25. Eternity
Eternity
“Iappreciate you, baby,” I thanked him.
MJ set the last basket of folded baby clothes on the nursery floor before wiping his hands on his jeans.
“I don’t know how y’all got so many little clothes already.”
I laughed.
“I ask myself that every day.”
He looked down at one of the tiny onesies in my hands.
“Ma…”
“Yeah?”
“Why you washing brand-new clothes?”
I looked over at him like the answer should’ve been obvious.
“Because I don’t know where these clothes been.”
He frowned.
“They came from the store.”
“And? A whole bunch of people done touched them before they got to me.”
I carefully folded another sleeper before placing it inside the dresser drawer.
“My baby ain’t wearing nothing until I wash it first.”
MJ laughed.
“I swear, mamas just be making up rules.”
“It ain’t made up.”
He held both hands up.
“You got it.”
“I know I do.”
I smirked as I reached for another little outfit no bigger than both of my hands. It still amazed me how something so small could completely change our lives. My phone started ringing on the dresser. I glanced at the screen.
Unknown number
For a second, I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but instead, I answered.
“Hello?”
“May I speak with Mrs. Browne?”
“This is she.”
There was a brief pause.
“Mrs. Browne, my name is Denise. I’m a registered nurse at Baptist Hospital.”
Something in her voice made my stomach tighten.
“I’m calling because your husband, Malik Browne, was brought into our emergency department after being involved in a shooting.”
The tiny sleeper slipped from my fingers. She was talking a mile a minute, and it was like she wasn’t giving me any time to process anything.
“He’s currently in surgery. I need you to come to the hospital as soon as possible.”
The room started spinning.
“No…”
The word barely left my mouth.
“No…”
My hand instinctively covered my stomach as a sharp wave rolled through me. I doubled over.
“Eternity?”
The nurse’s voice sounded far. The phone slipped from my hand and hit the carpet.
“Ma!”
MJ was beside me before I realized he’d moved. His hands caught my arms, holding me upright as my knees threatened to give out.
“Ma, look at me.”
His voice sounded far away.
“What happened?”
I tried to answer, but nothing came out. Instead, tears blurred my vision. Finally, I forced the words past the lump in my throat.
“Your daddy…” My lips trembled. “He’s been shot.”
MJ eased me into the rocking chair before crouching down in front of me.
“Ma… breathe.”
I tried. I really did. But every breath felt like it got stuck somewhere between my chest and my throat.
The discomfort that sat low in my stomach made me instinctively wrap both arms around my belly.
“Come on,” MJ whispered. “Look at me.”
I nodded, but my eyes never left the phone lying on the nursery floor. He quickly picked it up. The call was still connected. He pressed the speaker button.
“Hello?”
“I’m here,” the nurse answered.
“My dad…” MJ swallowed hard. “My dad was with my sister.”
His voice cracked just enough for me to hear it.
“Was she shot too?” he asked.
There was a brief pause.
“No, sir. We only had one trauma patient from the shooting. Your father was taken directly into surgery. As for your sister, there’s a young woman here covered in blood.
I believe that’s who you’re referring to.
She’s in shock, but she’s okay. Some doctors just finished looking at her.
She has a young man here with her. Please, get here as quickly as you can. ”
MJ closed his eyes for a second.
“Okay. We’re on our way.”
The call ended, and when it did, the nursery fell silent.
I stared at the tiny baby clothes folded neatly inside the dresser.
Just minutes ago, I’d been deciding where to put onesies.
Now, my husband was fighting for his life.
A sharp pain hit my stomach again. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly through my nose before letting the breath out just as slowly.
Keep it together, Eternity. I tried getting myself together.
If Malik were standing here, he wouldn’t want me falling apart.
He’d want me to think, he’d want me protecting this baby, he would want me to keep moving.
I opened my eyes and planted both hands on the arms of the rocking chair before slowly pushing myself to my feet.
MJ was at my side before I could take a step.
“You alright?” he asked.
I nodded once.
“I will be.”
I reached for his arm to steady myself.
“You need to call Maylee.”
He frowned.
“What?”
“Tell her she can stay another night at her friend’s house. I don’t want her coming home to this.”
He immediately pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“I got it.”
I looked toward the nursery door.
“We need to get to the hospital.”
MJ slipped an arm around my back, careful not to jostle me.
“I’ll drive,” he said.
All I could do was nod while holding back tears. Why God? I thought to myself as MJ helped me down the stairs,
Hospitals had a way of making time stand still.
I didn’t know how long we’d been sitting there.
An hour. Maybe two. Maybe even longer. The moment MJ and I walked through the emergency room doors, Maliah had broken.
She’d thrown herself into my arms, sobbing so hard I thought her knees were going to give out.
“I’m sorry, Mama. I’m so sorry…”
I didn’t ask her what she was apologizing for. She didn’t have anything to apologize for. I just held my baby while she cried.
Now she sat a few chairs away with Tahari beside her, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders. Every now and then he’d lean over and whisper something to her, but she hadn’t stopped crying. I looked over at MJ.
“Baby.”
He immediately looked up.
“Yeah, Ma?”
“Call your Aunt Tori.”
He nodded.
“Tell her to come to Baptist. I don’t want her hearing about this from the news.”
“I got you.” He stepped away with his phone already pressed to his ear.
I looked around the waiting room. Everything felt…
blurred. Everything went past me quickly.
