38. Zira
ZIRA
“Swing again!” Valentina bobs in front of me with her fists raised. “Come on, with all your might!”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I protest, blowing some stray hair out of my face.
Both Cassian and Raven, seated nearby, chuckle.
“You won’t,” Valentina promises. “Come on.”
As instructed, I bob back onto one foot and tense my shoulder, then swing forward and try to punch Valentina in the face as hard as I can.
My worry, as always, is for nothing as she catches my wrist while turning her body and quickly dragging me off balance while lifting her opposite elbow to lightly catch me on the chin.
“You see? You don’t need to be stronger or taller.
It’s all about balance, and people with larger muscles are much heavier.
Sure, it makes them stronger, but if you’re fast, it also makes them easier to dislodge.
” She releases me with a smile. “Don’t look so glum.
You’ve improved a lot over the weeks, but these things take time. ”
“No chance of me besting Bradley, then?” I ask while accepting the bottle of water she offers me.
“No chance,” pipes up Cassian. “Not until you can beat me.”
“I could take you,” I smirk. “Easy, peasy.”
“Oh, really?” He rises from his stool and ruffles Raven’s hair on the way past, then approaches me with his fists raised and lightly boxes the air around me. “Come on, then.”
“If I weren’t so tired, you’d be on your ass.” I smirk, then I uncap my water and drink deeply.
“Tired?” Valentina shoots me a sharp look. “You’re lucky I have to go or you’d be learning the meaning of tired.”
“You’re leaving?” I ask with a gasp, lips wet from drinking.
“Ruslan and I are going shopping.”
“Shopping?” Raven’s head darts up. “With Ruslan?” Her look of disbelief is mirrored on Cassian’s face.
“Yup. He requires my help for something sparkly for Ivy, and I am the best person to ask,” Valentina replies. She tosses her hair over her shoulder and moves past me with a smile. “Keep focusing on your core work. we’ll pick this up later.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
With that, she’s gone. Raven eventually vacates the room and leaves me with Cassian who spends twenty minutes helping me with my crunches before he’s also called away on work. I drain my water and head for the shower, washing away the tingles of sweat and soothing the ache in my muscles.
Asking Valentina to help me fight better was terrifying but over the past few weeks, it’s been amazing to learn simple ways to disarm people and protect myself.
Bradley insists that I won’t ever be in a position again where I need to learn those things, but I’m doing it for him as much as I’m doing it for me.
I know he feels something for me, and I feel it too.
We’ve danced around the topic several times during my recovery, and being with him means a life full of danger, and I refuse to be a liability.
I’m not going to charge headlong into anything, but if it finds me, I’ll protect myself. And him.
I shower under hot water that doesn’t flicker between hot and cold, lather my hair with pomegranate and raspberry shampoo, and cover my body with peach and mango body lotion.
Then I step onto heated floors and pad through to a bedroom that’s all mine.
Soft carpets, floral bedding, and a small shelf containing three books and a couple of really old CDs that I’ve dragged from home to home because they’re the only memory I have of my parents.
It’s small and mostly empty, but it’s my shelf.
My bed.
My closet filled with tailored clothes for every occasion imaginable.
Bradley went all out in making me feel at home here but didn’t hesitate to give me several pamphlets for housing blocks and apartments that they own with a soft instruction to choose which one will be my home.
It’s a backup, he claims, in case I change my mind and no longer want to stay here.
It’s tempting, not because people here are unwelcoming, but I’ve never had my own place, and creating a small little nest away from here for just Bradley and me is such a sweet little dream.
Those pamphlets are stacked on the bedside table next to a list of names.
Raven’s been helping me send flowers and help to every single person affected by the robberies I took part in.
While they weren’t fully my fault, knowing I traumatized people is enough to keep me up at night, so I’ve sent what I can, ranging from apology flowers to payments for therapists and more.
Some people might never recover and I’ll carry that guilt forever, although in Valentina’s opinion, I’m carrying Harris’s guilt for him.
Harris.
His name sends a shiver down my spine as I slip into a sundress and apply a splash of red to my lips.
Bradley killed him, and my only regret is that I wasn’t there to see it, but the more I’ve thought about it, the more I’m glad.
