26. Dragon
Chapter Twenty-Six
DRAGON
Istared at him while my heart twisted weirdly. I shook my head. “You don’t understand. We’d be married. For real. At least until after the baby was born. You couldn’t be with anyone else.”
He shrugged. “I do understand the concept of marriage. People get married all the time, particularly in Vegas. I know because I’ve married a bunch of them.
Nix married Sunshine to protect her from a stalker.
It makes sense to get married to give more security to a baby, particularly when you’ve got clowns like this running around.
” Horse gestured at the dead weight strapped in on my right.
“But doesn’t it freak you out? Also, you can’t ruin your life to save someone else’s. That’s ridiculous.”
He took a deep breath and uncrossed his arms, clenching and unclenching his fists, keeping his eyes down, voice low.
“Is it ridiculous to save someone else? Because you do it all the time. Like now, you rescuing this piece of trash who made you cry. You don’t think I want to save someone as worthy as you?
” He swallowed hard. “No, you don’t really need saving, right?
Like you standing there, surrounded by men and guns, you were fine.
” He didn’t meet my eyes, but there was a lot of anger in him. It made me cold.
When I rushed off to rescue Carmichael, I didn’t think about Horse worrying about me, but of course he would after he’d put so much effort into protecting me and the baby.
He’d carried me up all those stairs. And redecorated the guest room, and let me into his inner sanctum.
Maybe marriage wasn’t a huge deal after such a private person opened up like that.
He stared at his large hands like he wasn’t sure how they’d gotten blood on them. He’d skinned his knuckles punching Boney. He always wrapped his hands, probably to keep them in good shape for his piano.
I reached out and grabbed those hands, squeezing them tight. “I’m sorry for making you worry. You really do take your job seriously as protector of the dragon.”
He raised his head, dark eyes glittering with anger.
“You’re sorry for making me worry? Maybe you could be sorry for putting yourself in danger, hm?
Whether I’m worried or not is beside the point.
Your life is precious, doubly precious with a baby on the line.
Why do you really want marriage all of a sudden?
I’m feeling like you’re trying to scare me away.
I’m not Nix. Marriage isn’t my greatest fear, along with cute virgins. ”
I froze. Was I trying to scare him away? No. I didn’t want him to run away from me because my family was on the far side of insane. I wanted him to hold onto me the way I was holding on to his hands. I’d really thought I was going to die. And I’d been okay with that. What was wrong with me?
I took a deep breath, still holding his hands too tight.
“My mother will kill the father of my child if he doesn’t marry me.
Literally. She’s like Jezebel only with more backup.
You aren’t the father of my child, so I can’t drag you into my mess.
I made it, and yes, it was a little bit of a relief to see the end because it’s such a big mess.
I’m such a mess. My rampages aren’t okay or healthy, and I can’t talk when the feelings get too loud.
You’re a nice guy. Capable. Intelligent.
Caring. You deserve to make your own messes to clean up. ”
I tried to pull away, but he reversed the hold so that he was gripping me.
His eyes were intent, filled with emotions that I couldn’t pinpoint.
Anger, frustration, fear were in there, but also something else, maybe a flicker of hope.
“Trixie, I like you. I’ve always liked you.
And at this point, no one is going to believe that I’m not the father of your child.
” He shrugged his large shoulders. “The mess is made. So it’s a good thing I don’t mind messes. ”
I squinted at him. He looked sincere, almost frighteningly earnest. He liked me?
Why did that make my heart flutter like I had a million butterflies?
And he was holding my hands so tight. I really liked that.
I liked him. Terrifying. The feelings rolled around in me, bigger and bigger until it felt like death. Maybe more than like. Maybe a lot more.
I swallowed hard. “Will you marry me, Horse? We can separate later if you want, if things don’t work out, which is likely considering the state of marriage in society today, but…”
He raised my hand and pressed a hard kiss on my knuckles, all while staring at me with an intensity in his eyes that made my stomach curl.
“You’re asking me to marry you to protect me from your mother.
And I’m accepting because I like you, and I want to go maternity shopping with you.
Now that we’ve got all the sentimentality out of the way, let’s talk logistics before I burst into tears. Do you have a ring?”
