Chapter 12 - Willow
As soon as Mike asks the question, my mouth pops open in surprise and my mind blanks. The ping of a text message of my phone wakes me from my stupor. Panic sets in as I realize the weight of his proposal. Oh shit, what do I say?
A part of me wants to climb into his lap and kiss him, but my practical side takes over.
What would I do about work? He doesn’t live on a convenient bus line, and he can’t chauffeur me around all the time.
..and I’ve submitted my resume to several places.
I want to move out of my apartment, but not until I have a different job.
Do I even have time to think about moving in with him right now?
My mind races as I try to come up with an answer that won’t disappoint him or myself.
When my phone dings again, I use it to buy myself some time. “Hold on, this is driving me nuts,” I mutter as I slide the message open to see what she’s written.
Mom:
Are you going to take any responsibility for this situation? We should talk.
Wait, is she blaming me for us not speaking much? Yeah, I don’t have time to deal with this now. I don’t respond and put my phone on silent. When I turn towards Mike, he’s got a placid expression on his face and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
I’m still trying to sort things out in my head and formulate a response. Is this too fast? Maybe he’s only asking me because we’ve spent a lot of time together and I muddled his brain with sex. How much does he even like me? Am I going to move in and a month later he’ll realize it was a mistake?
Fuck. I can’t say yes. I don’t want to be a burden on him. I need a new job first, and I need to figure out transportation to the new job once I have it.
While I’m still working things out in my head, Mike smiles and reaches over to caress my cheek. His hand is warm, and I wish I didn’t feel like I was messing everything up.
“That’s okay,” he says with a gentle shrug. “Maybe it’s too soon. I’m a patient man, Kitten. We can take this slow.”
Relief floods my system, but it’s followed immediately by a stab of guilt and uncertainty. Maybe it’s stupid to turn him down, but I’d feel horrible if he supported me until I could stand on my own two feet.
Trying to mask my inner turmoil, I let out a jovial laugh, hoping it sounds real. “Right? There are a million things to consider.”
He kisses my forehead and strokes my hair as he cradles me against his chest. “Sure, let’s give it more time.”
It’s then that I realize why I turned down his offer to move in, and it isn’t because it’s a bad idea.
It’s because he doesn’t love me. If he did, nothing would stop me from being with him.
I’d walk two miles to a bus stop if needed, but right now I can’t take the risk of getting hurt.
I need to be able to support myself so I don’t fall to pieces if Mike and I break up.
I can’t go through what I did with Oliver-the-Asswipe again.
As if he can sense my thoughts, he pulls me closer to him and rubs my arms. “Kitten, let’s just enjoy our time together. Okay?”
I tip my face up towards him. “Sounds good to me.”
As we kiss softly, I know it feels right being in his arms, but we don’t have to figure everything out today.