Chapter 46
LUCA
Anger flooded my veins as I stared at them. Alex stared at me with a fork raised in front of Marcello’s mouth. My father was right. Marcello had stolen my girl out from under me, and I was too oblivious to notice.
I’d even permitted him to touch her.
Like a fucking idiot.
But what difference did it make?
If she claimed all the Knights at Legare , they would touch her, too. They would get the chance to steal her from me. During our trial run last year, she’d chosen several of them, and I had to watch my girl act out her sexual fantasies with my brother and friends.
She would love them more than me. Because they weren’t as broken and fucked up. A few of them still had a heart and could love and treat her how she deserved.
Marcello had taken my mother from me. All of her love, time, and attention went to him. Her perfect, obedient son didn’t enjoy hurting himself and others. I was the prodigal son, the outcast, the freak. I loved my mother more than life itself, and history was repeating itself with Alex.
“Luca,” Alex said with a warning tone as she set the fork on the plate. “You look like you’re ready to explode.”
I felt like my blood was seconds from boiling. “Why are you in Marcello’s bedroom?”
Her chest rose and fell as our eyes met. “I’m feeding him.”
“My brother can feed his fucking self,” I shot back as I crossed the room, moving to her side of the bed. “He’s not an invalid.”
She slid off the mattress and reached out for me.
I recoiled as she tried to touch me, attempting to make contact.
Most of the time, I hated intimacy. Just the thought of someone’s hands on my skin made me physically ill.
Alex was the exception to my rules, and I broke them for her.
But at the moment, I would have rather stuck my dick in a wood chipper than let her touch me, not after she had her hands all over my brother.
“Luca,” Alex said in a sweet tone, giving me one of her perfect smiles. “Calm down, okay? I’m helping Marcello get back on his feet.”
“He has nurses who can help him.” My mouth twisted into a hateful sneer. “He doesn’t need you.”
Her nostrils flared. “Watch your mouth. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit. Marcello almost died, and you’re acting like you don’t care.”
“Where were you last year? Huh?” I invaded her space, backing her into the bed until she fell on it.
“You stabbed me, then acted like you couldn’t have cared less.
Because you did.” I leaned over her, inches from her face.
“Yet, I must sit here and watch you cry over my brother. Feed him. Comfort him. He’s not a little boy.
He doesn’t need you to take care of him. ”
“Luca, stop it,” Marcello snapped. “Don’t talk to Alex like that. You’re scaring her.”
I glanced over at my brother and pointed my finger at him. “Stay the fuck out of this. We wouldn’t be having this discussion if it weren’t for you.”
“No, I think you would,” Marcello challenged. “Even if you lived a billion lifetimes, you would never deserve our queen.”
“Shut your fucking mouth before I come over there and shove a tube down your throat.”
“Don’t you dare,” Alex shouted. “He needs to rest, Luca. Marcello doesn’t need this stress on his heart.”
“Why do you care so much about Marcello?” I caged her against the mattress with my palms on both sides of her head. “Hmm?”
“You’re jealous.” Alex gave me a taunting smirk.
“Wow. This is unbelievable. You have some nerve acting this way.” She jammed her finger into my chest, her teeth bared.
“I begged for your time and affection, and you gave me nothing. You made me wait around for the scraps. If you weren’t such a shit human being, I would have fallen in love with you.
I would have married you. I would have given you everything. ”
“Sorry, baby,” I growled against her lips. “Hate to break it to you, but I am a shit human being. And I’m never going to change. Because I like the way I am. So go ahead, make me your villain. I play the role so well.”
She slammed her palm into my chest. “After last night… Go fuck yourself, Luca. You never cared about me. I thought those words meant something to us. But they were another way for you to control and manipulate me. I’m done.
Find someone else to play games with you because I’m fucking tired.
This has gone on for too long. You destroy every good thing you touch.
And I won’t let you take the good parts of me. ”
Gripping her by the shoulders, I lifted her off the bed and held her against my chest. She trembled from my touch, terrified of me. Even I was afraid of the darkness inside me. It was always there, trying to claw its way out. Her bottom lip quivered, and I realized I’d gone too far.
“Luca,” Marcello warned. “Let her go! You’re hurting her.”
I stared into her scared eyes, then over to my brother. He looked like he was ready to climb out of bed and rip open his wound to get me away from her. So I released my hold, knowing I had to let her go. It was the right thing to do.
Alex dropped to the edge of the mattress, her breathing labored. “Get out, Luca. I can’t stand to look at you right now. You make me fucking sick.”
