Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Pressed against Sterling, I struggle to slow my breathing.
He rests his palm over my mouth, his arm tight around my waist, keeping me from making any noise or moving.
Illumination from a lantern seeps in from beneath the closet door, spilling over our boots. I cringe. Footfalls slap against the wood floor, the sound growing faint, along with the light, as the sentry steps toward the bank of files.
Eyes squeezed tight, I can’t recall if I reopened the drawer after Sterling closed it. If I left the drawer open, I hope whoever’s out there doesn’t notice or care.
Tapping fills the room, as if the sentry is drumming a cabinet. The swishing sound signals…a drawer opening?
I clench Sterling’s tunic, my knees bumping his. He holds me tighter, his increased grip warning me to keep quiet. I nod my compliance. When he lowers his hand from my mouth, I press my face to his shoulder, needing his closeness. Inhaling his familiar leather and soap scent helps calm my frantic nerves.
A faint click suggests the drawer is shut.
Feeling sick, I swallow the bile rising in my throat. More noises follow as the sentry shuffles around the room. The stress is going to give me a heart attack.
Without warning, Sterling lifts my face, his smooth, warm lips gliding over mine. The kiss takes the edge off my anxiety by providing a momentary distraction. After a few moments, he eases back and presses a finger to my lips.
I nestle my face against his shoulder, his chin resting on my head, each of us quieting our breaths. The room has fallen silent, and the lantern light has vanished.
I press my mouth to his ear. “Are they gone?”
Sterling’s shoulders lift in a shrug. He touches his mouth to my ear. “Don’t move.”
He forces us to wait for ages, my body hyperaware of him against me. Finally, after those ages pass, he cracks open the closet door and pauses. My heart jumps to my throat.
“He’s gone, but we’re out of time.”
The ever-light comes back on, washing the room in an eerie glow. Nothing looks amiss.
I make a beeline for the cabinet. Blocking Thorne’s view, I quietly remove the last page from my file before returning the folder to the designated spot. Folding the paper, I shove it in my pocket. Too risky to read here, so I’ll do it later. If Thorne knew I tore the page out, he’d throw a hissy fit, so I decide to spare us both and not tell him.
“Let’s go.”
With him leading the way, we sneak from the room. After turning down the next hall, we run into trouble in the form of a guard at the far end of the corridor.
Thorne yanks me back around the corner. My pulse ricochets. “Now what? He’s blocking the way out.”
Thorne hesitates before tugging me in a different direction. He leads me into another building, this one lit with ever-light lanterns on the walls.
“Quiet,” he murmurs.
A series of widely spaced doors line the corridor, but he pulls me down one with a single door at the end.
After opening the door, he pulls me inside the room and walks to a large window to part the curtains. During our time in the records room, the cloud cover eased. Moonlight spills into the space, turning everything a silvery, magical shade.
Confusion grips me. The interior’s spacious and well-appointed. Luxurious rugs blanket the stone floor, and a huge canopy bed draped in thick blankets and furs dominates the space. Two upholstered easy chairs and a table sit in front of a fireplace. “These are your instructor quarters?”
Sterling nods.
“You could be sleeping here all the time but instead, you choose to sleep near the smelly alicorns most nights? Make it make sense.”
He shrugs. “The room in the stable is closer to the outdoors and nature. I don’t like feeling trapped.”
I study the bed. “It’d be hard to feel trapped in that bed. It looks big enough for ten people.”
A beat passes. Two. My breath hitches as an image of Sterling and me naked beneath those silky covers flashes through my mind, and my teeth sink into my lower lip.
The atmosphere thickens.
He prowls toward me, hair mussed, sin filling his gaze. “You’ve been avoiding me.”
“No, I haven’t.” I’ve totally been avoiding him. Gulping, I back up. “Wh-what are you doing?”
“I’m finishing what we started, before you fled the other morning like a scared rabbit.”
Outrage sparks beneath my skin. “I did not flee like a scared rabbit!”
