Chapter Fourteen #2
“These systems and magics used to come natural for us,” he replied.
“Before we built cities and kingdoms in envy of humans, we lived simple lives in the forest where we grew and traded what we needed, instead of hoarding what we don’t.
We’ve lost much in our pursuit of power and wealth.
I can’t say if we’ll ever truly get it back. ”
We passed by a collection of brilliant red roses, and I instantly flashed to that horrid, life-sucking thing in the tower.
“What is it?” Alisdair asked, feeling me stiffen against him. “Something not to your liking?”
“What—? No,” I cried. “Everything’s perfect, it’s just... Alisdair, are things truly different between us now? If I ask you something, will you tell me the truth?”
He frowned down at me. “I have always told you the truth.”
“You told me you were born with a full set of teeth.”
“One is allowed to flex the truth when blowjobs are involved.”
“That is not a rule anywhere,” I replied with a giggle, then I sobered. “Seriously, Alisdair. It’s about that rose you have locked away in the tower. What is it? Why is it so...?” I shuddered, not able to go on. “Will you tell me?”
Lifting his head, he nodded. “I will. Honestly, I’m surprised you waited this long to ask me. I’ve been expecting this question for a while, and— What did you say it looked like to you?”
Looked like to me?
“It’s a rose. A thorny rose encased in glass.”
“A thorny rose,” he repeated, gaze drifting off. “Beautiful but dangerous. Like you. Of course that’s what you see.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s not a rose, Ana, but it’s not wrong that you see one. A soul looks like different things to different people.”
I stopped dead. “A soul?”
“Constance’s soul,” he said, walking on ahead of me. “The one I ripped out of her chest and locked away in a cold, dark tower—forever imprisoned. Forever suffering.”
I stared after him, eyes wide.
“Did you know a soul could suffer?” Alisdair sounded almost conversational. “People value the body and the mind, but the body is just a vessel, and the mind is unreliable. It changes so often, it breaks so easily.
“All we are is our soul, and when ripped from its protection, it never recovers. It never stops screaming.” He laughed. “Or did you believe that was the wind howling?”
A chill raced up my spine, standing my hairs on end. “Alisdair...”
“Constance and I faced each other on a burning field, but she was prepared for fire. She laughed as her weapons shielded her from the flames—taunting her victory and my failure. She laughed while walking headlong into my trap.
“I tore her filthy, rotting soul—bloated and fed by the souls of innocents—out of her carcass, and on that burning field I built my kingdom. Over the centuries, all have wondered how I wield such limitless power, but I have no power. No more than any other faeman. Like them all, I must drain magic from another source.”
“The rose.” It wasn’t a question.
He laughed louder, his malice washing over the flowers as he moved further away from me.
“My final victory. Wind and Wild is everything she despises, and it was her magic that made it happen.
I created her hell on earth, and forever this prison ensnares her while voiceless, sightless, and helpless, she screams.
“So, what say you, my queen?” Alisdair passed over the threshold, leaving me behind. “Do you still think me soft and kind?”
It was my fault. It was me who stupidly thought Alisdair telling me the truth was a good thing.
“I WAS A HORSE brEEDER in my previous life.”
Alisdair walked side by side with me through the square, his hand firm and tickling against the small of my back.
He nodded to people we passed, but his attention was on me.
Despite all the time he spent teaching me archery and how to rule a kingdom, it was only now that I felt what it truly meant to have his time and attention.
And the result was I was wishing harder for my litter than ever.
I refused it to keep Emiana at bay, but I regretted that decision as I leaned heavily on Alisdair—sore in places I didn’t know I could be sore.
I swore he was determined to make up for all the nights he couldn’t chase me down and have his way with me.
But even so, our nights together weren’t like they were before.
I didn’t need to tempt him with favors to get him to open up, and he didn’t have to maintain tight control of himself every minute of every day.
The result was for the first time since we stood at the altar, he was my husband, and I was his wife.
“I’ve always had a more natural affinity with horses than I did other animals.”
Alisdair looked exceptionally handsome that morning, and that was saying something. His scars were all but gone. Only faint, fading lines marred his stomach and chest, but those would be gone soon enough.
He bound his hair back, pulling it taut around his horns.
Horns that were smaller than I’d ever seen.
After weeks of being forced to rest and not using magic, he was strong enough to take in more than ever.
