Chapter 13
brOOKLYN
With my sourdough cooling on the racks, I quickly checked my phone, and knew I had a little bit of time before I needed to head to Reece and Bella’s.
A smile covered my face slowly as I realized that yes, it was indeed Reece and Bella’s. She was making a mark on it for sure. Not only were there bookshelves, but Reece had taken part of the game room/man den that he’d had for so many years and added a mini art studio.
From what Reece had told me, Bella enjoyed doing her art in private. Although Riley had mentioned what exactly Bella got up to, I knew Reece wanted to be part of it.
He was trying so hard to be a good dad, even though he had been thrown into it so quickly. Soon the school year would start and he’d have to figure out how to deal with homework, after school activities, friends, weekend plans, and moments where their tentative trust would break.
Bella hadn’t been grounded yet, but one day she would be.
All kids did something that led to being grounded or getting in trouble.
I knew that my parents, as well as his own, had sent over a few books.
Even Gage had shocked me by handing him a book about adopting older kids.
Reece hadn’t looked surprised though, so maybe the two had spoken of it before.
He was doing his best, and though I didn’t think Reece thought it was enough, I knew it was.
I knew they were taking steps to finding their path, and there would be more obstacles to come, and tonight was one of them.
Although the grandparents didn’t seem to want custody, and had blatantly said so at one point, they were still demanding a dinner.
I wasn’t sure how Reece was going to stomach it because I knew that he had issues with them that stemmed from long before Bella had even been born.
I didn’t like the way Bella’s shoulders caved in when she spoke of them. Or when her gaze would go distant, as if she wasn’t even sure that they cared about her. I could have been projecting, but I wasn’t so sure.
It wasn’t going to be easy, I knew that.
But as someone who came from a loving family, I understood how sometimes those connections were needed more than anything.
My brothers’ birth father hadn’t been the greatest man, and they had never even met him.
But their half-siblings—people I called siblings myself because that’s who the Montgomerys were—had been dealt a much harsher blow.
Sometimes cutting off people who did their best to belittle and break you was the only way to make life work.
I hoped that wouldn’t be the case for Bella, and tonight’s dinner would be part of that.
I would be going over there before the dinner to help Bella with her hair because she had asked, and although Reece was trying his best, he could not braid to save his life.
I knew he was trying though, because the night before last, we had sat in bed and watched a movie after Bella had gone to sleep, and he had played with my hair until I had nearly dozed.
He laughed, kissed my neck, and then kept me awake far longer than either one of us had planned.
I hadn’t meant to be in a relationship with Reece, and yet here we were.
Not quite a family, not quite a label. But something.
And because Bella was involved, it was inherently serious.
It should scare me, and frankly, part of it did, but not everything.
Some things felt as if I had been waiting my entire life for these moments.
I moved into my bedroom, opened up my closet door, and stared at the box that I had put there for good reasons.
I shouldn’t open it now. It would do no good for anyone, but if I didn’t, it would lurk in my thoughts for the rest of the evening. And that wasn’t something I was sure we could do in that moment.
I went to my tiptoes and reached for the pale blue box with light white flowers, and pulled it down from the top shelf.
I sank onto my fluffy armchair next to the bed and near the big window in my room. With trepidation and shaking fingers, I opened the lid and set it on the thick armrest. The top photo took my breath away as it always did, and I let out a deep breath.
Duke’s face stared up at me, his eyes dark, the smile there not quite reaching them. Was it my own knowledge that brought those thoughts to mind, or had he really been unhappy? I pulled out the framed photo from soon after we had gotten engaged, and traced his face with my finger.
I had missed the signs. There was no denying that anymore. I had missed things.
Duke had been hurting and I hadn’t seen it.
My therapist as well as the grief support groups that I went to all explained to me that it wasn’t my fault.
That he had hidden himself for a reason.
But part of me knew that I should have seen more.
That same part told me that I was most likely projecting what I thought I should have seen for the years we were together.
Holding back tears because they wouldn’t help anyone in this moment, I went through the rest of the box, letting the memories fly through.
