7. Jamie
My body trembled.I’d driven into this parking lot hundreds of times and never been so nervous. I’d woken up this morning with a new resolve. Instead of tugging on my trusty runners, I dug through the closet in the basement hallway, the graveyard of all my old sports equipment. Shoes that had been run into the ground. Tennis rackets that were bent and out of shape from being used asswords by Dallin and me. Climbing equipment. Ugh. I quickly shoved those out of the way. And football cleats.
Miraculously, they still fit. I slid them onto my feet and raced out the door before I could talk myself out of it. Bailey never noticed my footwear. Thank goodness. If I had to talk about it, I might talk myself out of it.
The day before had been filled with introspection. I’d hidden in my room for the last twenty-four hours, my mind consumed with thoughts I didn’t want to have. About football. My dad. My mom. Painful, irrational, unwanted thoughts.
I couldn’t escape them. I also couldn’t get the conversation with Dallin out of my head, the one where he asked me when enough would be enough. How long would I let my mom’s fears keep me from doing what I wanted to do? Needed to do.
“Are you all right?” Bailey’s voice was soft and tentativewhen I didn’t move to get out of the car.
I relaxed my grip on the steering wheel. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
I opened the car door and set one cleated foot onto the asphalt. I was doing this. I was freaking doing this. Determination flowed through my body. I wasn’t afraid of football. But I was deathly afraid of disappointing or hurting my mother. And what I was about to do would accomplish both.
Walking toward the sports complex, I was more excited than I’d been about anything in years. This was the most right thing I’d ever done.
I was so focused on my thoughts; I didn’t even notice Bailey walking beside me until she snatched the hem of my sleeveless workout shirt in her hand.
“What’s going on, Jamie? I’ve been talking to you for the last thirty seconds, and you haven’t heard a word I’ve said. What are you doing? Why are you wearing those?” She gestured to the cleats on my feet.
I set my jaw. “I’m trying out for the quarterback position.” Saying it out loud, voicing my intentions, brought the decision into bone-jarring reality.
Bailey’s eyes widened with surprise and something else. “Really? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged. “I hadn’t made up my mind until this morning.”
Bailey frowned. I wasn’tknown for being impulsive. At least not with something like this.
“She doesn’t know?”
I shook my head and started walking again. If I didn’t, there was a real possibility she would try to talk me out of it. I needed to commit. I needed to act.
Bailey’s shorter legs moved quickly to keep up with me. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
This was the difference between Bailey and Dallin. Even when we were kids. Dallin was always the one who was up for anything. He wasn’t reckless or stupid—well, sometimes he was stupid, but that was beside the point. He wouldtry just about anything once. And he had endless optimism.
Bailey was our voice of reason. Not any less fun. She just wanted to think things through before she acted, weighing the consequences before each decision. She was most likely to consider someone else’s feelings before either Dallin or me. We weren’t heartless, just dumb.
“Don’t try totalk me out of this, Bales. I’m hanging on by a thread as it is.”
“Well, doesn’t that tell you something? Jamie!” she called out when I ignored her.
Stopping short, I faced her. “Don’t. Please, Bales. Just. Don’t.”
She said nothing more, just studied me with that intense expression she got sometimes. I waited until it cleared. And it did. She was still worried. She wouldn’t be Bailey otherwise. But she didn’t stop me.
We reached the point in the sports complex where the path split. Cross-country on the left, football on the right, and for the first time in our high school careers, Bailey and I parted ways.
I’d only made it a few steps when she called my name. I turned around.
“Good luck, James.”
Some of the tension drained out of my shoulders. “Thanks, Bales.” I hadn’t realized how much I needed her support, her approval. “I’ll see you after practice.”
It was justlike I remembered. I’d had my doubts. All morning. After leaving Bailey to fend for herself at cross-country practice. The whole way to the football practice field. I wondered. Would I really go through with this? Defy my mother while following my heart?
It was just a stupid game. I kept telling myself that as Coach Reno ran us through reps. It was two other guys trying out for the vacant quarterback position and me. Todd Christensen, a junior with a decent arm from the baseball team, and Micah Porter, a senior who, outside of school, I’d only ever seen at the skate park. Football didn’t seem to be his thing, but he wasn’t bad.
I’d purposely avoided Dallin’s gaze since catching his eye when I first arrived at the field. His face split into the biggest grin I’d ever seen. Dude would break my concentration with his I-told-you-sos.
We took snaps from Ethan, the center, for over two hours, rotating between the three of us as we each attempted various plays. I could tell right away I had a stronger knowledge of the game. Todd was accurate and had the muscle, but he struggled to remember pass patterns. He admitted to me he hadn’t played football since his Pop Warner days, and he’d only tried out because Coach Reno had begged him.
Micah, on the other hand,barely spoke two words to anybody. I wondered why he was there—not that he sucked. He just didn’t seem into it.
