CHAPTER ELEVEN
Deputy Wood, it would be good for your health if you came home with a bag from the grocery store since SOMEONE ate the last of my ham to go in my peanut butter, jelly, AND ham sandwich.
~Text from Kinsley to Emmett~
Emmett
It’s been a little over two months since we got married.
Two months of my brother Willie being home, and I think he’s been over at least four times a week.
Seems to be little brother has become close to Kinsley while he reacclimates to the free world.
I think she’s become his sounding board for all his potential work ideas.
It’s not easy for a felon to get hired, but she’s helping him as much as she can.
It’s just about a week before Kinsley’s planned cesarean section. Her mass has grown, but not much, which we’re told is a good thing. All the doctors have been great and have been there anytime Kinsley or myself has questions or concerns.
We’re at the clubhouse today for a family barbecue that’s also our baby shower. I think they just like a reason to celebrate because between my parents and Grant, I’m pretty sure we have everything our little girl is going to need until she’s at least five.
Grant has been over to the house almost every day, painting a mural on the nursery wall.
He’s even gotten Booker to help with the painting, and I have a feeling Booker is talking Grant into a mural for his room, too.
My dad has helped me put together just about every piece of baby furniture that Mom has bought.
I think we’re more set than Meg and I were before Booker was born.
I’ve been sitting, listening to Cash and Saxon debate a question I could have gone my whole life without pondering.
I think Juan knew exactly what he was doing by throwing it out in front of those two.
I mean, who else would ask the room, “If you had to choose one type of pasta to ride into battle on, what would you choose?” They have been debating this for at least twenty minutes.
Saxon is currently arguing that gnocchi isn’t technically pasta, so it shouldn’t be included in the equation.
Having been in enough insane debates with my brother over the years, I get up and walk over to the bar to get another beer. I grab one and look around for Kinsley. She’s not in the room, so maybe she stepped outside.
I open the door and step out. There are a few people at the picnic tables just outside the door, but my wife isn’t there.
I hear things crashing over by the bonfire pit and move around the building. I’m stopped by Jason as soon as I turn the corner. By the pit, I see Kinsley and Romona. Kinsley is sitting down, but throwing firewood and rocks against the wall of the storage shed. She yells out as a rock goes flying.
I look at Jason, who’s just leaning against the building, watching and drinking his beer. Another bang, and this time it’s Romona who threw something. I don’t get it. “What the fuck are they doing? Shouldn’t I go see what’s wrong?”
Jason shakes his head and explains what I’m watching happen.
“Kinsley stepped outside for a minute, and Romona could see that something seemed a bit off. She took Kinsley over there to talk. After a few minutes, Kinsley shared with my woman that she’s mad at her body.
She’s so excited to be having your little girl, but she knows that she’s not likely to ever be able to carry another baby. ”
I look out as another stick hits the building.
“She said she was okay and understood that the best way to get all the mass out is to remove her ovary, possibly both of them.” Jason sighs.
“She is in her mind, but her heart needs to mourn that loss. She’s losing something that is part of womanhood.
Most women will never understand what it feels like to have that taken away from them.
My woman only had Mick because during his delivery, there were complications, and she lost the ability to have any more.
She gets what Kinsley is feeling right now.
We as men don’t completely understand. I mean, we get the science of it, but Romona explained it to me as anger toward their own body.
This is her getting that out. She’s releasing it and mourning it at the same time.
I wouldn’t be surprised if, in a few minutes, they’re still throwing things and your wife starts to cry. It’s cathartic.”
Well shit. “This is one of those things I can’t just fix for her, can I?
” Jason points his beer bottle at me. “Now you’re getting it, Deputy.
We stand and watch, making sure they don’t hurt themselves.
Afterward, we clean that shit up and give them a hug, all while keeping our mouths shut about what they’re doing right now.
” I’m gonna be smart and take his advice.
Kinsley
Romona’s idea was brilliant. I didn’t get why I was angry till she pulled it out of me.
