57
To New Beginnings
Melody
“Hey, wait! Wanna explain?”
“No!” Blair snaps.
Great.
“What damn necklace did you steal? From who? And…what about you killing people, Blair? I deserve some explanation.”
“I told you not to judge me.” Whoa, her vicious teeth snap right into my face.
“Hard not to judge when I don’t know half of it!” I pause, but she just keeps walking.
“Suck it up. That’s life, baby.”
“You know that you’re even worse than Riven and Caryan together? You don’t give me fucking shit, and then you get all moody and grumpy and snarly. What about just talking to me like a normal person? I’m your damn friend.”
“Big mistake, sweetheart.”
Is she serious? I don’t know—but it makes me grab one of my stilettos.
The next second, it whacks against her head.
Oh my gods. I blink, surprised by my aim and strength, because she’s damn far away already.
We’re on a promenade and people around us stop, gawking at me and Blair.
She pauses, rubbing her head before she turns, glowering at me incredulously.
Then she comes for me with her fae speed. And faceplants into a shield of my magic, which jumps to life around me on its own. She lands on her ass, staring at me wide-eyed.
Just when I think that she’s going to abandon me forever, she gets up, patting off her glittering dress and lifts her chin. “Good. It was about time you learned that.”
I don’t say anything, too unsure about her reaction. Is she actually proud ? I drop the shield when she turns away again, walking off.
“Blair, wait! That dwarf—he wants a scale.”
“Yeah. And I want hot ice cream. Some things are just not realistic.”
“But why did he ask for it if it’s impossible?”
She spins toward me. “Because that’s the way fae do it. It’s all about powerplay, and he’s an asshole with, I bet, more hair on his balls than his face.”
Eghhhh. “No. He likes you. I saw it in his aura.”
“Good for him, but not good for me, it seems.”
“What did you steal? And from who? And what happened tonight?” I try again, feeling like a parrot.
Finally, she stops. Her shoulders sag, and at last, the words come spilling out. By the time she’s done, we’ve reached the campus, stopping in front of the door to my room.
“Are you going to stay tonight?” I ask hopefully.
She laughs, and I realize too late how it sounds. “Yeah, no. I’m not going to have a threesome with your snoring lizard and you, only so you finally get a proper lay.”
This time I roll my eyes. “Not what I said.”
“I know.”
“Please,” I say, sounding more miserable than I want to, but fuck it.
“Can you tell me why you haven’t just torn them down yet?” she asks after we both stepped through the prickle of ward-magic and into the room.
“Too complicated,” I say evasively.
“Nah. I don’t buy that for a second. You can do it. Those are Riven’s wards, but you have broken through Caryan’s, so those should be possible for you to take down.”
I suck in my lower lip, but since it’s clearly the evening of truths and she revealed her bone-grinding jealousy of Meanara, I might owe her something in return.
“Because I don’t want to. Fine, it was a dick move to put them there in the first place, but it was also kind of cute. Not that I’d ever tell him that.”
“Right,” Blair says slowly as we step inside. “So how’s that crush going? Have you two done it already?”
“Funny.”
“I was actually serious. He was waiting for you tonight, so I figured miracles might happen.”
I find Aris snoring beneath the blankets, utterly unbothered as Blair slumps down onto the bed beside him, sending the mattress bouncing.
“No, we have not,” I say, hating how that makes heat rush to my face.
She notices immediately and cackles. “You know, just get him naked and sit down on his dick. That’s how you do it.”
“Oh, thank you, Blair, I wasn’t aware of the biological part,” I mutter.
“Well, there must be a reason for you still being a virgin,” she says, and having her stay was an idea I start to seriously regret.
“Thank you so much for reminding me of that, too, Blair. It feels wonderful. Fabulous. Just awesome…running around like a damn spinster. Wanna tell me why you haven’t fucked Meanara yet?”
She pales instantly. “Why would I?”
“Really? Because it’s damn obvious that you have a huge crush on her.”
“I have not! I’m not into women.” She stops bobbing up and down on my bed and sits up straight, crossing her arms in front of her chest, staring at me defiantly with her lips pouted and her cheeks puffed up. She looks so cute that I laugh.
“Oh really? You start salivating as soon as she appears in our periphery. And honestly, that rant about her dress tonight: I’d say you’re jealous as fuck.”
“And you’re afraid to make the first move, because everyone knows you’re in love with Riven by now and, hells, I really don’t know what’s stopping you,” she snaps back.
