Chapter 19 #2
My gaze travels to them often, because they just look so happy and in love.
My general rule of thumb is that looks can be deceiving.
After all, I thought Kirk and I were in love and look how wrong I was.
But with Cole and Beth, it’s hard to imagine any cracks in their marriage.
Just by looking at them, I can feel how in step they are.
It would be sickening if they weren’t both so damn nice.
And if Beth clearly didn’t love Beau with her whole heart.
In fact, watching this family and their dynamics, you’d be hard-pressed to pick who’s new and who’s not. They’re just such a well-oiled machine, their jokes timed perfectly, their banter so natural that it makes something inside of me stretch wide open.
I don’t often think about the fact I’m an only child, but it’s hard not to miss the idea of siblings as I sit here, surrounded by Donovans.
‘Okay.’ Beau claps his hands together. ‘Not long now. Bet y’all are glad I’m home,’ he grins.
‘Yeah, we’ve missed your cooking,’ Nash says, patting his brother on the back.
‘Only your cooking,’ Austin calls, as he comes to sit beside me, carrying two glasses of wine. He hands one over.
Up close, I can see the similarities to Beau.
‘You like chardonnay?’
I sniff the wine. ‘I like most wines.’
His smile is appreciative but also distracted. ‘This one’s from Napa, though generally I’m a fan of Australian chardonnay.’
‘You’re into wine?’
He nods.
‘Are the rest of them?’ I nod to the Donovans en masse, earning a laugh from Austin.
‘Hardly. Their favourite grape is beer.’
‘Right.’ I smile, then lean a little closer. ‘I probably shouldn’t tell you that I like beer too.’
‘Liking beer is fine. Appreciating wine is something else altogether.’
I take a sip of the chardonnay. ‘It’s nice,’ I say. And because he seems to be waiting for something more I add, ‘Dry?’
His eyes spark with mine. ‘Very good. Now hold it like this a while.’ He cups the bottom of his glass in his hands. ‘Eventually it will warm up a little, release some more of those flavours.’
I imitate his grip on the glass.
‘Beau tells me you’re in the service?’
He nods, pose relaxed, but there’s something about him that triggers my finely honed reporter instincts. ‘I’m on leave right now.’
‘For how long?’
Something tightens on his face. ‘Hard to say.’
‘You’re injured?’
He nods once.
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘I’d go back tomorrow if I could, but the doctors have to sign off first.’
I wait for him to elaborate, to tell me the source of his injury, but he doesn’t, and despite my journalistic training, I find myself not wanting to pry. He’s not a subject, and he obviously doesn’t want to go into detail.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say again.
‘It’s turned out okay. I like being here,’ he says. ‘The ranch is building up again, and with the baby on the way, Cole can’t keep going the way he is.’
I glance at Cole and Beth. Her head rests atop his shoulder, a serene smile on her face.
Something pulls at my heart and I blink it away quickly, ignoring the stitch of pain, not wanting to feel it.
Not wanting to be jealous of them, to feel the tug of my own failed relationship in that moment.
Not wanting to think about Beau, and what life would be like if either of us were different people and willing to give this our all.
It would never happen.
We wouldn’t let it.
I don’t trust in love, I don’t trust my own judgement, and Beau?
Beau would laugh off the idea of a real relationship, like he does anything in his life that gets too serious.
I sit up a little straighter as the realisation lands with a thud.
His practised demeanour is just that: a mask.
Like he’s constantly hiding behind humour. But why?
‘Do you think Beau will come back and help, when the baby comes?’
‘Maybe, for a while. The season won’t be fully underway then. Really depends on Beau. He’ll do what he wants.’
I frown at that description. It doesn’t quite tally with the image I have of him—a man who would put his family before just about anything.
‘You think he doesn’t care enough about the ranch?’
‘Nah, that’s not it,’ Austin says, blanching a little in surprise at my interpretation.
‘This place is as much in Beau’s blood as it is the rest of ours.
’ He hesitates, choosing his words with care like he’s just remembered that I’m a reporter.
‘But riding’s just as much a part of him, and he can’t do that forever.
We all know that. We all get why it has to be now for him.
He can’t just take a season off and get back to it later. ’
My gaze drifts across to Beau. He’s basting the meat with a look on his face that is so concentrated, so full of passion, that my heart skips a beat. He looks almost as focused as he does when he’s about to ride a bull.
‘I don’t reckon Cole would ask him. I know I wouldn’t.’
‘So you’ll pick up the slack?’
‘There’s Caleb too.’ He nods across the courtyard, to where a guy named Caleb is sitting with Cassidy and Mackenzie.
I was introduced to him at the same time as the rest of the family, and just caught the description of him as ‘right-hand man’.
‘He works closely with Cole. He’ll be able to step into his boots.
