Chapter 8 #2
“You and Brooklyn, huh? Well, I don’t mind that, but are you sure it’s a good time to start up a new relationship?” my dad asked.
“First, I don’t know how the Foxes and Montgomerys have suddenly been on the same gossip grapevine shit, but I’m done with it.
Second, Brooklyn and I are not together.
Bella just formed a connection with her, and while I would’ve preferred it be with me, my kid seems to relax around Brooklyn.
So I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure that Bella is safe and happy. ”
“Even if you seem to have a connection with Brooklyn as well?” Denver mumbled.
I turned so I could watch the crew in the backyard again, and sighed.
“Brooklyn is a friend. A coworker. And if Bella needs a friend too, then that works for me. But I’m not going to start dating someone because she needs a mom. She had a mom. And I don’t think my kid has actually grieved losing her yet.”
“Damn,” Denver whispered.
“You’re not alone, son. We’re with you.” My dad hugged me tightly, and while I wanted his words to be true, I wasn’t sure.
Because in the end, it felt like I was standing in an abyss, trying to reach for my kid, for a future that had once seemed so sure and was now clouded with uncertainty.
Because I didn’t know what would happen if I failed at this, but I’d try my hardest not to disappoint her.
And with that certainty, I moved to the backyard, my brother and father behind me, and went to join the family.
Because my kid was just as lost as I was.
And I knew somehow we had to be found.
By the time we got home, Bella was bouncing in her seat, on a little sugar-high, but seemingly happy.
“And they said I could come by the fire station. I can’t believe that they get to go down the pole and everything. It’s so cool.”
“You do realize I used to be a firefighter too, right?”
“Yeah, but they’re still firefighters.”
My lips twitched. “Once again, shoved to the side for my brothers.”
“I bet you get a complex, don’t you? Is that a sibling thing?”
“Look at you with the big words.”
“I’m twelve, Reece.” She rolled her eyes so hard I was afraid they were going to roll to the back of her head.
“I’m sorry, ancient woman.”
“At my next birthday, I’m going to be a teenager and that’s when everything changes. At least that’s what my friends say. Do you remember being thirteen back when you would chisel words onto stone?”
“I want you to make that old joke around my mother. I dare you.”
Her eyes widened. “Ms. Kathy’s nice.”
“Yes, she is.”
We pulled into the garage, and Bella jumped out of the truck without another word.
Her mood had darkened with each mile, and I had no idea why.
The wild shift in moods made me go over everything we’d said as if I’d triggered something inadvertently.
Something was going on in that head of hers, and I needed to figure it out.
“Bella, are you okay?” I asked, but she ignored me, went to her room, and slammed the door.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I told myself to calm down.
Well, she was one day closer to being a teenager, and I needed to figure this fucking shit out.
“Bella.”
“What?” she snapped through the door.
I opened it without knocking, and she glared at me.
“I thought a closed door meant you had to knock. This is my room.”
“And you don’t get to slam the door. What is going on with you?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.”
“That’s what you say, but you just slammed the door, and suddenly you’re angry with me? I thought we had a good dinner. You liked my brothers and hanging out with my parents. They’re your family too.”
As her gaze narrowed, I realized that was probably the worst thing I could have said in that moment.
“No, they aren’t. They’re yours. I don’t know them. I want my mom.” And with that, she burst into tears.
I moved forward, and even as she tried to shove me away, I ignored her and pulled her into my arms. “You can cry it out, Bella. It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. I want my mom.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just get me my mom. You’re not my dad.” She screamed the words into my chest, and I took each blow, knowing she was in pain. I ignored the actual words, knowing she was just lashing out.
She refused to call me Dad, and that was fine.
We weren’t there yet. Every time she said Reece instead of Dad, I took it in stride.
Because she hadn’t known who I was until recently, just like I had no idea who she was.
How were we supposed to find our place when we were still so new to all of this?
But still, I knew she was hurting, and I had no words.
I couldn’t make it better. I couldn’t make it go away.
“Talk to me. Do you want to talk about your mom?”
“Not with you.”
The words lashed out, and I struggled for any sense of control.
“Do you want to call your friend? Your grandparents?”
“Not them. They don’t care either.”
I froze, my shirt soaked with her tears, and put that information to the side. We needed to dive deep into her situation, I knew it, but in this moment, me pressing for information about her grandparents wasn’t going to help anyone.
“What can I do, Bella?” I asked, my voice soft.
“There’s nothing you can do. She’s gone. And she left me here. And I don’t even know you.”
I rubbed her back, slid my hands through her hair, and kept her close as she cried into my arms.
The fact that she could even break down close to me had to mean we’d made some progress, right?
A thought occurred to me. One so idiotic that it was going to be a step in the wrong direction, but in this moment, it was all I could grasp.
“Do you want me to call Brooklyn?”
I wanted her to say no. I wanted her to say yes.
She stiffened for a moment, then she nodded against my chest.
I held back a curse, before tugging Bella close and letting her cry it out. Then I picked her up, cradled her to my chest, and carried her to the living room.
“You stay here, let me call her.”
Bella didn’t say anything as she continued to cry softly into her hands. I wrapped her in a blanket, kept my gaze on her, and pulled out my phone.
My finger hovered over her name, and I told myself this was a mistake.
But I pressed call anyway.
“Reece? Tonight was your family dinner, right? How are you?”
“Do you mind coming over here?”
Bella could still hear me, and I tried to sound calm, only I was anything but.
Brooklyn was silent for a moment, and I was afraid she was going to say no. But what if she said yes?
“Let me grab my things. I’ll be ten minutes. Max.”
“Don’t speed.” My lips wanted to crawl into a smile, and yet I couldn’t.
“It scares me how close I live to you sometimes.”
And at that cryptic statement, she hung up, and I slid my phone back into my pocket.
I didn’t want to crowd Bella, so I stood behind her and watched my daughter, unable to do anything.
I’d never felt this helpless in my life, not even when I had nearly died in that fire.
The floor had given out but I had somehow survived.
It had changed my career, the trajectory of my life, and yet it had nothing on this.
Nearly ten minutes on the dot later, the doorbell rang, and Bella looked up at me, her eyes rimmed red.
“Want me to let her in?”
“Okay,”
She was no longer crying, and I was grateful I had given her a glass of water. But it felt like there was nothing else I could do.
I opened the door and Brooklyn stood there, a covered plate in hand, and a worried look on her face.
“I was in the middle of making a pavlova, so we get pavlova now.”
I blinked as I took the plate from her in one hand.
“Isn’t that a meringue thing?”
“It is. I was bored and needed to do something and somehow that ended up with a pavlova.”
Without thinking, I pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear and ran my thumb over her cheekbone.
Her mouth parted, her eyes widening.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“I’m always here, Reece. You know that.”
And with that, she moved past me. Bella stood up, blanket wrapped around her, and then Brooklyn was there, arms wide.
“Hey there, girly. What do you say to a movie night?”
Bella smiled, and it was like a kick in the gut. Because my little girl nodded, and let Brooklyn hold her, and it was like the two of them against the world.
And I stood there in an open doorway, a fancy-ass dessert in my hand, feeling lost.
Because it felt as if I couldn’t do this parenting thing without Brooklyn, and that was a fucking problem.
Because I had wanted Brooklyn Montgomery for years. Only I told myself she was off limits.
And now there was one more reason that I needed to let her go, and one more reason that I knew I couldn’t.