36. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Calista
T ime blended into a cacophony of mind-bending eroticism after Astaroth tied me to his magic. It forced itself inside me, splitting my heart wide open and revealing my inner most truths. I fought the invasion as it tasted each and every one.
Stretching the tiny cavern of my chest, it circled like a caged animal trying to find comfort amid the debris it created before coming to rest. Then it tugged all my fragmented pieces back into place. The magic flowed through the cracks, stitching me back together like a patchwork quilt it would use to keep cozy, and became one with me. Only I wasn’t whole. I was more.
I could feel Astaroth in every one of my cells. Every move he made, I felt. Each thought that flitted through his mind was my own. Every breath I took sustained us both. And the emotions… they were intense and overwhelming.
When we gave into our primal urges, I could focus on the physical. Sex came naturally to me. I was used to feeding that side of myself without emotions being involved. But when he moved inside me, his emotions were amplified and at times confused me because I couldn’t tell where I ended and he began.
I understood his immense joy. He was finally getting what he wanted from me. What I didn’t understand was the depth of his love and devotion. How could someone feel like that when they barely knew the other person? Must be a fae thing.
Subconsciously, I stroked the pendant and nicked my finger on a sharp edge. I lifted the cracked stone that seemed void of energy and wondered if I needed it any longer. For now, it would remain around my neck. I would have to remember not to play with it or I’d have cuts on all my fingertips. Carefully, I wrapped my hand around it and waited for the soothing heat and pulse to come. A slow thrum began, so faint I almost didn’t detect it, but not from the stone.
My hand shot to my chest as I gasped. The pulse beat in an off tempo from my heart, making it feel as though my heart was racing, which triggered my anxiety and sped it up faster. The magic kept pace, my breaths growing frantic until I thought I would hyperventilate. Then suddenly, they aligned and beat as one. I sucked air in through my nose and held it, willing myself to calm before blowing it out. Over and over, I did this until my heart settled, but the magic remained, present and strong with every beat.
Surprised by my excitement, I looked around the room to see if things appeared different. A frown pulled at my lips when everything seemed the same. Having magic in your blood didn’t make for a magical viewing experience. How disappointing.
A tittering in my chest made me pause. It fluttered with a slight tickle. Was the magic laughing at me? Or was it Astaroth? I rolled my eyes and turned my head, as if that could bar him from seeing or feeling me.
The sky was a lighter lavender today, brighter than any day I’d had here in the labyrinth. Something unfurled inside me, coaxing me outside. Hesitantly, I climbed off the bed. The cold stone seeped into the soles of my feet and up my bare legs. Grabbing Astaroth’s shirt from the floor, I pulled it over my head. His scent wrapped around me as the hem came to rest on my knees, and the sleeves covered my hands. I pulled them up my arms and wrapped the loose fabric around me like a robe as I went to the arch that led to the balcony. The pull got stronger when I stopped at the entrance. I tested it, taking one step at a time and pausing. Impatience rolled through me. I smirked and finished walking to the railing. The labyrinth spread out before me. For all the fear it instilled in me, it truly was a beautiful sight to behold. I leaned on the balustrade, awestruck, and took it all in.
I would wake up to this every morning. Forever.
Guilt soured my stomach. I made this choice without consulting Kaiden and Gina. How would they feel when I admitted what I’d done? How would my choice affect their lives until I could return home to them?
Something tickled my hand, and I jerked back. One of the vines slithered up the railing and lovingly brushed the back of my hand. I flipped my palm up, and it rested inside it before coiling around my wrist. The smile that played at the edges of my lips faltered.
On the flip side, would the realm be affected by my absence when I left?
Better yet, how would Astaroth feel?
Grief and heartbreak tore through our connection. It took my breath away and blurred my vision. I clutched the railing as my knees buckled from the onslaught of torment.
Head sagging, I squeezed my watery eyes shut and tried to figure out how to turn it off. When it finally dulled to a throbbing pain, I opened them.
