Chapter 29
An entire day had passed and Clover felt like she was going to scale the walls of the safe house. She could only imagine how the others were handling things, considering they’d been in hiding and on the run for longer.
Technically she wasn’t on the run, just…avoiding the Feds. And avoiding Micah, so there was that.
Micah was in the bedroom working on his laptop so she’d been reading in the other room. Taryn and Ilena were watching a movie and Maeve had been online more often than not. Apparently her parents had limited her online time so she was scouring everything and anything she could get her hands on.
“I fear for all of humanity,” Maeve sighed as she flopped on the long couch next to Clover.
She set her book down—she hadn’t been retaining anything anyway. “Why?”
“It’s only been a couple years since I’ve had unlimited online access, but I forgot what a cesspool it is out there.”
Clover snorted. “Yeah, it’s pretty bad in some dark corners. But there’s a lot of good out there too. You just have to find your community.”
“You think there’s one for people trapped in a conservatorship?”
She let out a startled laugh. “I think you’re going to be surprised by my answer.
I’ve got a few documentaries to recommend…
” She turned on the couch, tucking her legs underneath her.
It was afternoon but would get dark soon, the shadows already shifting from the mostly closed blinds.
None of them had gone outside except Micah, who’d run a few errands.
“So once you’re free, what do you want to do? ”
Maeve blinked, frowned. “I…I’ve been focused on the day-to-day of just surviving,” she finally whispered. “It’s been so boring more than anything, which sounds inane. It’s not like they abused me—”
“Oh, they abused you. They’ve taken away all of your autonomy.
It doesn’t matter that you have a chef or a giant personal library or a beautiful home.
You’re in a gilded cage and you can’t leave.
Can’t make choices about your own body. Can’t have real relationships, can’t plan your future. That’s abuse.”
Maeve closed her eyes, a few tears streaming down her cheeks. “I know. I do know it. I just also know that it could be a lot worse.”
“You don’t have to compare your trauma to others. You’re in a shitty situation and you deserve to be living your life on your terms. So what are your dreams?”
“I’m honestly afraid to say them out loud. I’m terrified if I vocalize them…”
Clover nodded when Maeve didn’t continue. “That makes sense. Don’t say them out loud, then, but I hope you’re thinking about them and holding them close to your heart. Because you are going to be free and I hope you go for all your dreams.”
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I can honestly say I never imagined ending up where I am now. This is…”
“Bonkers?”
“Taryn likes to say bananapants.”
Clover grinned. “I think I like her word better.”
“Me too… You think we could order pizza?”
It seemed clear the other woman wanted a subject change, so she nodded. “Maybe not order it for delivery, but I bet Micah will pick some up for us. I can cook something though.”
“No, the food your friends dropped off and the stuff you got is great. I just want something…normal, I guess. Maybe normal is the wrong word. My parents are so weird about what I eat. They…” She let out another sigh.
“They control everything that I eat and drink and it all has to be organic, healthy, and oh my god, I feel like I sound bananapants but I want junk food.”
“You want to make your own damn choices. We will absolutely get you whatever pizza you want. Or anything else.”
“Thank you. I’m going to see what the others want. Will you ask Micah if he’ll grab us some?”
“Of course.” Unfortunately that meant going back into the bedroom and actually talking to him. With words.
What a pain, when she’d been so good at avoiding him. Though he’d slept on the freaking couch last night instead of in their joint bedroom. Which was probably a good idea, but she still found herself irrationally annoyed that he’d made the decision to sleep out here without even talking to her.
Again, she knew she was being irrational after their discussion yesterday.
She just didn’t care. As she started to stand, her burner phone buzzed.
Micah had forwarded all her calls but she didn’t recognize this number.
He’d told her she was fine to answer calls, that no one would be tracing them, but she still paused for a moment.
After three rings, she pressed the green button and grunted instead of answering. In case it was the Feds, she didn’t want them to hear her voice.
“Ah…Clover? You there?” It was Nyla.
“Nyla? What number are you calling from?”
“A throwaway. Are you okay? A couple FBI agents came by the restaurant asking questions about you,” she said, her tone hushed.
She’d wondered if they would. “What happened?”
“Nothing really. They asked about Ilena and then they asked about you. I gave them the dates you worked there and Ilena’s. They didn’t overlap, something you obviously know.”
“What was their reaction?”
“I’m not sure. I just gave them the info to do with it what they wanted.”
Huh. “I thought Ilena worked under the table.”
“She did… I think Louis told them about her employment though. Freaking narc,” she muttered. “I’m not sure what his deal is with them, but I think it involves him narcing on people or just providing information so he won’t go to jail. Whatever.” Another mutter of disgust.
“You didn’t get in any trouble, right?”
“Nah. Louis is the owner, not me. I’m just the manager and I don’t do the hiring.”
Except she really did, something they both knew. Clover didn’t correct her though. “Why are you calling me?”
“Just checking on you. The two agents insinuated you were involved in some kidnapping so I set them straight on that. Told them they were out of their minds, that you got a job here trying to figure out what happened to Ilena.”