Killing Bradley haunted me and despite my hatred for Harris, I don’t need him haunting me from the grave.
My mind falls quiet as I blow dry my hair and study the picture I’ve taken of my parents’ graves.
Two aged stones now have a third next to them for Peter.
He doesn’t deserve it, not really, but he’s family and I can’t imagine him rotting in some unmarked grave.
Part of me did it to prove I’m better than him, and part of me did it so I wouldn’t regret it twenty years down the line.
My old place is gone. The only message on my phone is from Damian with a promise to give me a job in any boutique across the city if I want one, leaving the door open for me to return to the world of gems and jewelry, but I haven’t called him back.
I don’t know if I want that anymore.
I want something else. Something more. Maybe with people or animals. Having all this opportunity to actually live my life the way I want is rather daunting, but the options are nice.
But every thought and choice is weighed down by one thought that weaves around my mind even now as I brush my hair and glance at my watch.
Bradley.
He’s been as kind as always during my recovery, and I won’t ever be able to repay him for what he did for me with Damian and those diamonds, but there’s one truth I’ve yet to utter.
One truth that sings like a canary in my mind every time I lay eyes on him, every time we share a meal or I crawl into his bed because sleeping with him is much calmer than sleeping in my own bed.
I love him.
I love him so much that it’s suffocating, but I refused to tell him until I was certain these feelings were mine alone and not influenced by everything that happened.
A touch of blush is the last I add before I head out the door and run slap bang into the man in question. We collide and Bradley immediately grabs me by the elbow with a soft grunt.
“Zira!”
“Bradley!” My shock dissolves into laughter and I place one hand on his chest. “Just the man I was looking for.”
“You were?”
“Mmhmm. Any chance you’re free right now?”
His brow twitches as he steps back and very slowly looks me up and down, leaving a trail of heat to flush from my neck down to my toes. “I wish I was, but I’m on my way somewhere. I’ll be free in about an hour, though, if that works?”
My cobbled-together plan isn’t time sensitive so I nod and smile brightly. “That’s perfect! Come find me on the roof when you’re free.”
He looks me up and down again, then slowly bites his lower lip. “I will be there as soon as I can.” He cups the back of my head and pulls me in gently, pressing a sweet kiss to my forehead, and hurries off down the hall, only to stop at the corner and turn back. “You look good.”
The fuzzy, bubbly feeling in my chest remains with me all the way up to the roof where, after checking with Raven that I wasn’t breaking any security protocols, I set up a small blanket nest with champagne, strawberries from the fridge, and some little cheese cubes that I think belong to Cassian, but I’ll make it up to him later.
Turning on music on my phone and attempting to get the best view by arranging the supporting pillows, I’m completely relaxed as the sun begins to dip below the mountains of the city and the door opens with Bradley walking through wearing a tired but pleasant smile.
That smile widens when he spots me lazing on my side with my head resting on my upturned palm.
“What’s all this?” he asks, stopping just shy of the blanket’s edge.
“Come lie with me.” I pat the blanket beside me. “I’m cold.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have come up to the roof.” Despite his teasing, he does exactly that and as soon as he lies down, I cuddle up into his warmth and lay my head on his chest. Bradley strokes one hand up and down my back as he settles.
“The view is worth the chill,” I murmur softly.
“And this?” He points at the chilling bottle of champagne and the paper plates laden with fruit and cheese.
“I’m trying to be romantic.” I lift my head and meet his amusing smile. “It’s not something I have a lot of practice with.”
“You can practice on me all you like,” Bradley replies. “Is there an occasion?”
“Does there need to be one?”
“No, but there can be.” His fingers skim up my back, across my shoulders, and then lightly graze my warm cheek. “Not a necessity, though.”
I sit up and turn to face him. “Are you making fun of me?”
Bradley’s expression softens immediately. “No, I’m saying that if you want to practice on me, then you don’t need to think up a reason. I’d never make fun of you for expressing how you feel.”
My gut twists slightly and my heart skitters through my chest as his hand drops to my waist. “I feel awkward.”
“In what way?”
