1. CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER ONE
Calista
T he pregnancy test taunted me from the edge of the single, faux marble sink.
“Come on, come on, come on,” I mumbled as I subconsciously rubbed the thin scar on my chest.
“You know you can't speed it up by talking to it,” Gina's muffled voice came through the closed bathroom door.
“Boundaries!” I huffed, gripping the sides of the basin and glaring at my haggard reflection in the streaked mirror.
Gina, my best friend and once roommate—before we realized one of us would end up in a morgue and the other in jail—chuckled sarcastically. “You only say that when you don't want to hear the truth.”
She was right. I'd never met one single person who liked to be smacked in the face with truth when they didn't want to hear it. Even with something as trivial as waiting for test results. And right now, the answer to that result was essential to my future existence.
“It's still a boundary. Mind your business.”
Her voice faded the farther she moved from the door. “I will wait for the almighty oracle to determine your fate.”
I rolled my eyes then dabbed at the darkening, puffy bags below them with a delicate pinky tip. The lighting in the small bathroom did little to help my dull, pale skin. Neither did the fading purple, blue, and aqua green hair. The sandy blond roots made it look even worse. At least if my natural color were darker, it would look cooler. Sleep, water, and vitamin D were needed. All in that order. If I didn't rest soon, I was certain I'd become a zombie. I already resembled one. Then, I needed to dye my hair a normal color and find a new job. It would have to be drugstore dye. I couldn’t afford a trip to the salon—not with being fired today.
With a frown, I opened the medicine cabinet and thought about my chaotic day. Waking up late to a furious Gina standing over me. Kaiden leaning in his doorway in his boxer briefs with a cocky smile on his face reminding me of my shortcomings as of late while I chased after her. Arguing with Gina on the way to work and lying through my teeth to appease her. The satisfying smirk on my sexist boss’ face when he fired me after my shift, all while ogling my tits.
Disgusted, I looked over the diminishing stockpile in the cabinet and snagged one of the boxes. I could find more at cheap prices off the web. Setting the Plan B on the sink next to the test, I busied myself with ordering more from my phone. The timer went off by the time I finished.
Negative.
“Yes,” I hissed and returned the over-sized box to the cabinet, thankful to not have to take another one so soon. I didn’t care how sick they made me. I would’ve taken the entire lot of them had that little plus sign developed on the stick, regardless how many days past the recommended usage I was.
When my reflection reappeared, I scowled. “You need to be more careful, you idiot.”
I pulled the door shut behind me to block the mirror. There was nothing scarier than stumbling around half asleep at night, seeing your reflection in the dark, and thinking there’s an intruder in your home. Well, maybe there was one thing.
My rampaged bed taunted me from the corner of my eye. A chill overcame me as last night’s dream replayed in my mind. Ast—The Goblin King chased me around, reminding me of all I suffered in his land. His eyes swirled as he stalked me, but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember anything else about him. Only those hypnotizing eyes. Terrifying. I shivered again, closed that door, too, and returned to the living room.
Gina sat curled up on the couch and tapped at her phone screen with a twitchy finger. I didn't say anything until she completed finding all the hidden objects before the timer ran out. It was her newest obsession and how she decompressed from work. She needed it after today. When she looked up, I knew I was safe to speak.
“Negative. Or faulty test.”
“You're surprised?” she sniffed and dropped the phone to her lap. “You get them from the dollar store for a buck.”
“They work; otherwise, they wouldn't sell them.”
“Maybe. But you can't get an accurate result five hours after sleeping with someone for a dollar.”
“It's been ten.” Days. I’ll let her think hours, but it had been ten long, grueling days of panic and disorder and nightmare after nightmare. I hadn’t had a pregnancy scare like this in a while. Every time I did, my subconscious loved to screw with me.
Gina ignored my response and took her empty cup to the kitchen. “Not like you'd ever get pregnant. It would have to be Superman's sperm to make it through the fortress you've built around your uterus.”
I wanted to laugh, but her joke struck an eternal wound in a part of me that ached to be filled someday. I didn’t get the choice to have children and live a normal life. Did I want that? If I wasn’t predestined to give them up to a sadistic demon—maybe. I’d never know if that was something I would truly want. And I couldn't even tell her because she would never understand.