“Then what would you call it?”
“Strolling. I strolled away after you hung back and watched me talk to that assassin as if you couldn’t care less. As if you weren’t interested in me at all.”
He releases an incredulous laugh. “Is that what you think? That I’m not interested in you?” His expression darkens. “I suppose you’re right, though.”
His callous agreement twists a knife in my heart. A painful knot clogs my throat. “Of course.”
“Interested is far too tame a word to describe how I feel about you. Obsessed, bewitched. Those come closer.”
My battered heart gives a hopeful beat. “Th-they do?”
He stalks closer, backing me up until my legs hit the bed. His knuckles graze my cheek. “They do. Though that doesn’t change my stance that this is a terrible idea.”
His lips brush mine, and I sigh into them. “We both know something being a terrible idea hasn’t stopped me yet.”
His bark of laughter morphs into a groan when I nip his lower lip. Grabbing my hips, he inserts a battle-hardened thigh between mine and rocks against me, matching the rhythm of his tongue as it plunges into my mouth. With each thrust, heat builds in my core. My legs start to shake and my release hits while I cling to him and cry out.
Afterward, he undresses me first, and then removes his own clothing. I drink in the sight of him. The first time I saw Instructor Sterling Thorne, I thought him beautiful. I was wrong. Beautiful doesn’t begin to describe him.
He’s…magnificent.
His body is all hard planes and toned muscle, honed from years of…what exactly, I don’t know. Training? Fighting? My gaze dips lower to his rippling abdominals, and then lower still. My heart stutters.
“See something you like?” His teasing words pull me back to reality.
Heat creeps up my neck as I tear my gaze away from his arousal. “Apparently, you do.”
“I do.” His eyes roam over my body like a caress. “Very much.”
The reverent way he regards me, like I’m special, beautiful even…makes me long for something I know I can’t have.
Don’t go there. Just enjoy what’s happening now.
Later, there will be plenty of time to analyze my feelings about what’s happening between us.
His hands trail down my bare arms, and tiny goose bumps erupt on my skin. “Beautiful.” He captures my hands and brings my right one to his mouth, pressing a kiss in my palm. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
“I—”
Thorne’s mouth possesses mine. Urgent. Hot. Demanding my active participation.
I loop my arms around his neck, exploring, tasting, memorizing him. My fingers map the curve of his shoulders. They move on to trace his vertebrae and the taut muscles of his back, the action causing my breasts to brush against his chest.
His moan vibrates in his chest. “Fuck.”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?”
He shakes his head. “One of these days, that smart mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.”
I can’t stop my grin. “I think it already has.”
He laughs, a throaty, velvety sound I could get lost in. “Can’t argue there.” He lowers himself on the bed, tugging me down with him.
In a matter of seconds, Thorne’s body is over mine as I lie on my back, head propped up on a fluffy pillow.
Reaching between us, I wrap my hand around his hard length and guide it to my entrance. “I need you.”
His molten gaze locks on mine. “You have no idea what those words do to me.” He rocks his hips, eases his way inside, and then stills, cradling my face in his hands. “You okay?”
I nod. It’s tight, full, and a little uncomfortable, but not painful.
“You sure?”
“Yes.” My answer comes out as a whisper. “Are…you?”
His fingers trail down my left cheek. “Perfect.”
He shifts, then thrusts, and discomfort is the furthest thing from my mind.
It’s…incredible. He’s incredible.
As he drives into me over and over again, instinct has me rocking my hips to match his rhythm. The only other time I’ve done this was awkward and hurried…an experience I never wanted to repeat. Until now. Until him.
Each expert stroke leaves me yearning for more. My body’s a raging fire, this mysterious, powerful man stoking the inferno.
It’s both too much and not nearly enough.
“More.” I struggle to catch my breath. “I need…more.”
His body responds to my plea by driving deeper. Harder. Filling me. Surrounding me. Consuming me.
“You have me, Duchess.” He slams into me, eliciting a moan from deep inside me. “All of me.”
