Chapter 17 #3
His hands, which had been resting against the chair, slowly moved to her waist. He pulled her closer, holding her gently as though he needed the reassurance that she was still there.
"It was my fault," he admitted, his voice rough. "I should have never brought anyone between us. I promise I..."
The rest of the sentence disappeared.
He couldn't say it.
Instead, he looked into her eyes, searching for something he desperately needed.
"Fall in love with me again," he whispered. "It's okay if you don't love me right now. But you can love me again, can't you?"
His fingers tightened slightly around her waist.
"You fell in love with me once. You can do it again."
He waited for her answer.
But Elise didn't give him one.
Xavier didn't let the silence stretch between them.
"It was a mistake," he said, his voice rough as he tried to explain what he had been unable to say before. "I never slept with Astrid. I haven't even touched her." His eyes stayed fixed on Elise's face, desperate for her to believe him. "I never cheated on you."
His fingers tightened slightly around her waist as the words poured out of him, the alcohol making it impossible for him to hide behind the control and arrogance he usually carried.
"I was out of my fucking mind. I wanted to make you feel the same jealousy I feel every time you get close to another man.
I wanted you to understand what it feels like when I see someone else have your attention. "
His voice lowered, the anger disappearing and leaving only the truth he had been trying to avoid.
"I love you so much that I can't fucking breathe when you smile at someone else."
Elise stared at him.
The confession caught her off guard because it was the first time Xavier had ever actually said those words.
She had spent months understanding his love through the small things he did, through the way he remembered every little detail about her, through the things he would never admit mattered to him.
But he had never looked her in the eyes and said it.
Not until now.
Still, she remained silent.
Her eyes moved over his face, noticing the slight haze in his expression from the alcohol, the vulnerability he would never have allowed anyone else to see. But despite the ache it caused in her chest, she didn't let herself soften.
Xavier watched her silence, and the fear inside him grew.
"Why don't you get angry at me?" he asked, his voice filled with confusion and pain. "Why don't you hate me? You can slap me if you want. You can scream at me. Do anything, Elise. Just show me that you care."
He looked at her as though he couldn't understand her anymore.
"How can I not even stand the thought of another man breathing near you, but you..." His voice faltered before he continued, unable to hide the hurt. "I brought another woman into this house. I told you she was going to be my girlfriend, and you didn't even react."
His expression tightened.
"Why didn't you throw her out? Why didn't you say anything? Didn't it hurt you? Didn't it matter?"
Elise looked at him for a long moment before finally answering.
"You knew what you were doing."
Her voice was quiet, but the calmness in it cut deeper than anger ever could.
"You knew what the result of your actions would be."
Xavier's expression shifted.
"You wanted me to beg for your love."
The moment she said those words, Xavier's expression changed.
The accusation on her face cut through him, and within seconds, panic replaced the anger and frustration that had been consuming him all night.
"No," he said immediately, his voice filled with desperation. "I never intended to make you beg."
His eyes were clear now as he looked at her, stripped of the arrogance and pride he usually carried.
"I swear, Elise, that was never what I wanted."
He shook his head slightly, trying to make her understand. "I just couldn't control what I was feeling. When I saw you with him... when I saw you touching him, talking to him, and then you wouldn't tell me who he was, I was so fucking jealous that I couldn't think straight."
His voice grew rough as he admitted the truth he had been fighting against.
"I let the worst part of me take over."
He looked at her, his eyes filled with regret.
"I love you, Elise."
The words came out quietly, but there was no hesitation this time.
"I didn't understand it before. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was anger, jealousy, possessiveness... but I know now." His voice trembled slightly. "I'm so in love with you that I can't even stand the thought of you standing next to someone else."
His hand moved to her face, his thumb brushing lightly against her skin.
"But I regret what I did."
The pain in his eyes deepened.
"Please don't punish me anymore."
Before she could respond, he pulled her into his arms.
The force of the hug was desperate, almost like he was afraid that if he let her go, she would disappear from his life forever. His arms wrapped tightly around her as he held her against him, his face burying into the curve of her neck.
"I want a life with you," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I don't want anything else."
His breathing was uneven as he held onto her.
"I want to be with you tonight. I want you in my arms. I want you to be mine."
His grip tightened.
"I want to marry you, Elise. I don't want anything else in my life as long as I have you."
The words came out between shaky breaths, his chest rising and falling uncontrollably as the fear he had been carrying finally broke through. The only thing grounding him was the warmth of her body against his, the familiar scent of her, the reminder that she was still there.
For a moment, Elise remained completely still.
But slowly, almost despite herself, her body softened.
Her hands hovered uncertainly before finally moving upward. Her fingers gently settled against his back, and she began to rub soothing circles over him.
The small gesture was enough to make Xavier freeze.
He pulled back slightly, looking at her as though he couldn't believe she was still allowing him to be this close.
And then, unable to stop himself, he leaned forward and kissed her.