Chapter Thirty-Four Nico
Chapter Thirty-Four
Nico
‘I don’t know why you get pizza but I had to eat carrots,’ Phoebe is whining. ‘You know how much I love pizza. It’s cruel of you to go without me.’ She gives me a look that would do a winsome Victorian orphan proud.
‘First of all, may I remind you that it was your bright idea for Lee and I to have date nights where it’s just the two of us,’ I say, even though we’ve already had this conversation three times.
Parenthood, I’m learning, has much to do with repetition.
‘You said many times that it was crucial to your “master plan”. Second of all, you have already emotionally blackmailed me into a family ice cream date on Sunday, so I’d quit while you’re ahead if I were you. ’
Phoebe pouts, but goes back to the book she’s reading while I help myself to a bottle of beer from the fridge. It’s after six, and I’m not driving tonight so I deserve it.
It’s not because I’m jittery and nervous about waiting to take Lee out and I’m not feeling weird about lying to my daughter about this not being a real date.
At least… I think it’s a real date. We didn’t exactly get a chance to discuss things properly with Magda tripping all over the place banging on about ‘intense vibrations’ while I tried not to look like a man who had just had the best sex of his life on her reception desk.
I don’t know who I’m trying to kid. Of course I need a beer. This would be complicated enough without every cell in my body obsessing over the fact that Lee and I are sharing a bed tonight and this time everything is different.
As if she could hear me thinking about her, the door to Lee’s room opens and she steps out.
‘Cool pants,’ Phoebe offers from her spot on the sofa.
‘Oh!’ Lee runs her hands self-consciously over the soft leather that clings to her thighs and I realise I’m staring at her with my mouth open. ‘Do you think? I wasn’t sure about the dress code…’
My daughter wrinkles her nose. ‘I don’t think Stefano’s has a dress code.’
‘No,’ Lee laughs, but it’s a high, anxious sound. ‘I guess not.’
She hovers awkwardly in the doorway for a moment, and I know I should say something, but I’m still recovering from the sight of her in those tight, tight trousers. She smiles at me, fusses with her earring.
Click. The camera in my head goes off. The real thing is right there on the kitchen counter. I’ve been using it more and more the last few days, taking pictures of the work around the inn. It feels good, it feels like a relief.
‘What are you reading?’ Lee asks Phoebe.
‘It’s part of a series about these three magic sisters who find a mermaid.’ Phoebe scoots up on the sofa. ‘Do you want to see?’
Lee’s expression lightens. ‘I’d love that.’
The two of them sit side by side, their heads close together as Phoebe talks Lee through the complexities of the fantasy world she’s been inhabiting. Taco drapes himself over Lee’s feet, pinning her in place.
This time I do reach over and grab my camera. I silently snap a couple of pictures without them noticing.
‘Do you want a drink?’ I blurt out, my voice too loud.
Lee tips her head back to look at me. ‘I’d love a glass of white wine, thanks,’ she says before she goes straight back to peppering Phoebe with questions.
I grab the bottle of fancy stuff she bought out of the fridge. When I lean over the back of the sofa with her glass, Lee reaches to take it, and her fingers brush against mine.
‘Thanks,’ she says with a smile, and I let myself touch my hand quickly to her cheek. It feels sweet, habitual, this sort of touch. Touching her because I can. I like it.
The moment is interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing and when I pull it from my pocket my eyes widen.
‘Oh, shit,’ I murmur. ‘It’s Jack.’
Lee gets abruptly to her feet, much to Taco’s disgust, and Phoebe darts a look between the two of us.
‘Does he know…’ She points to Lee and then to me.
‘I don’t think so?’ I glance at Lee, who has her arms wrapped around her middle. She doesn’t say anything, just shakes her head.
‘Cool!’ Phoebe sits back with a smirk. ‘This is going to be fun.’
‘Should I tell him?’ I ask as the phone continues to ring, and I feel my panic rising. ‘About the wedding,’ I clarify, because what happened today is a whole other story.
Lee chews her bottom lip. ‘Not yet,’ she says. ‘It’ll only make things more complicated.’
‘Right,’ I agree. I’m not exactly prepared to have that conversation either. Still, I definitely should tell Jack. About the marriage, anyway. The sleeping with his sister part is something that probably needs a bit more build up.