His horns were smaller, his claws were blunt, his fangs couldn’t be seen behind his full lips.
All of that was well and good, but it wasn’t what kept my eyes drawing up to bask in him.
Alisdair looked calmer and more relaxed than I’d ever seen him. Since we’d met, he’d been that hungry, stalking wolf—prowling unfamiliar streets warning off anyone who dare make themselves his prey.
Since telling the truth of his history with Raelina, Constance, and his daughters, the burden weighing down his own soul eased just that little bit, allowing it to come up for air in a sea of pain, hatred, and rage.
Seeing him like this, I could imagine the young, handsome horse breeder who ignited mad obsession in Constance, and such pure love in Raelina that her heart led her back to him, even after lost memories stole him away.
“Were you able to mind-ride with them?” I asked when he caught me staring at him.
“I was,” he confessed. “The only animal that I could, but I wasn’t complaining. The joy and freedom that a wild stallion feels as it gallops through the plains...” He shook his head. “There’s nothing quite like it.”
“Amazing.” We strolled around the fountain—having nowhere to go, and not rushing to get there. “We don’t see those gifts much these days. Do you think Meya really is punishing us? For leaving the forests? For betraying her daughters?”
“I believe we have come too far from what she expected of us, but we are punishing ourselves. Meya didn’t make us do the things we’ve done, and isn’t preventing us from stopping. We are steering our ship toward the rocks all on our own.”
I hummed, turning that over in my mind. It was easy to forget Alisdair was wise, amid his harshness and jackassery, but when I thought about it, he rarely said a thing I disagreed with. He was even correct that he would one day corrupt me.
“Do you know how to ride?”
I shook my head. “I had a lesson when I was five years of age. The horse threw me and I never got on another again.” That was Emiana’s story, not mine. I knew how to ride, or... I think I do?
“Are you still afraid?” Alisdair gestured at Riordan’s stables. “Or would you like to learn?”
“You’ll teach me?”
Smirking, he backed away—lightly kissing my fingertips as they slipped out of reach. “I intend to teach you a great many things.”
He crossed to the stables, leaving me a smoldering pile of lace and satin.
Eadaoin whistled, falling in at my side. “My lady, don’t take this the wrong way, but I deeply regret that I was never chosen to be one of my lord’s companions. The man exudes sex, and he’s exuding it all over you.”
“Ew,” I cried, giggling. “That phrasing did not conjure a sexy image.”
We cracked up.
“But truly.” She bumped my shoulder. “I am happy to see this change. You both look so happy. Not that you didn’t look happy before,” she mused, cocking her head to the side.
“It was obvious to everyone watching how much you two enjoyed riling each other up. Bet it made the sex delicious. Be honest, how hard did he fuck you the night you told the whole court he had a hairy mole on his cock and bursts into tears when he completes?”
“Oh, Meya,” I groaned. “I think you and I could stand to be less honest with each other.”
She laughed that growly, tsking laugh. “You never did tell me. How did you do it in the end? How’d you get him to fall in love with you?”
“I haven’t.” My reply was instant. “I mean, he hasn’t said that he does.
Assuming his feelings didn’t work out well for either one of us, so I refuse to repeat the mistake.
” I lifted my chin, nose high. “If and when Alisdair has something to tell me, he will,” Emiana said.
“I won’t be the lovesick fool—nipping at his heels and making sappy declarations that are never returned. ”
“Oh, my lady.” She slipped her hand into mine. “I’m sorry.”
Emiana’s consciousness faded as the sympathy left Eadaoin’s lips, giving me an opportunity to clarify her harshness and say that I didn’t mean it that way.
The opportunity passed without a word from me. If it was possible for Alisdair Shadowsoul to be mostly right, it was also possible that Emiana wasn’t always wrong.
The last time Alisdair broke my heart, we nearly killed him. It wouldn’t be amiss for me to keep my heart in my chest this time around, instead of giving it to him to crush in his clawed fist.
“Are you ready?” Alisdair called, drawing my head back up.
Eadaoin winked. “Don’t get into too much trouble out there— Actually, what am I saying? If you don’t come back limping even worse than you are right now, don’t come back at all.”
“I was being generous when I called you a wicked minx!”
She took off, laughing. Eadaoin didn’t need to stick by my side when Alisdair was around. No one did. He proved he was all the army I needed.