Chapter 48
Piper
I blink back the tears that threaten to fall and meet his eyes as he gently lowers me onto the bed before leaning over me.
“Please,” I whisper.
And even I can hear the contradiction in it.
Because that single word carries two meanings.
I am begging him to stop.
And I am begging him never to.
My heart and my mind are at war, each pulling me in a different direction and neither willing to surrender.
My traitorous body leans towards him and aches for what only he seems able to give me. But my mind, the only rational part of me left, screams at me to end this before it destroys us both.
This isn’t right.
None of this is right.
But I don’t stop him.
I let him kiss me again, and my hands find their way to his back before they move into his hair. I hold on to him, and in doing so tell him everything I can’t bring myself to say aloud.
“Give me one good reason why,” he murmurs between kisses, the same question he always asks, “and I’ll stop.”
His hands move to the hem of my hoodie and pull it over my head, leaving me in nothing but my bra.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“That isn’t a reason,” he replies, and claims my mouth again.
He strips off my leggings, then unbuttons his shirt and shrugs it off, leaving him in only his trousers.
He kisses his way down my neck to my chest while his hand finds the clasp of my bra and frees it.
He tosses it aside, and a second later his mouth closes around my nipple while his other hand cups my breast, his thumb stroking the other.
A soft moan falls from my lips before I can stop it. The sensation is too good and intense.
He kisses his way lower, down my stomach, to the space between my thighs. Then a ripping sound fills the room, and my panties are gone.
He wastes no time. His mouth finds my clit, and he devours me with a hunger that steals the air from my lungs.
My hands bury themselves in his hair, and I swear I’ve never come so fast in my life. The pleasure is overwhelming, too much to resist, and I let it take me.
When he pulls back from between my thighs, a dark smirk plays at his mouth. He keeps his eyes on me as he strips off the last of his clothes.
He moves back up my body and captures my lips in a kiss. I taste myself on him.
“Hunter—” I gasp, the word breaking apart as his mouth moves to my neck. A shiver races down my spine, and my back arches off the bed.
“Tell me you want this,” he says, his cock teasing my entrance.
The sensation makes my body ache for more. I need him inside me.
Now.
I nod, breathless.
“I want this.”
And the moment the words leave my lips, something inside me eases, and breaks at the same time.
One more time.
That is what I tell myself.
One last time to feel this—whatever this is between us.
To feel him.
To lose myself in something that isn’t pain, or guilt, or the constant weight pressing down on me.
Just once more.
And then I’ll end it.
For good.
But even as the thought forms, I know I won’t be able to. Reason is nowhere to be found, and before I can stop myself, the words are already out.
“This can’t lead anywhere. It has to stay casual. That’s what you said, after all. You don’t do relationships. You do sex.”
He nods, but something tells me he doesn’t agree. As if there’s a response on the tip of his tongue that he chooses not to give.
“If we keep doing this, no one can know. It has to stay a secret. And outside these walls, you need to stay away from me,” I whisper.
“You’re right. I don’t do relationships. Never saw the appeal of that sort of nonsense. But if I’m honest, the fact that you want this kept a secret gets right under my skin. I want the whole bloody world to know you’re mine.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he kisses me before I can get a word out. When he pulls back, he studies me for a moment.
“But if this is the only way I get you, I’ll take it.” His breath skims my ear. “For now.”
“Because,” he continues, “it’s better to have you like this than not have you at all.”
He pushes inside me with one hard thrust, and a gasp breaks from my lips, followed by a helpless moan.
“Hunter.”
He stills.
“Yes?”
“Are you... clean?” I ask, heat rushing to my cheeks.
A laugh leaves him, and it catches me completely off guard.
“Love, I would never put you at risk. I’ve never gone without a condom before, and there’s nothing you need to worry about.”
I nod.
“A bit late to ask that, isn’t it?”
“You make me lose my mind,” I admit.
“I’m on birth control, if you were wondering,” I add, my cheeks growing even hotter.
A dark, possessive look appears on his face.
He kisses me, and every coherent thought leaves my head.
I don’t understand why he wants more from me when he’s so adamant that commitment isn’t for him.
“You’re a confusing man,” I say.
“I know,” he murmurs. “But you... you’re an enigma, my love.”
“You’ll hate me,” I whisper, because the guilt still sits heavy on my chest.
“So you keep saying,” he replies.
He is so gentle with each slow thrust that it breaks something inside me. Almost as though he’s making love to me.
Ever since I was little, I had a dream.
To find my prince and get my happily ever after.
I know it sounds cliché, but I’ve always been a hopeless romantic.
Much to my own detriment.
I always hoped to find someone to love me, and for me to love them in return. Someone who would see me.
Choose me.
Put me above everyone else.
I know Hunter is incapable of love. And he’s the worst possible choice for someone like me. He can’t give me what I want.
Then again, perhaps that’s for the best.
It isn’t as though I can have it anyway.
Because my body is no longer mine to give. And yet I keep giving it to him as if it is.