Chapter Eighteen
Gwyn
C arl had brought me out of the shock I’d been in, but he’d only muddled my thoughts more with his offers and revelations.
What could I do?
The old me who’d been beaten down and trapped in a bond that sucked all the will from me would have given in without a fight, secretly hoping a second bond would finally kill me. It wasn’t that the few who survived losing their mate couldn’t take a new one, but taking on the weight of another alpha who cared nothing for me other than the status he received for having an omega mate and the high he could get from my heats would have drowned me.
But now?
Carl was right.
I was so close to the dream that had taken root in me when I realized I could be free. Looking at it every day, it was hard to see the progress I’d made, but thinking back made me realize how far I’d come with the café. The kitchen might be empty, but it was clean and painted, ready for its new life. The front end still needed more attention, but progress was being made, and I knew I was on the right track to opening the doors.
But that only meant I had more to lose.
It didn’t matter which of Anthony’s buddies Adam picked to claim me, I’d be enslaved to another alpha who thought he was so perfect he was willing to kill others for being different. The Purists claimed shifters were the cause of all the strife and hardships people faced, and that wiping them from existence was the only way to bring back the good ole days . I’d known it was wrong before, but I’d been too burdened with my own issues to look beyond at what the Purists were doing to others. After meeting Carl and growing closer to him, he’d solidified the fact that there were good and bad in all people, shifter or not, and I couldn’t stand by and remain silent any longer. I wanted nothing to do with the Purists.
But that would mean cutting my ties to Adam.
I couldn’t help thinking of the little boy who smiled so wide while rolling his monster trucks through the mud, and ate strawberries until his belly bulged. The one who would sneak into bed with me when there was a thunderstorm at night, only to slip out again before morning so his dad wouldn’t catch him and lecture him about how alphas weren’t supposed to be scared of anything.
I’d beaten myself up for so long over how he’d become more and more like his father with each year that passed, and the guilt was on the verge of strangling me. I had to remind myself it wasn’t my fault, I’d shown him there were other ways, yet he’d chosen to follow Anthony and the Purists.
Realizing I was going to lose him completely if I fought this felt like Anthony dying all over again. The gaping wound in my chest, the pain and pressure, and the inability to draw a full breath.
But if I gave in and did nothing, I was going to lose myself. I had only begun to find who I was beneath the years repression, but I still didn’t want to go back to the way things were before. I wanted to keep pushing, no matter how hard it was, until I knew I was me again.
And Carl’s offers…
Hiding in the mountains forever might sound idyllic, but I was tired of running from my problems. I felt like I’d found my purpose with my dream of having a little haven for people to come together in a safe place, and I didn’t want to give that up, even if running would be easier. I didn’t know if Carl meant he’d stay there with me, but I couldn’t ask him to give up his life too.
And his other offer…
The omega in me wanted to throw herself into his arms and tell him to bite me the second I was in heat. He’d proven he was trustworthy and reliable, that he wouldn’t take advantage of his strength or dominance, and I was more than attracted to him…
But how would I know if I’d found me if there was someone else tangled up inside me too? Carl was a better option than one of the Purists, and I’d started to think there might be a day when I would be ready to entertain the thought of having a mate again, but I wanted time to see how things went before we made a permanent decision. I didn’t want the offer made out of pity or rushed because he felt obligated.
“You can claim all the benefits you want from me.”
I loved that despite the gravity of the situation, he was still able to make me smile.
“I’ll have to think about what I want to do. I know I don’t want one of them to claim me, but maybe they’ll still think I’m too old to bother with. And I don’t think he has any legal claim to the building or money.”
“That, at least, I know we can help with. I’ll get you a meeting with a lawyer that can let you know if he’s got any chance, and what your best defense is.”
I opened my mouth to argue before letting it close. Carl wanted to help, said he could, and I needed it. I had to learn to trust others and let them in. Being independent didn’t mean I had to do everything on my own.
“Okay.”
Carl shifted and winced.
“If you’re old, I must be ancient, because my knees don’t like this pavement. Why don’t we head back to your place and make a plan somewhere less… painful.”
His comment brought the dull throb in my knees to my attention, the lower half of my legs prickling with the warning that I wasn’t going to like the way they felt when I moved. When I straightened and took my weight off my feet, my breath came out in a gasp. My muscles refused to cooperate as the change in position sent a rush of sensation through my calves that stole a whine from my throat as my palms crashed into the pavement to keep me from completely collapsing.
“Here, I’ve got you.”
Warm hands wrapped around my ribs, helping me upright and holding me steady as feeling returned to my lower limbs. It was things like that, Carl’s quiet support and inherent kindness, that kept drawing me closer and closer to the alpha.
“Thanks. I think I’m okay now.”
He seemed reluctant to pull his hands away, and I felt just as disappointed when his fingers left me. I wanted to feel them on me again the way they had been the day before, when he’d seemed so hungry for me.
“Food will do you good. Let’s eat, and then we can figure out the rest from there.”
I knew he was right, but food wasn’t what was on my mind. Just the thought of trying to eat made my stomach turn.
I tried to keep my mind blank as we walked to my house, knowing if I let myself go down the hole of worries, I’d have a hard time coming back. I wouldn’t be able to ignore the threat long, but I didn’t want to face it again when Carl had just pulled me back from the brink.
When the house came into view, the younger alpha who’d been helping Carl was waiting in the driveway, his motorcycle parked beside David’s truck.
“Hey Jax. I can finish up on my own. I’ll see you at The Hangout tonight.”
Head tipping, the other man eyed the two of us before lifting one shoulder.
“Okay. See ya.”
He stuffed the brown paper bag he’d been holding into the pouch on the side of his bike before swinging his leg over the seat. He seemed to wince when he sat down, but he was walking the bike backwards before I could tell for sure.
The bike didn’t make the roar Carl’s did when he started it, but it was loud enough I was sure it would draw the attention of my neighbors. There was no way they’d miss the old truck in my driveway, or the massive alpha at my side, but the voice that would have whispered in my mind before was oddly silent.
Carl stopped on the sidewalk a respectful distance from my door, and I turned to look up at him. As scary as he appeared, my instincts had insisted from the beginning that he was safe, and I was tired of fighting them.
Reaching out, I took his big hand in mine, enjoying the rough catch of the callouses from the labor he did. I remembered my grandmother saying something derogatory about men with soft hands, but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was. Still, I agreed with the sentiment.
Brow arched, he looked at me in question as I took a step toward the door and tugged on his hand.
“You said you’d eat anything I put in front of you, but I can’t get naked on the front lawn.”
His eyes darkened as his lips curled, and I didn’t miss the way the bulge in his jeans grew. It didn’t take any more urging for him to follow me inside, the door clicking shut behind us with a finality I hoped meant I could forever walk away from the scared woman I’d been for too long.
Carl hesitated on the tile entryway, focused on me in a way that sent chills down my spine.
“You’re sure? We can always go to my place.”
I shook my head, biting my bottom lip before releasing it to speak.
“No, I want to be here. I want you in my nest.”
I didn’t need to add that I wanted the familiarity of my nest to keep away the worries, or that I wanted the memories in case I needed something to look back on if the worst happened. I knew he would understand, just like he always seemed to.
“Then lead the way.”
His voice was rough with desire, making a wave of warmth pass through me as my nipples tightened and my core clenched. It probably wasn’t smart to have sex with an alpha when my heat was coming, it could trigger it early, but I was beyond caring.
I wanted him.
I wanted the way he made me feel.
Not releasing his hand, I headed for my bedroom.