Evans
We won.
We fucking won.
I may have been off my game and playing like shit for the last couple of weeks and at practice, but I still showed up and all the hard work paid off.
Tonight's game was like a grueling, sweaty breeze.
As the team jog off the field, every part of my body is on fire, fueled by adrenaline.
This is why I love football and the freedom it gives me.
I love the power I feel as my muscles ache and tremble from the exhaustion and I ride the high. Nothing felt like this.
Waving into the bleachers people scream and cheer, I spot Hunter in the crowd.
He’s wearing one of his band T-shirts with a black denim jacket, his blue hair half tied up and all his ear piercings are on display.
He looks out of place, but he doesn’t let that bother him.
One of his omega friends is beside him, leaning in to whisper something and they both laugh.
I ignore the tight feeling in my chest, my heart still pumping at a million beats a minute as I cooldown.
This time when I lock eyes with him, I don’t feel the anxiety rising up in my throat.
Before it was like I couldn’t escape him.
Like he was waiting for me. Instead, tonight I’m glad he’s here.
I don’t think I realised how much I had missed him and our friendship while I was busy trying to avoid him.
Knowing that what happens in Crest Haven, stays in Crest Haven means that I can relax. It’s like something has settled inside me. That’s a good thing because now we can just focus on being friends and finishing out our final year. It’s going to be an epic one, I can already tell.
Hunter grins, cupping his hands around his mouth to cheer. And I feel good. Like I’m back on top where I’m supposed to be. Zale comes up behind me, nudging me with his shoulder pads before clapping on my back with a ‘Hoo-rah!’.
We yank our helmets off, laughing as the others cheer and yell around us, the buzz in the air electric. I dodged, and ducked and tackled my ass off. I’d been in the zone, like a machine as the scores racked up. My head was back in the game baby!
“That was an insane tackle in the second half. I thought for sure he’d knocked your brain out.
Are you sure it’s still rattling around in that skull of yours?
” He grabs the back of my neck, pushing me towards the changing room playfully.
Waving two fingers in front of my face, he snickers.
“Tell me man, how many fingers can you see?”
“Ain’t nothing wrong with my brain,” I say, laughing as I beat him away. “But there’s clearly something wrong with your hand-eye coordination, how could you miss that pass?”
Zale begins to strip out of his kit, toeing off his cleats and peeling off his jersey, tossing them into his bag.
I do the same, chuckling as I tease him. “Is domestic bliss making you slow, bro?”
“Ohhhh we’ve got a fucking poet over here.”
“You know what time it is?” Blake comes behind us drooping an arm over each of our shoulders, bringing us close to his sweaty body. Zale shrugs him off with a grunt before heading into the showers. Footballers were gross creatures. “Holy Cow time!”
It was our post-game tradition, burgers with all the toppings at Holy Cow. It was a really chilled dinner off campus that used quality meat in their burgers, making them the best damn thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.
Of course, that also meant they were usually off limits.
So, it became a post-game ritual to reward ourselves with all the yummy greasy, beefy goodness.
Even Blake, health conscious, workout-aholic ordered the double stack with extra cheese, bacon and brisket.
Parmesan truffle fries on the side. Maybe even a strawberry milkshake.
“I could eat an entire cow, right now.” Sasha says, entering the changing room with a loud, fake orgasmic groan while the team is in various stages of stripping, showering, dressing. Most of the team will end up in Holy Cow tonight, it was the only real way to celebrate.
“Get showered and get out of here, Morozov!” Coach yells as he sticks his head into the locker room, looking for Anton.
The Russian pokes out his tongue before dashing to the safety of the showers, knowing Coach will make him run drills if he comes back and catches him.
Peeling off my kit, I can’t wipe the grin from my face.
“I think Hunter is driving us tonight, and Shiloh and Bell will meet us there.” Zale says when he emerges from the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. He gets dressed quicker than I’ve ever seen a man move, clearly eager to be back by his omega’s side.
Was that what love looked like? Frantic, half drying in desperation because you can’t bear to be separated?
I’ve never felt that. Never seen it either.
