Chapter 33
The meal they put together was pitiful. There was no nicer way to put it.
Therxian looked both guilty and annoyed at the results of his own impulsive reaction.
The simple provisions that Therxian gathered for her were fine for making a soup or a kind of mash with the thicker tubers in the earlier part of the day, but for an evening meal, it was a bit disappointing.
It made her miss even the horrible synth-meat that Darvel fed all the non-gratas with to make sure that they were provided with essential nutrients.
Though there were some in the colony who avoided the meat that the Seshanamitesh brought, preferring to mix native vegetation with plants grown within the colony conservatory, Alex was not one of them.
And she didn’t even have the familiar plants of her homeworld to help vary her diet either.
It was clear that the Seshanamitesh diet was primarily carnivorous for a reason beyond that of being a biological necessity for the species.
True, she could survive on what Therxian left her—and would be grateful for being able to it—but she couldn’t lie to herself that it was satisfying or even pleasing.
Still, she tried not to sigh when she thought of the thick chunk of meat that her mystery visitor left for her that was currently sitting deep within some ravine beneath the broken tunnel.
She didn’t want Therxian to feel worse for what was obviously a very instinctual reaction.
One thing was certain—it certainly did what Buosoa hoped.
Perhaps a little too well. Although he tried to conceal it behind his tail, Therxian was obviously still engorged and extruded.
She did her best to pretend that it wasn’t obvious, but it had created a subtle, heightened sexual tension between them as they prepared their food, returned to the nest, and ate.
Alex was not unaffected either. She felt overly sensitized, hyperaware of his every movement, and on edge as if no matter what the distraction, some part of her was waiting for his touch.
Her skin felt tight, feverish, and tingled with awareness if he so much as leaned toward her or looked in her direction.
Perhaps that contributed to the food being practically tasteless.
And the fact that her eyes kept returning to that carefully concealed spot as if drawn there.
She tried to tell herself that it was because the coloration of his tail with the darkening scales of deep indigo contrasting with the shifting bioluminescence of his gavo was beautiful and kept attracting her attention.
Unfortunately, even she wasn’t buying the bullshit she was trying to shovel.
Oh, she was admiring his tail alright. It was worthy of marvel because despite the broadness of his tail, he had to partially extend his gavo to conceal the impressive thickness and length of his sant.
And she was staring... again.
Alex tore her gaze away for what had to be the hundredth time, forcing her eyes to shift upward, expecting to be able to distract herself by admiring his profile.
Instead, his red eyes were focused on her—studying her.
Watching her. Her lips twisted in an apologetic grimace as she carefully, and swiftly, turned her attention to focus on the wall instead.
She tried not to show it outwardly, but inwardly she cringed with embarrassment.
Fuck. Caught in the act of perving.
“Alex.”
He didn’t say her name. He sang it. He crooned it in that same humming way that sent a shiver through her, rapidly heating the core of her.
Her cheeks flamed all the way to the tips of her ears, drawing a raspy hiss of amusement from him.
She glanced his way from the corner of her eye in time to see both of his dark tongues extend to tease the air as he deeply drew in a breath.
It was immediately followed by a low, guttural groan that made her belly clench tighter with a rush of desire.
“So enticingly sweet. Never have I tasted such pheromones before,” he rasped. “Not even the throne chamber filled with the pheromones of females from over a dozen noble lines had such a hold on me.”
Alex’s mouth went dry, her eyes widening as she stole a glance at him.
So that was what happened? His control over himself and his natural resistance had been worn down by numerous females trying to lure him in.
Her mouth tightened faintly with bitter disappointment. It wasn’t about her. It was them.
“I think you are giving me far too much credit,” she replied as she pretended to be busy inspecting the fraying edge of her flight suit.
There were fresh swaths of fabric that were wound around her upper and lower body beneath it, the lengths billowing out from the torn ends, but even the special weave of the Seshanamitesh couldn’t quite warm her to a comfortable degree.
“I think if it had anything at all to do with me, that you would have had some reaction long before now.”
He hummed contemplatively to himself as he rolled back, shifting his weight on his massive, coiled tail. “You think that there has been nothing?” he challenged.
Alex’s cheeks grew warmer still as she thought of the occasions on which she had become uncomfortably aroused in his presence.
“Humans are not like Seshanamitesh,” she mumbled in excuse. “We don’t require things like pheromones to trigger a sexual reaction. I would say my imagination gets me into enough trouble all by itself.”
To her surprise, Therxian’s eyes narrowed as he regarded her, not the least put off by her observation.
“It is true that pheromone marking and bonding is an important part of the mating process,” he drawled with a low hiss.
“But if it was necessary and depended on for everything, then our species would have likely gone extinct generations ago.” His eyes narrowed further into red, glowing slits.
“It is, however, the first tell of a bonding—even if we try to ignore it—but one that cannot be ignored for long.”
“Okay,” she mumbled. She cleared her throat nervously. “So, what are you saying? Has there been... something?”
His held cocked curiously at her, his gavo rising slightly in dual horn-like crests at the top of his head. “Do you not think so?”
She shrugged, fidgeted, and looked down at her hands.
She knew Buosoa said that the sisters believed she was a distraction to him and were certain that he would prioritize her wellbeing if she was caught in the middle unprotected, but that didn’t mean that whatever he felt toward her was this almost magical chemistry like what she heard mated women at the colony whisper about.
