Chapter 35
Eva
Ilet my head fall to the window and surrendered to the steady pulse of the tires and the lazy drift of music through the speakers. It wasn’t a long drive to work, and I’d slept right through last night, but by the end of the week I was always pretty tired.
“Can I ask you something?” Coop said, his voice still laced with sleep, his eyes darting towards me briefly before moving back to the road.
We’d fallen into a pattern of soft, easy days and nights that burned hot, our bodies unwilling to part until the sunrise forced us back into the facade of something slower.
It felt more like a relationship than I’d ever been in before, only neither of us wanted to admit that, rather continuing to ignore the inevitable.
Only now, his tone held an undercurrent of nerves, and my stomach started to flutter.
“Does anyone ever say no to that question?” I replied, squashing my apprehension.
“I knew you’d answer with a question.”
“What did you want to ask?” I was impatient now, desperate to hear in case it was something bad.
“Do you remember that day you came to my house with Seb to swim?” The blood drained from my face.
This was a topic I didn’t want to discuss.
I knew exactly which day he was talking about because it was one where I first experienced heartbreak.
I just didn’t know where this conversation was headed and why he was suddenly bringing it up.
“Yeaaaah,” I nodded slowly. “What about it?”
His gaze flicked toward me, but I didn’t dare meet it, staring ahead instead in anticipation.
“Why did you really leave that day?”
I felt the air leave my lungs at the question I saw coming but still wasn’t prepared for.
Why did I leave? Why did I leave!
Because you hurt me. Because I was painfully in love with you and had been for years - albeit secretly - and you never knew.
Because I’d tried so hard to look good and was hoping you’d also see me for more than my brother’s younger sister.
All of the reasons were fighting for supremacy, but was now the time to be honest?
Was it worth dredging up the past when it all seemed so childish, so insignificant against everything we’d become and the years which had passed?
“Because you didn’t want me there.” I stated simply.
“What? I always wanted you around.” He answered emphatically, as if I were crazy to suggest otherwise.
“Not that day,” I huffed a soft laugh which lacked humour. “It was so long ago, it doesn’t even matter.”
“It does matter,” he insisted, his tone softening. “I should’ve asked you long before now. It’s always sat in the back of my mind, but it never felt like the right time to bring it up.”
I sighed, the weight of the memory settling in my chest before I inhaled deeply.
“I heard your conversation that day. It seems stupid even saying it aloud now, it was so long ago. But I heard what you said about me. Heard you call me a ‘kid’ and a ‘nobody’. Apparently, my eavesdropping skills put me in good stead because I heard it all. And I think I was embarrassed and a little heartbroken.” I confessed with a sad smile, leaving the extent of the love I’d harboured for him unsaid.
“Fuck,” he huffed, his head shaking and his brows knitted in a frustration I couldn’t quite read.
“I’m so sorry you heard that. That must’ve sounded awful.
Fuck, I barely remember that conversation, other than knowing your brother wanted the girls there because he liked one of them back then.
I was probably just saying whatever I could to get her to come over - for him.
Fuck, Ev, I’m sorry. I never thought that way about you.
Besides Seb, you were my only real friend.
And I think,” he ran a hand through his hair before finishing, “in some ways, you always knew me better than even he did. You saw me differently.”
I listened, uncertain how to feel or where to look. I’d clung to my memories of that day, the only perspective I’d ever had being challenged, but what he said and the sincerity in his voice told me he was being honest.
We slowed at a red light, and he took the moment. Turning toward me, he reached over and gently lifted my chin until our eyes met.
“You must know, Evy, I always wanted you around. Even when I shouldn’t have.”
His words settled heavy between us, and I wondered if maybe, just maybe, I’d been right all along - that Cooper did feel some of what I felt, even if he’d never dared to admit it, not even to himself.
And yet, here I was, back in his life as if fate had quietly nudged us together, again pulled into his world by the invisible threads of my brother.
EVA
How do you feel about choc-chip cookies? I need your help. I’m giving myself a stomach-ache trying to work these numbers. Do you think you could come to Golden Spades today? I need your unpaid labour and will provide all the baked goods.
XAVIER
You had me at cookies. Pin me the location.
Xavier arrived with an XL mango smoothie and an aura of familiarity I’d sorely missed, and I barrelled into him as soon as he got out of the car.
