Evans #2
The next morning, I make my protein shake in the kitchen as usual, waiting for Hunter to appear but he doesn’t.
I even unplug the blender and move it closer to the doorway so that it’s louder, but nothing.
Blake comes back from his run and raises a brow not saying anything.
One day I was going to shave that fucker off.
The scent of spiced oranges has faded. Tugging on my hair near the base of my neck, I swallow nervously. “Where is Hunter?”
Blake shrugs, mopping up the sweat on his face with the bottom of his shirt. “He left at the same time as me this morning. Said something about staying a few days at his studio since he has to work on his art project.”
“He has a studio? Is it different from the campus studio?”
He shoots me a look. “I mean, I guess? Dude, aren't you two like best friends? Don’t you braid each other’s hair and shit?”
I don’t see him for the rest of the day.
Or the next.
Two days later, I don’t know what I'm supposed to do. I feel like some creepy stalker, asking our housemates if they’ve seen him. I’m on edge, waiting to hear his footsteps on the landing. I’m sniffing like a drug dog, trying to catch a hint of his scent. Nothing.
I don’t think I realised how much we hung out or talked to one another until now. Slumped in my desk chair, staring up at the ceiling I decide to text Bell.
Evans: Hypothetically… if an alpha crossed a line with another alpha and now they’re being weird/ignoring him… how do u fix it?
Bell: “Hypothetically” ??
Bell: Is this u or yr friend?
Evans: I please the fif
Evans: *Plead
Bell: Babe. It’s ‘the fifth’ ??
Bell: Fr tho. Think carefully about what u want. Do u want to go back to being friends or do u want smth more?
Evans: But he’s an alpha
Bell: Talk to Hunter
Bell: And stop chatting shit
Bell: Love is love. If u want him, be with him
Chuckling, I bury my face in my hands. I needed to work out what I was thinking.
What I wanted. Not that there was a rush right now, because talking to Hunter meant I needed to see him.
And the fucker was still MIA. I missed him.
It’d only been a few days, but I never noticed how much we touched, or gravitated to one another like planets in orbit, until it all ended.
The next morning as I’m doing laps around the track, thinking and working through how to approach the mess that is my life, my phone vibrates.
“Benedict!”
“Mom.”
“I know I promised to call you yesterday, but things are so hectic with the move.” She doesn’t wait for me to speak, like a steam roller she just laughs and the words keep flowing.
“Catrin and I thought it would be really nice if you could join us on your spring break this year. We’ve bought this fabulous little house down by the ocean in Kumaran Bay. ”
“Catrin?”
“My wife, darling. I told you about my wife. We got married last month.” She pauses, probably realising that she never invited me. Coughing awkwardly, she continues. “Well… It was a very small ceremony, very last minute, just close family and friends.”
Another pause.
“Well, with the baby on the way we thought that perhaps it would be a good time for you to come and spend some family time with us. The house is nice, there are lots of things to do in the area. There’s even a basketball court so you can keep up with your practice during the break.”
My father was many things, but he still knew which sport I played.
“No, thank you.” My run slows to a walk. My alpha is loud, warning me that I need to protect myself. Shut it down.
She laughs awkwardly. “Come on Benedict, don’t be like that. Catrin would really like us to be a family. And when the baby arrives, we’re going to need you.”
Need me?
She didn’t even invite me to her wedding.
Or tell me she was pregnant. My father did.
With a chuckle, she excitedly starts another spiel.
“I’m launching a range of baby products in collaboration with this big brand and they would really like to feature the entire family.
We’re also in talks with a TV network. They’d like to film with us.
Think ‘Keeping up with the Kallanhans’, but they want to call it ‘Bringing up baby with the Bradfords.’
“Ahhh.” There it was.
“What?”
Making a clicking noise with my tongue, I sigh, murmuring to myself. “I should’ve done this a long time ago instead of torturing myself.”
She pauses and I can almost picture her perfect face scrunched up in confusion. “Done what? What darling? I can’t hear you.”
Glancing around, I realise I’ve wandered off the track and towards some woodlands. Sitting on the grass underneath a tree, I wrap my arms around my knees.
“Mother, please don’t call me anymore.” Leaning my head forward, I close my eyes and try to focus on my heart beat as it steadies.
“I wish you all the best with your new life. I won’t be part of your TV show, which is for the best, trust me.
I’m pretty sure you don’t want your fans to know how you abandoned me when I was child and barely remember to call once a year.
“I always remember your birthday!” Sputtering, she sounds indignant.
“Actually, on three occasions you’ve called me on the wrong day. I’ve just never said anything because part of me was afraid that you might not call me ever again. But now I’d prefer it.”
Goddess, I can’t believe I just said that. It was true, I’d grown up being afraid, walking on eggshells. I thought she'd toss me aside again, but she already had when she left me behind the first time.
“You can’t speak to me like this Benedict Evan Crawford. I am your mother.” She makes a tittering noise, all that faux cheeriness slipping away. “What has your father been teaching you? That man, I swear! I’m going to call him. Give him a piece of my mind.”
“I’d rather you didn’t. You’ve moved on, stop torturing him.” My voice is flat now, everything starting to feel numb. “If you’re so happy in your new life, why don’t you focus on living it instead of worrying about the people you left behind.”
I hang up not waiting to hear what else she has to say, what other pathetic excuse she flings my way.
Cutting off my Mother wasn’t something I had on my bingo card for this year but it was long overdue.
What we had wasn’t a relationship. It was a parasitic thing, feeding off my insecurities and the fact that I was so eager to please, so desperate for my parents to recognise me. To love me.
Quickly, before she can call him, I send my father an email.
I don’t bother giving him all the details, since he won’t want that.
Instead I advise him not to answer his phone to the harridan (thanks for the word Hunter), and let him know that I’ve decided to end my relationship with my mother.
And that I’m not asking his permission. I’m asking him to respect my choices.
Given the way he’s been pushing me to settle down and make things with Sadie official, not respecting my decisions there, I’m surprised when I get an almost instant reply simply saying ‘As you wish’.
Laying back on the grass, I close my eyes and let the sun warm my skin.
The shade of the tree keeps it from being too hot on my face, the rustling of the leaves soothing.
The scent of spiced oranges lingers on the breeze, the fresh air cooling the sweat on my skin.
The hints of nutmeg make my mouth water, but I’m too drained to move.
“That sounded intense…”
“Mmmmmm.” I hum, not bothering to crack my eyes open in case it isn’t real. I might be dreaming already. I was too worn down, both mentally and physically. “Can we…can we just pretend we’re okay for a minute?”
“What do you need?”
“Just be here. Be real,” I whisper, letting a tear slip from beneath my lashes and roll down my cheek.
I feel the presence settle next to me, as I lay there in silence. A finger brushes against mine, before our pinkies link. “I can do that.”