Chapter Sixteen.2
I flinched like she punched me in the gut. “That’s not— That can’t be—”
“It’s true. You saw her yourself. You know it’s true.”
My lips flattened into a thin line. Of course I saw that my mother was thinner than a skeleton with the cracked lips and thin, sluggish skin of a parched soul lost in the Wastelands.
“What will you do, Calli? These are the last days we’ll get to spend with our mother before she... before...” Meliora blinked rapidly, eyes bright. My little sister—never wanting anyone to see her cry. “Are you really going to fly away and leave us to face this alone? Again?”
I balled my fists, mouth clenched tight. I was furious, but not at Meli or Mama. I was angry at the evil, sick system that stole my mother’s magic in the first place. I was angry at the power-hungry, bitter witch who gave them the means to do it. She came here to destroy our way of life, and we played right into her hands. As a result, my innocent, loving mother was slowly wasting away.
“I’m not going to leave you alone, Meli. I made a promise to you, all of you, that I never would. I’ll stay,” I said softly. “I’ll see Mama through this, and then we’ll all go back to Lumenfell together.
“You’ll be safe and happy there, and”—I took her hand—“we’ll be together again. As a family.”
Meli shook me off. “There’s no family without Mama.”
I didn’t know what to say, because I couldn’t disagree.
We walked the rest of the way in silence—both of us lost in our own sorrow.
Eventually, we arrived at the inn where I sent them to eat and relax. Egan’s Inn and Tavern was owned by a nice man who never had a raised voice or bad word for anyone. I figured even if faeriken weren’t welcomed with open arms, they at least wouldn’t be harassed or chased out by Egan.
“—warned you! You are to leave by order of the king.”
“And I’ve told you.” Bradach faced the palace guard down, wings rising and casting long shadows over them both. “We’re not going anywhere without our queen.”
The small, cozy tavern was completely cleared out of everyone barring the raven faeriken, Bradach, and the fifteen guards sent to meet them.
Egan stood behind the bar top, eyes darting between them and looking like he wished both groups were anywhere but in his peaceful pub.
“What’s going on here?” I demanded.
The leader of the guard turned and frowned at me. “This is of no concern of yours, shoua. Leave this place, for your own safety.”
I winced. Of course, I was back to being the peasant, not the princess.
“We’ve been ordered to evacuate,” Bradach told me flat out. “The terms of the treaty forbid faeriken from invading Lyrica, and King Salman means to hold us to those terms to a pedantic degree. He’s granting us pardon for bringing the queen here for an emergency, but now that it’s resolved, we must leave. What say you?”
“Excuse me?” the guard scoffed. “Why are you asking her? You were given your orders. Leave!”
Bradach didn’t even glance at him. “Well?”
I peered at Meliora out of the corner of my eyes, heart squeezing. I wanted to be home with Alisdair, but there was never any choice. These were my last days with my mother, I wouldn’t forgive myself if I wasn’t here with her—and my family—to the end.
“The queen has sent me with a message,” I replied carefully. “Rest, and then go on without her. She has to stay for now, but she’ll return home as soon as she can. She promises.”
“I understand.” Bradach tipped his chin to me. “I will pass on her promise.”
My lips parted. “And tell him that—”
“Let’s go, Calli.” Meliora tugged me away. “Mama’s waiting.”
“I know,” Bradach said, his smile following me out the door. “I’ll tell him.”
I STROKED SAVIA’S HAIR as she cooed and babbled at our sleeping mother, smiling even as sadness choked me.
We’d been keeping them together, only taking Savia away to change, feed, or calm her. Our youngest sister wouldn’t get nearly as many years with our mother as she deserved. The least we could do was let them spend this time together... before the end.
“Faywen?”
I started, blinking at Mama’s open, watching eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
Sighing, I set down her cooling bowl of broth and stretched out next to them. “Do you have to ask?”
Mama drew Savia closer, tucking her under her chin. “We knew this was coming, Calli.”
“Yes, but...” Tears beat at the back of my eyes. “You should’ve had more time. If you did then I could’ve—” I bit hard on my lip.
“Could’ve what, darling?”
“Could’ve saved you,” I burst out. “With more time, I could’ve saved you! It’s not right, Mama. It’s not fair.”
“Oh, Calli.” Of all things, she smiled at me. “My precious girl, so full of fire.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t treat me like a silly little child lost in her daydreams. I could’ve saved you, Mama. I had a plan! But now I’m here and you’re here, and I’m not that fiery, precious girl. I’m that useless, powerless girl again whose watching life step on the people I love, and not doing anything about it.”
