Chapter 3
“Why now?” my mother asked.
“I feel myself breaking. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend, and I won’t let my babies grow up without me.
I need to get out before Paul takes everything from me.
Mama…” I hesitated. “I’m not as strong as you.
I can’t keep living like this. My heat is due in two weeks, and I know he’ll sense I want out.
He’ll get me pregnant and it’ll be even harder to leave. ”
“If you do this,” my mother said stiffly, “you can never come back. You’ll never see me or your siblings ever again. It wouldn’t be safe.”
I’d been considering that for years. I wasn’t the only child my mother had borne my father, but I was the oldest. I’d stood by her side as their shield for years, until Paul’s violence had dragged me into his home to face it alone.
“I know,” I whispered. I was protective over my siblings, but since becoming a mother, I’d had no choice but to focus on my children. Staying wouldn’t protect my sisters, and the pain of that reality had become clear as they grew older.
My mother sighed and refilled my cup of tea. “Then I’ll say goodbye to you tonight, and hope you find the life you want.” Her eyes were hard but glossy when she caught my gaze. “Never doubt that I love you.”
“I don’t.” My voice cracked. My love for her was complicated, but it was always there. “I love you, but I know if I stay, I won’t survive for much longer.”
She nodded. “Do you have a plan?”
“For Cody and Paisley, but I don’t know how to get Nora out.”
“I’ll help you.”
“Mama, no, they’ll hurt you.”
She laid her hand over mine. “I know, and I’m prepared for that. Your father is a hard man, but I can deal with him. He won’t let them kill me.”
I chewed my lip, pushing back the swell of indecision in my chest.
We both froze at a creak in the hallway. My younger siblings were all supposed to be in their rooms, and the floors up there creaked even worse than down here.
My mother rose to her feet, heading down the hall where a squawk echoed off the walls, and she came back in, my brother Theo’s ear pinched between her fingers. “Are you spying on your own mother?”
“No! I was hiding in the cellar from Father and fell asleep reading.” He turned watery eyes to me. My sweet, sensitive brother was twenty-one, and I’d helped raise him most of his life. “You’re leaving?”
“Hush,” Mother hissed.
“I want to go, too,” he insisted.
“You…do?” He’d never said a word about it to me, but our father had grown less tolerant of Theo’s softer nature over the years. Maybe he’d finally been pushed too far.
He slipped free of Mother’s grasp and kneeled next to me. “I hate it here, Maisie. Father will never let me live in a way that lets me be happy. They won’t search me if I go into town. You need a way to get Nora out, right?”
“How would you get her out?” Mother asked.
“Neither of you will like it, but it’ll work until we can meet up.”
I bucked against the idea, not even knowing what it was, but what choice did we have? How else would we be able to get Nora out?
Mother took a sip of her tea. “So I’m going to lose two children tomorrow?”
Theo turned to her. “Mama, we’re already gone. The only thing that makes this place home is you and Maisie. I’ve been watching her disappear slowly being with Paul, and the only way she’s ever going to come back to us is if she gets away from him.”
I’d felt that over the years, but I hadn’t realized it was visible to others.
“Maisie, do you know where Paul has put trackers in your car?” Mother asked.
I shook my head. She wasn’t one for sentimentality, and I wasn’t going to push it on our last night together.
“Fold down the back seat and check for spots that have been cut. Darrell put his there, and I imagine he educated Paul the same. Your father puts them under the passenger seat beneath the carpeting. You’ll need to find and remove it when you arrive at the park so they don’t know you’re not on the field trip. Do you have money for gas?”
“I don’t have anything. Paul checks receipts so I can’t keep anything back.”
My mother rose slowly, fetching a box of tea bags enveloped in paper labels. “Take this. It’s not much, but it’s more than you’d have otherwise.”
I stared at the box, confused.
“There’s a little money in each one, whatever I could take over the years without it being noticed.”
“Mama…” My voice broke.
“No tears,” she said sharply. “Don’t give your husband a reason to be suspicious.”
“Were you saving to leave?”
“You won’t leave without your children, I won’t leave without mine, but it’s too late for me. You’re still young, you still have hope. Take the money, pack the box for the mothers to enjoy while the children eat lunch. Where will you go? To Riley’s?”