Astaroth stood in the courtyard below me. His rigid stance and bleak expression was easy to make out. A gentle wave of sadness washed over me. I couldn’t tell if it was mine for making him hurt, or his from the thought of losing me. Guilt reared its ugly head again. I did this to him. And it would only feel worse when I abandoned him, like everyone else in his life did. Even if I could go home, I would never be free of this place or Astaroth, and it would continue to rule my life. He would be a ceaseless churning in the back of mind.
He ruined you for all others.
That he did. He ruined what came before this place. My inability to connect with others out of fear was his fault. It was something I both yearned for and denied myself. I finally had what I always desired from the one being who took it from me.
And you will never have a connection of this magnitude with anyone else. Not even Kaiden.
Tears welled in my eyes as a shadow spun beside Astaroth. I desperately wanted his comfort, but there was too much resentment and second-guessing burning inside me. I shook my head, and the shadow dissipated. The warmth of his love ebbed from below as I released the railing and retreated into our room.
Astaroth
I emerged from the portal into the throne room, thankful no one was there. It was dark and depressing and matched how I felt. With a flick of my wrist, the candles blazed along the wall behind my throne. They reflected softly on the polished marble floors, casting a sinister glow that wrapped around my throne and barely reached the edge of the dais.
Sinking onto the wooden chair, I let the shadows envelop me as Calista’s emotional state flooded through me. We were wide open, pouring into one another. I soaked up her pain, grief, and despair, and refilled her with love, understanding, and contentment. The more I gave, the angrier she became. When I pulled back, she cried for comfort.
I wanted to go to her, but we both needed time away from one another after I kept her sequestered to our room the past couple of days. She needed to acclimate to the bond. Once she was able to process, it would be easier to teach her about it.
Boots clomping down the hall made me drop my head back and sigh. I extinguished the candles and sat quietly in the dark. A shadow formed in the fraction of the light spilling into the room.
“I know you’re in here,” Jessandra huffed. “I can smell the candle smoke.”
Wood dug under my nails from gripping the arm rests. I relaxed them and stood up. Jessandra met me halfway.
“What do you require, Jessandra?”
“Mergle. It has been days, and there has been no sign of hide nor hair of him. Where is he?”
“Completing a task for me.”
Her nostrils flared as if scenting me for deception. “He has never been gone from your side for this long.”
“How would you know? You have spent the majority of your time gallivanting through the labyrinth doing who knows what. I’ve always been curious as to why.” I leaned into her space. “Share with me what wonders you have discovered, Jessandra.”
Without hesitation, she said, “Tell Mergle I wish to speak to him upon his return.”
“Will do.” My lips pressed together in a smug grin.
Jessandra turned on the balls of her feet like the soldier she was and marched out of the room. The scorching heat of her anger lingered. Next time, she would demand answers, and I needed something culpable enough to satiate her hunger for the truth.
Once her footfalls receded, I opened a portal to pay my old friend a visit. There were truths I required of my own.
The pixies fluttered in their orbs as I roamed the dungeon corridors. With every step, I attempted to focus my thoughts on what I wanted to ask Mergle, but I couldn’t clear the thought of Calista leaving from my mind. I promised she could see her brother once she joined with me, and I intended to do so after her coronation. If I gave her the freedom to visit her loved ones as she pleased, would she choose me at the end of the day and come back?
Maybe if I gifted that to her as my wedding present, Calista would no longer resent me and return the love she hid within her. She didn’t understand that either, but she will.
The walls felt narrower as I approached Mergle’s cell. Taking a deep breath, I stowed away all my thoughts save those I needed for the present moment. I stayed to the shadows to get a view of my old friend. He lay on his bunk, hands behind his head, and stared at the ceiling.
“It was blissfully peaceful until your stomping eradicated the silence.”
The corner of my lip ticked at his comment but fell into a flat line. For all the fury and disappoint I felt, I missed my companion.
Mergle turned his head as I stepped to the bars. “I see you didn’t come to your senses.”
“On the contrary, I succumbed to them.” I chuckled at his flared nostrils and unamused expression.
“I can smell it on you. It’s as rank as your humor.”
My hearty laughter echoed through the corridors of the dungeon.