It seemed that it was literal chemistry.
The kind that could be evoked by any female who got there first. Therxian had been able to resist her without any problem until he was sufficiently aroused by another.
It didn’t make her special. Whatever emotional attachment he had to her was likely built on his sense of responsibility to her.
She suddenly felt a bit foolish about how much she had presumed without even realizing it.
Some small part of her had been excited to feel that response and what it could mean for her.
But it wasn’t a magical alien connection.
It wasn’t instant, undying land fated love.
It was just instinct due to a biological reaction.
She nearly laughed right then. All those women at the colony who exchanged knowing smiles, spoke of fate and the blessings of alien gods, and hinted at their satisfaction with their doting mates.
They would be so disappointed if they had the slightest inkling of just how replaceable they would have been if literally anyone got to them first.
Reality did a lot to cool her simmering lust. It didn’t bank it entirely—she wasn’t certain that it was altogether possible at that point without sufficient distance for several days—but it took the edge off enough to think clearer.
Alex laughed humorlessly and pushed her empty bowl away from her. “Hell if I know. I never did understand how it all worked.”
“How it works?” Therxian echoed, his gavo lifted slightly as he tipped his head quizzically. She hated how oddly endearing it was.
“You said there were human women among the Vehal.”
He inclined his head. “Many.”
She squinted at him. “How do they navigate their differences? Humans choose partners based on emotion and logic, and perhaps because of that many women have assigned some sort of supernatural quality to their mating. Do any of the women there even know that they are mated because of a convenient sniff at the right moment?”
Therxian stiffened. Alex bit her tongue, suddenly regretting hastily speaking her mind.
“Is that what you believe? Do you believe that I would initiate a claim because it is convenient to do so in response to a chain reaction of pheromones?”
She shrugged, trying to play it off as if it didn’t matter.
She didn’t know why she cared so much. She was a non-gratas.
She should be as thrilled as all the others to be on the receiving end of that kind of single-minded devotion.
Why couldn’t she just enjoy the illusion?
Why did she have to put a damper on the good feelings they were both experiencing?
“It doesn’t matter,” she sighed. “It’s more than a non-gratas could hope for.”
He sneered, a loud, rattling hiss vibrating from his throat.
“You do not insult yourself. You are my ashlava. You do not have to be content with anything just because you believe that you deserve nothing. You are a cunning and disobedient little human, and there is no being that I adore more. The first exposure to pheromones in those initial days may have drawn me in and cemented my bond to you in a physiological sense, but it is you who I have grown to adore beyond pheromones and beyond reason.”
“Could have fooled me,” she replied. “You certainly didn’t seem like you were interested in anything other than getting away from the females of the noble families.”
“I did not wish to acknowledge it,” he admitted.
“I was consumed by my perceived duty and felt obligated to play by very specific rules until I realized that not everyone is playing by the same rules. The court of noble matriarchs will use me or destroy me. Or perhaps both once I have served my purpose,” he added with a gruff hiss of laughter.
“But everything became clear when I thought I would lose you to another, and suddenly I could not bear it. Pheromones may trigger desire, but the bond that I was speaking of isn’t that.
That comes from here,” he rumbles, his hand touching his chest, over his heart.
Alex blinked back the moisture that was oddly blurring her vision. It certainly couldn’t be tears. She never cried. In all the lonely years of desperately wanting something of her own, she had never once wept over it.
“Really?” she whispered and immediately wanted to die of embarrassment due to the way her voice cracked with emotion.
Therxian smiled, the hard lines of his face softening slightly—as much as one of his species could—and he cupped her cheek.
“Hithana, I speak truthfully when I say that I wish to be annoyed by your unpredictable mind for the rest of my life. Moreover, I do not wish to be a male cast aside and used by female after female without bond or affection until I cannot function as a proper male and mate anymore. I want to give this part of myself to you.”
“What of nestlings?” She hated that she had to ask. “You will be expected to breed a royal line. You can’t just leave, and no one will accept our own.”
“Unlike my brother, I do not plan on giving them any choice,” he rumbled, a hint of a threat in his voice.
“I have seen the offspring of such pairings, and they lack nothing. They are just as strong and comparable in size as any Seshanamitesh, perhaps even a bit larger among a few. We will breed a glorious line from our combined strength,” he added, his voice dropping to a whisper as he brushed her cheek with his.
“I look forward to having nestlings who take after their mother and create chaos within the court.”
“Chaos? Me?” she chortled.
He drew back slightly, so that she was looking into glowing red eyes, and he grinned. “Did you not throw a dead insect of consider size and illreputation onto a prospective mate?” he teased.
“Please, it was dead. And just one female. Weren’t you the mastermind of the chaos we created in the corridor?”
“Precisely,” he agreed. “It just proves that we are well suited to each other and will breed cunning and fearless sons and daughters with strong personalities who can lead the shinara into a new age as a model for all the others.”
“Shangla help them,” Alex muttered, drawing another hissing laugh from the male.
“But first you must yield and accept my claim,” Therxian rumbled as he drew closer to her, his tail sliding along her leg, evoking a shiver in her.
“And how do I do that?” she whispered in reply.
His red eyes slitted with pleasure, he drew her into his embrace, his wings closing around them as his tail slid leisurely over her until she trembled. “Let me show you.”