“Because it’s not your job to do anything about it!”
Savia and I jerked, gaping at her. Mama never yelled at us. She never yelled at me .
“Mama?”
“Oh, Calli,” she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut, looking like even that much sapped her starving body of energy. “I don’t blame you, faywen. I put the weight of this family on your shoulders before you could walk. All those times I was called to the battlefield, you were left alone to care for Meli, and then again to care for Jaclan and Gisela.
“And then when I was finally allowed to stay home with my children, the wasting sickness took hold. Your whole life, I’ve either been absent, or sick and dying. It all fell down to you to be to the little ones what I was supposed to be—their mother.”
I frowned. “But, none of that was your fault.”
“It wasn’t yours either. You should’ve had a real childhood, faywen. You should’ve been a big sister, not a borrowed mother.”
My frown deepened. “Why are you saying these things? I did what I had to do because you’re my family, they’re my siblings, and I love you all. I’d do everything all over again even if couldas and shouldas could change a thing in this life. And why are you torturing yourself with these thoughts now? There’s no sense worrying about what we can’t change.”
She smiled with her eyes closed. “Exactly.”
“But...” The rest of my sentence died on my lips, chased away by my own words. “Very clever, Olene,” I deadpanned. “Well done.”
She laughed and I was sucked in, giggling along with her. “Seems your old mama still has some wisdom to impart.”
“You’re not old,” I protested. “You’re a young, beautiful woman in your prime. You still can’t walk in a straight line for the men throwing themselves at your feet.”
Mama’s laugh was thin and raspy like rubbing paper. “I knew there was a reason you were my favorite.”
I rolled my eyes, though I couldn’t help chuckling. It’d been so long since we just sat around, laughing and joking. I was always focused on keeping everything together, while Mama struggled just to get out of bed in the morning.
“Jokes aside,” Mama said, eyes still closed. “I need to tell you that I’m sorry, Calli. Your father and I never wanted any of this for you. You don’t know the shame it brings me to know that the first time in your life you’ve felt true joy, power, freedom, and love... was when you were far away from me.”
My smile melted away. “How can you say that? That’s not true.”
“No, no, my darling, I don’t say that to make you feel bad.” She found my hand across the sheets. “I’m happy you found those things. They’re everything I wanted for you. Seeing your face when you talked about your king, it reminded me of the love I had with your father.
“You’re finally happy, my sweet girl, so listen to me and listen well.” Sternness crept into her voice. “Do not let it go. Do not let him go. Don’t stay in this place and be small, when you could be there and be great.”
“Oh, I see.” I pushed up. “You overheard me and Meliora last night.”
“She doesn’t want to go with you to a land of ice, dark, and beasts,” she said knowingly. “And you don’t want to stay.”
I chewed my lip, slumping against the headboard. It was true. Meliora held her tongue that first night, but in the seven days since I returned, she’d made her feelings about moving to Lumenfell loud and clear.
It didn’t matter that we’d live in a palace where I’d be queen, and she’d soon be free of the binding. All Meliora heard was that she, the twins, and Savia would be put away in a separate, hidden part of the castle because the inhabitants couldn’t control their urges. That is until she turned into a beast like the rest of them.
She wanted no part in the life I carved out for myself in Lumenfell. Even though I knew a big part of her resistance came from rejecting another change after a massive one ruined all of our lives. While I struggled to convince her the move was best for her, that quiet part of me had been asking for days, was I uprooting my family for their happiness, or mine?
“I’m not their mother,” I whispered. “You are. So you tell me what to do, Mama? Isn’t it better to be free in the dark, than chained in the life?”
“A profound question, but even so, there is only one right answer. Freedom is all, Calli. There’s nothing else that matters more than you five being able to love and live on your own terms, and you cannot do that in Lyrica.
“But if you must ask again, then I say to look to nature. Meya gave freedom to bugs and bunnies. She blessed the birds with wings. She bestowed fangs and fight on the prowling lioness. Why on earth, my precious girl, would you believe you deserve anything less?”
My lips trembled, shaking the teardrop balancing on the tip of my mouth. “So, you forgive me then? For wanting to take the children away from all of this? Even though they may not thank me for it.”
“You don’t need my forgiveness, faywen. You don’t even need my permission. As borrowed mothers go, you’ve proven yourself the best of them. I learned to trust your judgement a long time ago.”