“I assume you did as you said you would.”
“I did.”
“How’s that working for you?”
I allowed a sliver of our connection to come through and bit the inside of my cheek when her emotions tried to tear down my wall.
“Is it everything you dreamt it would be?”
I bit down harder and closed her off. The tang of blood coated my throat as I swallowed.
“Or a nightmare come to infect your waking moments?”
“Calista is no nightmare.” She was a lone star in the darkest part of myself. Her life force burned bright, eclipsing my own. “But I will become one for those who threaten her.”
“No need to remind me.” He turned his attention back to the ceiling, grumbling to himself, “You’ve been obsessed with her since you were a lad.”
My hands balled into fists. “We are not discussing your opinions.”
“Oh?” Mergle sat up, his short legs dangling from the cot. “Isn’t that my duty, to advise you?”
“Not where she is concerned.”
Mergle hopped down and came to the bars. He rested his elbows on the rungs and gripped them. “Why are you here then?”
“I am planning our celebration festivities. It has been a long time since I last hunted, and I was curious if the great beasts still roam the same areas. Or if they have migrated.”
Betrayal glinted in his eyes. “You’re planning the celebration?” The words “without me” hung unspoken on his thick lips.
“When was the last scouting mission?”
“It was recent.”
I nodded. “And that included the four corners?”
It was subtle, but his hands gripped the bars a little tighter. “Why do you ask?”
“We don’t always go out that far, and I want to ensure Calista’s safety while on the wild hunt.”
Mergle dropped down to one knee, head bowing with a fist to his chest. “Will you do me the honor of leading you for such a momentous occasion?”
“Depends.”
His head popped up. “On?”
I knelt in front of him and covered his hand that gripped the bar. “Feed me a morsel. End this excruciating gnawing in my gut so I can release you.”
Mergle clenched his jaw, pulled his hand out from under mine, and took a step back. “I think it best if you stay away from the four corners.”
The gray skin of my knuckles turned a sickly white around the bar. “Why?”
He turned his back on me, but I wasn’t certain if I wanted the answer for why he rejected me or why we shouldn’t go to the four corners. I wanted both, but in this instance, I wanted the former more.
Mergle paused in the middle of his cell, his shoulders drooping in defeat. “I have always protected you from outside forces and yourself, Astaroth, and will continue to do so. Even from behind these bars you’ve trapped me in.”
I stood to my full height and talked myself out of opening the door and shaking him until his neck snapped. “You did this. To yourself, to Pearce, and to our brethren I executed. It was your treason that cost us all.”
I left the dungeon and emerged in the kitchen where I grabbed four bottles of wine before I departed for the labyrinth. I would rid myself of frustration by drinking, slaughtering our dinner, and if I had my way, fucking my future queen.
Calista
A commotion outside drew me from the bed to the balcony. The guards swarmed the courtyard, chattering away as one body stood out. Astaroth heaved something massive through a portal. Goblins jumped in to help when he was part of the way through. When they were done, he looked up at me. A skull covered his face. I didn’t understand why he wore them, or why he kept his face covered when he came back into my life. If it was to scare me, job well done. Especially the one with the horns. He reminded me of the devil when he wore that one.
The way he stood still and stared at me was unnerving. Maybe it was because I couldn’t read his face, and it made his eyes look dead. Maybe because he blocked our connection, and I didn’t know what he was feeling. Had I known this would be part of it, I wouldn’t have agreed. Not that he would’ve given me a choice in the end.
I backed away from the railing and bumped into something hard. His chest rose and fell in excited exhalations against my back. They brought the scent of wine and something else with them. It smelled like he bathed in it.
“Where have you been?” I asked, veering around him and returning to the room so I didn’t have to face him.
“Wandering,” he whispered in my ear, and I froze.
Once again, he loomed over me, pressed against my back. Our shadow cast on the wall in the dimly lit room, straight out of a shadow puppet horror movie. The mouth of the skull looked like it opened, and the jagged teeth aimed at my head like he was about to swallow me whole. I wanted to smooth down the hairs rising on my arms and rid myself of the nervous energy tickling my skin before he saw it.