“No.” I crossed my arms over my chest, staring down at her. “We’re talking about this. You can’t push me away every time shit gets hard.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” She sighed. “I can’t do this with you anymore. You make my head spin. Why can’t you be normal? Why are you so hateful and angry all the time?”
I bent down in front of her, sinking to the floor on one knee. “Do you have any idea what I have done for you? What I’ve done to protect you for all these years? What I let you do with the Knights…”
She rolled her eyes. “Do you want a medal?”
My right hand shook uncontrollably. Alex knew how to test my patience, drive me fucking crazy. We were a terrible combination, like gasoline and a box of matches. Marcello was better for her, but I couldn’t let her go.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ll fight for you. Always. You’re a part of me, Drea. Just like I am a part of you, I’m not letting you go.”
Tears welled up in her bottom lids but did not spill. She was putting on a solid front to push me away. “Why are you like this, Luca? I’m so sick of the games, the lies, the bullshit. You put me through hell. Why can’t you leave me alone? Let me be happy?”
“Because you’re mine,” I confessed. “I need you. We need each other.”
Eyes downcast, she played with the seam of her shirt and groaned. “I need some time apart from you.”
“You had nine months.”
She glanced up and released a deep breath. “It wasn’t enough time.”
“How do you suggest we survive a marriage if you can’t be around me?”
“We don’t.”
Her tone had a finality to it.
“You don’t have a choice,” I reminded her.
“You’re the one who doesn’t have a choice. I can walk away.”
“No, you can’t.” I reached for her hand, and she pushed me away. “You’re mine, baby girl. Forever and always. What binds us will destroy us.”
Alex bit the inside of her cheek, looking over my shoulder at the patio. “Not anymore. Those words mean nothing to me now.”
My teeth hurt from clenching my jaw. And when our eyes met, she looked at me with pure hatred. Like she wished she had killed me last year. The pain of losing her was unbearable. Especially when I was losing her to my flesh and blood. To Marcello… and the Knights.
She would see they weren’t as sick and fucked up as me. Someone like Sonny or even Drake could give her everything without baggage attached. They could make her happy.
“You want Marcello,” I said, even though I knew the answer.
“This isn’t about choosing between you and Marcello. I’ve been through a lot in the past year. Give me some space.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. “Please. When you’re around, I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“And when you’re with Marcello, how do you feel?”
I didn’t want the truth. So why did I bother to ask?
Because you need the pain .
She glanced over at Marcello, and then her eyes landed on me. “Like I can be myself. He doesn’t make me feel crazy. It’s as easy as breathing when I’m with him.”
“And how do you feel with me?”
I was such a masochist for asking.
“Like you’re holding my head underwater. I can’t think straight when we’re together.”
I rose from the floor, needing to get the fuck away from her.
She grabbed my wrist and pulled my gaze back to her. “Let me finish.”
“Go ahead. Tell me how much you hate me.”
“When I’m with you, I feel like I’m losing control.
Like I’m standing at the cliff’s edge with you, seconds from falling off.
You make my skin burn, my insides melt. It’s intoxicating and suffocating.
So when I say I can’t breathe, you are my air.
My oxygen. Sometimes, I don’t realize how lost I am until I see you.
Look into your eyes. Feel your body against mine.
And the world disappears because it’s you and me and that cliff and that kiss and…
” Tears streamed down her cheeks by the time she finished her spiel.
“But I still need space, okay? Can you give me that?”
She loves me .
When she was younger, she wore her emotions on her sleeve. It was so obvious she had fallen in love with me. And yet, I couldn’t comprehend the word. It felt so foreign and strange. It was one of many reasons I pushed her away. What did love even mean? I hadn’t felt love since my mother.
“I will give you space, but tell me one thing. Do you have feelings for Marcello?”
She dug her teeth into her bottom lip, then nodded.
“Do you love him?”
Alex stared through me like she couldn’t see me, and the silence wrapped around us like a blanket.
“Do you?” I repeated.
Alex sighed. “I care about him.”
She had never told me she loved me. We’d never gotten to that stage in our relationship to profess our feelings.
“Does it bother you that much?” Alex asked.
“Yes.”
“You need me,” Alex stated. “Always have. I need you, too, but I also need Marcello. Can you live with that?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. What the hell did that even mean? She needed my brother for what? A friend, lover, a companion?
“Guess I don’t have a choice,” I said, deflated.
“Not if you want to keep me in your life.”
A normal man would have professed his love and begged her to stay. I was not about to grovel at her feet, so I stormed out of the room before I burned the fucking house down.