They hurt, and always would, but grief, while everlasting, wasn’t always equal in its righteousness.
I would always miss Duke. And the person that I had been when he had been alive and mine would always love him.
But I wasn’t that person anymore. I was a different Brooklyn Montgomery, haphazardly put together in some aspects, but not the woman that Duke had left behind.
He was no longer here, and the person with hope in her eyes holding that man wasn’t either.
And that was okay. Well, it was never okay that he wasn’t here.
And I would hate those moments and that feeling for the rest of my existence.
But the woman I was now, that woman was in love with a far different man. Older, wiser, and just as broken as me.
I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with those thoughts. Because I didn’t know if he loved me. Not the bravest concept, but what else was I supposed to do. I couldn’t wallow in what I didn’t know.
After taking a long breath, I packed away the ticket stubs and ribbons from gifts that he’d given me over time.
I had chosen to keep them, including the fancy wrapping paper, much to my father and my brothers’ eye rolls.
But my mother was the same way, and I had kept little mementos of our time together.
But Duke wasn’t here anymore. And while a part of me would always love him, I wasn’t in love with him anymore.
To do so would remind me that I had been broken, and I wasn’t that person anymore.
This new person had a whole new life to live.
And that was scary as hell because I didn’t know what that life would be like with a certain single dad.
I shook my head, and put everything away, before setting the box back in its place.
If Reece ever asked about it, I would tell him. Keeping secrets like that would help no one, but it wasn’t that I kept it for reasons that would break me. No, it’s because I kept a part of who I had been. Not who I was now.
My phone buzzed, my timer going off to tell me that I needed to head out soon.
“Goodbye, Duke. I loved you.”
I didn’t cry when I said the words out loud. And I felt like that was a bigger step than before.
With a calming sigh, I quickly finished getting ready and headed to Reece and Bella’s.
Bella opened the door before I could even ring the bell and she bounced on her heels.
“You’re here. I’m glad. I really want to learn how to do that mermaid braid.”
I smiled big and reached out, tugging on the braid she had done over her shoulder.
“You did great with this.”
“This is just three pieces. Anyone can do that.”
“Not anyone,” Reece said, his voice slightly growly. He leaned over Bella and kissed my temple. “Thanks for coming. I’m a failure when it comes to these things.”
“You’re not.”
“He kind of is,” Bella teased, and then skipped out of the way as Reece threatened to tickle her.
The two just looked so freaking adorable together. They were making such big strides in their relationship, and I was honored to be a witness—and perhaps a small part—of it.
“Are you ready for dinner tonight?” I asked, and Reece just gave me a look, as we headed into the living room where Bella had all of her hair things out.
“It’s going to suck,” Bella said.
“I don’t think you’re supposed to say suck,” Reece added.
“Aren’t you the parental unit? You should be the one who knows these things.”
“I’m new at this parent stuff,” he said with a laugh.
They were laughing at this. I loved the fact that they were so cute together.
“I’m just saying, you should know these things.”
“Fine. I know you shouldn’t be saying suck, especially because these are your grandparents.”
“You don’t even know them.”
“That’s what this dinner’s about,” he said with a shrug. “I’m going to get to know them.”
“I don’t know if they want to get to know you. This is probably just to see how you are with me. They don’t even want me, but they like to control things.”
I paused in the act of braiding her hair, my throat tight as I looked at Reece.
He looked ready to curse or perhaps punch something, but instead he let out a deep breath, and squeezed Bella’s shoulder.
“I don’t know if that’s all true. But either way, you’ve got me kid.”
“You’ve got me too,” I blurted, not knowing if it was the right thing to say, but I didn’t want Bella to feel alone. Especially not tonight.
“Will you come?” Bella asked as she looked at me, her teeth gently biting down on her lip. “You don’t have to, but maybe it would be better if you did? That way, Dad’s not alone. And well, I’m not alone?”
I froze, my hands nearly shaking. As I looked up at Reece, his eyes were just as wide as mine felt, and I swallowed hard.