“They’ll look there first.”
“They will,” she agreed.
“I think I’ll go east. I can put a lot more distance between me and here in that direction.”
“Go as far as the money will take you in any direction without leaving the state. The last thing we need is you getting picked up by highway patrol for kidnapping. If you can’t find a shelter, find a library.
They’ll know about local resources that might help.
Theo, are you planning to go with Maisie? ”
“Only if she really needs me to. I know where I want to go if I get out of this place.”
“Where’s that?”
“North,” was all he said.
I was curious, but it would be better for Mother to not know any specifics.
“Your documents are in your father’s filing cabinet,” she told him. “The key is under the duck statue on his bookcase. Grab Maisie’s as well and take them with you. Not much else can be taken without being noticed when you leave.”
“Will do,” Theo promised. “I’ll get those and then I’m hiding in my room so I’m not down here when Father gets home.”
“Don’t say anything to your brothers and sisters. It’s better for them to know nothing.”
We talked for a while once Theo had gone upstairs, and I gained a new perspective on my mother.
She’d once been like me, but her hope had hardened with her years here, bonded to my father, bearing his children, enduring him daily for far too long.
I’d been the first way he’d trapped her, but back then she’d believed the message Big Daddy Decker was pushing.
She’d welcomed the pregnancies because it spared her experiencing heats on the compound, and eventually the shine of everything had dulled.
The mood and topic shifted instantly when my father got home.
I quietly excused myself, returning to Paul’s house in the dark, the baby monitor I used to listen in on my sleeping children tucked under my arm.
The box of tea felt heavy in my hands as I slipped inside and went straight to preparing for tomorrow. We’d have to leave so much behind.
Paul was still out, and would likely come home drunk. His father hated it, doubly so since Paul was now his heir after his brother’s death, but he never intervened.
I worked quickly, sliding the children’s birth certificates into the lining of Cody’s winter coat before I mended the tear I’d been meaning to get to.
After that, I made sure Paisley’s and Cody’s lunches were well stocked, adding extras that Nora would be able to eat, too.
While I worked, I silently prayed—that I wouldn’t get caught, that we would get away, that my children wouldn’t grow up to hate this choice I was making for all of us.
I slept in the children’s room next to Paisley, my only refuge from Paul in this home. He came back late and I held my breath, my eyes closed, feeling his gaze on me from the doorway before he stumbled into our bedroom.
Morning dawned, bright and crisp. Paul wasn’t awake when I got up, though he rarely was. Only after I’d gotten the children ready and off to school did he usually bother to emerge. Nerves twitched in my stomach. I took Nora over to my mother’s while Paisley and Cody ate their breakfast.
“Have a good day. Make sure you pack coats. It’s getting colder and I don’t want the children to get sick.”
“Coats are already in the car,” I promised, pulling her into a hug. “I love you, Mama.”
“My brave girl.” She kissed my cheek, a display of affection I hadn’t experienced since my childhood. “Be safe.”
Deep breaths held me together as I let her take Nora.
I wasn’t sure how this would all work out, but I was choosing to trust that it would.
I went back home to get my children to school.
My heart was in my throat as I buckled Paisley into her booster seat.
Luckily, that’s how I usually felt around here so hopefully Paul wouldn’t notice if he woke up.
I didn’t take a full breath again until we were at the school, meeting up with everyone who was going on the field trip.
I had Cody hop out so I could fold down his seat to check for a tracker, my hands shaking when I found a slit in the fabric.
The tracker was so innocuous. A digital leash Paul had put on me.
I’d found the ones in the kids’ backpacks last week, and they were in exactly the same spot when I checked today.
My phone rang, sending my heart into my throat.
It was only my mother.
“Hi, Mama.”
“I’ll be heading to the bakery later. Is there anything I should pick up for Paul?”
“Iced cinnamon rolls.”
“All right. Theo’s gone to work, but I think he’d like some, too. Have a good day on the field trip.”
“I will. Make sure you get a treat, too.”
That was the extent of my last conversation with my mother and I tried to keep tears back. Anyone listening wouldn’t know what she was saying, but I knew she was telling me where to collect Nora.
