Chapter 20
TWENTY
brIAR
I snuggle into Lucien, pressing my face against the warmth of his chest, wanting to feel the heat and hardness of his body—the comfort and security I’ve come to rely on.
His arm tightens around me instinctively, pulling me closer, and I breathe in the scent of him, clean soap and something darker, something that feels like home.
But I know I can’t stay.
To remain in this city, to live here in New York, has placed not only me, but now Stacy, in danger. As much as I try to tell myself that none of this was my fault—that I was only a woman who fell in love and married a man before learning the monster he truly was—it doesn’t change the truth.
I can’t let Lucien or his family, or everything he has built, be jeopardized because of me.
His family may once have lived in the shadows of New York’s underworld, but they are no longer part of that life.
And just to keep me safe, I refuse to allow him to step back into that darkness.
Even though I can already see the war inside him—that he wants to.
That he’s teetering, debating how he ought to deal with Matteo.
His arm wraps fully around my waist, and he shifts slightly, adjusting me against him.
“You can’t sleep?” His voice is low, threaded with exhaustion and strain.
“I’m tired,” I whisper, “but I can’t seem to turn my mind off.”
I wiggle upward onto his chest so I can see his handsome face. His hair is mussed, his jaw dark with the shadow of a day’s growth, eyes stormy, even in the dim light.
“I think we should go to the police,” I say quietly. “With what Matteo did today, and with him only recently getting out of jail, he’ll be sent straight back. And then I won’t have to worry anymore.”
Not that I’m going to worry much longer anyway, because once we get through the gala for Moretti Global, I’ll be gone. I’ll leave New York, disappear for good, and Matteo Romero will never find me again. I won’t risk anyone else. I won’t let Lucien fight battles that aren’t his.
My chest hurts at the thought of leaving Lucien. I don’t know how it’s happened, but I know I’m falling in love. How could I not be, when he was so sweet, kind and loving, protective and everything a girl would want in a man. Everything I’d dreamed of my whole life.
And I can’t help but feel that he loves me too, as fiercely and passionately as I’ve come to recognize. Even if he’d not yet said the words.
“The police might be able to hold him for a while,” I go on, hopeful, even though I know it’s probably useless.
“There were no cameras in the bathroom and none in the passage leading to the room either. There’s no proof.
The man caught on security leaving through the back door of the café was hooded.
We can’t pin it on him.” Lucien’s jaw tightens, a muscle ticking dangerously.
When he speaks, venom edges his voice. “He keeps slipping through my fingers.”
The tone makes the hair rise at the back of my neck.
He sounds like a man choosing which weapon will make the cleanest cut.
“I don’t want you doing anything that jeopardizes your life or everything you’ve worked hard for.
Not for me.” I swallow hard. “I’m certain we can get him back into police custody—or at least if he’s served with a restraining order, he won’t risk breaking it. ”
A small, almost mocking smile twitches at Lucien’s mouth. “Briar, he’s not going to stop.” His fingers brush lightly over my back, but his voice is ice. “He’s the type of man who believes if he can’t have you, no one can. And that kind of man doesn’t stop until someone is dead. I promise you that.”
A full-body shiver runs through me. I know he’s right.
I felt it today. I saw the madness in Matteo’s eyes, the absolute certainty that I still belonged to him.
The chilling calm before he struck me. The rage behind the way he squeezed my jaw.
I know he would kill me if he got the chance, especially if I didn’t do as he wanted.
Lucien frowns, like he’s wrestling with something. “What really happened in that bathroom stall?” he asks. His voice is soft, but there’s an edge beneath it. “What else did he do?”
I swallow, the words sticking in my throat like stones.
My hands tremble against his chest. “He—ahh…” My voice cracks.
“I was going into the stall and before I knew it he had forced the door open, and it hit me in the mouth. It all happened so fast. I told him to leave, to get out and he started yelling at me for being with you. He made me apologize for sleeping with another man behind his back. Made me promise I’d go back to him. ”
Tears burn hot and sudden, spilling before I can stop them. Lucien’s thumb sweeps over my cheekbone, wiping them away. “There’s something else,” I whisper. “Something I need to tell you.”
His body stills beneath me—rigid, bracing, like he’s preparing for a physical blow. Fear and fire flicker in his eyes, battling silently. “What is it?”
I swallow my fear, not wanting to lie. “Matteo forced me to kiss him.” The words scrape out of me. “He made me beg for forgiveness. Made me say I still loved him. That I wanted him. He—he made me kiss him like I meant it, and he got angry when I didn’t.”
Lucien’s eyes close. His chest rises in a slow, agonized breath, and he turns his face away slightly. I don’t know if he’s disgusted by me. I don’t know if he can stand to look at me now that he knows how weak I was.
God, please don’t hate me.
“Say something,” I choke, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. “Say you forgive me. Say something.”
His eyes open, and the expression there steals the breath from my lungs. There is no jealousy. No anger. Only devastation and longing—and something deeper, something that looks dangerously like love.
“There’s nothing to forgive, Briar.” His fingers slide to cup my cheek gently. “None of this was your fault. You did what anyone would do to survive. To stay alive. I will never judge you for doing what you had to do to come home to me.”
The last three words hit me fair in the chest. Home to me.
I nod, but no words come. I move into him instead, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself against his body, holding him like he’s the only thing tethering me to reality.