He lowers his head to my breast and draws my nipple into his mouth, sucking hard.
Pleasure coils in my core, winding tighter and tighter and tighter still.
“Oh, gods.”
“Say my name. I want to hear my name on your lips when you come.”
He nips and licks the sensitive peak. His teeth rake over my nipple.
I unravel.
“Sterling.” His name tumbles from my lips as I come undone. I savor every moment, committing the feel of him inside me to memory.
With a low growl, he gives a final frenzied series of thrusts. I roll my hips and ride out the waves of pleasure as we shatter together.
The words slip unbidden from my lips. “I love you.”
Silence follows, broken only by panting.
Afterward, he rolls onto his back and pulls my head to his chest. One of his hands strokes my hair.
My skin prickles at his lack of a reaction, yet I don’t regret what I said. Even if I could take the words back, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to play games with him. I need honesty between us.
Given the little details he’s let slip about his past, I understand why he can’t trust anyone’s love, mine included.
I know he cares. He’s proven this in a hundred ways, from his persistence in teaching me to bond with Zephyr and to conquer flying him, to protecting me tonight so I could search the files.
A man who feels nothing wouldn’t have bothered. He would have laughed when I asked for help and told me to fuck off if I kept nagging. Sterling wasn’t thrilled with what we did, but he stayed at my side throughout.
That’s everything to me.
I roll toward him and prop my head on my palm.
His lids remain down, his powerful chest no longer rising or falling as he holds his breath…waiting for whatever I might say this time. His pain and fear when it comes to getting close makes me sad, but I hate this awkwardness between us and want it to stop.
I stroke a finger down his chest. “It’s okay, you know. That you didn’t say it back. I value your honesty above all else, especially since it seems like so many people I care about have been lying to or at least hiding things from me. I know you care, and I trust you. That’s what matters.”
The hand stroking my hair tightens. My scalp stings for an instant before he relaxes his grip.
“I forgot to tell you, the king’s offered to issue me an exemption from Flighthaven, with the caveat that I wait until after the trial. Apparently he’s coming to watch.” His eyes snap open, and he doesn’t return my smile. A tiny sliver of ice slithers down my back. I continue talking anyway. “I’m not surprised since my mother begged for that nonstop. But I’ve decided not to take the offer.”
His chest rises. Falls. “Why?”
That single curt word bristles with accusation, and another icy prickle of doubt needles my spine. No, that’s silly. I must be reading into things. A good night’s sleep will banish these ridiculous misgivings and soften his cranky mood.
Shoving aside any lingering unease, I trace a faint scar on his forearm. “Because Flighthaven is where I belong. Once I complete my training, I’m going to become part of the kingdom’s flight brigade. And, believe it or not, I’d love to one day fly dragons.”
His throat bobs. He diverts his attention to the moon shining through the windowpanes.
I hold back a sigh. “I know you don’t believe I’m serious, but?—”
“Go.” He glares at me. “You should leave.”
I blink at his sudden change in demeanor. “I thought you said it’d be easier if I waited until the morning.”
I try not to take offense. He could be a bed hog or have an embarrassing snoring habit. Maybe he coos like a baby in his sleep.
“Not leave my bedchamber. Leave Flighthaven.”
The doubts return, frosting my skin. What the hells has gotten into him? Why this rapid switch back to his asshole version?
His face reveals nothing as he stares at the window, chest falling with each harsh exhale.
I squeeze my fists at my sides. “You can’t be serious.”
He sits up and crosses his arms, leaning against the headboard. “I am. If you were smart, you’d leave Flighthaven and never look back.”
I want to scream, but I push down my outrage.
“Why would you say that? And why did you spend all this time training me if you just wanted me to leave?” This sudden about-face makes no sense. “There’s no way I’m going home. It’s…not my home anymore.”
He refuses to meet my gaze. “If you don’t want to go there, run away somewhere your mother will never find you. Maybe Kamor.”
