Chapter Thirteen
It took half the night—screaming and pulling Alisdair behind me—before Foalan heard me over the howling wind. He, Eadaoin, Aeris, Bradach, and a contingent of guards rushed out to meet us. Aeris screamed at the sight of him. Eadaoin threw up.
Bradach grabbed his brother and took to the skies, flying him straight to the healers.
I raced all the way up to our bedchamber, and was thrown out the door by the head healer.
“We need space, time, and everyone,” she barked at me. “Get all the healers. Now!”
For hours I hovered out in the hall—pacing, crying, and shaking off everyone who tried to help or comfort me.
It made no sense. I began the night with every intention of killing him and running back home to Lyrica. Nothing had changed with that plan until he said—
“So? What does any of that matter? She is my wife. She can murder me a thousand times, but no matter what she does, it is my honor to die for her, and my pleasure to kill for her.”
“How could he say that, the frustrating, changeable beast!” I pounded my head, wishing I could bang his words out of my skull.
Of course he had to go and say something so confusing, so ridiculous, so stupid, and so wonderful.
He had to hopelessly jumble my mind until I said something equally stupid and told him I loved him.
I groaned, sinking down to the floor. I loved him. I loved Alisdair Shadowsoul, and I realized it in time to betray him in the worst possible way, and then get him savagely maimed.
What if he doesn’t make it through the night? What if this is how it ends? Me left alone to rule a cursed kingdom and wage a borrowed war. What if I never get the chance to make that irritating fool realize that he loves me too?
“My lady?”
I shot up, hurriedly wiping my face. Healer Soulstitcher stepped out of our bedchamber.
“Is he okay?” I asked. “Is he... Is he still—?”
“He’s alive,” she broke in. “But barely. We closed his wounds, and stopped the bleeding, but he lost a lot of blood. My lord has never carried coudarian crystals on him. Honestly, it’s always been a mystery to us from where he draws his power.
” She shook her head. “Whatever that source was, he’s not drawing from it now. He may as well be a human.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he’s not helping us help him. He’s not using his magic to heal himself, and there’s only so far our healing magic can take him.” She stepped to the side. “The rest is up to you.”
“Me?” I squeaked.
She gave me a wan smile. “You must remind him of his reason to keep fighting. Of why he’s not ready to run through the Meadows of Meya. It’s because he has to run back to you.”
I blushed stupidly, not knowing what to say. Not having the courage to say it even if I did. “Oh... Okay.”
Slowly, I stepped inside. The parade of healers vacated at the sight of me, tromping out one by one while I bit my tongue—stopping myself from asking them to stay.
My eyes didn’t know where to go. To the bandaged, silent figure on our bed, or the fourth wall looming behind him.
“I did that.”
I didn’t turn at Foalan’s voice. Part of me already knew he was there. Where else would he be?
“It seemed best not to tempt you a second time, my queen.”
I turned then, gazing upon him coolly. “You know.”
Foalan emerged out of the shadows, tapping his ears. “I know all that goes on within these walls.”
“Do you also know the identity of the traitor who helped your brother poison my food, bait me for the Taken, and toss me down the stairs?” My eyes narrowed. “Or am I in their presence now?”
“I am no traitor, my lady.” His voice was just as cool. “I did not try to kill you. Your death would achieve no useful purpose.”
“My death would achieve the purpose of keeping this land dark, cold, and cursed. That’s what your brother said anyway.
Something about the risk of loving Alisdair is the risk he’ll destroy the cursed heart so he can love me back.
I didn’t know that was possible. All my life I’ve been told the heart cursed the land, not that it cursed him not to love. ”
“And that very well may be true,” he said almost conversationally.
I say almost because he was circling me like.
.. like a wolf. “We are no more privy to understanding the cursed heart than anyone else.
All we know is that during the years Raelina walked the halls, Lumenfell changed. The kingdom and the man.
“The snow began to melt. Buds bloomed. Children were born with hands and feet instead of claws and fangs. And the sun...” He tipped his head. “One morning, the sun rose. As if it always had.
“My father and brother were terrified of what this meant. They saw their destiny slipping through their fingers, so they ruined Raelina... and sent me to kill Lord Lumenfell.”
My eyes widened slightly, my only reaction.
“I failed, of course.” He chuckled. “And my lord thrashed me soundly. I thought for sure that was the end. He was going to kill me. He should have killed me. But he just... stopped. My lord held up a fist and an open hand, asking me if I was ready to live on as my own man, or die as my father’s bitch.
