Chapter 5
My eyelids are heavy and I’m barely keeping them open when a large black coffee drops on my old, scratched office desk. “You look like you need this.”
Looking up I see Jade, smiling at me. She’s the only other woman doing her PhD in biology, not to mention, she’s gorgeous, blonde, and a total nerd.
“I need that more than you realize. Thank you,” I say, grabbing the coffee with both hands, as if it holds all the magic.
Jade sits in one of the sad beige chairs across from my desk.
I’ve tried to lighten up this office. I brought plants, changed the artwork on the walls, bought a cute lamp and curtains—really tried to girly-up the room.
But there’s only so much you can do to an old, sad beige room that hasn’t been painted in the last decade.
At least I was able to get the musty smell out of the carpet that looks older than my dad.
“Your new roommate moved in this past weekend, right?”
“Yeah, yesterday morning,” I answer, taking a big gulp of my still-too-hot coffee.
“How did that go?” she asks, taking a delicate sip of her own coffee, so as to not smudge her perfectly applied pink lipstick.
“Well, ever since I’ve known him, he’s been a bit rough around the edges.
But he was always nice to me . . . or maybe not nice .
. . just, nicer than he was with others.
Yet, since he’s moved in, he’s been a total dick.
You’d be proud of me though,” I say, even though we haven’t known each other long.
It’s only been a few months, but we’ve spent a lot of time together since we are the only women in Biology this year.
What we’ve learned in that short time is that we are both people pleasers who shy away from any conflict, but we’re working on that.
“I gave him just as much attitude and stood my ground. I didn’t let him take my plants out of the spare bedroom, and I didn’t change my music schedule for him either.
Then he broke a plate trying to bring his sandwich to the living room while on crutches.
I asked him if he was alright, and instead of answering he decided to sass me, so I let him handle his mess. ”
“Damn girl! Look at you go!” she says, making me blush at the pride in her voice.
“I can’t say it wasn’t an ordeal, though. I got back to my room and thought my heart was going to jump out of my throat!”
“I get that. I asked my roommate to pick up her towel off the bathroom floor—she apologized and everything—yet I still thought she was going to kick me out. This whole being assertive thing takes too much energy. I swear I didn’t sleep last night because I was so terrified she would hate me,” Jade explains honestly, slouching in her chair.
Now that I look at her, she looks exhausted too, and more so than what I would expect from being an overworked grad student.
“Is that what happened to you too? Couldn’t sleep after sassing your new roommate? ”
“Honestly, no. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve known Liam my entire life, or if it’s because I know his mom would take my side in an argument, but I didn’t really feel bad or lose any sleep over being bitchy to him.
” I’m unsure if I should tell her that what woke me up was Liam screaming in his sleep.
After that, I couldn’t go back to sleep.
“If I tell you this next bit, you have to swear it stays between us.” I cave.
“Promise. I doubt I’ll ever even meet him—you know how I am around guys like him. As much as I love a good grumpy-sunshine book, I cannot keep my composure around grumps in real life.”
She’s not wrong. There’s a cute guy in our program—Devan. I encouraged her to talk to him and the outcome was borderline painful. I’ve never seen the guy smile, and when she asked him if she could sit beside him, he just got up and left. Without a single word.
“I went to sleep with no issues, but then around midnight, Liam woke up screaming. After that, I couldn’t fall back asleep.”
“Was he okay?” she asks, voice filled with concern.
“I don’t know. I didn’t go check. I’m assuming it was about the accident.”
“He got hit by a car, right?”
“Yeah, in September.”
“Maybe you should go check on him, make sure he’s okay next time,” she suggested.
“I don’t know. He’d probably bitch at me,” I answer honestly. I can’t see Liam being happy with me bursting into his room after he’s had a nightmare.
“If he bitches, call his mom. You said it yourself, she’ll take your side in any argument, and I mean it’s not like you’d be doing anything wrong, just making sure he’s okay.”
She’s got a point; I wouldn’t be doing anything wrong. His mom would definitely take my side and tell Liam to suck it up if need be.
