Chapter Fifteen
Gwyn
I kept shaking my head, sure my mind had to be playing tricks on me. If it hadn’t been for the smell of him still on my skin, I’d have been sure it was only a daydream.
I had sex with Carl!
Closing the oven and setting the timer, I turned toward my little bathroom, but my steps slowed as I neared the doorway. I needed to shower, I had been sweaty even before my romp with Carl, but the omega part of me didn’t want to lose the alpha’s scent. Having mine the only one in the house always left me on edge, the instinctive part of me feeling unsafe because I didn’t have an alpha to protect me, despite my desire to be independent.
Fingers curling into my palms, I argued with myself, urging logic to win so I could take those last few steps, but my omega side was tired of being suppressed. I found myself heading through my bedroom door instead as I tugged my shirt over my head. The desire to shed all my clothing and bury them in my nest was overwhelming, but I reined it in until I managed to get my jeans and underwear into the laundry hamper, while my shirt took the place of my pillow cover.
Sighing, I shook my head at myself.
“You can’t help instincts. It’s fine. It doesn’t mean anything.”
It was a little easier forcing myself into the shower knowing I had his scent in my nest, but part of me still deflated as his smokey chocolate and hints of graham cracker faded away with the water running over my skin.
I was drying off when my timer dinged. With just myself in the house there was no reason to dress, so I wrapped myself in the fluffy robe I’d splurged on and went to eat my dinner.
Alone.
Emotions swirled beneath the surface, but I knew cracking them open wouldn’t be the best idea. It would be too easy to get lost in the storm, and I didn’t think I’d make it out the other side in one piece. Loneliness and worry were constant companions, but there was more buried beneath those, and I wasn’t ready to deal with it all.
My skin began to prickle, warning me my shower was about to be pointless since I was on the verge of sweating again. It had been a warm day, and between the oven running and the robe, it felt like the air conditioner couldn’t keep up.
Exhaustion hit, dragging my shoulders down as I stared at my half-eaten food. Things kept piling up, one problem after another calling for my attention, but there was only so much of me to go around.
Tossing my dishes in the sink, I couldn’t even find the energy to clean them properly and put them away despite knowing I’d regret not doing it in the morning. Adding having the AC checked to my EVENTUALLY list, I ignored the ASAP list hanging beside it on the fridge and headed for bed. The day had started early, and so much had happened. All I wanted to do was sleep, and for once, my body and brain cooperated and let me drift off. I couldn’t remember anything after tossing my robe aside and snuggling into my nest, hugging the pillow covered in the shirt that smelled of an alpha I shouldn’t want.
I was still dreaming when voices outside startled me awake, my thighs smeared with slick from the hands I’d imagined doing wicked things to me. Sunlight poured through the window, showing I’d slept far later than usual, and a heavy thump vibrating through the walls had me lurching from the bed in search of clothes to go figure out what was going on.
A yawn kept me from seeing when I first pulled the door open, and I had to rub the moisture from my eyes as I stepped out. It took a moment to remember why David’s truck was out front and a ladder leaned against the opposite end of the house.
Carl turned to me after climbing down the ladder, but I didn’t need the grin on his face to remember why the space between my thighs ached. Just a whiff of his scent on the breeze had my core clenching, begging for a repeat.
Just maybe on something softer than concrete. My backside reminded me I was too old to be plowed against something so unyielding.
My cheeks heated and I knew he’d smell the direction my thoughts had gone once he closed the space between us.
“Good morning. Sorry we woke you.”
I pushed my hair back from my face, realizing I’d forgotten to brush it in my hurry to see what was going on outside. There was no use being embarrassed about it after he’d already seen me as a sweaty mess less than a day prior.
“Good morning. It’s fine, I need to be up anyway.”
My heart was thumbing behind my breastbone, my fingers tingling with the desire to reach out and run them though his beard before pulling his head down so I could feel those firm lips again. It was hard to think past the lust flooding my bloodstream, but the sight of another alpha standing in my driveway was the distraction I needed.
Carl glanced over his shoulder as if he’d noticed the way I tensed.
“That’s Jackson. He’s going to help today since Jason couldn’t.”
Swallowing, I nodded, pulling my focus back to the big alpha in front of me. I wasn’t really comfortable with another alpha so near my home, but at least he was younger than us, and I reminded myself they had a job to do.
“I appreciate it.”
Carl looked like he wanted to say more, like he wanted to close the gap between us and do the things I’d been imagining only a few minutes before as I’d dreamed, but he did an admirable job of acting casual.
“Does the plumbing work on the other side?”
Brow arching, I knew I looked confused as I let my chin dip again.
“Yeah, mostly.”
There were issues, just like with everything in my life, but it was easier to keep the answer simple.
“If you don’t mind leaving that side unlocked for us to use the bathroom and get water, we’ll get this roof taken care of in a few hours.”
My shoulders lifted, a weight I hadn’t noticed easing at his suggestion. He was constantly amazing me with how perceptive he was, and how good he was at finding ways to make me more comfortable.
“If not we can always use The Hangout, it would just save time to have access here.”
