Chapter 29
Erica
White-hot pain lashes through me as the stabbing pain wakes me, and I’m groaning.
Oh no. No, no, no. Please no.
Curling into a ball around myself, squeezing my eyes shut, I can’t even see his face, but I can hear the panic in his voice.
“Erica, what’s wrong? Erica, baby, say something,” he pleads.
I can’t use my voice at the moment, so I hold up a single finger, asking for a minute while I wait for the wave of pain to pass long enough for me to explain.
When I can finally take a shuddering breath, I open my eyes to find his wide with worry.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner so you’d be prepared if something like this happened.” His worried expression morphs to one of fear, and I realize my words leave far too many dire possibilities on the table. “I’m okay—”
“You are not okay. What’s wrong? What can I do?” He reaches for me but stops himself, like he’s scared he’ll make it worse.
Taking his hand and pulling him to me, he lays on the bed next to me. I lay my head on his chest, letting his heartbeat and the sensation of his touch wash through me, calming the throbbing in my middle.
“I have PCOS. It stands for polycystic ovarian syndrome. It’s a hormonal disorder that wreaks havoc on my body and reproductive system.
It has some lighter symptoms and some heavier ones.
The lighter ones are things like my weight, darker patches of skin, acne, hair growth where you don’t want it and the hair on my head is constantly falling out, irregular cycles, intense mood swings, insulin resistance, and cysts on my ovaries. ”
He nods along, his hand lovingly rubbing my back.
“One of the heavier symptoms we can deal with is episodes like this, where a cyst ruptures. Sometimes it can just feel like a cramp and, sometimes, like now, it feels closer to appendicitis. It’s a sharp pain that radiates through me, and all I can do is wait it out.
” I barely get the words out before I’m hit with another blow.
Ari tries to rub me, but I wave him off. The sensation of his touch on my skin, combined with the pain, are too much together. He drops his hands to his side, still whispering encouraging words and dropping kisses to the top of my head.
When I release a long breath and small sigh, Ari picks the conversation back up. “You said one of the heavier symptoms. There are more?” The hesitance is thick in his voice.
“I almost told you the other night.” I’ve had most of my life to deal with my reality, but I never really considered having to share it.
I never felt comfortable enough to open up to Vann about it, and we never really talked about children as any part of our future.
I’d had a few cysts rupture in the time that we spent together, and he never paid me any mind.
“I was told when I was still a teenager that there was a very real possibility that I’d never be able to have children. ”
Max is the only one I’ve ever said those words out loud to, and I feel flayed open on Ari’s chest, sharing a piece of me that I always keep tucked away. I don’t even know how I expect him to react.
He gently pulls my chin up to look at him. “What do you need? You’re all I care about. Please let me do something to help.”
I need ovaries and hormones that work with my body instead of against it, but instead of saying something that I can’t have, I give him something he can work with. “There’s not a whole lot we can do. Take some over the counter pain meds, use a heating pad, stay hydrated, and rest.”
Without a word, he begins typing furiously on his phone before setting it on the bedside table and wrapping himself around me.
Is he just going to stay here with me all day?
He does. He stays with me all day after having what I need delivered. The rest of the guys pop in to check on me and bring us lunch, settling in and eating it with us. I blamed my hormones when Ari saw the tears in my eyes that I tried desperately to keep to myself.
Max had been the only person in my life that truly felt like family in so long that I’d forgotten how it could feel to be surrounded by people who care. I’m feeling monumentally better by the time we call it a day and decide to get some sleep to prepare for travel day tomorrow.
Just before I fall asleep, I say a quick thanks to the gods, universe, and everyone that will listen, for this chapter of my life, and the people in it. Mer or not.