I roughly rubbed my stinging eyes, willing the gushing flood pushing against them to retreat.
“Mama, I... Thank you.” I tossed my head. “But no more tears, and no more speaking with such finality. I won’t have to make any decision Meli will curse me for, because the target will remain on your back,” I said, earning a soft chuckle. “All that matters now is you focusing on getting well and hanging on long enough so I can save you.”
She hummed. “So, tell me more about this Alisdair.”
“Ah!” Savia shrieked, reminding us she was a part of this conversation too.
I didn’t remark on either of their subject changes. The wasting sickness and what waited at the end of it has hung over my mother for years. I understood her wanting to speak of something else—if only for a little while.
“There’s not much more to tell. He’s strong, powerful, handsome, funny, and the biggest jackass in Elva.”
She snorted—a weak, sudden sound that was over as soon as it started. “Jackass was an addition I wasn’t expecting.”
“I may love him, but that part is undeniable.” I smiled despite myself. “Even though he drives me crazy, he’s the only one that could make me... run slower.”
“You should never slow down for anyone,” she replied, not knowing the reference. When I told her about my time in Lumenfell, I left out the terms of our marriage runes, and that Alisdair would chase me down every night and fuck me into I saw the stars.
A mother didn’t need to know everything.
“But despite his hard and prickly exterior, it’s his soul, Mama. The real and true him is... so...” I trailed off, muscles wounding tight.
“His soul,” I whispered, eyes widening. “Charm.”
“Calli?”
“Oh my Meya.” I gaped unseeingly at the bedsheets. “So, that’s it. That’s how you break the curse.”
“Calli, darling?”
I shook myself, coming to. “Sorry, Mama. I was just saying that despite how much of a raging jackass he can be, he’s my soulmate.” A small smile danced on my lips. “I know that more than ever now.”
She hummed. “I admit I understand the appeal. I loved my fair share of jackasses.”
“Wait, what? Asses? As in more than one? But I thought you said Papa was your true love.”
“He was my one true love and mate, but it took me hundreds of years to see that. All the while your father was patient, caring, supportive, and yes, a bit of a jackass too.” I sensed her rolling her eyes behind her lids.
“He loved telling me that I could deny it all I wanted, but one day we’d end up together. Want to know what the bastard said after I told him I loved him for the first time? I told you so. ” She snorted. “With the biggest smirk on his face too. I almost followed the confession with a punch to his throat.”
I giggled.
“Even though he could infuriate me like nothing else, what I wouldn’t give to go back and tell him I loved him sooner. It’s the biggest regret of my life that I wasted hundreds of years not feeling as blissfully happy and loved as he made me.
“Don’t make my mistake,” she whispered. “Don’t spend a single day being less happy than you could be. Meya gave blessings to the bugs and birds. She has even more wonder and adventure in store for you.”
“Oh, Mama...” I fell on her other side, clutching her tight and blubbing against her shoulder.
It was a while before my tears stopped, but that was okay. They weren’t all sad tears. Some were hopeful for the promise of happiness to come with the man who made me want to punch him in the throat and kiss him until I couldn’t breathe—all in the same measure.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slow—hugging her tighter. “You know, I was actually thinking of you and Papa when I was trying to get Alisdair to fall in love with me. Will you tell me more stories about him? What was it, in the end, that changed everything for you two?”
She didn’t reply.
“Mama? Are you asleep?” I peeked over her shoulder, and froze. “Mama? Are you okay? Mama?”
I shook her gently, then harder. She flopped in my grasp—eyes closed shut.
“Mama!”
Jerking in surprise, Savia started bawling.
I grabbed my baby sister and scrambled off the bed. Feet tangling, I fell hard on my butt and kept going, crawling back until I hit the wall. Clamping my hand over my mouth, I screamed—nails piercing my cheek smothering my cries.
I thought I knew pain. I suffered unbearable agony trying to force the magic through the bindings around my soul—shredding myself from the inside. What I wouldn’t give if it only hurt that much.
Tucked in that corner alone with my crying sister, my smothered wails leaked through my tear-soaked fingers. I cried and cried until there was nothing left in me, then evermore I cried.
“Calli?” Knock-knock. “Is everything okay? Does Savia need a bottle?”
I sucked in hard, shuddering breaths—roughly wiping my face.
“Calli, open up. I’ve got Mama’s medicine.”
By the time I got to my feet and crossed to the side table, my tears were gone.