My heart races faster. This seemed like a good idea at first but suddenly the prospect of bearing my heart and soul is the scariest thing on earth. “Like I’m… exposed.”
“Physically?”
“Emotionally.”
“I think the champagne and fruit are very sweet,” he says with a little smile. “And the dress is very beautiful.”
I glance down at myself, unable to stop a smile. “You think so?”
“I know so.”
Looking back up, my plans crumble. Everything I planned to say, everything I wanted to say in some big romantic show, suddenly doesn’t matter anymore, and that might be because that’s not me. Making an effort surely only matters if it’s from the heart so in a spurt of boldness, I just say it.
“I love you.”
Bradley’s lips part but no sound escapes.
“I do. And I have for a while, I think. At first, I didn’t know how to put a word to what I was feeling and then I was all twisted up about what love really was because I loved Peter but he betrayed me and tried to kill me and I didn’t know how to handle that because I also thought he loved me.
The way he acted… maybe it was obvious to others, but he was nice to me sometimes.
And it got all tangled in my chest and then you said it back at the farmhouse and I heard it but I was scared because… ”
I gasp as all the words suddenly pour out of me. Bradley sits up and takes my hand, threading our fingers together and calming me in an instant.
“Everything goes wrong. My entire life, everyone I’ve cared about has only cared because they wanted something or have been lying to me, but you?
You just… you came into my life, and I still don’t understand why you don’t hate me for trying to kill you.
Or for drugging you or running away. You took all of it and you’ve never yelled at me or said anything horrible, and it’s really confusing because I feel like I’m on the edge of a knife waiting to slip up and do something that angers you. ”
Slowly, I lift my gaze.
“But it hasn’t come and I don’t know if it will ever be as I fear. So I settled in this feeling and I waited because I wanted to make sure it was real. And I realized that what I’m feeling is me. It’s all me and it’s all mine and I like that and I just love you so much—”
Bradley’s hands suddenly cup the side of my face and he draws me in, silencing my rambling with a deep kiss that melts my mind and has my body sagging into his hold with a low, soft groan.
“I’m not kissing you to shut you up,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ll listen to everything you want to tell me, but I couldn’t resist any longer.”
God, how is he even real?
The kiss deepens momentarily, and then Bradley pulls away with a nudge of our noses. “Continue.”
“I…” My train of thought is long gone. All that remains is a deep sense of peace in my soul that my truth is out there.
“I have nothing left to say. I’ve said it all.
I love you. I love how you make me feel and how you treat me.
I love how everyone around you trusts and respects you because you’re a good man.
I love how protective you are and how safe you make me feel, how you make me laugh and smile and comfort me. ”
Bradley’s smile widens. “No more to say, huh?”
Shoving lightly at his shoulder, I roll my eyes. “Shut up.”
“I’m kidding.” Snaking his arm around my waist, he draws me close while cupping my neck with his other hand and aligning his thumb with my jaw.
“I love you too, Zira. I love your light and your strength. I love the curve of your ass and the bite to your words. I love how you go to bat for those you care for, regardless of what they’ve done.
I love your heart and soul. I love all of you and it’s fucking awesome that you love me too. ”
Laughter bubbles up, and our smiling mouths collide in a rush of deep, excited kisses. Each breath is laced with amusement and I loop both my arms around his neck.
“I had a whole mature speech prepared, but that went out the window,” I murmur against his lips. “Instead, you got unfiltered rambling.”
“I’ll take unfiltered rambling any day of the week,” he replies, nuzzling into me and kissing me again and again. “Every day. Any day. You ramble, and I’ll listen.”
“Every day?”
“Every day.” His mouth seals over mine, and I’m floating in his arms, utterly blissed out by his affection and the thrill of admitting something so deeply personal and being met with acceptance and love.
“Stay with me, Zira,” Bradley whispers, breaking the kiss and leaning up far enough that his head is framed by the gorgeous sunset. “Stay with me, in this moment. No matter where we go, no matter what the future holds or what life throws at us, stay with me in this moment.”
Caressing his cheek, I gaze deep into his eyes and nod slowly. “I’m here. I’m always here. I promise.”
And I’m never, ever leaving.