“God, I’ve missed you,” I squealed with delight, nearly knocking the cup tray from his hand.
“If you spill my chai latte you are dead to me,” he said with no heat and an arm firmly around my waist in a squeeze, his way of saying he missed me too.
“I need this as much as I need your brain,” I took the smoothie, having a long sip. “We need to go back to that cafe together, these are divine.”
“Now I’m a graduate, I am as free as a bird.” He grinned. “And hopefully I’ll have a full-time job with your brother soon so I can be cashed up and spend my days staring at the sexiest Micallef in the family.”
“Excuse you!” I laughed. “So jealous you’re finished, but also immensely proud you survived Miranda Priestly. Not even going to argue over the comment about my brother.” I gestured towards the entrance to Golden Spades, and he followed.
“Am I expecting the same reception I received from your boss last time?” He asked.
“Who knows?” I joked. “Although he has been particularly happy of late.”
“Regular sex will do that,” Xavi whispered, and I smirked.
“It’s not regular, it was one time.” He swivelled to face me so fast I was surprised he didn’t get whiplash.
“Okay,” I laughed, “A couple. But it’s been a little while,” I said, adding a hint of disappointment and choosing not to tell him I would have mounted him like a tree last night, only I’d fallen asleep before he arrived home.
“Anywayyyy, I’m desperate for your brain. I might be going insane.” When he didn’t reply, I glanced over and caught the look of pure astonishment on his face, wide-eyed and completely absorbed as he took in everything around him.
“Pretty impressive, huh?” I remembered the feeling of awe when I first laid eyes on the distillery. The sheer size of the cavernous space. The warm glow of the stills under the factory lights and the rows of aging whiskey - a timeline for all to see.
“How many barrels?”
“613.”
“Oh.” His pursed lips depicted his understanding. “Surely your eyes twitch just walking in here.”
“I just don’t understand why it isn’t 600. Why not 612 or 614 even?”
“I am living for how much this odd number would be killing you.”
We wandered the aisles while I pretended I was a whiskey aficionado, detailing the little knowledge I had on aging times and cask types.
“What are those noises?” He asked with intrigue.
“The hissing is one of the machines, don’t ask me what it does because I can’t remember. That low humming sound is another machine. Don’t ask me what that one does either. I know it’s large and made of steel. I think.”
“I am not even going to pretend to care about the process. Where is your fiancé?” He asked as we turned the corner, the office a few metres away.
“I don’t actually know, but I-” I paused, smiling when I saw Cooper sitting in my chair. “Speak of the Devil.”
He stood, reaching for my smoothie without asking, like it was the most natural thing in the world. He took a long, languid sip, eyes half-lidded, then handed it back to me without a word.
Okay, then.
“Xavier, right? I’m Cooper,” he reached out and shook Xavi’s hand.
“The one and only.” Xavi seemed more like himself today, no code-switching or editing and that made me smile. There was a quiet pride in seeing him just be, without effort, and knowing he already felt comfort around Cooper was everything.
“I owe you an apology,” Coop said, and from the look on Xav’s face, I wasn’t the only one caught off guard by the sentiment.
“Sorry if I made you feel unwelcome last time.” The way he placed his hands in his pockets told me everything, he was trying to look relaxed, even if he wasn’t.
But he wasn’t running from the moment either.
That honesty, the effort to acknowledge his emotions, was new for him. And it meant something.
“Oh, don’t mention it. I’m sure Ev chewed you out enough. And to be fair, if I thought someone was trying to steal her from me, I’d probably react the same.” I threw a raised brow, really, to Xavier who looked like he was having the time of his life.
“Thanks for coming down here today too. Evy says you’re the only person she knows who gets numbers more than she does.”
“Ummm, I never said such a thing,” I lied, knowing my friend would latch onto that like white on rice.
“Did she now? You've been complimenting me, doll?” Xav asked with a grin.
“Never. Now come over here and get comfortable. We have mountains of paperwork to scour.”
Cooper stepped aside, again thanking Xaiver before excusing himself and I reached for all the folders, piling them onto the desk.
“That man gets hotter each time I see him,” he said, and I shook my head, handing him the first book and taking a seat beside him ready to begin my umpteenth read through.