Chapter Eighteen #3
“I’m just fine with my life, thanks. I don’t need advice from you.” He leaned against the brick building and sighed, letting the high wash over him.
He’s never going to change because he doesn’t want to change. I don’t even know why I’m trying.
“I want you to break our bond,” I said, getting to the real reason for my visit.
His head shot up in alarm. “How can you ask me to do that?”
“Because I don’t even remember agreeing to the bond in the first place!” I yelled. “You did this to me. And sometimes, when I’m really angry, I even wonder if you did it on purpose. To trap me. Because you knew someday I’d want more for myself.”
Ryder shook his head. “Sometimes, when you’re really angry, you’d be right. You’re all I’ve ever had, Felix. Of course I wanted to keep you.”
“But that’s not true! You have a family who gives a shit about you. You could have a sober life if you wanted one, but you don’t.”
He closed his eyes, ignoring me.
“Fine, if you don’t want to do anything different with your life, then don’t. But don’t keep me trapped here with you. Do the right thing and release me. I may have needed you at one point, but all I need now is for you to let me go so I can live my life.”
“Live your life with him?” he snarled.
“Yes! With him.” I sighed, trying to calm down since yelling at him wasn’t getting me anywhere. “I’m almost positive he’s my true mate, Ryder, and I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I’m in love with him.”
He scoffed. “Then you don’t need me to reverse our bond so why are you here?”
“Do you know how much it’s going to hurt you if I let him override your bond?” I asked. “There’s a reason why most people break bonds rather than letting something like that happen. You’re going to feel like I died. It’s like losing a limb. Is that what you want?”
“Of course not,” he said.
“Then, please. I’m trying to spare you that pain by asking you to do this in a way that makes it easier on everyone involved. I am going to ask Bennett to claim me. If we do this first, it might hurt, but it won’t be as bad for you.”
He shook his head. “No”
“No?” I asked. “That’s it? Just, no?”
“I’ll stop ‘lurking’ as you so kindly called it. I’ll stay out of your new town. But I won’t do what you’re asking.”
“Why not?” I yelled.
He grabbed my shirt and spun me around, pressing me against the brick building. “Because we loved each other once, and you may be willing to erase that forever, but I’m not.”
I shook my head. “No, Ryder. We loved getting high together. That’s not the same thing as loving each other.”
He released me and looked down at his feet. “Trust me, you letting the alpha override my bond is nothing compared to the pain of being left behind.”
“Ryder,” I said, reaching for his wrist. He took a step back and ran a hand over his bald head.
“Forget it.”
“I’m sorry. Okay?” He met my eyes hesitantly. “I’m sorry that we weren’t on the same page about what we had together, and I’m sorry I disappeared. We weren’t good for each other. You hurt my sister, Ryder. Do you even remember that?”
He furrowed his brow.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” I took a deep breath. “If I’d stayed here, I would have died. And if you don’t do something about your addiction, you’re going to die too.”
Ryder scoffed. “No point in pretending you care now.” He kicked at the needle on the ground. “Go back to Mirror Lake, Felix. Bond with your new alpha and don’t bother thinking about me when you do. I’ll be fine. In fact, it’ll make things a lot easier on me than you realize, so please just do it.”
He turned around and walked out of the alley without another word. I smelled the drops of heroin lingering in the needles on the ground and I knew that if I just walked back into Victor’s, I could convince him to get me something to squash this feeling.
Is it guilt? Frustration? Desperation?
I couldn’t even identify it, but I hated it and I wanted it gone. There were far too many triggers happening at once, and the desire to just give in was becoming stronger by the second.
I closed my eyes and pulled out my phone with a shaking hand, using my last ounce of willpower to make a decision that would help me maintain my sobriety.
“Hey, handsome. You okay?” Bennett asked.
“I need you, Bennett,” I said, eyes welling with tears.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
“I need you to come get me.” I wiped away the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“I’m on my way. Where are you? Are you safe right now?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Not really. I’m in the alley behind Victor’s.”
I heard a quick exchange between Bennett and Clara, unable to make out their words before the sound of a car starting. “Which direction takes you farthest away from the drugs, baby?”
I looked down the alley. “There’s a coffee shop on Main Street. That’s not far.”
“Good, walk there,” Bennett said. “I’m going to stay on the phone with you.
“Okay,” I said, forcing my feet to move. I took a few shaky steps in the direction of the coffee shop.
“Are you headed there now?”
“Yes,” I said, voice tight as I looked back toward the auto shop “But Bennett, please hurry.”
“I’m coming for you, Felix. I promise, I’ll always come for you.”