11. Dragon
Chapter Eleven
DRAGON
Ishould let him go. Or I should take him to a hotel, somewhere nice with big beds and lots of space.
But instead, we were going up the stairs, back to the apartment he’d fled after my mother showed him the photo album.
He’d looked so cute with Marco’s baby, his huge hands holding the tiny package so easily.
He was going to be the best dad. Strong.
Stable. With a touch of whimsy that could help bring childhood magic alive.
“Do you want to do Santa?” I asked, glancing at him.
He stared at me. “In what way?”
I snickered. “The magic of Christmas. For the baby. Not that babies really notice anything, but…”
He picked me up in a bridal carry, holding me close while he climbed.
“Horse? Are you okay? Are you having second thoughts after holding Marco’s baby? Is it the family? Did Uncle Ni?o threaten you?”
He kissed me soft, slow, so soft that my thoughts spun away in a cloud. When he pulled back, his eyes were intent, so much prettier than they should be beneath the fluorescent light. Why was he so handsome?
“I want to do Santa Claus. I’ll get a red suit with a white beard, and we’ll get a chimney big enough for me to climb down. I’d love to do the magic of Christmas with you.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder and let him carry me.
Even after two naps, I was tired after the wedding, and not sleeping last night from worrying about my family.
Things weren’t as bad as they could be. No one pulled a knife on Horse and threatened to castrate him if he broke my heart. That was probably tomorrow’s agenda.
“Do you want to get a house with a chimney?” I asked. “I thought you liked living in the hotel.”
“Yeah. I like whatever you want.” He was out of breath, so I had mercy on him and stopped talking. When we got to our floor, he didn’t put me down, just went through the living room and down the hall where the tiny bed was. This was such a bad idea.
“There’s a bathroom down the hall,” I said while he stood in the doorway, staring at the bed.
He slowly put me down, sliding me down his body in the most delicious way. He was so strong.
For a second, I just stared at him while my heart beat faster and faster until I turned and went to my suitcase, rifling around until I came up with my pajamas.
I grabbed my toothbrush and went down the hall without looking at him.
Otherwise, I’d forget about everything else.
He was so handsome, and he looked at me like I was the only woman in the world.
I was starting to actually believe what his eyes were telling me.
When I got back, Horse was in a pair of soft pants and a blue t-shirt, shaving in a little mirror with an automatic razor.
I leaned against the door, watching him shave.
It was so mesmerizing: the whirring engine, the strong hand, the focus he gave the small mirror, and then the smooth bare skin revealed.
I wanted to touch his skin, to taste it.
When he finished his cleft chin, he gave me a manwhore smile that sent a shiver of aching through me to my bare toes. I dropped my toothbrush, grabbed him, and pulled him to the bed.
I pulled the covers back and climbed in on the far side so he’d have as much space as possible. Which wasn’t a lot.
“Is this okay?” I asked him.
He knelt on the edge of the mattress and looked at me with an intensity that almost hurt, it was so sharp and hungry. “No. Wife. Can I make you mine? Just for tonight?”
I shook my head, smoothing his silky chin with my tingling fingertips. “Make me yours forever.”
He groaned and pulled me against him, pressing his open mouth to my throat while his hands clenched my shirt until I heard the unmistakable sound of tearing fabric.
He’d ripped my shirt? I loved that so much. I laughed and then dragged up his shirt, over his impressive pectorals and head, leaving it tangled on one arm. I’d wanted to touch him like this for so long. I spread my hands over his chest, but my hands weren’t large enough to encompass his strength.
He rolled me, taking my hands and kissing my fingers, wrists, down my arms to my shoulders. I let him take the lead, watching his dark head as he raised my hem with his teeth and then kissed my stomach.
There was so much passion, but it was mingled with this sacred adoration, like I was a precious work of art he needed to worship.
I gripped his hair while he kissed me and felt like I was falling off the side of a building, down, down, down, while his soft lips and tongue sent shivers all over my skin.
I hadn’t been with someone sober for over a decade.
Suddenly my chest hurt. Hurt like going through a rail and rolling down an embankment, shattering a heart and a pelvis.
It hurt like love. Like disappointment when you realize that your mother is one of the bad guys, and your dad doesn’t do anything to stop it.
Hurt like hearing Charlie talk about Lucas.
Hurt like Lucas telling me he’d always love me.
Hurt like me being stupid enough to believe him, to trust him, to let myself be vulnerable.
“Trix?” Horse whispered, brushing a calloused palm over my face.
I was staring at him, but I wasn’t seeing clearly. I blinked and realized there were tears. I shook my head and tried to ignore the feelings, or channel them into his skin, but he didn’t want me to use him like that. And I didn’t want to use him at all.
He rolled onto his side and tucked me against his chest, his arms tight, squeezing me tight enough that some of the sadness leaked out. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. As long as you want me, I’m here.”
I closed my eyes and let him hold me, tangled up in feelings that were too big and painful to bear, but somehow, his presence made it possible. After a few minutes, I could breathe without it hurting. A few more, and I started to relax. He had me. He wasn’t going to let go.
“I’m sober,” I finally whispered.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.”
“I need you.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t mean to say that.
“Trixie ‘Dragon’ O’Hara doesn’t need anyone,” he murmured, lightly stroking my shoulder with his thumb. “But I’m here as long as you want me, for whatever reason. ”
“Can I talk to you?”
