Evans #2
Shut it down, the Alpha Voice in my head says. Stop. Stop being weak.
Inhaling slowly, I count to five before I exhale steadily. And again. After a few more breaths, I swallow my entire glass of whiskey. The amber liquid burns my throat as it eases down. It’s the only thing I’ll allow myself to feel for the rest of the dinner.
Lifting my head slightly I watch as she starts to walk towards us, sashaying in dressed like the heiress she is. She pauses, taking a detour at Hunter‘s table before pulling the pretty omega into a hug.
I can’t hear what she’s saying clearly, but whatever it is has Hunter riled up. His scent turns bitter around the edges, making my hackles rise. I make the mistake of looking at him, our eyes locking across the veranda.
I want so badly to say something.
To call his name.
To ask him to take me out of here.
But then the omega rests his hand on top of Hunters, and I remember my place. It’s not his job to rescue me. Not now. Not ever.
I am Benedict Crawford. I don’t need rescuing.
Excusing myself, I get to my feet and head over. I ignore Hunter even though I can feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. He wants me to look at him but this isn’t the right time or place. This isn’t Holy Cow with our friends. Or in the coffee shop. Or a house party.
No, here I am an alpha. An alpha who is out to dinner with his father and his potential future wife.
There are levels of courtesy and respect that must be adhered to.
And I know if I give him an inch, if I open that gap with just a crack, he’ll say something and put Sadie back in her box. But at what cost?
My father would be furious. He would be ashamed of me. Clenching my fist tight until my nails dig into my palm, I wrap my other hand around Sadie’s waist, mumble a few pathetic words and then guide her back to our table.
My father waits for us with a gleeful smile on his face.
“Sadie, sweetheart,” he smiles. My father actually smiles. “It’s so delightful to finally meet you in person. Friends of yours?”
Sadie sits, a gleeful smile on her face as she leans in and lowers her voice. “My cousin. Although, his date is a questionable choice.”
My father looks at Hunter for a moment, clearly not recognizing my housemate.
Say nothing. Swallow down your anger.
He turns to me, raising his voice. “I suppose looking unemployable is fashionable right now. There’s confidence, Benedict and then there are people who begged to be looked at for attention.”
Shut down your emotions, Benedict.
“Yes, Sir.”
Breathe.
The rest of the meal is a blur. It’s like I’m watching from outside my body as the world carries on around me. I barely recognise myself as I nod, drink my whiskey and hardly touch my food.
“What the hell was that?” I demand as we climb out of a cab almost four hours later outside Sadie’s apartment building. She was sharing an apartment with Sage this year, living in an upmarket complex owned by Sage’s parents. The doorman lingers, waiting to give us access to the building.
“What do you mean?” She asks frowning as she tries to reach out and touch my arm.
Shrugging her off, I hiss softly. “I mean, why does my dad think you’re my girlfriend? And why has he been talking with your parents?”
The whiskey I’d been drinking all night sloshes around in my stomach, sour and bitter as the edge of my anger goes hazy.
She shrugs, “He reached out to me and asked me if we were still seeing each other.”
“But we’re not.”
She scoffs, crossing her arms as she rolls her eyes. “Babe, we fuck, we go for dinner, we sleep over each other‘s places. Why are you in denial about our relationship?”
“Because we are friends with benefits.” Scrubbing my face, I groan. Why did it feel like we were always having this exact same conversation? “Except for the sex I do all of those exact same things with Hunter. That’s what friendship is. That’s why this is a friend with benefits relationship.”
Sadie sneers, the disdain in her voice clear as she narrows her eyes at me. “Why are you bringing up Hunter again? What exactly happened in Crest Haven with that omega?”
Clamping my mouth shut, I refuse to reply. I didn’t owe her an answer.
Crest Haven was…it was a stupid, drunken night filled with hot touches and lingering looks. It was a night that should never have happened. Shutting out those memories, I sigh and turn my face up to the sky to try to stop the world spinning.
She mistakes my silence for another opening. “Why does it feel like he’s constantly trying to steal my boyfriend?”
“I am not your boyfriend,” I growl, stumbling backwards like I’ve been punched in the gut.
“No babe, you’re right. You’re my fiance.” Sadie steps closer, closing the gap between us. “Did you see how happy your dad was tonight? Didn’t that feel nice?”
“That is not the point.”
“We both had a couple of drinks, there was a lot going on. I know talking about the future makes you feel uncomfortable, so come on up and I can help you destress.” She rubs hands up my arms and over my shoulders, before sliding down over my chest suggestively. “Let me make you feel good, babe.”
No.
I don’t want this.
My stomach lurches.
Why in moments like this does she suddenly feel like an octopus with too many fucking arms? I push her away gently, trying to untangle myself. “I think I just need some space.”
“Let me call you another cab.”
“I’ll walk,” I grumble, stepping away.
“Call me when you get home?”
I don’t say anything, waving her off as I start walking.
She was right about my dad being excited. With Sadie there as a buffer, conversation flowed much easier. She was charming and funny, and he relaxed around her. He was never like that with me.
All evening he’d been talking about his big plans to integrate me into the business and he actually seemed excited about trying to find us a house near the office, but also close to him.
I’d stay mostly silent.
I was afraid of agreeing to something accidentally. Afraid that if I started, if I said something, then I wouldn’t be able to stop and every thought would just come pouring out of my mouth like it usually did.
Tearing off my tie, I was still trying to figure out how I felt. Everything was too much right now. There were too many big feelings.
I walk faster, enjoying the solitude. There’s no one else out this late and as I move from the shadows into the lights, and back again, drifting, I feel like some sort of creature of the night.
A ghost who doesn’t really exist. My thoughts always got a bit strange like this when I’d been drinking.
Usually when I was with the others, I’d start doing stupid pranks. But alone…alone things get dark.
As I think about my Mother I pick up pace, walking faster.
And as I think about marriage and graduation, I move faster again.
Jogging almost as my dress shoes slap against the concrete sidewalk.
And when I think about Hunter and that pretty omega, I’m running.
When I finally come to a stop. I realise I’m already outside of our house.
And I stare up at it, I know I need to find Hunter and explain. To tell him about the crazy stunt Sadie just pulled. To apologise, for not defending him when my dad was being shitty earlier. I just need to talk to him. To know that we’re okay.
Shrugging off my jacket, I toss it aside like it’s trying to attack me before I enter the house. His bedroom light is still on.
Kicking off my shoes, I start practically crawling up the stairs. Hunter will help me fix this. He will make it all go away.
A soft moan makes me pause.
When I stop outside Hunter's door, and peer through the crack, I realise he’s not alone.