Chapter 1
I’m laughing. I’m awake, I’m up, and I’m laughing.
Because I was just taken out by a fucking knockoff Godzilla. Because I’m sleep-deprived and insane. Because I need to feel some sensation other than the ghost of flames on my skin.
Because if I have to greet this day again, I’m greeting it with laughter.
Archimedes does not approve. I tease him by mimicking his grump face. He huffs.
“All right. Breakfast?” I pour him some food, start my coffee, and game out the day. “I think I need to do everything like I did it the first time. That’s my best chance at finding the exit of the wormhole. Or entrance. Do you understand it, Archie? You’re named after a physicist.”
He stops eating to give me a dirty look.
“You’re right. You weren’t named after the physicist. You were named after an animated owl. I’m sorry.”
He resumes munching.
I tap my fingers on the counter waiting for my coffee to brew. I touch my face, run my hands over my skin to feel it unscathed, unburned. When I blink, when I close my eyes, I see the monster, the doom of its incinerating breath.
I see you.
I hear the Eyeball Man’s voice in my head. The caw of ravens.
There’s a hint of rot in here, in the air.
Is it dark? Did the sun go out? If I open my eyes, will it be to oblivion?
I inhale. Does it suddenly smell of flowers?
I could crawl back in bed, but it won’t matter. The day will come for me. It’ll come whether I want it or not. Whether I’m ready or not. The day is here.
I open my eyes, ready as I’ll ever be.
—
“When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer,” I sing.
I’m convinced I’m a better singer in the loop. Maybe all the screaming has transformed my vocal cords. Considering everything else that’s happened, that’s been proven possible over these last few Fridays, why not?
“I want to take youuu—shit.” Did I hit a squirrel? That could be a good sign. I thought I hit one that first day. Maybe it means I’m on schedule. On time. I roll down my window and shout an apology to the woodland creature I might have flattened.
I turn onto the dirt road to the Lakeside, get to the clearing at the top of the hill, and pull into the parking lot, park next to Evan’s red Honda Civic.
I step out onto the gravel, roll my shoulders back, shake out my limbs.
I made it here. That’s something. In this moment, it’s enough. More than enough.
“There she is.” Evan stands on the steps of the reception hall, one hand on his hip, the other giving me a regal wave. Wyatt is beside him, as he always is.
“Here I am,” I say, skipping over and throwing my arms around Evan. Reciting my dialogue. “So good to see you. You smell good. What is that?”
“Why would I tell you?” he says. “We’re sharing a cabin. Did you know? You, me, and Cassie. And Luke. And…”
He gestures to Wyatt, who gives a thumbs-up.
“What do you mean sharing?” I ask, giving Wyatt a hug. “Not rooms, right?”
“No, no. Imagine? We get our own rooms and bathrooms. But we share a common room.”
“Great. This weekend really will be just like college.”
“So you’re going to be a big slut?”
“Hopefully,” I say, massaging my neck.
“Wyatt, can you please take this hopeful slut’s bags to our cabin?” Evan asks, tipping his sunglasses down to give his husband puppy eyes.
“No, that’s okay.”
Evan shushes me and swipes the fob out of my hands, tosses it to Wyatt.
“I’m happy to,” Wyatt says, catching the key.
“He is,” Ev says. “Any opportunity to show off his brute strength.”
“Well, thank you. I appreciate it. Suitcase is in the trunk. I’m sorry in advance—it’s stupid heavy.”
Wyatt gets my suitcase and heads off along the path, carrying it so easily he makes it seem like a lunch box.
“This way,” Evan says, leading me down to the Adirondack chairs facing the lake. I drink in the view. Despite everything that’s happened here, I still find the place beautiful. If I had to be trapped anywhere, here is not so bad.
Could be Stockholm syndrome. I drowned in that pretty, shimmery lake.
I eye the woods to the left. Somewhere in there is my best hope for tomorrow.
“Sit,” Evan says, settling in one of the chairs. “I was hoping for a moment alone with you before the festivities begin. How are you?”
I squeeze in beside him. He groans but lets it happen.
I forget what I said to him that first day. Probably something mopey.
I’m torn between attempting to repeat myself and answering honestly as my current self, as who I am now. Because I’m different. It’s only been a week, but it’s been a week.
“I’m all right. I’m tired. I’m figuring it out. I’ve been feeling…I don’t know. Lost.”
“Understandable. But the good thing about being lost is it’s a hell of a lot of fun to find yourself again.”
“Is it?”
“Probably,” he says, smirking.
I laugh. “Oh, Evan. I’m just glad to be here with you.”
“Me, too,” he says. “Which reminds me. You know who else is coming? Who else is going to be here for this occasion?”
“Vicky Moldando.”
“Vicky Moldando. Why did Steph and Jace think it was a good idea to invite her to their wedding?”
“To spite you, obviously.”
“Obviously,” he says, pulling a face. “Anyway. I just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you weren’t going to self-immolate during the ceremony tonight.”
“I won’t. I’ve actually been burned alive before and it’s not my favorite.”
“Sure.” He lifts a hip and uses the arm of the chair to push himself to stand, then extends a hand to help me up.
“Such a prince,” I say, taking his hand.