I blinked at him. A ring? I held up a finger, then I searched my pockets and came up with a large nut. Would it fit? I held it up, feeling like an idiot. “Just this.”
He held out his hand so I could slide it over his knuckle. It fit, but would be incredibly uncomfortable, and was pretty dirty. “It’ll do until we can get a matching set. I love matching rings.”
I studied the large man in his suit. “I see. You put on the suit and all of a sudden you’re looking for commitment.” He looked so good. I tried to drop his hands, but he wasn’t letting me go.
He frowned suddenly. “Seriously, Trixie, you can’t go rescuing some piece of trash out of the junkyard without letting me know.
I almost had a heart attack when they told me you took off on my bike.
Again. You need to tell me what’s going on with you.
I didn’t know if it was a rampage or what.
We agreed that I was protecting you until we figured out the threat, but you just took off without so much as a text.
Are you trying to make me lose all my hair?
If we’re going to do this, you need to communicate with me. Does that sound fair?”
Fair. Yes. Honest communication was the only fair thing. I cleared my throat. “So…rampages. If you married me, would it be okay if I used your body during my fits of irrational impulsiveness?”
“Use my body…” He trailed off like it wasn’t extremely obvious what that meant.
I licked my lips and tried again. “I need to drown the feelings in physical contact or alcohol, usually both. Would that be okay with you? I can try to do something else, like the last time I did jewelry making with Sunshine.”
His eyes narrowed. “You want to use my body to drown your feelings?” He shook his head.
“Don’t say that you’re using me. Marriage usually includes intimacy unless there are reasons not to…
like if it puts the baby at risk. It’s not using each other.
I don’t like how that feels. Dirty. Cheap.
Transactional. You’d turn me into a prostitute and I’d do the same to you.
Marriage is serious, Trixie. You don’t propose to someone unless you like them enough to touch them even when you aren’t motivated by fits of irrational impulsiveness, however much you’re worried about your mother killing me. ”
He wasn’t taking my mother as a serious threat. Also, it sounded like I’d hit a nerve. Did this have to do with the hidden wound that kept him from opening up his heart to women? The ripped quilt and the wrecked vehicle? I needed to tell him about that. We were being honest. Good times.
“I like touching you.” I licked my lips.
That’s not what I thought was going to come out.
“I went into your room. I got a shirt out of your closet because none of mine fit and I wasn’t thinking.
I just walked in like you hadn’t specifically asked me not to.
And the way you touch me is incredibly addictive.
I could turn you into my escape so easily.
Everything about you is exactly what I crave. ”
He stared at me while I wanted to throw myself out of the helicopter.
So many feelings pounded at me. Embarrassment from my confession, and the fact that I’d set up this whole situation because I didn’t tell him what was going on the second I heard about Boney.
I was an idiot. And I was out of control.
And I’d dragged him into my mess when he was a perfectly nice guy who deserved better. And I’d invaded his personal space.
He studied me, then started nodding, eyes intent and serious. “I get it. Part of your rampages are from your need for physical contact. I need lots of physical contact too. It’ll be nice when we can spar together.”
Yes! Finally, something normal. “Sword forms.”
He gave me a sexy manwhore grin. “And wrestling on my mats.” He winked at me and rubbed my hands. “How do you feel? Any cramping? Nausea?”
And that was it. All the issues faced and overcome, like he ate problems for breakfast. I focused on my stomach. Was I okay? I looked up at him. “I’m hungry.” If I didn’t eat soon, I’d probably throw up.
He grinned and caressed my hands with his fingers that still hadn’t let me go. “Mama birds are always hungry. I read it in an online article.”
“Then you know it’s true. We can stop for snacks and then head to the wedding chapel drive-through.”
He blinked at me, all expression washing off his face. “You want to marry me now?”
“Why not? You’re wearing a suit. You look like you’re going to a wedding or a funeral.”
“You look like you’re going to hunt vampires. You need to have a check-up before we do anything else, other than eating, and snacks aren’t going to do it. You need real food: vegetables, protein, and complex carbs, things that will feed the body and soul.”
I exhaled a sigh and leaned back in my chair, but we were still holding hands. It felt so good. “You’re not a horse, you’re a nag.”