Chapter 39
Chapter
Thirty-Nine
ENZO
“Ilove the view from up here,” she says, peering over the balcony of the rooftop terrace. “I could take some wonderful shots from up this high.”
From behind her, I slip my arms around her waist, holding her tightly. “Be careful, cuore mio.”
She spins in the circle of my arms, tears in her hazel eyes. “It hurts when you call me that,” she says sadly.
I dust my lips over her forehead. “But it’s true. You are my heart. You have always been my heart.” She sighs, her body melting into mine like she belongs here. Or maybe she’s just tired of fighting me. “But if it hurts too much, I won’t call you it again.”
“It’s just… I know this is nice and it feels so good not to be arguing, but you used to call me that when I was your forever, and we can’t be each other’s forever anymore. You know that, don’t you?”
She will always be mine, but I get why I can’t be hers.
I let her down in the worst fucking way possible, and I don’t blame her if she hated me for the rest of her days.
However, I don’t want to admit that. Besides, I’m still certain I can convince her to stay.
When all of this is done with, I will prove to her I can be the man she needs.
She glances over my shoulder. “Looks like it’s ready.
” I realize she’s talking about the blaze I’ve lit in the fire-pit.
“Are you ready?”
She swallows, blinks a tear from her eye. “Yes. But are you sure you—”
“Rayne,” I say to stop her asking me the same question again.
I understand why she is, and it’s all my fault.
I can never undo not believing her all of those years ago, but I do believe her now.
And watching that video will bring nothing but pain for both of us.
Mine, I can handle, but not hers. “I believe you, baby. I do not need or want to see whatever’s on that recording.
So go toss it on the fire and we’ll watch it melt in the flames. Okay?”
She nods, a beautiful smile curving her plump lips upward.
We take a seat on the outdoor sofa, the flames flickering in front of us. She takes the small thumb drive from her pocket and holds it in the palm of her hand for a moment.
“Goodbye Ethan, you sick piece of shit.” She tosses it into the fire and then sits back again.
I wrap an arm around her shoulders, and she leans into me while we both watch the piece of plastic melting until it resembles nothing like its original form.
“It feels like it’s the end of a whole horrible chapter.” She sniffs, and I realize she’s crying.
With the pad of my thumb, I wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I can understand that.”
“This must be what closure feels like.”
I don’t think I’ve ever experienced closure for anything in my life. “Does it feel good? Watching it burn like that?”
She nods. “It’s like a goodbye to my past and the start of a new exciting future. I’ll be like a phoenix rising from the ashes,” she laughs softly.
I hold her tighter, resting my lips on the top of her head.
I want to ask her whether that future has any room for me in it, or whether I’m a part of her past she’s hoping to leave behind.
But this is her moment and I won’t interrupt her peace just to soothe my own ego.
Those questions can wait for another day.
“Thank you, Enzo,” she says quietly.
“For what?”
“For believing in me enough to not watch that video. It was the worst hour of my whole life, and the thought of having to relive it, even through your eyes was… It was unbearable. I know I like to pretend that I’m this strong kickass woman, but I think…
” A sob catches in her throat. “Deep down I’m still that little girl who’s afraid of never being good enough for anybody. ”
Jesus fuck! I know she didn’t intend to just tear out my heart like that, but she did. “You are a strong kickass woman. And you’re good enough, Rayne. Too good for most of us. Too good for me. I never deserved you.” But I still want you anyway. Forever.
“You deserved me, Enzo Medici. There was a time when we were perfect, wasn’t there? When we were a team…well, they were the happiest four years of my whole life.”
Fuck, and the emotional grenades just keep on coming. “They were mine too, baby. I’m sorry I fucked it all up for us.”
“I know you are. And it wasn’t just you.”
She snuggles closer, and I wrap both arms around her now, wondering if I can hold on tight enough so that I never have to let her go again.
I’m not sure I’ll survive her leaving next time; I barely survived before.
Tomorrow I face Carmine. She’s determined to be by my side when I do it, and I can’t blame her for wanting to look that fuck in the eyes when he meets his maker.
But tonight, it’s just me and her in our own little bubble of heaven.
I just need to figure out a way to stop that bubble ever bursting.