He inhaled sharply and pressed a hard kiss to the back of my messy curls. “Yes. Always. Please talk to me.” He sounded so desperate. And he was holding onto me tight enough that maybe I wouldn’t crash and burn if I opened up a little.
“My mother fed me too much. It’s like she really was fattening me up for something.
You saw the photo album. I was really big, and I competed, so I kept my hair short.
I was used to being one of the guys, but then Lucas helped me sign up for races.
He was so cool. Everyone else thought I was crazy, all my brothers.
None of them would help me, but Dad’s gym had to be paid off, and everyone was so stressed out.
So I started street racing, and Lucas went with me.
He didn’t let anyone talk bad about me, no matter what happened. ”
“He was a good friend,” he murmured, hands smoothing over my arms, holding me even tighter.
I nodded and then shook my head. “My only friend, because he wasn’t scared of me. And when I had my first period, he was there and let me know I wasn’t dying. Without him, I don’t know what I would’ve done. My mom did not prepare me for that.”
“Your parents were okay with you racing?”
“They didn’t know. I’d go to fights, and Lucas would bring the car, so I’d just sneak out to the race afterwards. My brothers covered for me.”
“He got a cut?”
“Yeah, but he only took it after my dad’s gym was good. Or maybe he took more than he told me he got. I don’t know. He dealt with all of that, and I trusted him.”
“I’m glad he was there when you needed him.”
My stomach twisted. “Yeah. I idolized him, so naturally, when I hit that age, I started wanting him to notice me. I started letting my hair grow. I looked so bad during that stage. And I stopped eating everything my mom gave me. I ate salad like all the skinny girls. I shot up, my curves came in, and then I started shopping with my cousin, Theresa. She’s older, really good at makeup and looking pretty.
She said that pretty wasn’t what I should go for, because I was too powerful for that. But I could do sexy if I wanted.”
“You’re so pretty, Trix. You’re the prettiest. You can be powerful and pretty.”
I smiled and rolled over in his arms so I could press my cheek against his chest. “Okay. I’m glad you think so.
Anyway, at the races, other guys started noticing me.
Lucas was protective, you know, don’t look at my little sister, which was so embarrassing.
I have three brothers. Also, I don’t need anyone to protect me.
When I came home from that race, I kept my makeup and cute clothes on.
My mom had hysterics. Thought I’d become a prostitute.
I came clean about racing. My dad had hysterics.
Thought I was going to die. It was stressful.
But Dad’s gym was paid off, and I was old enough to know what I wanted. ”
“How old?”
“Fifteen. I loved racing. Fighting is good, but racing is home.”
He rubbed my back and nodded against my head. “It’s good to know what you want.”
“Yeah. But you shouldn’t want things that burn. I told Lucas that I wanted to date him. He said my family would kill him if they knew.”
“So it was a secret relationship. How Romeo and Juliet.”
I sighed heavily. My chest was aching, but at the same time, I was actually talking to someone, and it felt good to not be alone in my own tangled-up feelings.
“Yeah. And after two years, it ended just as well. I found him with a girl, and got angry right before a race. I crashed, burned, smashed my pelvis and my heart. And then I found out I couldn’t have any kids.
Lucas came to the hospital. He brought orange tiger lilies.
They’re my favorite. Or they were. He just stood there with those flowers for the longest time before he finally said he was sorry, but sometimes he needed to be with someone who made him feel strong. ”
“What an absolute idiot! I hope you had your brothers shoot him.”
I laughed, and it wasn’t as choked up as I expected.
These words I hadn’t been able to say for so many years felt good to have out instead of stuck inside my chest, cutting up my insides.
Saying it out loud, it didn’t seem like a big deal.
It was sad to lose your first love, but kind of inevitable.
Lucas wasn’t that great, and I was just a normal girl who didn’t know any better.
“Yeah. He offered me the opportunity to be his secret girlfriend as long as I didn’t mind him dating other girls too.
I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me that they loved me, even if I was broken inside, but I wasn’t enough for the one person I cared about.
It hurt so much. When I got well enough to race, I left home, as far away as possible, and I just kept racing, running away from the pain until I ended up in Las Vegas.
Nix talked me into joining his team, and then Jezabel came along.
I’m happy that Nix found his Sunshine, but at the same time, it started feeling like the world was crumbling.
And then I got pregnant, and you saved me. ”
“You saved me,” he rumbled. “People mess up. It’s what we do.
Thanks for letting me be here for you. Thanks for not running away from me.
You’re enough for any man. And you’re enough without any man.
You’re going to be an amazing mother. You love so deep and so true.
I’m so proud of you for facing the fear and walking through to the other side.
You are so brave.” He kissed my forehead and touched my face, like the most validating person in the world would talk to a three-year-old.
The pain eased out of my chest, and I was left feeling almost okay. He really would make the best dad.
I kissed his chin. So silky. “Thanks. Your chin is the most adorable thing. I love the cleft. So manly.”
He cleared his throat. “Adorably manly, that’s me. I love your curls. So wild.”
I studied him in the reflected streetlight through the window. He really was so handsome, drawn almost unnaturally perfect. “I want you to adore me like some delicate princess in a storybook.” I smoothed my hands over his bare chest. “Unless you’d rather I ravish you like a dragon.”
“Both are good, but right now, we’ll go with adore.” He gave me a slow smile that lit his eyes. “I adore you, Trix. Wife. Love. And I always will.” And then he kissed me like it was true.