I grip the footboard to steady myself and attempt to make sense of this. I have no idea what changed, but I’m certain it’s not just the king’s coming exemption.
“Why are you suddenly so desperate to get rid of me? Why are you hells-bent on me not even being in the kingdom any longer?”
He runs his hand down his face.
“Answer me, Sterling. You owe me that.” I inch closer. “I know you don’t doubt my ability to succeed here. At first, sure. But not anymore. So what’s behind this sudden change? Because I said I love you?”
His throat works on a swallow. “It’s not…sudden.”
I want to laugh at the absurdity of this conversation. He can’t be listening to what’s coming out of his mouth. “You fucked me like you wanted me, yet now you’re pushing me away?”
“That’s all it was…fucking. Don’t make it into something it’s not.” He rises from the bed and paces across the room. “As far as your abilities, I won’t deny you’re skilled. But there is no you and me. We have no future…we don’t even have a present.”
He can’t mean that. Despite his frosty tone, sorrow flits across his face. And then it’s gone, replaced by an impenetrable mask.
I refuse to accept his behavior. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you have no feelings for me.”
“We had a fucking fling, all right?” He stops pacing and closes his eyes. “It was never going to last.”
Memories of our brief time together whirl through my mind.
You’re so damn beautiful.
You’re a habit I don’t mind forming.
I can’t get enough of you.
Hurt and anger battle for dominance inside me. “I never pegged you as a coward. But it’s clear that’s what you are. You can’t even look me in the eye when you’re breaking up with me.”
“Breaking up with you?” He scoffs. “You couldn’t have believed we’d ever have a real relationship. Even you aren’t that na?ve.” At last he pegs me with his indifferent gaze. “We’re as far apart in personality and life experiences as two people could get.”
If he expects me to buy that explanation, he’s lost his mind.
“You’re saying you want someone exactly like yourself?” I laugh, hating how rattled I sound.
“Take it whatever way you want.” He shrugs. “I couldn’t care less.”
Except he does. That truth is in his touch, the passion, the acceptance of me as his equal. So why the hells is he acting like this?
With jerky motions, I yank on my uniform and shove my feet into my boots. Anger dominates the moment, but the pain waits. My heart screams, and all those previous feelings of unworthiness come rushing back. I don’t want to be here when the inevitable breakdown comes, because fuck him. He doesn’t deserve my tears.
“Excuse me for believing for even a minute that, despite living my life in a gilded prison, even someone as na?ve and inexperienced as me deserves to be part of a caring relationship.” Regardless of my effort to keep myself together, my voice cracks. A hot tear rolls down my cheek. “Apparently I was wrong.”
“Fuck, Lark.” He reaches for me. “Wait.”
I dodge him and dash out the door. With my blurred vision, I don’t notice Torno until she stops dead in my path. “Fledgling Axton? You shouldn’t be in the instructors’ quarters at this hour. What are you doing here?”
Shit. Of all the bad luck.
Dashing my eyes with the back of my hands, I rack my brain for a believable excuse while she inspects my appearance. My tousled hair and disheveled clothing stands in stark contrast to her military bun and casual uniform, both perfect even at this time of night.
“I’m sorry. I was just…”
I sniffle and, to my utter horror, begin crying in earnest. Seconds pass by. Her attention shifts from me to Thorne’s door, and I brace myself. Not a single part of me holds any doubt.
She knows.
That’s why the next words out of her mouth stun me. “Return to your dorm, Axton. It seems as if you’re having a rough night, so we’ll let this one slide. Don’t let this happen again.”
That’s it? No punishment for breaking the rules? Is this a gift to Thorne or to me? Or is this a matter of lucky timing? Perhaps Torno doesn’t want to bother with this while prepping for the trial. “Of…of course.”
As I hurry down the hallway, I chance peeking over my shoulder to see if Torno approaches Thorne’s door.
She doesn’t. The vice commander doesn’t even spare Thorne’s quarters a glance as she proceeds down the corridor.