I position myself so that the camera won’t show Lee when I pick up the call. The screen blinks, and then, there he is, my best friend of almost thirty years.
‘Where the fuck have you been?’ he greets me.
‘Hey, watch your mouth,’ I manage to smile. ‘There are children present.’
Phoebe slips in beside me, beaming innocently up at the camera, and I throw my arm around her. ‘Hi, Uncle Jack!’
I glance across at Lee who is standing frozen in place, and something in her expression makes my chest hurt.
‘Sorry, Pheebs,’ Jack says, contrite.
‘Don’t worry, Dad can put a dollar into the ice cream fund for you,’ my daughter sings.
‘Nice,’ Jack chuckles. ‘I’ll make sure to drop a few more swear words before we hang up, okay? So don’t settle for less than ten bucks.’
‘You’ve got it,’ Phoebe agrees. ‘Hey, I’m reading that book Aunt Cyn gave me.’
Lee shifts on her feet and makes a sign that she’s going to head back to her room. I give an infinitesimal nod, and she disappears, closing the door behind her.
When I tune back in to Jack and Phoebe’s conversation, I watch my friend, his dark hair shorter than the last time I saw him, laughing with my daughter, and it’s easy to see how happy he is. Ever since he and Cynthie managed to get their shit together he’s been like a new person.
I’m happy for him, of course I am, but for the first time I feel a real pang of envy.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought what they had looked pretty great, and since meeting Phoebe it’s definitely occurred to me that having a partner – a real, all-in partner – would make life easier, but I’d pretty much resigned myself to single life.
The idea of dating someone wasn’t even on my radar, but here I am…
about to take a beautiful, brilliant woman out to dinner. And she’s Jack’s sister.
‘I’m gonna go and read in my room,’ Phoebe says after a couple of minutes and I nod.
‘Why don’t you get in your PJs, little Bee? Your grandmother will be here soon.’
‘I don’t know how you managed to make such a cool kid,’ Jack says once Phoebe’s gone. ‘I miss you guys. We need to get something in the diary.’
‘Definitely,’ I agree. ‘Are you in New York any time soon?’
‘You know, you could actually invite us to this town we’ve heard so much about,’ Jack laughs. ‘And what was that about Magda coming over tonight?’
‘It’s not Magda, it’s my mum, she’s here for an unexpected visit and she offered to babysit,’ I say with a wince.
‘Hang on,’ Jack perks up. ‘Don’t tell me you’re actually going out, you hermit?’
‘Yeah,’ I rub the back of my neck, ‘it’s a dinner thing.’
‘Fuck me!’ Jack exclaims with delight. ‘You’ve gone all shifty! You’ve got a date, haven’t you? Cyn!’ he shouts over his shoulder. ‘Cynthie! It’s finally happening, Nico has a date!’
There’s a muffled response from another room that has Jack chuckling. ‘She wants details,’ he explains.
‘There are no details,’ I say firmly. ‘It’s not a date… it’s just a…’
‘A what?’
I shrug helplessly. ‘A… casual evening.’
Jack’s famously blue eyes narrow. ‘Wait, I know this look. This is the panicked look. You like this woman.’
‘I—’ The words are stuck in my throat. This is my nightmare. ‘She’s…’ I trail off.
‘Woah.’ Jack leans back. ‘No words. This is big. I honestly don’t remember the last time this happened. We were probably about fifteen. So, tell me all about her. Cynthie will murder me if I don’t get all the gossip.’
His eyes flicker to the top of the screen and he laughs again. ‘She just texted me a message with those exact words. She’s trapped in a chair while Patty does her hair right now or she’d be in here interrogating you herself and you’d stand no chance.’
‘There isn’t any gossip,’ I say firmly. ‘I am going out for dinner with a friend. She’s… great.’
‘Great?’ Jack looks unimpressed. ‘What do you mean great?’
‘I mean she’s funny and clever and so fucking gorgeous I can’t see straight, okay?’ I snap. ‘But we’re… it’s… complicated.’
Jack looks stunned by this outburst, as well he might because I was definitely not planning to say any of it, but there’s only so much a man can stand. This whole situation is having a catastrophic effect on my blood pressure and I’m a father now, I need to think about these things.