“Come, wench. Let me show you to your quarters.”
“Wench? My first instinct is to be offended, but you know what, that’s fair.”
“I thought so,” he says.
We start up the hill, and I peer over my shoulder at the woods.
My anxiety manifests in my chest, heavy, like my lungs have turned to stone.
Tears sting the corners of my eyes, and I can’t blink them out, can’t blink at all.
My eyelids are stuck, expression immovable.
My palms itch. I’m suddenly so nauseous that I want to stop right where I am and lie down in the grass.
I should go try to find the wormhole now.
Think of an excuse, say I forgot something in my car and go back that way.
The longer I wait, the greater the chance that today’s horror will prevent me from finding it.
But what if I don’t find it? What if I try and end up wandering around the woods for hours?
What if my friends come looking for me? What if one of them stumbles into it?
What if that causes the wormhole to collapse and we all cease to exist?
And what if…what if I’m more afraid to leave than I am to stay?
I’m not paying attention to where I’m going, and I trip on some uneven ground.
“She is beauty. She is grace.”
“I meant to do that. Yeesh.”
If I don’t at least attempt to find it, that guarantees dying again today. Guarantees more fear, more pain, more violence, more destruction. There are stakes in the loop. There is no pressing the reset button without consequence. There is no wiping the slate clean.
“I…I forgot something in my car. I’ll be right back.”
“I think Wyatt has your key,” Evan says.
“Oh. Right.”
“Come to the cabin. Say hi to Cass and Luke.”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.”
I follow him to our cabin. Cassie leans in the open doorway. “Thought I smelled gossip.”
She tucks her vape behind her bra strap and reaches out to me for a hug. “Let me show you inside. This is this room…”
I let her give me her quick tour, chewing on the inside of my cheek, wavering between wanting to stick around and knowing I need to go.
Luke comes in from outside, Cassie snaps at him about the cooler, and he leaves again to go get it. Cass complains. I take the opportunity to talk about Theo, to tell her she’s a good mom and that I’m proud of her.
She sighs. “Thanks, honey. I’m not winning any awards, but I’ve kept him alive. That counts for something, right?”
Wyatt wanders into the room, tie loose around his neck, confused look on his face. “Help?”
Evan kiddingly rolls his eyes and goes over to assist.
“What time does it start again?” Cassie asks. “Should I be getting dressed?”
“Cocktail reception is at five,” Evan says. “So, yes.”
“I don’t need nearly three hours to get ready,” Cass says. “I’m insulted.”
“Wait. Nearly? What time is it?”
Evan checks his watch. “Two twenty-four.”
How? Time is getting away from me. “I just need to run out to my car. I’ll be—”
“I tucked your key in your suitcase,” Wyatt says.
“Right. Thanks. I’ll be—”
“Don’t go smoke,” Cassie says.
“You’re smoking again?” Evan asks.
“Cassie vapes!”
“Don’t bring me into this. This isn’t about me,” Cassie says, vaping. “And only when I’m away from the kid. For special occasions. Or in dire circumstances.”
“Why am I held to a different standard? Also, I’m not even going to smoke.”
“Then where are you going?”
“Yeah, Willa. Where are you going?”
“I’m going to…”
“Mm,” Cassie says. “That’s what I thought.”
“Fine.” I don’t have a better excuse, and I don’t have time to argue. I go to my suitcase and unzip it, feel around for my fob. I find it and stuff it into my pocket.
“Back!” Luke says, dragging the cooler across the threshold. “Look what I got.”
“Good,” Cassie says, reaching out. “Gimme.”
He passes her a canned cocktail. “Willa?”
He doesn’t wait for me to answer. He tosses me a can, and this time I’m ready. I catch it in one hand, crack it open, and take a sip. “Dude! Nice catch.”
“That was impressive,” Cass says. “Thanks, Luke.”
“Anything for you, babe.” He kisses Cassie’s cheek sweetly, then licks her.
“Ew!” she says.
He laughs and runs out of the room.
“He’s worse than Theo.”
“All right,” I say, setting my cocktail down on the coffee table. “I’ll be right back.”
I open the front door.
“Willa!” It’s Steph. I brace against the doorway to stop myself from crashing into her. “It’s so good to see you! I just came by to say hey to everyone. I saw Luke out my window with a cooler and was like, What are they up to?”
She ushers me back into the cabin.
“Get out of here, you look like a fucking dream,” Cassie says.
Evan starts to applaud. “You look beautiful. And here I was afraid I might upstage you.”
I take a step back toward the door, but Steph reaches for my hand.
Tick tock.
“I’ll just—”
Wyatt lumbers over and pulls us all into a big group hug that I can’t seem to wriggle out of.
Tick tock tick tock.
“I just want to say how much you all mean to me.” Steph wipes delicate tears from the corners of her eyes.
“Don’t,” Cassie says, fanning her face. “You’re melting my cold black heart.”
Tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock.
“I’m just happy,” Steph says.
“It’s a great day,” Wyatt says. “We’re lucky to be here with you.”
The mass embrace finally disperses, and I slip my phone out of my back pocket to check the time. Evan taps at my hand. “Relax, Cinderella. I promise you, you have enough time.”
If only he knew.