Now I cross my arms. “Well, Caryan, for one.”
“Yeah, but correct me if I’m wrong, but so far, he hasn’t stopped you, right? So that can’t really be the reason. Or is it that you secretly don’t want to choose? Then take them both. I mean, why choose?”
I know that I’m red and hot like a freshly boiled lobster. “May I remind you that it was you who said Caryan doesn’t share,” I blurt out.
She just tilts her head, her eyes shimmering like embers. “You know he’s always different with you. And I think that, for all his assholery, he might actually want to give you the chance to choose—on your own.”
“What? You’re aware we’re talking about Caryan, right?” I snap, surprised we’re talking about him, and even more that, again, I spot no hurt in her aura. No pain. Nothing.
“Yeah. But I know him better than most—though, granted, that’s not saying much. Because who actually does? Anyway, from what I’ve seen, he’s possessive and not exactly kind. But with you…he is.”
“He is not nice,” I say. “Or we have very different understandings of that term.”
“For him, he’s treating you super-nice, Melody. I’ve never seen him like that.”
“Because of that damn bond,” I mutter.
“Doesn’t matter what it is,” she amends. “But fact is that he normally is an entirely different person.”
“It does matter! And—I slapped him,” I say for a reason I’m not sure I comprehend.
“What?”
“Yeah, we…” I swallow hard, but when I still spot nothing in her aura other than slight worry for me, I tell her what happened.
In the end, she looks at me wide-eyed. “Oh wow. So, hells yeah, that confirms my theory.”
“You don’t understand. He was furious when he brought me back. He kind of dropped me into my room.”
“That you’re still alive, Melody, after you fucking slapped damn fucking Caryan, is a sign that he cares about you. Besides, he probably knows that he deserved it.”
“That’s what Aris said too.”
Blair sits cross-legged, still watching me, and I get all fidgety. I get up and start to collect the clothes that are still strewn on the ground and fold them.
“But why haven’t you done it? He’s really good in bed,” she asks. “Like, mind-shattering, soul-altering, fucking-terrifyingly-good good.”
“Yeah. Fucking terrifying sounds about right.”
“That’s what makes it hot,” Blair insists. “Yeah, he’s a psycho, but my gods, I still have wet dreams about him.”
I scrunch up my face. “Ewww.”
“With him and Meanara, for that matter,” she mutters. “Weird, right?”
“Double ewww. And very weird,” I agree.
She sighs dramatically. “But seriously, why haven’t you?”
I swallow, mulling over her question while I look up at the beautiful ceiling, the colors shimmering in the little light.
“Because I’m not ready to give a part of my heart to any of them.
Because they still treat me like—I don’t know.
Like something to belittle. And apart from that, Riven doesn’t really want me, or maybe he does, but not in the way I need. ”
“What way do you need?”
“I don’t know!” I say with a grunt of frustration. “Maybe it’s that I don’t know yet who I want to be, and I don’t want to lose myself in loving someone else until I know who I am and want to be first. Does that make any sense?”
She looks at me for a long time. “That very much makes sense. And it’s very wise.”
“Wise? You’re the first person who’s ever called me that.” I laugh. “And you and Meanara?”
Blair shrugs. “I’m not sure it’s a crush.
Or something in her that I want to be. And I’m done with fucking around and having affairs.
Just like you say—I first have to find out who I am without my magic.
I’ve been cruel, Melody. Raised by my aunt to become a weapon.
Her equal. The most powerful witch the world has ever seen.
I’ve hunted and killed because I wanted to impress her.
I wasn’t called the Crimson Death for nothing. Wasn’t feared for nothing.”
“But you also saved Avandal.”
She huffs a sad laugh. “Yeah, because I realized I was fighting for the wrong things. But I realized it too late. You know it’s weird when you lose everything at once. Your identity, your beliefs, your goals.”
“I’m sorry, Blair,” I say quietly.
“I’m not. Because I’ve gotten so much in return. I’ve got you and Avandal and Meanara and being a fucking professor and this one.” She curls around Aris under the blanket, gently running her hand over his round, curled-up body.
My heart aches at her words, in a beautiful way, and at the same time a sad way, because I see the pain in her aura. And also because that might be the nicest, kindest thing she’s ever said. And I’m still a part of that.
“I wouldn’t want to miss that. The only things I miss are my mothers and that I don’t know whether they’re alright. Or already dead.”