My friend, Natalie, pulled to a stop next to us and I leaned up to her window. “Today’s the day.”
“The day?”
I nodded.
“Holy shit.” She leapt out of her car and pulled me into a hug. “Oh my god, Maisie. What can I do? Can I help?”
“Could you take my phone and trackers?” She was chaperoning, so she’d be with everyone, and if Paul checked in, all he would see is us being exactly where we were supposed to be.
“Of course.”
I passed them over and Natalie immediately put them in one of her purse pockets.
“Reach out when you can, okay? I know it won’t be for a while, but I love you, and I’m going to be sad to never see you again.”
“I will,” I promised. “Someday we’ll get to hang out, happy, free, and living on our own terms.”
Natalie sniffled. “I can’t fucking wait.”
I gave her one more tight squeeze and forced myself to go check in with the teacher before I lost my nerve.
“Good to see you, Ms. Decker,” she greeted with a smile.
“I’m going to drive the kids behind the bus. Paisley started complaining about an upset stomach when we were only a few minutes away. I’ll see how she does by the time we get to the park, but if we don’t show up, it’s because I’ve had to turn around and take her home.”
“Oh dear, yes, of course. Let me get you all checked in.”
I got back in my car and Cody tapped me on the shoulder. “We’re not going on the bus?”
“No, honey, we’re following in the car.”
I sat frozen, practically holding my breath, convinced everything was going to come crashing down on me, until the bus took off and we slowly rolled out of the parking lot. It was the first time I hadn’t been tracked in years, and the weight of it fell off my shoulders.
I let distance grow between us and the bus, turning off onto the road to Theo’s job. Once we picked up Nora, we were free.
I shoved down the sense of elation. I couldn’t let Paul get a hint of anything until we were far enough away.
Soon.
We were so fucking close.
Theo worked at the local thrift shop, and while my father didn’t like his heir doing “menial labor,” as he put it, the big boss allowed it because Theo got to bring home a lot of unsold stuff, which meant the compound kids got free clothes.
Why my father cared at all was beyond me.
Once Paul got his hands on leadership, he’d choose his own second-in-command.
“Mama, where are we going?” Cody asked.
“Stopping to visit Uncle Theo for a minute,” I replied, pulling to a stop next to his vehicle in the parking lot. Nora was sitting in the front seat, peeking out the window. I slipped out of the car and took Nora out, immediately turning to put her in her car seat.
Theo stepped up to my side, passing over two paper bags from the store.
“I have some stuff for you. I had to guess at some sizing, but I know you couldn’t leave with much.
Underneath is all the stuff Mama had at her place for the kids.
There’s a cheap burner phone in there too with my burner number programmed in, but I couldn’t afford more than that.
Use it if you need help, and when you get settled somewhere, we can reconnect. ”
I hugged him fiercely when Nora was secured. “You’re not coming with us?”
“If you’d feel safer with me coming, I can, but if you’re aiming for a shelter, they won’t let me stay there with you and the kids.”
“Do you have somewhere to go?”
“I have a friend who lives in the national park in staff housing. Their couch isn’t a long-term solution, but it’s a hell of a lot better than home. Where are you heading?”
“As far as I can get.” I sucked in a sharp breath, holding my brother like it was the last time I’d ever see him—and maybe it was.
“Why now?” I asked carefully. “If I had known you wanted out, we could have left sooner.”
Theo shivered. “I was trying to be what our father wanted me to be. It was only yesterday I realized what that meant.”
“What do you mean? What happened yesterday?”
“He told me it was time to do my duty and I’d been assigned an omega. They wanted me to…” Theo broke into a sob. “I can’t do that to someone.”
“Shhh, hey, you’re not going to hurt her, and I’m glad you don’t want to.”
“I know who my omega is,” Theo whispered. “Not the assigned one, the one I’m supposed to be with, but I can’t have her. If I go, maybe one day I can get her out too, and I could be established enough that we have a chance at a life together.”
“Who is it?”
He only shook his head, squeezing me tighter. “I’ll see you again one day, and maybe she’ll be with me. Go, though. Get as far from here as you can.”
“Be safe. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Maze. Promise me you’ll be happy, okay?”
“I’m sure going to try.”
“Good. Now, let’s both get the hell out of here.”