Not up close. My parents divorced when I was young, but all I can remember was that they never seemed to like one another.
That was before they split. My mother was always out at charity gala’s, dinners or social events.
Once the divorce was finalized, she opened an art gallery but I don’t know how much time she spends behind a desk since her social media feed seemed to show her travelling the world, scouting artists.
My father on the other hand was always working.
If not at one of his offices, then at home, in his study.
They were rarely in the same room as one another, so it’s hard to imagine them ever counting down the minutes until they were back together.
Anton practically bounces into the changing room with a shit eating grin. “Yo, Evans! I just spotted your girlfriend waiting for you outside. She looks pissed.”
Frowning, I ignore him and the others who are all making ‘Ohhhhh!’ noises and head to stalls to wash off the sweat and mud from the game.
Knowing Sadie is waiting for me has taken a little of the shine off the win.
With everything that was going on with Hunter and hearing that she’d been telling people we were engaged, I just needed to think about what I wanted.
Since she’d come back from her parents, I hadn’t been answering her calls.
I’d text her after the party, saying that I needed some space and time to focus on some essay work I had coming up, but she hadn’t liked that.
It appeared that if I wasn't avoiding Hunter, I was avoiding Sadie. Did I just spend my days trying to evade difficult conversations and sticky situations? They should call me the sandman at this rate, because I was always slipping through peoples fingers.
The dinner with my father was soon, and I already knew the conversation of marriage and babies and futures was going to come up again. I was his future investment after all. He’d told me so, repeatedly. I couldn’t disappoint him again.
I lather up the soap and wash my hair. When I imagined my future, with my faceless omega and my strategic marriage, did I ever picture Sadie?
Sometimes.
Sometimes it felt like it would just be easier to let her have her own way.
I’ve been avoiding looking at it too deeply. Because if I did then I’d have to make a decision. For now, I was taking the cowards way out. Postponing ending the situationship or cementing it into a relationship, I was letting things drag on and I knew that was shitty of me.
Grabbing my towel, I head back into the locker room where Blake and Zale are waiting on me.
They wouldn’t understand. I’d tried to remind her that we weren’t exclusive, to put that boundary back in place but it wasn’t working.
It was like trying to dam a river with a wall made of sponge.
It appeared to hold at first, but then it swelled and grew heavy, water leaking around the edges and trickling through.
If she wasn’t happy with this thing between us being casual, she could leave. That was her prerogative. I never promised her anything more than sex and casual friendship.
That weekend at the cabin I saw a different side to Sadie.
I hadn’t really paid attention before, always more focused on keeping our friendship circle tight or getting laid but at the Vos cabin, she’d been drunk and angry.
She was rude to Hunter, and shitty about Zale’s mate.
Granted, we didn’t know that was his mate but we shouldn’t have treated Shiloh like that.
Sadie was a bit of a bully and I always just went along with it.
It couldn’t be like that anymore but I couldn’t cut her out cleanly.
It was like unpicking yourself from a tapestry, the threads woven into your skin.
But if it was my fault that she was bitter, if I made her that way, then shouldn’t I take some responsibility? It was an endless, exhausting loop.
I never know how we end up back together.
It was the same toxic pattern. I tried to end things and then she turned up anyway, acting as if nothing was wrong, and I was too weak, too lazy, too scared of being alone again to do anything about it.
It was pathetic of me.
Pathetic that I needed someone to need me.
To want me.
To choose me.
They never did, not ever.
Except her.
Finally dressed, we head out to the carpark where Hunter is waiting with his car. His omega friend is in the passenger seat next to him, grinning.
Zale and Blake are doing a breakdown of the game, looking where they can make improvements next time while I glance around, looking for Sadie. She’s nowhere to be found and that makes me uneasy.
Perhaps it was time to book a call with Dr Reid.
I’d had counselling on and off over the years, dealing with my parents’ divorce and all of the messy baggage that came with it.
Not that my father really bought into counselling or its effects, but it was recommended by my pediatrician the summer after the divorce, when I’d become non-verbal for almost six months.
It’d been awhile since I had any sessions, but even I could now recognise the toxic cycle I was stuck in.