Damn. “Thank you.”
“It’s true. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were okay since they were sniffing around here.”
“I’m good, thank you.”
“You in touch with her now?”
“Nah.” She didn’t think Nyla was trying to track her or was working with the Feds, but either way she couldn’t tell her much.
“Probably just as well. Sounds like she’s involved in a mess.”
“Agreed.”
After they ended their call, she found Micah in the bedroom, shirtless…doing pushups.
“Oh, I can come back.” She took a step out of the room but still couldn’t take her eyes off him. The man moved with a mesmerizing fluidity that was impossible to ignore.
“Don’t worry about it.” He didn’t break stride, just kept pumping, the hard lines of his muscles flexing with the smooth movements. “Just keeping my body in motion. I haven’t been able to run so this is helping me stay active.”
Of course her mind immediately went to another—naked—way to keep active.
Because her brain was a giant asshole sometimes.
That was not on the table. Clearly. “Nyla just called.” She quickly recapped their conversation.
He popped to his feet as she finished, and sweet gods and goddesses, she forced herself not to stare at all that expanse of muscle. His pecs, abs, lower…nope. Noooo.
“She hates cops so I doubt she’s working with the Feds, but they can’t trace her call anyway.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to ask him if he was sure, but she knew he was. The man was an actual genius.
She had to steer the conversation in another direction though, mostly so she could focus. It was hard when his chest, pecs and biceps all had a light sheen on them from his workout. Even his tattoos seemed to stand out more.
She cleared her throat. “Everyone’s hungry and wants pizza. Is it safe for you to pick some up?”
“Yeah. I know a great place with no cameras. I’ll just order in person and pay in cash and we’ll be good.”
“Great, thanks.” She paused, tried to figure out what the hell she wanted to say. Did she even know what she wanted to say? No. But she’d missed him last night. Should she tell him that? Was that weird? “Look—”
“Clover—”
She laughed lightly and he did the same as they both started to talk.
He cleared his throat. “I don’t want to make things weird for you. It’s why I slept in the living room last night. I never want you to be uncomfortable. Ever.”
“I wouldn’t have cared if you’d slept in here. Or I’d have taken the couch,” she added. “In case you were uncomfortable.” God, she sounded so awkward. No surprise, because it mirrored how she felt.
“I know you would have, but that’s never happening.” He almost looked offended at the thought. “We’re stuck under the same roof until this is resolved and I swear I’ll make this as comfortable for you as possible.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to avoid you. Or not be friends with you.
” Or get naked with you. She still wanted that.
And more. But she was scared and it was like he’d thrown walls up between them she didn’t know how to scale.
Getting cheated on had screwed her up, and deep down she knew she needed to work through it.
She didn’t want to turn down relationships forever.
It was just hard letting go of all that, to be brave enough to try again. And with someone like Micah.
“I know you didn’t, but this is a new situation for me. I was just trying to help us avoid…”
“Awkwardness?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Well…can we just go back to the way things were?” She knew how stupid that sounded.
“No. At least I can’t. I love being your friend and I still want your friendship.
But I also want more than that. I respect that you don’t want a commitment, but for me…
I want more. Again, I respect that you don’t.
Normally we could avoid each other until I get over my feelings or just see each other socially, but since that’s clearly not happening at present, I figured it would be better if I slept in the living room. ”
She blinked as she digested all his words. “Wait…you want a commitment?”
He stared at her for a long moment. “I want to date you, Clover. Be with you and only you. As in exclusively. This isn’t casual for me. And while I respect—”
“I swear to god if you say the word respect again, I’ll lose my mind.”
He gave her a ghost of a smile. “Fine. I want to be exclusive, you want casual. It sucks but I’ll deal. Until I’m over it, I’m putting some distance between us because it hurts. Okay?”
Oh god, her heart ached at the look on his face. She opened her mouth to…say something. She wasn’t even sure what, but he shook his head.
“Please don’t attempt to make this better. It’ll just make things more awkward.”
“I was just going to say…” What was she going to say?
She literally wanted everything he just laid out, but was too terrified to voice her wants.
Micah had the ability to shatter her heart in a way her ex never could have.
Because Micah was…everything her dumbass ex wasn’t.
She tried, but couldn’t make her voice work, couldn’t get the words out.
Because she was a giant coward.
“Clover, it’s fine.” His bruised expression said otherwise, then he cleared his throat. “Now write down your order and I’ll grab pizza for everyone.”
There was more she wanted to say, but he quietly slipped out of the room so she basically collapsed on the edge of the mattress.
He’d literally just said everything she’d ever hoped he would, and instead of running after him, she couldn’t force her feet to move.
She wanted to be brave, ordered herself to be brave, but…
deep down she was worried she would never be right for someone like Micah.
He lived his life exactly the way he wanted, was so incredibly smart it scared her.
He scared her, but in a good way. And she was terrified that once he realized she wasn’t like him, he’d end things.
Her ex hadn’t been half the man that Micah was and she hadn’t been able to keep that relationship going.
What chance did she have of making something with Micah last?