Chapter 14 #2
The question hangs in the air while I consider. “Or protecting someone else. Either way, Leif was spooked at the party, and I’m not sure whether I should give him space or check in. Or whether checking in will make it worse.”
He gestures for me to continue.
“And then I start wondering if I should be more accommodating,” I add. “Be less… present. So I don’t overwhelm him.”
Jared is quiet for a beat. “Has Leif asked you for space?”
“No,” I admit. “He hasn’t asked for anything.”
“Okay,” he says.
I look down at our joined hands. “I don’t want to pressure him, either.”
“And you won’t,” Jared reassures. “But that’s not the same thing as needing to disappear.”
“I also don’t want to be like my friends were with me when I was with Auren. They didn’t realize what was happening. Or if they did, it was easier for them not to get involved.”
I blow out a slow breath. “I don’t want Leif to believe he has nowhere to turn.”
Jared considers my concerns. “Have you told him that?”
I pull my hand back, wrapping my fingers around my spoon. “How can I when he hasn’t brought it up? We’re not pack, so it’s not my place.”
Jared leans back in his chair, studying me. “Have you told Leif about Auren?”
My shoulders stiffen. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Auren isn’t a problem anymore,” I say. “I don’t need to dump my issues on other people when that’s already in the past.”
Jared stares at me in that sad way he does sometimes, like he wants to hug me but is holding back. “That’s not dumping.”
“It feels like it,” I argue. “Like asking him to carry this ugly piece of my past so I can justify keeping my guard up.”
He shakes his head. “That’s not what it would be. It would be context.”
I stare down into my soup. “I don’t want him to think I’m broken. Or that I’m projecting.”
“Emily.” Jared waits until I look at him. “Your lived experience is not a burden. And it doesn’t mean you’re a weak Alpha if you tell others about it.”
The words lodge in my chest, uncomfortable and true.
“If anything,” he adds, quieter now, “it might help Leif feel safer. Knowing that if he does talk, you’re not going to panic. Or push. Or try to fix him.”
I swallow hard. “I don’t want to make this about me.”
“And you wouldn’t,” he replies. “You’d be letting him see how you understand. You’ve been where he’s at, and you survived.”
I stay quiet, staring into my bowl until the steam fades, unsure what unsettles me most.
“Talking about Auren doesn’t mean you owe Leif anything,” Jared says. “And it doesn’t mean he owes you anything, either. But it opens a door.”
My shoulders tense. “I’m not sure I’m ready for that. It’s hard enough talking to you about it.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to decide today.” He picks his spoon back up. “But don’t confuse protecting yourself with erasing yourself. You’ve worked too hard to heal from what Auren did to you.”
A tight ache forms behind my eyes. “Okay.”
Jared gestures to the phone that sits screen-side down next to my plate. “Did you respond to his text?”
I shake my head. “Wasn’t sure what to say.”
“You can’t leave him on Read, Em,” Jared rebukes, his voice gentle. “If he’s going through a tough time, he’s going to read your silence as condemnation.”
I straighten in alarm. “That’s not—”
“I know,” he says, still so gentle, “because I’m sitting right here with you and can see how much this is tying you up in knots. But Leif’s not here. He’s alone.”
“Shit.” I snatch up my phone and open our chat.
It’s already been twenty minutes since his text arrived, and my fingers fly over the screen.
Emily
No problem. I understand how things come up. The offer stands whenever you’re ready.
Take care.
Simple. Direct. A door left open without demanding he walk through it.
I hit send and set the phone down.
A smile plays at the corners of Jared’s mouth.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “Just marveling at how much you’ve grown.”
The observation catches me off guard. “What do you mean?”
“The Emily I first met would have either shut down or pursued an explanation.” He comes around the table to wrap his arms around me, his cheek rubbing against mine. “This middle path suits you.”
Heat rises to my cheeks, not from embarrassment but from the realization he’s right. I have changed, learning to accommodate others’ needs without sacrificing my own. And a lot of that is thanks to this Alpha.
“I’m the older one here, so why are you so wise?” I ask with a quiet huff.
He rubs his nose behind my ear. “I’m an old soul.”
When he mouths at my throat, tickling me, I giggle and elbow him. “Stop it, and go back to your seat. The soup is getting cold.”
“Yes, Alpha.” With one more playful nibble, he returns to his chair, leaving me lighter and more settled.
Whatever pulled Leif away today may bring him back tomorrow, or it may not.
I can’t control the outcome.
As we continue to eat, though, I can’t shake the sense that whatever pulled Leif away today isn’t finished. This is only the beginning.
And if he’s facing it alone…
If he’s folding inward the way I once did with Auren…
I know where that road can lead.
But I can’t force my way in. I can’t chase him without repeating old mistakes.
All I can do is leave the door open.