I blew out the candles, plunging the room in darkness, and opened the door. Meli tried to come in and pulled up short when I held out Savia, keeping my red, puffy face cloaked in the shadows.
“She is hungry,” I croaked. “Would you mind feeding her? I’ll give Mama her medicine.”
“Oh, but—” She tried to peer around the baby. “I was hoping to spend some time with Mama. Gisela and Jaclan are doing their lessons now, so I can spend the rest of the day with her until I start supper.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as a wave of sorrow drowned me. “How about a trade? You feed Savia now, and I’ll cook supper, so you have more time sitting with her.”
“Hmm. Okay,” Meliora said—so light. So unaware. “That’s a fair trade. Come here, baby.” She took our fussy sister and held her close, dropping a kiss on her crown. “Be back soon, Mama.”
Only when she descended the stairs did I shut the door, resting my forehead upon it. Of course I couldn’t hide the tragedy that just cratered the soul of our family. I simply... wanted her to be as happy as she was for a little while longer.
My feet carried me away, bringing me to her side. Carefully, lovingly, I rested her on her back, crossed her arms, and tucked her in tight. “I love you, Mama,” I whispered. “I already miss you more than there are stars in the sky.
“I promise, I’ll take care of them. It won’t be right away. It won’t even be soon, but one day you’ll look down from the Meadows, and you’ll see us all as you were—blissfully happy and loved.” She swam in my vision. “Good—”
“Ahh!”
I jolted upright. “What was—?”
“Get off me! Let me go!”
I took off, bursting out of the room and racing down the stairs. “Meli? Meli!”
He stood in the entrance—so still and silent, I almost didn’t register him as a threat until I saw the coudarian crystal sharpened into a blade... pressed to her throat.
I skidded to a halt. Grabbing the banister saved my feet flying out from under me and dropping me on the steps.
“Okay,” I said slowly. Calmly. “Let’s all just stop and take a breath. You don’t want to hurt her.”
His lips peeled back from his teeth, snarl bleeding through.
“Put down the crystal.”
“You don’t give the orders anymore,” Kirwan hissed. “Not without a stolen princess’s face. How did you do it? Huh!?” He clamped harder on a struggling Meli, making her cry out. “Was it a trick from the beginning? All of it a plot to bring about my downfall!”
“Don’t be absurd, you narcissistic kakka!” I shouted back just as loud. “Not everything is about you— Actually, nothing I do is for or about you! I saved my mother and sister, and should your downfall have come about as a result...” I shrugged, my smirk nasty. “That was just a happy accident.”
“Lies. Whenever that disgusting, siren’s mouth opens, nothing but lies and destruction falls out.” Kirwan’s eyes were bright with rage. “It’s the greatest regret of my life that I didn’t run you through with my sword the first time I laid eyes on you.”
I barely heard a word the bastard said. My attention was fixed on Meliora and the weapon at her throat. A pinprick of blood smeared on her neck where it cut her.
“ Where are the children? ” I mouthed to her.
“ Safe. ”
“ Can you break free? Stomp his foot then— ”
“What are you two doing!” Kirwan hauled her screaming out of the entrance, ducking into the side hall.
“Hey,” I cried, chasing after them. “What do you want! Why can’t you leave us alone?”
Kirwan stumbled against the wall, fighting to hang onto his struggling captive. He wrenched her head to the side so she couldn’t communicate with me anymore. “What do I want?! You destroyed everything,” he roared. “The king stripped me of my land, home, and title. He seized my vault. He sentenced me to execution for treason! I have nothing because of you!”
I couldn’t have glared at him with less sympathy if I tried. “And what, Kirwan? Threatening your own daughter will get all of that back? Come now, you’re smarter than this. You somehow managed to get away from the palace guards. Stop wasting time, let her go, and make your escape from Lyrica.”
He smiled, and the shiver it sent up my spine stood my neck hairs on end.
“I’m not going anywhere, bitch, because I’m not threatening my daughter. I’m threatening your sister.” His grin widened. “Here’s how things stand, I didn’t get away from the palace guards, they were murdered. Slaughtered . Undoubtedly your doing.”
My doing? What was this madman talking about!
“They left the bodies next to my cell, so I took the keys and escaped. But not to save myself. I tried to stop them! Save my people, but it was too late for anyone else. Your dogs have overrun the palace and the streets, but that’s fine,” he hissed, talking mostly to himself. “I can make it right. I’ll be Lyrica’s savior, her leader, and—thanks to you giving me such a brilliant idea—her king.”
