Chapter Twenty Lee
Chapter Twenty
Lee
Nico doesn’t get home until after six, with Phoebe and Taco in tow.
I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table, trying to concentrate on work, but it’s difficult to focus.
Especially when my mind keeps helpfully serving up images of Nico-the-handyman and remembering the way he held me and told me in a growly voice that he’d take care of everything.
I swear to god I felt the feminism leaving my body.
See also: waiting around at home like a lost soul, hoping he’ll come through the door.
The thing is, it’s so quiet here. Usually I love quiet, I thrive in quiet. Noise and chaos stress me out, but the house feels wrong without the three of them in it, and the relief that I experience when they finally do get home is absolutely disproportionate to the situation.
‘Hi!’ I jump to my feet.
Taco is already on me, dancing around on his hind legs, and letting out excited yips. I’m beginning to understand the previously elusive draw of dog-ownership… it feels incredible to be greeted as if I’m back from war every time he sees me.
‘Who’s a good boy?’ I say as I fuss him. ‘Who’s such a good, handsome boy?’
Taco’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and I’m convinced that he grins at me, his tail wagging.
I look up and over at Nico. He’s in the process of gathering up the trail of items Phoebe sheds as she comes inside. Phoebe reaches down to pat Taco’s head on her way to the kitchen where she turns some music on the speaker and opens the fridge, declaring that she’s starving.
‘Didn’t your grandmother just feed you?’ Nico asks wearily to a soundtrack of Disney songs.
‘I brought some pastries back from Bean & Gone,’ I say tentatively, glancing at Nico to make sure it’s okay, but he’s busy hanging up Phoebe’s coat.
Phoebe’s eyes widen behind her glasses. ‘Did you get cinnamon buns?’
I shake my head, feeling like a failure. ‘I got some of the pecan muffin things, though.’
‘Oh,’ Phoebe shrugs. ‘Those are almost as good.’
‘I think what my daughter means to say is “Thank you, Lee, for that thoughtful gesture”,’ Nico grumbles.
Phoebe turns a wide smile on me as she rummages through the paper bag and extracts a muffin. ‘Thank you, Lee,’ she says and then she surprises me by rushing over and briefly squeezing me round the waist. My hands barely have time to flutter to her shoulders before she’s gone.
‘I’m gonna go play on my Switch,’ she says, heading for her bedroom door.
‘I’d say I don’t know where she’s putting all this food, but I think she grew another inch this week,’ Nico sighs, rubbing his shoulder in a weary gesture as he reaches down to untie his boots.
‘She hugged me,’ I say, slightly dazed. I mean, sure it lasted approximately 0.3 seconds, but still.
Nico chuckles. ‘Her black cat energy is constantly fighting the fact she’s been raised by a family of huggers.’ He must see something in my face then because he adds, ‘But you should be honoured. She doesn’t hug just anyone, you know. It took me much longer to wear her down.’
I do feel honoured, even though I know it’s silly.
‘Do you want a muffin?’ I ask as I switch on the kettle. ‘I got one for you, too. And a cup of tea?’
Nico collapses into the armchair with a groan. ‘Don’t threaten me with a good time.’
I smile as I pull out the mugs and teabags.
‘Did the rest of your day go okay?’ I ask when we’re both settled with our drinks and pastries.
‘Yeah, I managed to get that tiling finished in the kitchen so that’s another big job crossed off.’
I sip my tea. ‘You’re all back late,’ I say. ‘I thought Phoebe finished school at 3.30?’
‘Shit, sorry.’ Nico glances up. ‘I’m not used to sharing plans with someone, I should have said.
She does finish then, but Magda picks her up and keeps her until I finish for the day, which is usually around five-ish, then we go and pick up Taco from the dog-sitter.
’ He picks up his tea, blows on the surface.
‘My schedule can change depending on what work I have on, but Magda’s flexible.
Sometimes I pick up Phoebe from school myself, sometimes I work late… but this is pretty standard for us.’
I put my cup down and pick at my muffin. ‘You know, while I’m here, maybe I could keep Taco for the day?’
Nico looks surprised. ‘Really?’
I shrug. ‘It’s no big deal. He’s a good dog.’
Nico lets out a loud laugh at that, and I look pointedly at the ball of fur currently curled up tightly beside me on the sofa, his chin on my knee.
‘I’m trying really hard not to take this personally,’ Nico frowns, ‘because I think you must have some sort of secret dog whispering ability.’
‘Pretty sure your dog is a little baby angel,’ I coo, rubbing Taco’s ears while he lets out a happy grumble that presumably signals his agreement.
Nico shakes his head. ‘Sure, we can try it and if it doesn’t suit you, he can go back to Suzy.’