“Damn right, I have.” My phone vibrated, and I opened my notifications to a private message on HookUp. There would be none tonight, but it wouldn't hurt to decide the next one. “This baby factory is out of order.”
Gina laughed and propped her hip on the back of the couch when she returned to the room. “Plans for the night?”
Lost in the image of my newest interested tryst, I shook my head and tapped on his details. Bryan. He was cute in a somber, solemn way. A picture like his usually meant one or all of a few different things. One, psycho; two, depressed/needy; three, drug addict. I learned that last one the hard way. Nothing killed a libido faster than rotting, missing teeth. I would have to request a photo of him smiling.
Her hand covered the phone and pushed it down. “You just had a scare. Get off that damn app and get your head together.”
“You're right. I need some rest anyway.” I faked a yawn that turned into a real one, then told her a lie. It was not the first and would definitely not be the last. “Daniel kept me up all night.”
Gina studied me, and I pretended not to notice. What did I tell her this morning? I was so exhausted I couldn’t remember five seconds ago, nevermind this morning.
Up to now, I had successfully skated around her questions like an Olympic gold medalist. Her worry grew over the past couple weeks alongside the reoccurring dreams. It took years to push those dreaded memories from the forefront of my mind. I could go days without thinking about that place once. It had returned with a vengeance, though. A daily reminder that one day I'd have to pay the piper. Or, in my case, the Goblin King.
“That's apparent with how many times you made me late to work recently.”
Another dig. Another nudge to spill my guts. Each one more agitated than the one before it. I had to become a better actress. My shit pile of a life had been in the toilet for a while, stinking up everyone else’s. It felt like someone came along and finally flushed it. I was spiraling and desperately needed to fix it.
“It was pointless to even go in there. That’s why we signed up for this gig, remember. So we wouldn’t have to leave the house. They can tell how many calls we log from home. We’re their top employees.” I rolled my eyes.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “We were, until you started falling asleep during calls, and they notified me to come wake you up.”
I brushed it off with a shrug. “That only happened a couple of times.”
“Seven, Calista.” Her hands flew up with seven fingers spread wide in case I forgot how to count and needed the visual. “It happened seven times.”
I remembered, though I desperately wanted to forget, the seven mortifying times my boss played back the recordings of customers trying to talk to me with the sounds of light snores in the background that turned into full-blown Chainsaw Massacre remakes. To be fair, a couple of those were on the same day.
Gina continued, her voice rising in frustration. “Apparently, they made me your babysitter. We became a package deal, which meant when you got detention—aka working at the office—I got it, too, because your car is broken down, and you needed me to drive you.”
I cringed with shame. There was nothing worse than being lectured by your best friend who was actually more of a wild card than you are. That’s when you know it’s bad. “I’m sorry, Gina. I hate that my fuckups blew back on you.”
Her face softened. The creases between her brows smoothed and the weight lifted allowing her angry, squinty eyes to open. “You’re not fucking up.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You’re just having a rough time.” She looked at me askingly, hoping I’d take the bait so she could reel me in.
“I don't know what my deal is.” I melted back into the couch and rubbed my temples. “Maybe Venus is in retrograde and fucking up my love life.”
Gina covered her sigh of annoyance, but not well. “Sounds like you're blowing smoke up Uranus.”
My fingers paused their ministration. Like the immature children we were, we lost it. Falling against one another in full-blown belly laughs, I pulled her in for a hug I hoped would soothe her in ways my words couldn't.
As our laughter died, she asked, “What are you going to do?”
Her shoulder dug beneath my chin as I rested there wondering the same damn thing. “Go to the McDonald’s on the corner and beg for a job?”
Horrified, Gina pulled back. Her nails dug into my biceps as she shook me. “Absolutely not.”
I shrugged out of her grip and sulked into the couch. “I don’t have much left in my 401k after borrowing against it to buy that lemon in the parking lot.”
She sighed and sank into the cushion next to me, picking at the worn fabric. “Your dad would help you.”
I stiffened and repeated her words. “Absolutely not!”
