19. charlee
NINETEEN
charlee
If someone offered me a million dollars to predict how this afternoon would have gone, even after Lucas said he’d be coming for me, I would not be a millionaire. Not by any stretch.
“Lucas,” I said, almost as if it were a warning.
“Yes, Charlee?” He took a step toward me.
“I. . . this wasn’t you at all in high school.”
“No,” he agreed. “It wasn’t.”
“You’ve changed.”
His hand moved so quickly, I didn’t see it coming. I hardly had a chance to react as it reached behind my neck, pulling me toward him.
So many sensations at once.
His lips crashing onto mine.
His fingers winding through the hair at my neck, the firm grip of his hand driving our kiss.
His body pressed against mine, something I’d wanted since seeing him in that bar the first night. No, well before that. I had wanted this for years. Lucas’s kiss was the only one that dredged up phrases that should be relegated to a romance novel.
Breathless. All-consuming. Knees weak. They weren’t just words with the right person, and for me, Lucas had always been that person. I’d fucked it up royally and wasn’t sure if we’d have a second chance.
This was it. The second chance. And I meant to make it count.
Responding to the thrust of his tongue with one of my own, I wrapped my arms around him, not so much clutching the material of his shirt as holding on for dear life. His lips moved over mine as relentlessly as he’d hinted they might every time we’d been together.
As his mouth opened even wider, slanting over mine, giving no quarter, I responded but begged without words for more. A low groan that seemed to come from deep within him made me want to get even closer, if such a thing were possible.
Who’s my good girl?
That had never been a fantasy of mine, but in this moment, I had no doubt I wanted to be a good girl for him. To let Lucas take charge. If only to be able to kiss him like this.
By the time we heard the sounds, it was much too late for decorum. Lucas pulled away just as another couple rounded the corner, walking away from us but still within view. Reminding us we weren’t completely alone.
His hand was still around my neck, though his grip wasn’t as firm as before. I had no problem moving my head now.
“Spanish eyes,” he said. “Brown, but nonetheless. . .”
“I’m not sure what that means,” I said.
“Your seductive eyes, Charlee. They pull a man in and don’t let go.”
“A man? Or you?” I ventured as his hand fell to his side.
“I think you know the answer to that question.”
I smiled. “I do.”
“Good girl.”
My core inexplicably clenched at those words. Again, never a fantasy of mine, yet they did something to me. If that other couple hadn’t come, I could only imagine where this might lead.
Except, not to sex.
We might have off-the-charts chemistry between us, but Lucas did not trust me. With good reason.
“I have questions,” I said, picking up my wine. I grabbed Lucas’s, too, and handed it to him.
“Talk to me.”
Everything that came out of his mouth was so damn confident. It did things to me, made me feel oddly safe.
“Good girl. That’s a BDSM thing, right?”
“What d’ya mean?”
“I don’t know. Like a part of that world?”
Lucas chuckled. “I don’t know a lot about that. Not sure they go hand in hand. I’m not into that, Charlee. Not that I’m against a little bondage, but pain? No. Just the opposite. Only pleasure.”
Dear Lord. “Who even are you?”
With his free hand, Lucas grabbed my wrist. Turned it over.
“That’s what I am now. A man who wants to empower other people to know themselves the way I do.”
I looked down at his perfect design, understanding.
Also, his fingers inflamed me.
“I freelance,” I said numbly. “Have a few website clients.”
Without letting go of my wrist, Lucas looked so intently into my eyes, I remembered something I had read once. If someone held eye contact for more than seven seconds, they were either planning your murder or in love with you.
He lifted my wrist to his lips. Kissed it. Let it drop.
“You’re lucky,” I said, beginning to walk back. I needed to find water, to ground myself. Lucas tossed me so off-balance I couldn’t think straight. “Not everyone can make a living doing what they love.”
“I disagree. Maybe there are sacrifices in other areas, but you craft the life you want to lead. No one else.”
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
“Hmm. So why are you here and not still in the military?” I blurted, wanting to take the focus off me.
“What do you mean?” he asked cautiously.
I shrugged. “I hear ten years is an unusual amount of time to serve. That usually you serve in four-year increments.”
No doubt about it, Lucas’s demeanor had changed.
“Tell me,” I said, certain there was something there.
He wasn’t going to talk. That was painfully clear. The old Lucas was coming back. When he was annoyed, he went into his shell. Like just now.
“Looks like your friends are still here,” he said. “Did you want to stay with them or. . .”
Or?
I waited.
But he didn’t give an alternate option. So much for that. Clearly he’d changed his mind about this afternoon, despite our kiss.
“Yeah, I’ll stay with them. Guess you’re heading out?” I made my voice sound hopeful even though I was feeling anything but.
“I think so,” he said. No explanation. Not that I needed one.
Lucas might as well have said, “Kissing and talking about you being my good girl? Green light. Actually talking intimately? Not for me.”
Fine with me.
“Welp,” I said. “See you later then.”
Even though my legs felt heavy walking away from him toward the deck stairs, I did it. Without looking back.
From the most incredible kiss and butterfly feelings in my stomach and lower to this. It had been a long time since this range of emotions had assaulted me in such a short span. I knew what it meant, and it wasn’t good at all.
Only one reason for the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and it was always a concern. But what were the alternatives? Avoid falling in love simply to shield myself from getting hurt?
Actually, that sounded like a decent plan right about now.
Then, almost unwillingly, I did turn back around.
Lucas was gone.