‘Okay,’ I agree. ‘I think he’ll be good company. And Luke texted me about his mum’s car – apparently I can pick it up tomorrow.’
‘Luke texted you?’ Nico asks, his face suddenly blank. ‘I didn’t know he had your number.’
‘I think Kat gave it to him,’ I say hesitantly. Maybe Nico isn’t keen on me muscling in on his friends. ‘Is that a problem?’
‘No, sorry, of course not, I just… he didn’t mention it when we spoke earlier.’ He pauses as if having some sort of internal struggle. ‘Luke’s a good guy,’ he says eventually.
‘I got that impression,’ I agree, still confused by Nico’s tone.
When he only stares moodily into his mug of tea, I take a breath.
‘I wanted to say thanks for today. It did get me thinking,’ I start nervously, ‘about this plan of ours. I know that the whole shared calendar thing was a bit overzealous, but maybe you and I should discuss what we want this thing to actually look like?’
‘And by “this thing” you mean…’
‘I…’ I flush. ‘I suppose what our pretend marriage should look like. The stuff that Magda and Phoebe and everyone else put on the calendar,’ I press on bravely, ‘the me and you stuff. We probably do need to talk about that, right? I mean, the trustee is going to be watching us so we have to… look married.’
I know Nico and I are technically married so I keep telling myself it’s not really lying, that I don’t have to do anything in particular to convince this trustee.
But of course, that isn’t the whole truth.
There’s the small detail I haven’t really acknowledged yet: we’re going to have to pretend to be in love.
The irony is that I’ve spent most of my life pretending I don’t have feelings for him. There’s something seriously messed up about the fact that acting madly in love with Nico Hart will be the most honest I’ve been for years.
Nico straightens. ‘To look married,’ he repeats my words slowly.
‘Exactly. It’s not going to be enough for me to be living with you, or for people in the town to be comfortable seeing me around. It’s you and me, we’re going to have to… act like a real couple.’
Nico’s expression is blank. ‘Okay,’ he says eventually. ‘Let’s talk about that. I don’t want there to be anything that makes you feel awkward.’
‘Right,’ I nod. ‘Same.’
There’s a long silence.
‘I actually did make some notes,’ I say, reaching for my notebook on the coffee table in front of us. ‘Laying out some general rules and guidelines.’
‘Of course you did.’ Nico’s voice holds a note of fondness.
I hide my face behind the pages, reading the list I made earlier while feeling increasingly hysterical over the whole thing. ‘So we probably should go on some dates in public. Once the trustee is here at least.’
Nico’s head dips into a nod of agreement. ‘Right, and we should agree on our history—’
‘I don’t think we need to complicate things there,’ I jump in.
‘We stay as close to the truth as possible. We met as kids, and we knew each other for a long time before anything… romantic happened.’ I break off, feeling light headed, but force myself to push through.
‘It was a whirlwind and we got married in Vegas, then we moved here when you found out about Phoebe, although I’m still travelling back and forth for work. ’
‘Seems like you’ve thought this through.’ Nico sits back and gives me a long, measuring look. ‘I agree that all of that sounds reasonable.’
‘As long as you don’t know us,’ I force a laugh. ‘I’m not really the type to inspire whirlwind romances and spontaneous weddings, but luckily the trustee doesn’t know that. You’ll just have to pretend you’ve had feelings for me for longer than you let on.’
‘That should be fine,’ Nico says neutrally. ‘And I suppose you’ll have to do the same.’
I almost burst out laughing, but I manage to control my facial expression just in time. ‘I’ll do my best.’
I look back at my notebook. ‘I’m going to attend a couple of town events,’ I say, and then I hold up my hand when Nico looks like he’s going to protest. ‘I don’t mind doing a few things, and I know it really will help if it looks like I fit in here. It’ll make things much more convincing.’
Nico exhales. ‘Lee,’ he says softly. ‘I don’t know where you got this idea that you need to try so hard. You fit in here just as you are.’
‘Oh!’ I don’t know what to say to that, and I tuck my hair behind my ear in a quick, nervous gesture. ‘Well, I… still…’
Nico waves his hand. ‘Never mind. If you’re happy to hang out with a few more people and it’s your choice, then sure, I think that’s a good idea. Just know that it is your choice, okay?’
‘Okay,’ I murmur, my eyes glued to my notebook.
‘So what’s next on the list?’ he asks.
I feel my already pink cheeks flush harder. I told myself I would be cool about this.
‘The next thing on the list is physical intimacy,’ I say, sounding like a robot trying to learn the ways of humans.
I’m pretty sure Nico pales.
‘Physical intimacy?’ he repeats.