Chapter 10 #2
That had me freezing to the spot. I did, but the same block that rose every time I spoke to Brendan about it reappeared. Keep it all to yourself, my conditioning demanded. If you didn’t ask for what you wanted, no one could disappoint you.
Another message stream appeared on my screen. Ethan and Tex had been added to it, along with another number that wasn’t a contact.
We’ve got a new item to add to the calendar, Ethan wrote. This evening we’re making Nadia’s dreams come true.
Better block out the whole afternoon and tonight, Tex added.
Nadia could be quite sore after yesterday. That had to be Grey. Have you checked in with her, made sure she’s actually up for more?
Dots appeared instantly, but I figured I was the person best equipped to answer.
I’m fine, I replied. A little tender, but yeah… My heart rate started to pick up, but before I could psych myself out, I finished the text. I’m up for more if you are.
Nadia? I could almost imagine Grey’s expression. A curious mix of frustration and shock. Shit, I thought this was our house group chat.
Was he cursing the others out right now? I was willing to bet he was.
So whaddya think, omega? Ethan asked. Wanna try something a little wild?
That was the moment when my smile faded. The smell of my coffee, the cool air of my kitchen came flooding in. With it came Brendan’s advice.
“People aren’t mind readers. They just aren’t, Nadia, so if you don’t tell people what you do and don’t want, they’ll assume everything’s all good.”
Sucking in a breath, then letting it out slowly, I sent my reply.
Experimenting hasn’t worked well for me in the past. I’d try something and it wouldn’t feel right, but he’d be too worked up to stop. I…
My fingers typed that letter, moving above the screen, trying to work out what to say next without sounding like a total buzzkill, then I shook my head. Fuck it, we weren’t anything to each other than a bit of fun, so who cared if they were put off by this?
I think I’m too vanilla for anything exotic. Sorry.
My eyes closed as I sent that last word, then I shook my head. I had nothing to be sorry for. If I wasn’t down for kink, that was perfectly valid. My therapist’s words made perfect sense, but it was like my mind was still struggling to integrate them.
Never be sorry. That was Grey. No one in this house will ever pressure you to do anything you don’t want.
For once, his forbidding manner helped me relax rather than tense up. I set my phone down, moving around the kitchen to put some milk and sugar in my coffee before taking a sip.
What if there was absolutely no pressure? Ethan asked. If the moment you felt you weren’t into something, everything stopped?
What he described was so far from my lived experience, at first I didn’t know how to reply.
I… The sentence sat there, waiting to be completed and sent. I might be up for that.
There was a flurry of dots as everyone started replying, but Ethan got in first.
Looking forward to giving it a try.
I had a dirty little secret.
That’s the way it felt as I walked into work. As I stepped into the elevator, my mind raced, coming up with scenario after scenario, until I was forced to glance around at all the other people in the same smart business clothes I was wearing and remember where I was.
Work was not the place to be thinking about having unspecified hot monkey sex with the pack, so I looked down at my phone, intending to look over my calendar and see if we had yet another superfluous morning meeting ahead.
It wasn’t Outlook I opened, though, because on my screen was a couple of message notifications.
The guys had continued the conversation as I drove to work.
Smiling, I scanned the screen and that lack of attention meant I didn’t see Helena march up.
“Hey, you.” She appeared beside me, matching her stride to mine. “Feeling a little sore after your… massage session yesterday?” Her elbow poked into my ribs. “Did they stretch you? Work out all your knots?”
“I didn’t end up going.”
“What?” Her face fell, but she recovered quickly. “Hey, look, it’s OK.” Her fingers found my shoulders as she gave me the world’s worst massage. “You might be down now, champ, but you can get right back in there and try again.”
“Am I fucking or fighting people in this scenario?” I asked, shoving my phone into my pocket.
“Fucking, obviously. So did you reschedule or—?”
“No.” There was no way I could stifle this grin. “Instead I went home with three hot alphas and had sex all afternoon.”
“What?!” As her voice rang out through the office foyer, people turned around. “What?” she asked in a much quieter voice. “The same alphas or a whole other bunch? Are you alpha bait now, like those omegas that go into heat in your dirty books?”
“The same alphas,” I replied much more quietly as we walked towards the office door. “And they were way, way better than any sex therapist.”
“So you’re gonna see them again, right? Right? C’mon, Nadia, you—”
“I’m seeing them again,” I said, pulling back my office chair before putting my bag in my filing cabinet.
“Ladies.” Our boss came to stand beside my cubicle. “Are you joining us for the morning meeting?”
I smiled to myself as I rose to follow him, because sitting through another interminably boring meeting that could’ve been an email was made that much easier as I zoned out, focussing on what would happen tonight.