“Yeah, no problem. I’d planned to do a little work over there today, so I’d be here if you needed me, but that would work better for me to be able to focus on the café instead.”
“There’s no reason to hang around and listen to the banging. It’ll be louder here than it was yesterday since the roof is lower.”
A little part of me tried to melt, telling me he was being protective because he cared, but I reminded that part it was natural for an alpha to act that way towards an omega. It didn’t make me special or mean anything more than that.
Even after yesterday.
“Okay then. I’ll leave the front door over there unlocked and keep working on the café. You’ll call me when you’re ready for lunch?”
I ignored the way my voice changed on the last part, a little too much hope shining through. Apparently I’d regressed to a teenage girl with her first crush.
“Sounds good. Just, be careful.”
It didn’t matter how many times I told myself it didn’t mean anything, the concern he showed for me still made a warm glow spread through my chest.
Was this how it was supposed to feel with an alpha?
I went back into the house and finished getting ready for the day, chugging a cup of coffee before pouring the rest in a thermos. Carl and Jackson were already up on the roof by the time I came out and unlocked the other side of the duplex, a pile of old shingles growing in the yard.
“Carl?”
I didn’t want to disturb any of my neighbors, but I had to pitch my voice to carry up to where the guys were. I worried I hadn’t been loud enough until a bearded face peered over the edge at me.
“It’s unlocked, and I left some coffee in there for the two of you. I’m heading out.”
It might not have been necessary to tell him I was leaving since we both knew the plan for the day, but it hadn’t felt right to walk away without saying anything.
“Thanks. I’ll call when we’re ready for a break, if you don’t come back first.”
Toes curling in my sneakers, that warm glow spread through my limbs. It was so easy to trust him, to fall into the natural pattern of alpha and omega, and after knowing what he felt like inside me, it was hard not to think about how nice it would be to have that feeling every day.
Of course, those thoughts led to what my life had been like with Anthony. Those fuzzy, warm feelings had died as soon as I came to from the daze of my first heat and I realized what had happened.
My first heat had come earlier than most omegas, and unfortunately my mother hadn’t thought it necessary to prepare me ahead of time. I had still been a naive teen girl, flattered because an older alpha was interested in me. I’d always been a bit on the plump side, and plain, with my brown hair and eyes, so I hadn’t been used to the attention, nor was I smart enough to realize why he’d suddenly noticed me when I had seen him plenty of times at the convenience store by the shitty apartment I lived in with my parents.
A couple of accidental meetings with increased flirting led to a laughable date at the fast-food place on the corner. A couple more of those within the span of a week led to heavy petting that made me think the way I felt was due to the new experiences and the excitement of it all. He’d convinced me to sneak out to meet him at night, and even after I was half delirious with what I thought was just a fever, I was too stupid to stay away. It couldn’t have been more than an hour after that foolish decision before it was too late.
The fear and confusion were what I remembered feeling first, but it was the hope that hurt the most. I’d been dumb enough to hope for the best, despite what had happened. Na?ve enough to think he’d been as overcome as I had been, his desire to be with me too strong to resist, and it was all just instincts that had led to him biting me without permission.
That hope had been ruthlessly crushed, ground beneath the weight of Anthony’s cruelty. His demands on my body and utter lack of care or concern for my wellbeing wore me down, and if it hadn’t been for my sons, I wasn’t sure I’d have had the will to hang onto the last threads of myself and keep going after what he’d put me through.
My head was a tangled mess as I walked to the café that held so many of my long-buried dreams. Even the bright paint in the kitchen couldn’t cheer me up, and looking into the dining room that still carried traces of scent from what had happened with Carl only helped stir things more.
The omega part of me yearned for Carl, but years of abuse screamed to stay away. Told me that I had let him in too fast, and he would end up hurting me just like Anthony had if I was stupid enough to fall for him.
“He’s not like Anthony.”
The whisper was barely loud enough to hear in the empty space, the lack of conviction behind it showing how torn I was. It didn’t matter anyway, since he’d been clear whatever this was between us was only a friends-with-benefits situation. As soon as he was done with the work I’d hired him for, or he found someone else, it would end.
And I’d be alone again.
Blinking the sting from my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head. I was a grown woman, not some child unaware of how the world worked. I’d be fine, no matter what happened. I’d already proven I could survive even the worst situation.
I worked on finishing what I’d been doing the previous night until my nose burned from the fumes and my muscles cramped from the labor of smoothing the filler so flooring could be laid overtop it. There hadn’t been much left to finish, so I was done in a matter of hours, with time to kill before I could head home for lunch. Despite the confusion of my feelings, I still looked forward to spending more time with Carl and providing for him. It soothed an itch in my soul to be needed by someone, even if it was for something as simple as lunch.
I went outside to get fresh air as I gave in and placed the order for the counters I wanted from my phone. The crunch of tires on pavement drew my attention up, and the sight of the old burgundy Cadilac stole the breath from my lungs, my heart stuttering as the world froze.
It didn’t matter that I knew he was gone.
That the hole where our bond had been confirmed my mate was dead.
Because that was his car, here, in the place I was trying to start a new life.
I’d been found.