27. Zoe
TWENTY-SEVEN
zoe
“I can’t believe how long it’s been since we got together,” Natalie said.
Sitting on the back deck of Grado Valley Vineyards Wine Barn, the main of their three buildings, Natalie, Charlee, Mazzie, and I were enjoying the Saturday afternoon sun. And wine, of course.
The Grados were going to wonder if I were moving in. Nate and I were just here a week ago, though that was the brewery.
“Two weeks isn’t that long,” Charlee said.
Mazzie swirled the red wine around in her glass. “Okay, I can’t believe it’s been two weeks since the emergency meeting at your house, Zoe. And now look at you.”
“That was a bad night,” I admitted.
“But all is well now, no?”
“It is. I mean. . .” Thinking back over the last week since the wine cruise, I didn’t have a lot to complain about. When we were together, it was like that first day. When we weren’t, Nate and I continued to text like he was still stationed halfway across the world. “The only sucky thing is that he moved back into Lucas’s apartment.”
Everyone knew this already but Mazzie.
“No kidding? Why?” she asked.
It was hard to explain. Thankfully, Natalie seemed to see I struggled with this one. “Personally, I think Nate was worried he and Zoe sort of moved in by default. It’s a pretty huge adjustment to come back into civilian life after a year in a combat zone. Then meeting Zoe, figuring out next steps. . .”
“I get it. You want to make sure you’re doing things the right way,” Mazzie concluded.
“I suppose,” I said, taking a sip. “And he stays over some nights.”
“And,” Charlee added, “he’s there in the morning before she goes to work. Honestly, he’s at Lucas’s less than he is your place, Zoe.”
“True,” I admitted.
“What’s he planning next?” Mazzie asked the most obvious question.
“He’s been helping Lucas out at the shop. Getting to know the other business owners on Main. On Monday, he had a VA appointment in Ithaca. He’s looking at getting a small business loan.”
“No way? For what?”
“Good question.” I told Mazzie all about the restaurant, and by the time I was done, she looked thoughtful.
“So he’s wanting to work for himself, doesn’t mind the long hours, but isn’t sure about a full-on restaurant due to his lack of cooking skills. He does know he can hire a chef or cook, right?”
“He does. But he said it’s just not the perfect fit. Anyway, I know he’ll figure it out.”
“Must be tough,” Natalie said, “having a skill set that isn’t necessarily applicable to civilian life. And then with a plan on top of it, having the rug pulled out from under him. Especially being with someone who’s about as put together as they come.”
“Me? Put together? Says who?” I laughed.
“Everyone,” Charlee said. “You’re great at your job. Have as much discipline as anyone I know. Gym. Your home organization. I wouldn’t want to compete.”
“As if you need to,” I said. The girls continued talking, moving on to Natalie’s boyfriend problems. Men. Why did they have to be such shits sometimes?
My mind wandered back to a week ago when I’d come home early from work. Something Natalie said reminded me of my conversation with Nate that day about me deserving a “wine guy.”
“Holy shit on a cracker,” Natalie said.
I only had to look in her direction to see the problem. Erik was walking right toward us. No, no, no.
“Afternoon, ladies.”
The others grumbled what could be construed as greetings. Or not. Was hard to tell. Charlee looked as if she wanted to throttle him, and I didn’t blame her.
“If you’re looking for your stuff—” I said.
“I’m not looking for my stuff. Zoe, can we talk for a second?”
I didn’t need the girls to validate the fact that this was a bad idea. A terrible, no good, very bad idea.
And yet. . . I did have a few choice words for him.
Standing—a feat getting out of those Adirondack chairs with my wine glass in hand—I silently followed him to the edge of the deck, ignoring Natalie’s “oh boy” from behind me.
When we reached a semi-private spot, Erik turned to me and blurted out, “I want you back.”
I’d just been about to take a sip of wine. Thank goodness I hadn’t. Erik would be wearing pinot noir at the moment otherwise, though maybe spitting out my wine on his pristine white shirt wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
“Are you fucking serious right now?”
“Deadly serious.”
Holy shit. He was.
“Erik,” I reminded the dipshit. “You’re engaged.”
“Not anymore. Zoe, I made a huge mistake. Got caught up in this fantasy that turned out not to be real. I know that now. The second she moved in, I couldn’t help comparing her to you, and—”
“Stop,” I said, not wanting the poor guy to waste his breath. “None of this matters, Erik. We’re not getting back together.”
His eyes narrowed. “Because of Nate.”
It took me a second to put the pieces together of how he knew Nate’s name. “If I were not dating someone, it still wouldn’t matter. You broke up with me for another woman, got engaged, and then apparently dis-engaged, in the span of a month. Those aren’t the actions of a guy who knows what he wants.”
“Except I do now. That’s my point.”
The fact that I’d lost five minutes’ worth of sleep over this guy. . . what had I been thinking? It’s funny, when you’re in the midst of something, how hard it is to think clearly. But just a few steps back and everything crystalizes.
That’s why Nate wanted to move in with Lucas. To be sure we were thinking clearly.
Suddenly it made sense.
I’d try not to take it personally from this point on. Just take things as they came. Be like water. If there was a rock in front of my path, I’d flow around it.
Sighing, I no longer cared about anything except closing this conversation out once and for all. “Erik,” I said firmly, “we are not getting back together. I’m in love with another man.” Did I really just say that out loud? “And you clearly have some things to sort through. I’ll box up your stuff and drop it off this week.”
“Zoe.” He reached for my free hand.
I stepped back. “There’s nothing more to say, Erik. Good luck sorting through things.”
With that, I turned away. Left the six months of my life I refused to regret. We’d had some good times together, and being with Erik allowed me to compare the depth of my feelings between him and Nate.
There was no comparison.
As I walked back to the girls, I thought about what to tell Nate. I didn’t want to keep anything from him, so I’d mention this bizarre incident, and hopefully, it wouldn’t cause an issue. If the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t be so thrilled with his ex running around asking for him back.
What mattered, though, was that I didn’t want Erik. I wanted Nate. Loved Nate.
And maybe it was about time for me to tell him so.