Eventually, Jack lets out a low whistle. ‘Okay, it sounds like you have a lot going on,’ his tone has softened, ‘and look, I’m not claiming to be an expert on love—’
I snort. ‘I should fucking hope not. Do you even remember how you and Cynthie met?’
‘But,’ Jack pushes on regardless, ‘if you care about this woman that much then you should really tell her. Trust me on this… you don’t want to waste time, life’s way too short, man.’
I wonder how he’d feel if he knew he was giving me this advice about his sister. I honestly don’t have any idea how he’d react, but I do know that not telling him feels wrong.
‘Maybe you could bring her as your date to our wedding,’ Jack says casually. ‘It’s only a couple of months away now.’
I settle for making a vague humming sound of agreement and change the subject to ask about Gran.
‘Yeah, she’s good,’ Jack nods. ‘Apparently her cholesterol numbers aren’t great but they’re getting better, and the cardiologist gave her the all clear, although I usually have to squeeze that sort of info out of Lee.’
Because Lee’s the one taking care of her, I feel the sudden urge to say, but I bite my tongue.
‘I’m pretty sure something’s off between her and Gran. I think they might have had a bit of a falling out,’ Jack muses.
‘About what?’
‘No idea,’ he shrugs, ‘I don’t think it was anything serious. You know those two are thick as thieves. Apparently Lee’s away on business at the moment so Gran’s living her best bachelorette lifestyle, which I really did not need to hear the details on, but which she was happy to share anyway.’
Something compels me to ask, ‘Where is Lee at the moment?’
‘Good question.’ His brow wrinkles. ‘She texted me a few days ago asking me to check in on Gran but she didn’t mention where she was. Thinking about it, she hasn’t been travelling for work as much as she used to.’
‘Since Gran’s heart attack,’ I can’t keep the sharpness out of my voice. ‘She probably feels like someone has to be there.’
Jack grimaces. ‘Fuck. You’re right. I can’t believe I didn’t put that together. Do you really think she’s worried? I mean, obviously straight afterwards, but it’s been a year… Gran’s doing so well… right? There’s no reason Lee can’t be away. She never said anything to me about it.’
I shrug, not ready to ease his guilt on this one.
I think it’s time he started paying more attention where Lee’s concerned.
It’s obvious she feels like she’s alone in looking after her grandmother, but Jack loves both of them – she should be able to lean on him a lot more.
The two of them definitely need to communicate better.
‘You and Lee aren’t in touch much?’ I ask, even though I already know the answer.
Jack frowns, troubled. ‘Not as much as we should be. Cynthie’s pretty good about messaging her and stuff, but we haven’t caught up in person for a while.’
‘It must be hard on her,’ I say. ‘Being on her own.’
Jack looks startled at this. ‘Lee? I don’t think so, you know what she’s like, it’s tricky to get stuff out of her, but she’s always been so self-sufficient.’
Thankfully, before I can say anything to that, he shakes his head. ‘But you’re right that I should make more of an effort. Hey, maybe all of us can get together some time. I bet her and Phoebe would hit it off. You guys should do a trip to the UK, introduce your daughter to her roots.’
‘Maybe,’ I say. ‘In the summer break.’
‘Summer break!’ Jack shakes his head again. ‘So weird that you’re dealing with school holidays now.’ His smile grows. ‘You know I’m really happy for you, right? I know how hard it’s been, but what you’ve built with Phoebe… I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re an amazing dad, and she’s the best.’
‘She really is,’ I say, and now I feel even worse.
‘Okay, I’ll stop being a soppy bastard and let you get ready for your casual evening.’
‘Dick,’ I scoff, but there’s no heat in it and we say goodbye, promising to catch up soon.
While I stare at the blank screen I try to organise my feelings.
Jack might not have known who he was giving me advice about but that doesn’t mean he was wrong.
Part of me – a part of me that keeps getting louder and louder – knows that there could be something real, something scarily real and serious between Lee and me, but apart from the fact we slept together I have to ask myself what else has changed?
The answer is nothing. I’m still an unemployed single father who has no clue what he’s doing with his life, and she has responsibilities of her own and a life on the other side of the world. Is there even the slimmest chance this won’t end in disaster?