shrugs. “You need to work things through in your head, and getting it all out seems the best way on this occasion,” he says sadly. He’s still thinking about what’s best for me but his tone is flat and I can tell he’s unhappy.
“What’s going on in your head?” I lower my voice. “You seem distant all of a sudden.”
He stands and closes the distance between us, wrapping me in the comfort and safety of his arms. I feel my body melt into his.
It would seem that he radiates a potent feeling of calm which washes over me and renders me unable to think of anything else.
“I think that’s enough talking for one night, don’t you? ”
“Oh no, you don’t,” I say, poking him in the chest. “Out with it …”
“I’m glad that things have happened this way,” he states. I stiffen, not understanding why anyone would be glad of the situation I’ve been in.
“I mean, I’m not glad about any of the pain you have suffered, but if all of this hadn’t happened, I would never have known you existed and you would still be living as a girl called Natalie with no family and no identity other than the one you created. Were you really happy?”
I think about his answer. I’m happy that my path brought me to Denham’s door, and no, I wasn’t truly happy.
And after experiencing happiness in its purest form over the last few days, and having a glimpse of my future, I know that I would never have been truly happy.
I might have some things to sort out, a few obstacles to overcome, but I feel more alive than I ever have and a big chunk of that is down to Denham King.
“No,” I sigh. “No, I wasn’t. It’s been a long time since I remember being happy and carefree.”
“We are going to rectify that, Stunner. I want to fill your head with so many happy memories there won’t be any room for the bad ones. Every time you recall a moment or an event, I want you to remember good times … great times. I want all of them to be with me.”
“Denham, I …”
“Look, I know you can’t give me words to explain how you feel.
I know you’re scared that if you say them aloud that it will be set in stone and there will be no going back, but I don’t need you to say anything.
” He brushes my hair from my face and runs his thumb along my marked cheekbone.
“I feel you, Arianna. There is no explanation for it. I feel when you’re happy and I feel when you’re sad.
That faraway look that you had in your eyes is nearly gone.
I’ve watched you come to life.” He speaks on a whisper and I feel his breath on my face; I feel every word in my heart.
The background music changes and Paul Weller begins to sing about feelings deep inside. “Dance with me,” Denham says.
“Dance? Here?”
“Yes. Shhh, just close your eyes and feel, Ari.” He pulls my hands up around his neck and closes both of his arms around my waist. His hips rock us gently and we move together, cheeks touching and feeling our heartbeats synchronize through our chests.
He’s right. We have a connection, and there is no explanation. It just is what it is.
He hums the gravelly notes to me and I feel them through my body. The sound of him makes my hairs stand on end and I’m overcome. My eyes fill with tears and I’m not sure why.
Who am I kidding? I know why.
I’m falling for him. It is ridiculous to be falling in love after a week, but I know how I felt before and I know how I feel now.
Denying it is futile. My glass heart is exposed, and it terrifies me more than anything, but I can’t stop it.
I also can’t admit it out loud, it’s too soon.
There may never be a right time to bare my heart so openly to someone.
It’s my secret, to keep, to cherish, and to hold on tight to.
“You’re going too deep in your head again, Stunner. ”
“I know,” I reply sadly, I wish I didn’t do it but I can’t stop.
“Tell me …”
“I’m too scared.”
“Look at me,” he demands. “Tell me.”
“Don’t you think this is all crazy? You and me … this … whatever this is …” I trail off at the end, a little frightened at what his response may be.
“What’s crazy about it?”
“We’ve barely known each other a week.”
“And there’s a time limit on these kind of things?
Huh, let me see …” he muses, comically rubbing his chin with his thumb and forefinger.
“The rule book says no sex until after the third date, you must not fall in love before spending at least two months together, marriage is out of the question until you have at least been dating for a year, and after that children may be planned …”
“I’m being serious!” I say, smacking his chest playfully with the flat of my hand.
“Okay,” he replies, continuing to rock us to the beat of the music.
“Yes, I do think this is crazy, but not in a bad way. So what if it’s only been a week?
Who says it has to be more? Who says there isn’t such a thing as love at first sight?
I’ve told you, Ari, I can’t pretend how I feel.
I am sorry if that frightens you, but at least you know I’m being honest with you, right? ”
I nod into his chest. “Then just let it be. I don’t expect a declaration of undying love from you.
In fact, I don’t expect anything from you.
Just don’t keep trying to find reasons why this shouldn’t work.
” He tilts my chin so I’m looking up at him, looking into those twinkling eyes and seeing nothing but honesty.
“When you learn that you can let go and trust me, I’ll be able to show you that I’m here to catch you. ”