Chapter Eleven #4
“Is this your stunted sickness?” he asked, voice softening. “Wasting, I believe you call it. We’ve heard that it sometimes takes the mind. Is that why you’re not yourself?”
“Not yourself.”
The question hit me like a brick, scraping the claws of Emiana’s ghost out of my head. With it gone, everything I’d said and done came tumbling in.
“Oh, Meya,” I breathed, clapping my hand over my mouth. “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” Twisting around, I grabbed Eadaoin in a fierce hug. “I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said, Eadaoin. I can’t believe any of that came out of my mouth.”
She hesitated. “Is... is it true, then? Is the sickness taking you, my lady?”
“It’s definitely a sickness,” I said firmly. “Terrible, evil one that spreads misery without remorse. I didn’t think it would take me this quickly.” By it, I meant Emiana’s soul. I’d only been in Lumenfell for less than two moons, and in that time, she was wiping more and more of the true me away.
At this rate, I wouldn’t have long before I forgot why I had to get home.
Actually, when she took me over completely, I wouldn’t want to go home at all.
Not until our war plans were a success, and Alisdair reduced all of Elva to rubble and crowned her the empress of a broken, desolate kingdom.
When that happened, I’d walk up to my family, assuming they survived the war, and kick the dirty peasants out of my way.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears staining my cheek.
“My lady, it’s okay.” Eadaoin hugged me, rubbing my back. “You don’t have to apologize that much. I know the true you. You’re sweet and kind and only yell at our lord.”
“He deserves it,” I rebounded, then we laughed.
The tension broke.
“It’s me that’s sorry.” Eadaoin drew back, squeezing my arms. “What they’ve done to you is unforgivable. I wish I could’ve protected you then, Ana. I truly do.”
I smiled sadly. “Me too,” I whispered.
Shaking myself, I cleared my throat. “Okay, forget all that nonsense I said before. I do have another delivery for Riordan. I stashed it behind a statue in the west hall. I’ll go get it, then I’ll take another poke around in the east wing.
I’m not surprised someone else noticed that wing is hiding secrets.
It’s about time I uncovered them. When I’m done, I’ll meet Alisdair for my archery lesson. ”
“What if you can’t get the east wing to reveal its secrets?” she asked. “Wouldn’t the simplest solution be to ask our lord where he is? You two are on better terms now—fucking anywhere, everywhere, and all hours of the day.”
It’d be a long time before me and my overheated cheeks got used to how open and casual faeriken were about sex.
“Won’t he tell you now?”
I sighed. “I did ask him again, and he said the answer would forever change the way I see him”—I swallowed hard—“and there’d be no going back after that. I haven’t asked since.”
Eadaoin blinked at me, jaw slack. She didn’t have a response for that either.
I turned to Bradach, who wore a trickster’s smirk on his lips as usual. “Thank you, Bradach. You have my permission to throw freezing water in my face whenever and wherever you need to.”
“Thank you, my queen. I will abuse the privilege shamelessly.”
I snorted, smothering a laugh. Alisdair found him ceaselessly tiresome, but I couldn’t help but like Bradach.
“Shall we?” I asked Eadaoin.
She followed me indoors to my hiding place for the jewels, pearl necklaces, and two gold chalices.
I placed them in her safe hands. “Would you mind taking these to him? I don’t have much time before the runes demand my presence on the training yard.
I want to check the east wing while I’ve got the time. ”
“I overheard Riordan say last time the family you’re blessing are becoming more insistent about knowing who is giving them these treasures.” She cocked her head. “Why don’t you want them to know?”
I want them to know more than anything. “Because the answer would only lead to more questions,” I replied. “It’s easier this way.”
“Are you sure you want to keep looking for the boy?”
Eadaoin’s whispered question stopped me mid-turn.
“What if you can’t handle the truth of why every child who comes to Castle Riagin disappears?
” Her eyes were low and hooded. “We fae live long lives, my lady, and yours is now forever tied to Lord Lumenfell. If you discover he’s a monster the likes of which would shame and horrify other monsters, it’ll be a long life of misery. ”
I was quiet for a long spell. “I had all of those thoughts, Eadaoin, but for better or worse, I made a promise to that boy. We’re only as good as the promises we keep, and if I break this one, I’ll be the monster that shames and horrifies other monsters.”
