Chapter 1
ONE
SOPHIE
The plane has barely come to a stop at the gate when my phone chirps with a new message.
Sophie, please contact Dr. Bennet’s office as soon as possible to discuss instructions for your upcoming appointment.
My heart skips a beat. Not because I’m scared or worried about this upcoming appointment. At least not in the way I used to be before an appointment.
Like a lot of plus-size girls, I usually dread going to the doctor’s office.
The discussions about my weight. The charts and graphs they’d show while throwing out phrases like “Body Mass Index” and “target weight.” Meanwhile, I’d sit there numbly nodding and agreeing with everything they said.
All the time I wondered when they’d tell me how we were going to treat my sinus infection.
Not this time.
Not only is Dr. Bennet super understanding of my past medical anxiety, but she’s about to help me with the most important step I’ll ever take in my life.
Swallowing hard past a lump that’s suddenly lodged in my throat, I clutch my phone tightly in my hand as I disembark the plane and find a somewhat quiet corner in the airport. I glance over my shoulders and have to laugh at myself.
What am I doing acting like I’m protecting state secrets from spies all around me?
I’ve just landed in Alaska. The only people I know here are my best friend, Winter, and her soon-to-be husband. And I only met him once when he came to Seattle to help her move north.
Slate strikes me as a helpful man, but I doubt he’s spying on me on Winter’s behalf.
There might be some other wedding guests milling about, but if they are, I don’t know them, and I doubt they know me. No one standing around here does. Just like no one cares about this call I’m about to make.
Well, no one besides me. I care. I care so much, my finger shakes as I pull up the doctor’s number and click “CALL.”
As the phone rings, I glance at the nearby window. Snow-capped mountains and thick green forests reach for the sky. It’s not wholly unlike the view I see back home. There’s just more of it. More trees. More mountains. More space.
And, at the moment, more privacy.
A cheerful voice cuts through the phone, interrupting my study. “Dr. Bennet’s office. How can I help you?”
“Hi, uh… This is Sophie. Sophie Hart.” My heart is pounding a mile a minute, making my voice pitch half an octave higher and my words come out a mile a minute.
“I missed a call. From your office. Well, I suppose you would know it’s from your office.
Why would someone call about an appointment at someone else’s office? ”
I give a light laugh, even as I cringe inwardly. Seriously, what is my problem? You’d think I was back in middle school calling my crush. Good grief.
“Yes, Ms. Hart, we’ve been expecting your call.”
If the receptionist thinks I’m being ridiculous, she’s doing a good job of hiding it from me. Bless her.
“Is everything okay? Is my insurance company causing problems?” My voice pitches even higher.
I’m bordering on sounding cartoonish. “Because if you need me to come by the office today, that might be a bit of a problem. I just landed in Alaska. My best friend is getting married this weekend, and I’m her maid of honor and—”
“That’s perfectly fine,” the receptionist cuts in, somehow sounding commanding and polite all at once. “We just wanted to connect with you to go over a few things before your appointment next month.”
“Oh, good.” I release a heavy sigh of relief and press a hand to my pounding heart. “Great. I’m ready.”
Or, at least, as ready as I’ll ever be. For this call and what it involves.
“First, we want to encourage you to follow a balanced diet during the next few weeks,” she says. “Fruits, vegetables, complex grains, and lean proteins. If you like, I can send you some recipes the doctor recommends.”
“That would be great.” I toy with the zipper on my carry-on bag. “Thank you.”
“You’ll also want to take the vitamins the doctor sent you. It’s also a good idea to avoid stress as much as possible. So make time to relax and enjoy yourself.”
“Avoid stress.” Yeah, that’s going to be a tough order.
Even if I wasn’t going into a week of wedding festivities, everything about this situation is stressful. Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited for it. And for the wedding. But none of this is anywhere in the realm of relaxation.
Maybe I should take up yoga. Granted, I’ve never done it before. So I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’ve heard it’s relaxing. Surely, someone around here teaches yoga. If not, I can always find something on YouTube.
“Last, you’ll need to avoid alcohol the week before your procedure,” she says. “You mentioned you’re at a wedding. Go ahead and have some champagne and cocktails. I say, enjoy it while you can.”
“Okay, great.” I take a deep breath. “Thank you so much. I’m pretty nervous about all of this. Excited, but… nervous.”
“That’s completely understandable. You’re taking a huge step. But just think, once you’re holding your baby in your arms, it will all be worth it.”
I close my eyes tightly and picture myself holding a baby in my arms. The anxiety that has been pumping through my veins eases. Contentment warms my heart and flows through me.
“My baby will be worth it,” I say softly.
“That’s right.” The receptionist offers me a few more words of encouragement and encourages me to call if I have any questions.
“Thank you,” I say, feeling a million times better. “And please, thank Dr. Bennet.”
The call ends, and I take one more breath before opening my eyes.
“Winter!” My eyes widen even more as my best friend pulls me into a bear hug.
Oh, crap. I wonder if she heard any of the conversation. I have no idea what I’ll tell her.
“Sophie!” She squeals, squeezing me even tighter. “You’re here! You’re here! I’m so happy you’re here.”