Doctors and nurses walked around, and families were coming and going.
The television mounted in the corner was on, but I couldn’t tell you what was playing.
I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone.
My hands shook as I texted a few people.
Malik’s been shot. He’s in surgery. Please pray.
I stared at the message before hitting send.
My husband was so good to everyone. I just prayed that people really sent a prayer up for him.
By the time I locked my phone, I realized I hadn’t taken a full breath in what felt like hours.
I closed my eyes for a second, and without warning, my mind carried me somewhere else…
The nursery wasn’t finished yet. The crib sat in the middle of the room with pieces of cardboard still scattered across the floor. Malik stood back with his hands on his hips.
“There. I told you I knew what I was doing.”
“You definitely skipped a few instructions,” I laughed.
He walked over until he was standing in front of me.
“Are you questioning my craftsmanship?”
“I’m questioning your ability to follow directions.”
“You’re funny,” he grinned.
Before I could answer, the speaker on the dresser changed songs. “Breathe Again” by Toni Braxton floated softly through the room. Malik looked at me then held his hand out.
“Dance with me.”
“Boy…” I laughed. “The crib ain’t even finished.”
“It can wait. Come here.” He wiggled his fingers.
Smiling, I slipped my hand into his, and he pulled me toward him. One hand settled carefully at the small of my back while the other was intertwined with mine.
Please understand if love ends
Then I promise you, I promise you
That, that I shall never breathe again
Breathe again
That I shall never breathe again
That I shall never breathe again
Breathe again
We swayed back and forth in the middle of the nursery. We didn’t share words. We just let music play. It was just us. He rested his forehead against mine.
“I don’t care how old we get, I’m always gonna dance with you.”
A tear slipped down my cheek, and he caught it with his thumb.
“Aye, no crying.”
“I ain’t crying,” I lied.
“You’re lying.”
“I just love you,” I said softly.
His smile relaxed.
“I know. I love you more.”
“Ma?”
My eyes flew open, and MJ was kneeling beside my chair.
“You alright?”
I blinked away the memory and looked toward the operating room doors.
“Yeah,” my voice barely came out above a whisper, “I’m alright.”
I said it to try and be strong for Malik, but I wasn’t sure if I believed it.
Hours had passed. I knew because my lower back ached and the numbness in my behind had spread all the way down the backs of my legs from sitting in the same hospital chair for so long.
Every now and then I’d stand just long enough to stretch before sitting back down again.
Nobody had said much. What was there to say?
The man responsible for holding our family together was behind those double doors.
I looked over at Maliah; she had cried herself into silence.
MJ hadn’t moved much from the chair beside me.
Tahari stood off to himself near the window, his head hanging low as he stared out into the parking lot.
The waiting… it was the hardest part about all this shit.
The elevator doors opened across the hallway.
A few seconds later, I spotted Tori, and Sha was right beside her.
The second my sister’s eyes landed on me, she hurried across the waiting room.
“E.”
That was all she said. I stood just as she wrapped both arms around me. The tears I’d been fighting for hours finally escaped. I buried my face against her shoulder.
“I know…” Tori whispered as she rubbed slow circles across my back. “I know.”
For a few seconds I let myself be vulnerable instead of everybody else’s strength. Sha walked over and quietly rested a hand on MJ’s shoulder before pulling him into a hug.
“You good, nephew?”
MJ nodded once.
“I got Ma.”
“I know you do.”
Eventually, Tori eased me back just enough to look at my face.
“He gone get through this.”
I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure I believed it.
“I know.”
She wiped the tears from my cheeks before helping me back toward my chair.
Just as I sat down, the double doors leading back to surgery opened.
Every conversation in the waiting room stopped.
A doctor wearing blue scrubs stepped into the hallway with a clipboard in his hand. His eyes slowly moved across the room.
“Mrs. Browne?”
My heart dropped into my stomach. I slowly turned toward him.
“I’m Mrs. Browne.”
I stood from my seat and then closed the space between him and me.
I searched the doctor’s face, hoping I’d find something that would prepare me for whatever he was about to say.
Relief. Concern. Compassion. Anything at all.
Instead, his expression remained unreadable, and the longer I looked at him, the tighter the knot in my stomach became.
Without even realizing I was doing it, I began twisting my wedding ring around my finger before my hands found each other completely.
My fingers intertwined and pulled apart repeatedly as I tried to keep myself together.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Malik lying somewhere behind those doors, and the not knowing was becoming almost unbearable.
The entire waiting room had fallen silent.
The nurses walking past seemed farther away, the television mounted on the wall had faded into meaningless background noise, and every pair of eyes in the room had settled on the doctor standing in front of us.
It felt as though time itself had stopped, leaving all of us suspended in a moment none of us wanted to face.
Before I could say a word, I felt MJ step up beside me. He reached over and took my hand, giving it a firm squeeze that reminded me I wasn’t standing there alone. I held on just as tightly, grateful for the strength my son was trying so hard to lend me even while he was carrying his own fear.
“Doc,” he said quietly, his voice steady despite everything we’d been through, “just tell us.”
The doctor looked at each of us before lowering his eyes for a moment. When he looked back up, he slowly drew in a deep breath. He removed his glasses, folded them carefully, and let out a heavy sigh that settled over the waiting room before a single word ever left his mouth…
TO BE CONTINUED