“I thought you said you didn’t play football?” Allie asked me during one of our water breaks. She’d pulled her prettyblonde hair back into a ponytail and wore cut-off jean shorts with a t-shirt I’d bet a week’s allowance had once belonged to Connor.
“I said I couldn’t play. There’s a difference,” I told her before chugging the paper cup filled with watered-down Gatorade. At least it was cold.
Allie eyed me curiously, but I didn’t offerany more information. Chucking the empty cup into the trash can beside the water table, I smiled at her before running back to the field. I didn’t want to get called out for flirting with Allie. Coach Reno was notorious for embarrassing players for that kind of thing. Plus, I wouldn’t want word getting back to Connor. I was man enough to admit he could kick my butt, and I’d rather not cross the guy.
Before calling it quits for morning practice, Coach had us run sprints with the rest of the team. I was a distance runner, but I was still the fastest guy on the field, easily lapping the receivers and running backs.
At the end of practice, we listened with the rest of the team as Coach talked about the upcoming scrimmage and details about practice for the rest of the week. When he finished, he asked the three of us to stick around while the other guys headed for the locker room. I finally allowed myself to catch Dallin’s eye. He gave me a thumbs up before jogging off the field.
I shook my head, then turned my attention to Coach Reno. He wanted to speak to each of us individually.
“You think he’ll decide today?” Todd asked me. Coach was talking to Micah. It was hard to read what was being said, but there was a lot of listening and nodding on Micah’s part while Coach talked a blue streak.
“I don’t know. How do you think you did?” I asked.
Todd shrugged. “I don’t know. To be honest, I was glad to see you and Micah here. I don’t want to play football. I have an opportunity totrain with a nationally recognized pitching coach in about a month, and I’d rather do that.” Todd tilted his head and gave me a sideways glance. “I’d rather not get hurt playing football and wreck my baseball season.”
Wow. Todd didn’t even want to play. It wasn’t surprising when his conversation with Coach Reno was way shorter than Micah’s, and soon he was heading toward the locker room with a grin in my direction. I lifted my chin to acknowledge him before turning my attention to Coach, who walked toward me.
After shaking my hand, he got right down to it. “Jamie, I’d like you to be our quarterback.”
I stared at him when he didn’t say anything else. I hadn’t expected him to decide so quickly.
“I don’t have time to mess around,” he said, reading my mind. “We have a scrimmage next week and our first game the week after. Two weeks isn’t a lot of time to get a new quarterback on board with our system, but you seem to catch on quickly.” His penetrating gaze asked the question his mouth didn’t.
“Yeah, uh, Dallin Ralston and I are good friends. We talk football a lot.” That was an understatement. I didn’t know the playbook or anything, but I was familiar between watching games and working through things with Dallin.
Coach just nodded, still watching me. I struggled not to clear my throat. He didn’t intimidate me, but I just realized how badly I wanted this. It wasn’t only an idea or a possibility. It was real. It was happening.
If I wanted it.
“You have the strongest, most accurate arm. Your endurance from cross-country will only help you. You’re obviouslyfamiliar with the weight room. Your height is an advantage, as is your knowledge of the game. I can’t teach those things, at least not in two weeks.” Coach paused, reaching to cup the back of his neck with his hand. “I think you’re a leader, Jamie, and without Sanders and Coleman on the field this year, our team needs some leadership. Micah’s too timid to fill that role, but I’ve asked him to join the team regardless. He will continue to practice and take reps at the quarterback position, but ultimately I’d like to groom Justin Critchfield for the starting position next year by keeping him on the JV squad this year.”
I thought about everything Coach said, and it all made sense. I was oddly pleased that he wanted Micah to play. I hadn’t gotten to know the guy, but he tried, and he wouldn’t have shown up if he didn’t want to play. I wondered why he wasn’t on the team already. It didn’t matter.
“I understand, sir.”
Coach nodded. “Good.” He stopped there and released a breath. “I gotta ask, son. Why haven’t you been playing? Coach Pascal remembers you from youth football and says you’ve always been good. What made you stop?”
What to tell him? I didn’t want to reveal that my mother had forbidden me to play. Not that it mattered. I was eighteen and could sign my own forms. However, it would be better if he didn’t investigate further into my situation and alert my mom to the fact that I was playing again. I still hadn’t figured out how to deal with that, and I didn’t want anyone beating me to the punch.
“I had some family issues freshman year. I guess I’d just gotten away from it and never got back in. I love football, though, and I’ll do my best.” Hopefully, he’d be satisfied with my answer and not look into it any more than that.
Coach’s hand clapped down on my shoulder as he smiled. “I believe you. And thank you. You’ve just saved our season by coming out today.”
No pressure there.
With those terrifying words, he jogged off the field toward his office, leaving me to try not to have a full-blown panic attack.
What in the heck had I just done?