Angry is the wrong word. I’m mad, shit, I’m pissed the fuck off that my body is doing this.
I throw another rock, and it crashes against the shed.
I throw again and again and again. I don’t know how long I threw rocks and sticks for, but I realize at some point, I started crying as I was throwing.
“Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I hate this!” I stand up and throw a rock as hard as I can.
Romona moves in front of me and looks at me.
“Please tell me you know that no one deserves this. It isn’t a punishment for something.
It sucks, it’s not fair, but it’s not something you can control.
You get that, right?” I do. I know she’s right. I nod.
“Yeah, I do, it’s just all muddled in my head and I’m just…
I’m just mad. I’m mad and I’m sad because I’ll probably never get to feel this again, and I’ve loved being pregnant.
Yet I’ll never be able to experience being pregnant while also not dealing with cancer.
” I throw the last stick in my hand down on the ground, look at Romona, and give her a hug.
“Thank you. I didn’t know I needed this, but I did.
” She hugs me back. “Anytime. I know us elders may seem over the hill and that we don’t know what you younger folk are going through, but just remember we’ve all lived and have experiences that you lot might not know about. Plus, you know I love ya.”
**********
I’ve been awake for a while, not able to sleep.
Nerves and excitement are mixed this morning.
Today’s the day. I’m officially a little over thirty-seven weeks, and Doctor Hargrave thinks our little girl is ready to join the world.
The mass has grown a little more in the last two weeks, which has added to the doctors’ decision to choose today as the day.
I rub my bump. I’m excited to meet our little girl, but I’ll miss being pregnant and feeling her movements.
I think I’ve accepted that I most likely won’t be able to have this again.
I know so many women never get to experience this, or if they do, they don’t get to do it with a man like Emmett by their side.
Even when he’s snoring like he is right now.
I would stay in bed, but my bladder has other ideas, so I get up and go to the bathroom to take care of my most urgent need.
When I finish in the bathroom, I walk out to the living room and through the kitchen to our back sunroom.
I sit in the rocking chair, looking out at the morning sky as the sun just comes up, slowly rocking.
I don’t know how long I sit, but after a while, I hear Emmett behind me.
“Sweetheart, shouldn’t you be in bed? Do you need something?
” I shake my head. “No, I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I would enjoy the sunrise.
We’ve got a couple of hours before we have to head to the hospital.
” Emmett comes around and kneels in front of me.
“You ready to meet our girl today?” I nod and give him a smile.
“I am. I can’t wait to meet her. I just know she’s gonna have your eyes. Are you still good with the name?”
Emmett leans forward on his knees and gives me a kiss.
“I am. I love the name. I love you. Remember it’s you and me together.
I’m gonna be at your side for everything, you got me?
” Just when I think I can’t love him more, he says something like that.
I kiss him with everything I’m feeling right now.
When I break the kiss, I know he wants my words, too.
“I got you. I got you and I love you.” He kisses my nose and stands up.
“I love you more. I’m gonna take a shower and make sure we’ve got everything we need packed to take with us.
” I watch him walk out of the room, knowing I’ll never get tired of looking at his fine ass and broad shoulders. I’m so glad I married my tree.
I’m pretty sure we brought more stuff to the hospital than anyone could possibly need.
Besides the bag with baby clothes and another for my clothes, Emmett brought a bag with snacks, a cooler bag with drinks, and at least two more bags.
When I asked him about it, he told me he needed to be prepared for any eventuality as he wasn’t gonna leave my side for anything.
I might have peeked in a bag and seen pretzels, my slippers, and my curling iron.
I tried not to laugh at that last thing.
I mean, I have rarely used that thing since I bought it.
I can almost guarantee I won’t use it after having surgery, but I do love him for his Boy Scout ways.
Whatever he didn’t think to bring, I’m sure my dad, his parents, or any one of our brothers would be happy to get it since they’ve all insisted on being in the waiting room to support us.