“So am I.” My momentary heart palpitations steady and I wrap my arms around her, my eyes starting to burn. I haven’t had many people I can count on in my life, but Winter is one of them. She’s been my best friend, a sister, and even a mom figure when I needed a little kick in the rear.
And now she’s getting married. “I’m so honored to celebrate this with you.”
“Are you kidding?” She pulls back to beam at me, her eyes every bit as teary as mine. “Now that you’re here, it feels like it’s finally happening.”
“Oh… I love you!” I pull her back in for another hug.
“I love you too.”
After a few more “I love yous” and “I love you mores”—and a couple of tears we pretended we weren’t shedding—Winter helps me pick my luggage off the conveyor belt.
It’s no small task. One suitcase is almost completely packed with supplies for the bachelorette party, and another contains other odds and ends to help with the wedding decor.
Winter keeps up a steady stream of chatter as we walk to her Jeep, telling me about the relationship book she’s about to publish and the early buzz it’s getting.
We’re talking about everything besides my phone call, so I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear.
As soon as we’ve loaded up the luggage and settled in the Jeep, she casts me a sly sidelong look. “I couldn’t help but hear the last part of your phone conversation…”
So much for being in the clear.
“Oh, God.” I clench my eyes shut.
“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to,” she rushes out. “But it sounded pretty serious. And, well, you mentioned… things. Things like doctors and babies. Are you… pregnant?”
That at least is a simple enough question to answer. “No, I’m not pregnant.”
But then, I take a deep breath, and add, “Yet. I’m not pregnant yet.”
“Yet?” Winter immediately pulls the Jeep to the side of the road and stops. She turns in her seat to face me. “I think you’d better start at the beginning.”
“Okay. Here it goes.” I fill my lungs again. “You’re no stranger to the fact that my love life hasn’t exactly been the greatest lately.”
Instead of answering, she reaches for my hand.
“It’s not just lately,” I continue. “For years and years, I’ve gone out on dates and never really felt a connection to someone.” I hesitate before making my next confession, and my cheeks flush bright red. “I haven’t even had sex since college.”
Her jaw falls slack. “Really?”
There’s no judgment or pity in her voice. It only makes me love her that much more.
“I gave up on dating a few years ago. I figured if I was going to find the love of my life, it would happen on its own.” I stare down at our linked hands.
“But it hasn’t. After doing a lot of thinking, I realized that just because I never found Mr. Right, it didn’t mean I had to give up on my dream of being a mom. ”
“No, you absolutely don’t have to.”
“So, the call you overheard was with my OBGYN office. I have a date with a fertilized egg in a few weeks.”
“That makes sense.” She gives a sad smile.
I can see she wishes I would have told her, but she doesn’t say it. She’s too respectful of a person to ever judge another for wanting privacy for their life, choices, and body.
“I swear, I was going to tell you.” I squeeze her hand. “I just didn’t want to ruin your wedding plans by talking about babies.”
“My friend, nothing you say can ever ruin anything.” Her smile grows even bigger. “Oh wow. You’re going to be a mom!”
“And you’re going to be an aunt.”
“I am.” Her eyes go watery again. “Oh, Sophie. You’re going to be the best mom ever. I’m so happy for you. And so proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I give a shaky laugh. “I’ll admit that even though I’m excited, I’m terrified.”
“Don’t worry. You’re going to be the best.” She throws her arms around me for a hug. “And you know I’ll always have your back.”
“Thanks, Winter.” I hug her closer. “I can always count on you.”
“And you will always be able to.” She pulls back. “Well, shoot. This changes everything.”
“No,” I shake my head emphatically. “It changes nothing. I can still do everything I promised for the wedding. I can even drink until a week before the procedure. I can—”
“That’s not what I meant.” She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. “I just meant that, in a way, we’re both leaving single life behind. We should celebrate you during the bachelorette party too.”
“No way.” I pull a face. “I don’t want anyone else to know.”
“Party pooper.” She leans back in her seat. “But, I suppose that’s only fair. My lips are sealed.”
Then she darts another mischievous look my way.
I groan. “Why do I have a bad feeling you’re working up something?”
“No, but I do think you should make every effort to enjoy yourself this next week. And I mean”—she wiggles her eyebrows—“really enjoy yourself.”
“What are you saying?”
“Just that you’re in Alaska. Men outnumber women here by a long shot.” She smirks. “Surely there’s a suitable man here to help you… itch a little scratch, one more time.”
I scoff. “I’m not having a vacation fling.”
“Oh, come one. Why not? There will be plenty of single guys at the wedding.” She starts listing off a variety of men and their qualifications as prospective lovers. My cheeks blush even more. “Then, of course, there is my brother.”
My brows knit together. “You’re seriously suggesting I hook up with your brother?”
“Why not?” She lifts a shoulder. “I’m pretty sure he’s had a bit of a dry spell too. And he’s… not bad.”
“You don’t sound so sure about that.”
“No, I swear. He’s a good guy. He’s just been a little… distant.” She shrugs again. “But that could just be because he’s still getting used to civilian life.”
“Winter,” I release a heavy sigh. “I really appreciate what you’re doing, but can we talk about something—anything—else?”
“Oh, fine.” She turns the Jeep back on and merges onto the road. “I guess I’ll just have to tell you about the issues we’re having with the catering.”
I relax back in my seat. “That sounds perfect.”