Chapter 26 #3
Now it’s my turn to flinch. I hate the way she’s downplaying this like she doesn’t care, when I know she does. I just can’t quite put my finger on how to fix this for her.
‘I know how it looked, but trust me—Ash and I are just friends.’
Okay, not like that. Her whole face flashes for a second with the sheer force of her emotions.
‘No one who saw her fly across the arena could fail to see how she feels about you.’
The weight in my stomach explodes on a hammer blow of comprehension. The pressure I’m feeling is guilt. Guilt and responsibility, and, yes, worry.
The same realisation Bailey had has been unfurling inside of me for the past two hours.
Ash is in love with me.
I don’t know why she’s never told me before. Then again, maybe she did. Not in words, but with her actions. Ash is always there for me, always has been. Nothing I do upsets her, or pushes her away. Except bull riding, and that’s only because she worries so much about me. Because she loves me?
I drop my head forward, staring at the carpet.
‘I think you should go.’
It’s like having her dig her fingers into a bruise. Pain on pain. Dealing with the fact Ash probably does love me, at the same time as Bailey’s pushing me hard out of her life.
I stare at Bailey, hold up a hand for a moment. ‘I just need to get my head around this.’
‘That sounds like something you can do on your own time.’
‘Jesus, Bailey, why are you being like this? I swear to you, I had no idea Ash felt that way.’
Another snort.
‘I’m telling the truth.’
‘Oh, no, I believe you. I can well believe you, of all people, missed it.’
I ignore the barb. ‘I’ll talk to her.’
Bailey turns away from me, walks back to the fridge, tops up her wine. Every movement of hers is graceful—a ballerina who can’t dance anymore, but still moves as though she’s on stage.
‘I don’t care.’
That’s a clear lie. If there’s one thing even I know right now, it’s that Bailey cares a hell of a lot about this. I can’t blame her. She’s told me what the situation with Kirk was like. She’s been single for three years, processing that betrayal, and now, here, she thinks I’ve betrayed her too.
‘I’m not Kirk.’
Her shoulders straighten. ‘Aren’t you?’
It’s such a soft whisper, I almost miss it. But somehow that makes it even worse. So does the fact she’s said that—it’s like a lash, whipping my side.
‘Fuck, Bailey. That’s low.’
‘Don’t you talk to me about low.’ She whirls around to face me, her eyes wild. ‘Don’t you dare.’
‘What have I done wrong?’ I respond, holding my hands wide, asking for an explanation. ‘I didn’t invite Ash. I didn’t ask her to run across to me. I can’t help it if she wants more than I do.’
‘Yeah, you can’t help it,’ she snaps sarcastically, taking a gulp of her wine.
I dig my nails into my side to stop from telling her to slow down. Bailey James is a big girl; if she wants to drink her ass off, that’s her choice.
‘Do you think I’ve led her on? That I’ve lied to her?’
She opens her mouth to say something then clamps it shut. ‘I know you didn’t lie to her,’ she surprises me by saying. ‘Just like you didn’t lie to me.’
‘Damn straight.’ I stand taller, finally feeling like I’m back on solid ground. ‘I make it a point of pride to always, always be up front with the women I sleep with.’
The solid ground gives way. She stares at me with an expression I can’t fathom, but it’s a look I will never, ever forget, because I swear there’s hatred in her eyes. She stalks toward the door, still lithe and beautiful, and pulls it in.
‘Get out.’
My jaw drops. ‘What?’
‘Get the fuck out.’
‘Bailey, hold on a damn second.’ I shake my head.
‘No.’ She screams the word through the door that’s wide open to the corridor, not caring who hears. ‘I don’t want to do this. You’re right. This has practically run its course anyway, so who the hell cares?’
‘You care,’ is all I can say. ‘I care. I don’t want to end it like this.’
‘What difference does it make?’
I’m stumped. I guess she’s right. If this was going to end, why does it matter how?
‘We are more than this.’
For a second, she sags against the door. ‘What does that mean?’
Her eyes don’t quite meet mine, but I feel as though I’ve been given the tiniest hint of a second chance. Only I don’t know how to make the most of it.
‘We’ve had fun together, Bailey. I don’t want us to fuck that all up, to ruin the memories, by finishing on a fight.’
She jerks her gaze to the wall directly opposite her, stares at it long and hard, then slowly turns back to face me.
‘I want you to leave, Beau. And I know you’re too much of a gentleman to ignore that.’
But the way she says gentleman is so laced with sarcasm, I want to stay to defend myself some more, to get her to tell me what she’s so messed up about.
The thing is, though, she’s right. I was raised to respect women, to listen to them too, and she’s made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t want to do this right now.
‘Fine.’ I move toward the door, stopping right in front of her, breathing her in and tasting her sweetness. Her eyes land on my shoulder. ‘But this isn’t finished. I want to talk tomorrow.’
She opens her mouth, closes it. ‘Goodnight, Beau.’