I goggled at him. “What are you ranting about? You’re insane!”
“Silence! For once in your life, keep your worthless mouth closed!”
“Ahh!” Meliora screamed as the crystal cut deeper. Blood flowed freely down her neck.
Balled fists shaking, I bit hard on my lip—falling silent.
Kirwan laughed. “Finally. So this is what it takes to keep your tongue in your head? Just like I knew it would.” He sobered quickly. “Now listen up. You’re going to get every jewel, every chalice, every bit of your stolen loot, put them in sacks, and bring them to me. I’ll need coin to recruit the soldiers needed to take back Lyrica.
“And I’ll need you.”
My forehead crumpled but I didn’t speak, gazing at Meli. His mind has snapped. How do I get my sister away from him?
“When the time comes, you’ll recant every one of your lies and accusations. Admitting that you impersonated the princess and recruited faeriken mercenaries to help sell your lies. No doubt using your pussy to addle them under your sway.”
It was entirely certain he didn’t need to add that last comment. But leave it to Kirwan to be vile to the end.
“Go,” he ordered. “Get the coin, and get your sister.”
I stilled. “Excuse me?”
“Not the infant, I’ve no patience for those. Get the curly-haired blonde brat. Now,” he bellowed when I didn’t move.
“No.”
He arched a brow. “You either take one sister with you, or I slit this one’s neck right here on the carpet.”
I breathed hard, hands clutching the other behind my back. “You don’t have to do this,” I rushed, mind spinning. “I’ll get the jewels and go with you quietly. Just leave my faywens alone.”
“Go with me quietly? Don’t make me laugh,” he gritted. “Nothing and no one keeps you in line, except these brats. Last chance, get the girl, or I’ll kill—”
I slipped the dagger from my shift and threw—aiming right for his vile mouth.
Eyes rounding, Kirwan reacted on instinct. Hand flying off Meli’s throat, he threw out the crystal and shouted a runic word.
The dagger collided with an invisible barrier, bouncing off and skittering across the floor.
“Meli, run!”
Throwing her head back, she smashed her skull in his face. Blood spurted from his ruined nose, freeing her from his grip as his hands flew up.
“Monster,” she shrieked, stomping his foot.
Bones crunched in my ear.
“Go,” I cried, grabbing and pulling her away. “Take the children and get out of—”
“Argh!” Pure, magical force slammed into us, blasting us into the hallway.
We dented the wood crashing into the wall. Pain surged through every limb and screamed out every pore. We crumpled on the floor—my head ringing.
“You just never... learn, girl.”
Through the haze, Kirwan limped over—waving his hand. Before my eyes, he healed his foot and nose with the crystal.
He towered over us whole... and angry.
“I said I’d kill the girl if you disobeyed.” A sword appeared in his hand, its hair-thin edge dancing the light off its tip. “I’m a man of my word.”
“Wait!”
“Stop!”
The blade sliced the air, falling on Meli’s neck.
Kirwan blasted off his feet.
Spinning through the air, the faeman never reached the ground. He propelled up and slammed against the ceiling.
How? I shoved up and crawled to Meliora. Holding her close, I whipped around—searching for whoever was doing this. Was it the twins? The only two of three people in this home who still had magic?
“Gisela? Jaclan?” I called. “It’s okay, faywens, you don’t have to do this! Haeowen will take care of him, I’ll—”
A figure stepped into the hall, shadows cloaking all but her legs and bare feet, but that was all I needed to see to stop my heart.
“Mama?” I rasped. “You’re— You’re—” alive? stuck in my throat.
Unseen hands seized me and Meli, and lifted us into the air. I swallowed a shriek of surprise as we flew over her head, and wound up behind her—protected by her.
“Mama, how are you doing this!” Meli cried.
Our mother didn’t answer. She had one focus and one focus only. Dropping her fist, Kirwan slammed to the floor, his head bouncing off the wood.
“O...lene, wait—”
“Agh!” She twisted and he moved with her, flying into the opposite wall.
“Olene!” Blood wept from a dozen cuts and wounds on his horrible, hideous face. “Wait, stop, please! I didn’t want it to come to this!”
Mama picked up his sword.
“None of this was my fault!”
One of the crystals on his lapel glowed. Mama snapped her fist back and they tore out of his many hiding places, bouncing across the floor—one of them hitting my slackened jaw.
“It wasn’t me,” he bellowed. “It was her ! That demon child!”
I didn’t have to ask to know he was speaking about me.