She smiled at me—soft, fleeting, and a little sad. “This is the true you, Lady Ana. Even if this is impertinent to say, I hope the change takes you... so that you don’t.”
I thought about what she said while I made my silent trek to the east wing.
Eadaoin and Bradach saw the real me, but did Alisdair?
Bradach gave me a freezing bath for dressing down Aeris, but Alisdair just looked on in amusement while licking me off his lips.
I was being an interesting little bird once again.
As much fun as we were having together in the bedroom and out, how was I supposed to know if he was falling in love with me? Alisdair had certainly never said he loved me or anything approaching the feeling.
I was quick, clever, magnificent, the owner of a sweet and tasty pussy and toffee nipples, but his love? He never suggested such a thing. Not even sarcastically.
How was I supposed to know if I was doing it right? What was the proper way to make someone fall in love with your true self other than being your true self? One fucking thing this curse won’t let me do! And that wasn’t even approaching the problem of how I would get him to learn my true name.
I groaned, clutching my head as I rounded the corner and headed downstairs. What was I meant to do? Emiana got harder and harder to push out every day. If he couldn’t see the real me by now, he never would. And I’d be lost forever.
“Maybe I should ask Aeris for advice again. Assuming she ever speaks to me again.” I groaned again thinking of the huge apology I owed her. “A thousand sorrys won’t be enough—”
A hard force struck my ankle and ripped it out from under me. My leg went flying and took me with it—all the way down the stairs.
“Ahhh!”
Feet over head I tumbled, smacking my shoulder hard on the stone step. Vicious pain clamped my jaw down on my tongue. Blood filled my mouth—smothering my final cries.
“My lady!”
The spinning, falling, tumbling, everything stopped, except my screams. Chest heaving, my shrieks bled through my blood-stained teeth.
“My lady, are you okay?” Foalan’s magic buoyed me on a soft pillow of air. Gently he floated me down to him. “Thank Meya I was nearby. Are you hurt?
“You,” he shouted back at someone I couldn’t see. “Fetch the healer now.”
“S-s-s-someone tried to kill me! They grabbed my ankle! I’ve been attacked!” Emiana’s voice bled through my fear and panic, shoving me away. “Someone dared to attack me!”
“Attack you?” Foalan looked up—his fur-covered face crumpled in a frown. “There’s no one there.”
“You dare question me?” I tried to slap the beast, but it easily dodged the blow. “A disgusting, filthy, no doubt clawed hand grabbed me!”
“I do not doubt you,” he said kindly. “What I meant to say is that if this wasn’t a physical attack, it was a magical one. You have an enemy outside of these walls, my queen. A serious one.”
“Outside of these walls?” I clutched my shoulder, tears leaking down my cheek. “Who says so? You?” My derision told him exactly what I thought of that. Of course High Commander Masochist refused to suspect his people. It would mean he failed in his basic task of protecting his sovereigns.
I’ll have his head for this. Alisdair won’t dare fight me. Commander Foalan has howled at his last moon—
“I do not say so,” Foalan continued, rising up and carrying me floating next to him.
“Sense does. If you had an enemy within these walls who sought your death, they wouldn’t need to lay a trap on a staircase and hope you spring it.
It is not as though you prepare your own food or bath.
And you frequently traverse the castle without protection or weapon.
You also have no magic to defend yourself.
You’re the easiest target there could be within these walls. ”
My mind quieted under howling pain.
“Whoever did this sought a small window of opportunity and thankfully failed in its execution.”
Emiana faded back into the depths from whence she came.
This one was for me. “The boy,” I whispered.
“Someone randomly approached Eadaoin... and told her she thought the boy was in the east wing.” I gritted against the pain.
The shoulder was dislocated. No question.
“Those are the only stairs leading to this wing. It’s the only way I would’ve gone. ”
Even through the agony, I shared a grim look with Foalan.
“I will guard you myself from now on,” he said firmly. “This will never happen again.”
“Of course it won’t happen again,” Emiana shrieked. “From this day forward, if even another scratch is laid on me, it’ll be your head!”