“You smell like you’ve been drinking.”
“That too.” He chuckled and draped an arm around my shoulder, turning my chin to the side. His fingers were slick on my skin and slipped off when I resisted. When his hand fell away, I saw the bloodstains on them. I wanted to wipe it from my face, but I was too scared to move.
“Why are your hands bloody?”
His voice came from across the room. “That happens when one hunts.”
I glanced over my shoulder, but all I saw was a shadowy blur. When I turned back around, he was in front of me, the skull on his face spotted with blood and remnants of sinew. I stumbled back, and he followed. The shadows made the black of his eyes appear darker, deeper even, like they weren’t even in there. They held mine while I eased across the room and kept the same pace, but his rigid stance waited to pounce.
“What’s happening right now?” I asked, still unable to feel him through our newly established connection. “Why can’t I feel you?”
Astaroth blurred out of view and wrapped his arms around me from behind. His voice ached as he spoke. “You didn’t want to feel me.” His hands roamed over my breasts and down my stomach cupping me between my legs. “But, fuck, I want to feel you.”
He trapped me against him, kissing the side of my face. Heat swirled in my stomach and spread through me as he ripped open our connection. Insufferable longing made my knees buckle. He pawed at me like he was trying to burrow beneath my skin to join the magic that flowed between us.
Most little girls dream of the prince they will fall head over heels in love with and whisk them off to a castle to live happily ever after. Even I wanted that once. Now I had a king willing to kill for me, who watches me from afar like he wants to eat me alive but touches me with reverence like I will break and wants nothing more than for me to want him in return.
“This is too much, Astaroth.”
“Let me in, Cali.” The desperation in his voice shook the walls around my heart. “Let me consume you the way you consume me.”
His emotions surged through our connection ready for war. They brought my own to heel as they swept through and filled me up. The passion that fueled them ignited a bonfire inside me. It threatened to snuff any part that didn’t have his name stamped on it. They circled like hawks, and each made an attempt to infiltrate the barrier I constructed to protect the most vulnerable part of myself. But when his love, devotion, and admiration didn’t convince me to drop them, anger stepped up for the challenge. It tried to force my walls down by any means necessary, soothing every attack with love. Fearful, I hid behind those walls and hoped they would hold until he gave up.
I forced my voice to come out strong to get his attention and maybe talk some sense into him. “Astaroth.”
“Calista.”
He nipped my neck a little too hard for the state I was in. All I could picture were the fangs on that skull sinking into my throat before he ripped my heart out and devoured it.
“You’re drunk.”
His tongue flicked the edge of my jaw before nipping at my ear. “Drunk on you.”
“And covered in blood.”
“From hunting your next meal.”
Astaroth gripped my chin and turned my mouth to his. I nearly gagged when bloody tissue grazed my cheek. It was the strangest mixture of disgust and lust that churned my stomach.
My face scrunched as he pressed his lips to mine, and I jerked away. “Please stop.”
His arms loosened, and I escaped his embrace, but I could still feel him all over me as if his hands still roamed my body.
“I want you.”
“Not like this.” I held up my hand to keep him from getting closer.
“Exactly like this.” His chest met my palm, and he stopped. “This is who I am.”
Was it? I’d seen so many sides of Astaroth I wasn’t sure who he was. He was a multifaceted being that confused the shit out of me.
“No.”
He closed the connection between us, but not before his rejection seeped through. It settled inside the empty cavern he left behind when he shut me out. I would take his anger any day over that. At least I could use that emotion to fuel my own. This gnawed at the loneliness I shoved deep inside because I didn’t want to feel it. The two made perfect bedfellows.
“Good night, Calista.” Astaroth leaned forward and kissed the top of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut, then he was gone.
I dropped my arm and noticed the smeared handprints on my clothes, like he sliced himself open and bled his emotions all over me. I covered the one on my chest, his fingers stretching out longer than mine. The fabric rubbed the scar I got as a child. Beneath it, my heart thudded sadly for Astaroth and all I couldn’t give him.