I’m certain you can guess what I chose.”
I studied him, tracking his slow pace around me. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Why else? It’s so you stop running from him, my queen.”
I froze.
“You’re not the only one in this room to try and kill him. We’re not even the only ones in this castle to do so. If he can forgive all of us and give us another chance, he’ll most certainly do so for you.”
My eyes stung, warping Alisdair in a sea of tears.
“I made a terrible mistake, Foalan,” I rasped.
“I wish I could blame someone else.” I thought of Emiana and her deal with Meallan.
“But it was me. I told myself I was doing it to get home, but deep down, I just wanted to punish him for breaking my heart.”
He whistled. “You punish a heartbreaker by poisoning and throwing him off a cliff? Remind me never to cross you.”
A startled laugh burst out of me. “Come now, Commander. We both know it’s your deepest, fervent wish for me to punish you.”
He smirked—so darkly and wicked, I suddenly understood why women wanted to pick up a crop and spank the bad wolf out of him. “My lady, if I dared answer that, our lord would rise from his bed and finish the job.” Foalan backed out of the room. “Go to him, Ana. You’re what he needs. I’m sure of it.”
I stood there long after he left, feet glued to the floor. Foalan said I was what Alisdair needed, but in the same conversation, he proved I wasn’t. When Alisdair was with Raelina, their love was so strong, it brought back the sun.
Alisdair had been laughing, teasing, and tumbling me for two moons, and nothing had changed. If anything, I swore Lumenfell was darker and colder than when I first arrived.
Even if Alisdair could forgive me, he didn’t love me. He’d never break my curse, and we’d spend our days slowly wasting away—losing ourselves bit by bit. Him as a beast, and me as Emiana, and then as whatever animal Emiana turned into.
There was no happy ending for us, so why make him endure the presence of the woman who betrayed him and nearly got him killed? We would surely live and exist apart from now on—going through the motions as king and queen during the day, then acting as strangers at night.
Whatever I thought we were building between us was over. Better I stay out of his way until he got back on his feet to send me away for good.
Turning my back on him, I walked out the door. “Aeris? Eadaoin?”
The two stuck their heads around the corner immediately. I knew they hadn’t left after I ordered them away. I could hear their poor attempts to whisper quietly and breathe softer.
“Yes, my lady?” Eadaoin asked.
“Eadaoin, fetch cold water and cloth,” I ordered.
“The last thing we need is fever to set in. Also, send for a servant to light the fires. Send another down to the kitchen and tell the cook to prepare chicken broth. I doubt he’ll be able to keep down much, but I have to try.
You need strength to recover, and you don’t get stronger on an empty stomach.
“Aeris, get ointment and bandages from the healers. There’s no sense in them running back and forth when his dressings need changing. If there are any other medicines he needs, bring those up too with instructions.”
“Yes, my lady.”
They hopped to—taking off in different directions. That done, I returned inside, grabbed the chair from my vanity, and placed it and myself right next to my sleeping husband. His handsome face was hidden under a mask of ointment-soaked bandages, but all I saw was him.
“If you need a reason to hang on, you listen well, Alisdair Lumenfell. If you leave me, your fierce and brutal queen will rip open the veil, chase you through the Meadows, and bash the notion that we were ever meant to be apart out of your head.
“You didn’t marry a bird, you married me,” I whispered. “And you are just as much mine as I am yours.”
I couldn’t tell if he heard me, but it didn’t matter. I’d hold him to the promise all the same.
THE NEXT FEW DAYS PASSED in a blur of changing bandages, slathering ointment, spooning broth past unresponsive lips, and murmuring sweet, pointless chatter at his still form.
“You should rest, Lady Ana.” Aeris fluttered behind me, chasing me around with a bath robe and jeweled comb. “Your bath is ready and waiting. Please, bathe, eat, and then sleep for a few hours. Eadaoin and the healers will watch over our lord while you do.”
“No,” I replied—as I did when she asked an hour before, five hours before that, and a day before that. “I’m not going anywhere until he wakes up. Alisdair needs me. For once, I’m not running from him.”
“My lady, you’re dead on your feet. You haven’t slept in days. You think you’re speaking to me right now, but I’m over here!”
Blinking, I twisted around, landing on the Aeris standing in the doorway—not following behind me as I thought. My eyes crossed trying to focus on the real her.