But on the one hand, I can’t help but feel like I would be invading his privacy by going into his room while he was clearly going through something.
On the other, the thought of him having nightmares about the accident breaks my heart.
As much as he frustrates me, and as much as I don’t want him living with me, I don’t want him to suffer more than he has to.
When Ronan first told me that Liam had been hit by a car, I was so happy to have been home. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming, and the panic attack that ensued. Even though I hadn’t seen or interacted with him in years, I couldn’t imagine living in a world without Liam.
“You could always get into bed with him. I hear sleeping with someone keeps the nightmares away,” Jade says, matter-of-factly, before tossing her empty coffee cup in my trash can as she leaves for her own office.
But not before adding, “You might as well add one bed to the list of tropes you two have going on.”
I mean, she’s not wrong . . . maybe? But there’s no way I could do that. That would definitely be crossing a line. Plus, he doesn’t even like me, so I doubt he’d want any kind of help from me.
I get back home, just in time to feed Gigi supper after spending the rest of the afternoon finishing my research for a paper I have due in two weeks—before the exam rush begins. That is, when I wasn’t thinking of what Jade suggested I do.
There’s no way I can just get in bed with Liam, can I? He’d kill me. He’s already not happy about living with me as it is; I want to avoid doing anything to get even deeper into his bad side. Not that he has any issue getting on my nerves and pushing all of my buttons.
If this was seven years ago, I wouldn’t even question it.
I wouldn’t even have needed Jade to plant the idea, I would have thought of it myself.
But now? In our current reality, there’s no way my mind would have gotten there on its own.
He doesn’t even want me in his space; I highly doubt he would want me in his bed.
Like clockwork, Liam has woken up screaming at midnight the last five nights. Tonight is when my patience snaps. A girl in STEM needs her brain-sleep. I can’t keep putting in endless hours of research and teaching without steady sleep.
Before the clock even hits midnight, I take Jade’s suggestion and run with it.
Literally. At eleven fifty-five, I tiptoe-run to Liam’s bedroom door with Gigi in my arms, knowing there’s no way she’s going to sleep without me.
I slowly open his door to poke my head in, making sure he’s sleeping.
With my luck, the one night I decide enough is enough he’ll still be awake and will blow a gasket.
Before entering and making my way to his bed, I double-check my Apple watch.
I confirm that I have a vibrating alarm set for five thirty in the morning, so I’m up and out of his bed with plenty of time to spare, since he usually wakes up around seven.
I don’t need him raging at me before my first cup of coffee. That would be dangerous . . . for him.
Giving myself one last little shake, I carefully open his door just enough so I can sneak in and slowly close it behind me, all the while praying I don’t wake him up.
Looking at the bed, I see Liam, or the shape of him, on the left side of the bed.
Perfect. I won’t have to make my way around the foot of the bed, just seven steps to the side of the bed.
Tiptoeing the short distance, I cautiously pull the bedding down and hold my breath, as if it’ll make me lighter.
Then, I gently get into bed, making sure I stay as close to the edge as possible.
It doesn’t take me long to fall asleep—I was exhausted from my long days at the University and the sleepless nights at home.
I fall asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow.
When my alarm on my wrist rings, I awake with a startle, before falling right back to sleep within the comfortable warmth I feel surrounding me.
That’s when I remember where I am.
I guess, during the night, I moved closer to the middle of the bed and Liam found me.
Because, right now, he’s clinging to me like a spider monkey.
His face is buried in my hair, one arm serving as my pillow with his hand high on my chest, the other arm wrapped tightly around my waist, and his morning wood poking my lower back.
Once that little bit of information registers in my brain, I quickly pull away and wince, hoping I didn’t just wake him up.
Thankfully he just rolls over, facing the wall with a huff.
Letting out a small, quiet giggle, I carefully creep my way out of his bed and into my own to catch another hour of sleep. Unlike falling asleep in Liam’s bed, sleep doesn’t come. Instead, I toss and turn, making Gigi humph at me and leave the bed entirely. I finally give up on sleep around six.
It looks like it’s going to be a multiple-cups-of-coffee kind of day . . . Again.