“Why not? He helps Kaiden all the time.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face and dropped them at my sides. “Because Kaiden is her golden child.”
“You could ask him not to tell her.”
With a snort, I turned to her. “Yeah right. You know how he feels about secrets.”
Gina nodded and used finger quotes. “Secrets beget lies.”
“He’s not wrong.” I thought of all the lies I had told over the years to keep my secret. All the recent lies, too. No one would believe it—no one did believe it. They ruled it out as kids being kids and an imaginative teenager learning how to tell tall tales. “That’s exactly what happens.”
“I think he would understand.”
“No.”
“Fine.” She stood up and looked down at me. “But you have to come up with something better than McD’s. You’re way overqualified to work with pimple-faced teens and come home smelling like stale fast-food farts. You’ll barely make it on that income, if at all.”
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll do that.”
Gina rolled her eyes and went to leave. I didn’t hear the door open and waited quietly for what she would say next. It was there bubbling beneath the surface about to erupt. Only a small trickle came out this morning. I really didn’t want to be at the epicenter when she blew, even though I was the cause of her stress and worries. More lies would be told, and others repeated. They were getting harder to keep track of every day. Nothing came but the click of the door as she left.
I melted into the couch and doom-scrolled myself into oblivion while my brain churned endlessly about how I was going to make ends meet and what I was going to do to rectify my life. The streaming services could be suspended along with my car insurance until my car was fixed. Laundry service would have to stay because damn near every article of clothing I owned was dirty in my bedroom floor. I laughed through my nose thinking about kicking through it this morning to find something to wear then losing my balance from standing on the lumpy mess.
Nope, not canceling that.
Dad’s picture popped up on the screen, and my stomach flipped. I debated letting it go to voicemail, but guilt chose for me.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, sweetheart.” His gentle tone warmed me and temporarily chased my fears away. “How was your day?”
Awful. I overslept and got fired. Nearly got Gina fired. Been living with a pregnancy scare. It’s all good, though. I took a test, and it was negative. No Goblin King coming for me today.
“It was a day.”
“Being an adult is fun, huh?”
I laughed. “How was yours?”
“Not too bad. Went golfing and heading home.”
“Dad, you know I hate it when you talk and drive.”
“I learned how to connect it to my car. Technology is fascinating.” His lighthearted laugh made me smile. “I’m calling to remind you of Sunday dinner.”
A sigh wanted to leap out of me. “I didn’t forget. It happens every Sunday.”
“I was beginning to wonder, because you’ve missed it the past few weeks.”
My brows furrowed. I was certain I went the week before last, but the more I thought about it, I knew he was right. When was the last time I went?
Before the dreams started. Before my life began circling the drain.
“You’ll be there, right?”
His tone pulled at my heartstrings. I already felt like I disappointed him by losing my job, and he didn’t even know. I couldn’t disappoint him more. “Yeah, Dad. I’ll be there.”
“Wonderful! I’ll let Patricia know.”
I cringed. I was sure Patty would be elated.
“I love you, Calista.”
“Love you, too, Dad.”
I expected him to say goodbye. Instead, the silence lingered before he said, “You know you can talk to me about anything.”
It was hard to speak around the immediate lump that formed in my throat. He always knew when something was wrong, that parental sixth sense, but I couldn’t confide in him. He couldn’t fix this. “I know.”
He didn’t push. He only offered a gentle reminder. “I’m here for you, day or night.”
I held back the sniffle and gave him a sad smile he couldn’t see. “That’s why you’re the best dad ever.”
We said our goodbyes. When the call ended, I tossed the phone to the side and stared at the wall, wobbling through the tears. My hand instantly went to the scar on my chest. I couldn’t remember how I got it, but it was something I did to soothe myself.
“Get your head on straight,” I whispered.
How did I do that? I had already shrunk myself down, lived a quiet existence, barely left the house. I was crawling out of my skin. All I wanted more than anything was to live. The lengths I had gone to protect myself were driving me stir-crazy, and now, here I was making questionable choices so I could feel alive.
Ding.
I squeezed my eyes shut as my next questionable choice sent another message.