Mind you, I doubt Cole’ll take much time away. He couldn’t bear it.’
‘Why not?’
‘He’s a control freak,’ Austin says with a smile that reminds me of Beau. ‘Always has been, always will be. But we love him anyway.’
I can just tell that’s true. In fact, I can feel the love in this family, and it makes my heart burst. For some reason, I really like knowing that Beau has these people to rely on, that he’s a part of all this. It’s special, and it’s rare, and I wonder if he has any idea just how lucky he is?
By the end of the night, I could write a book on what I know about Beau, at least as far as his family sees him. And it would be the kind of book so full of warm praise that readers would undoubtedly question the author’s objectivity, or the sources’ veracity.
I doubt neither. I mean, I know I’m probably not that objective when it comes to Beau, but I’m still capable of keeping a professional lens in place when necessary, and I can tell that the way his family talks about him shows that he’s every bit as decent as he seems.
Which makes my insides screech with panic, because the last man I bought into like this ending up ripping my heart to pieces, and I will never let that happen again.
Beau’s not like Kirk; I know that. But then, I would have said the same about my ex.
I would have sworn till I was blue in the face that he was the best of men, the kind of guy who’d die for you. No doubt his wife feels the same way.
As for my sources? While I’ve got no doubt Beau probably primed them to make him look good, I’m trained to see past that kind of thing.
It’s easy to tell when someone’s gilding the lily for the sake of it.
These stories were genuine, funny, off the cuff, told by multiple siblings, all jumping over each other to race to the end, with Beau guffawing in the background, begging them to stop.
I got a stitch from laughing so hard. I got a heartache from how much I enjoyed myself, because I know this is probably the first and last time I’ll spend with them.
And I liked them. All of them. Not just because they’re Beau’s family, but because they all shine with his goodness.
Even Mackenzie, the intern, who seemed kind of slow to warm up to me.
I liked her almost most of all, because her wariness is something I feel deep in my bones, something I identify with hard.
I don’t usually trust people who warm to you too quickly, who let you in right away. In my book, trust is earned and proven, carefully guarded. Mackenzie feels the same way, I’d bet.
‘Okay, okay, that’s enough,’ Beau says with a grin so handsome and genuine my pulse throbs in my veins. ‘If y’all are about done embarrassin’ me, I’ll run Bailey back to the Spur.’
‘Aw, come on, bro. Surely you told her we’ve got spare rooms here,’ Austin says, leaning back on a hay bale, long legs kicked out in front of him.
I see most eyes are on me expectantly, like they’re all silently encouraging me to stay.
All eyes except Nash’s and Mackenzie’s. They’re sitting across the courtyard, the flickering flames catching them in a golden glow.
They’re talking low and soft, so even if everyone else was silent I wouldn’t be able to hear them, but I can tell from their postures, their expressions, that the conversation is heated.
‘She likes her space, what can I tell ya?’ Beau throws an easy wink in my direction. For a second I freeze, because it almost seems like he’s forgotten our deal. Behind closed doors. Except this is Beau, and everyone expects him to be like this—flirty and relaxed.
‘We’ve got space,’ Beth says, still stuck to Cole’s side like glue.
‘It’s fine,’ I say. ‘I have to work late tonight anyway. Notes to type up.’ I glance back at Beau, giving him a slow smile.
‘I particularly want to get all the details right of that story about you waking the house up when you thought aliens were breaking in, and it turned out to be the dog licking your feet.’
Austin bursts out laughing. ‘Don’t forget the one about the time he decided to take up woodwork and nailed his shirt to the wall.’
I nod seriously. ‘Definitely not.’
‘Alright, that’s enough,’ Beau says, holding up his hands good-naturedly. ‘Let’s get you out of here. And possibly into a ditch on the roadside,’ he adds with a grumble.
‘You heard it here first,’ I say. ‘If I’m never seen again, talk to this man.’
‘Deal,’ Cole says. ‘If we don’t see you at the rodeo this weekend, we’ll send for the police.’
My heart misses a beat. ‘You guys are coming?’
‘We always go to Beau’s events when they’re local,’ Beth says proudly, and beside me, Beau beams. I get the feeling this is a relatively new state of affairs, and that he’s pleased as punch about it.
We do our final goodbyes, waving in the direction of Nash and Mackenzie, who barely glance our way. My professional curiosity fires to life. But it’s quickly drowned out again, as Beau and I head toward the main house, where my handbag is waiting.
As we walk, the moonlight cutting across our path, his hand brushes mine and a thousand sparks flood my system, making my heart thump, whispering to me that I can trust him, that I can be his, if I want to be.
It’s exactly why I should pull away, but I don’t.
In that moment of weakness, I let our fingers touch, the moon promising me something it has no business doing: that it will all be okay.