He pulls me close, strong arms banding around me, and presses a kiss to the top of my head. Despite the fire burning across my split lip and the aching bruises on my jaw, I want him.
I need him.
I tilt my head back, meeting his gaze, and feel the heat between us shift—darkening, deepening, swallowing the space that pain and fear once filled.
And I forget for a moment that the world outside this room is full of monsters. One in particular whom I was once married to.
But not anymore.
Lucien moves first, taking my lips in a searing kiss that steals my breath. He’s gentle, but firm, and I kiss him back, needing to taste him, know that he’s real, even if pain shoots through my face.
He must realize what’s occurred and he breaks the kiss, moving to bestow little kisses against my jaw, my neck. He rolls me onto my back and comes over me. My body aches for him, I wrap my legs about his hips, inviting him, wanting his strength to inspire my own.
“Briar…” The need in his voice as he slips my panties off makes me wet. It’s deep, full of longing and heat and I ache with the need for him to take me. To make me forget. To only have this memory for today and nothing else.
I reach between us, pushing down his boxers. His large, thick cock presses into my hand and I stroke him. He groans and all I want is to please him, to feel him inside me. “I want you so much, Lucien.”
He pulls back, kneels between my legs and watches me. His eyes are dark, hooded, they devour every part of me, and I have the feeling even with my long t-shirt on, he’s picturing every naked bit of me beneath my makeshift pajamas.
He reaches over to the bedside cabinet and grabs a condom, ripping it with an expertise that bubbles up the jealous part of me. He clasps his cock, rolling it onto his hard length, watching me.
I lick my lips and pain shoots through my mouth, reminding me of today.
Before I can think much more of what happened, Lucien clasps my ass, lifting me a little as he slides inside of me, filling me up. I moan, breathe through the wicked pleasure that rocks through me.
He’s so large, long, and it’s all I can do to not lose control. He thrusts hard, and I reach for him. He comes down, kisses me softly on the lips, while his body takes mine with a savageness that’s at odds with his sweetness.
I’m consumed by him, loved and comforted, and a kaleidoscope of emotions rock through me. I love this man. I want to tell him, to admit to how I feel for him. It’s too soon, my mind screams. I’ll scare him off, he’ll bolt for the hills.
I wrap my hands about his neck, kiss his jaw while trying not to cause myself pain.
He wraps his hands around my back and lifts me off the bed to sit on his lap.
The change of position enables me to control the speed, the depth of his taking.
I rise and fall, working him, to be at that delicious, sweet spot that sends me spiraling.
I can feel my release building, and he never misses a beat.
He rocks into me, hard and determined, and I can see in his eyes that’s he waiting for me to come first.
I run my fingers into his hair, clasping them at the nape of his neck, and lose myself in his gorgeous gray eyes.
“You’re so beautiful.”
His words fill my heart, and I moan as he thrusts into me. I kiss him, small little pecks so not to hurt my mouth, but I want a proper kiss and hate Matteo for taking that away from me.
The words that I tussle with are all but on the edge of my lips, but I swallow them as my orgasm rips through me, tremor after devastating tremor rocks my body. I wrap myself around Lucien, never wanting to let go.
My name is a promise on his lips, he thrusts into me, once, twice, and groans as he comes.
I rock on top of him, wanting him to feel as much pleasure as I always do in his arms. We tumble onto the bed, and I laugh as he rips the condom off, throwing it onto the floor before pulling me into his arms.
He reaches for my chin, lifting my face up to look at him. “You should move in here with me. Permanently, I mean. I want you here with me.”
I don’t know what to say. I’d love to move in with him, commit in that way, and yet, I can’t. But how do I tell him that I’m thinking of leaving, that my future can’t be in New York, not if Matteo will never let me go?
I don’t want Lucien to continuously have to deal with my ex or have his business or girlfriend threatened every other day. That is no life at all.
“We haven’t known each other long, Lucien. That’s a big commitment.” Not to mention he’d not said he loves me, and even if I were certain I love him, I would like that commitment first, no matter who it was I was considering moving in with.
If only my life wasn’t so fucked up. If only Matteo was still in jail so he wouldn’t be a problem.
“I’ve never asked anyone to move in with me before. I’m serious when I ask.”
I swallow the hope that he’s on the cusp of admitting to how he feels for me, but after a heartbeat he remains quiet.
If he loved me, admitted to that emotion, I would probably change my mind on leaving, but if it was merely because he enjoyed my company and wanted me here to keep an eye on me, keep me safe, that wasn’t a strong enough argument for me to give up my apartment.
“I can see that you are, and as much as I’ve enjoyed my time here, I think it’s best for now that I keep my apartment.”
He studies me, his eyes narrowing in thought, and I’d love to know what’s going through his mind. Is he angry, disappointed, or merely indifferent?
“It’s up to you. I won’t force you do to anything.”
I watch him and he rolls a little onto his back and closes his eyes. A nervous bubble settles in my chest and I hope I haven’t upset him. But I can’t do what he asks, not if the troubles with Matteo continue. I don’t want to give Lucien hope when I don’t even know if there is any to be had.
I stare at the wall, thinking of the day, my life, everything that’s happening all at once and spiraling my world off its axis. I have a lot of choices to make, and some won’t be easy, but that’s for tomorrow’s troubles. I’ve had enough of those for one day.