Chapter 11
The ranch was so beautiful it made my chest ache. Bison dotted the landscape, happily nourished by the grasslands.
Confusion still sat heavy within me. I wasn’t used to incorrect actions without consequences. Wyatt was so against confinement he had taken the door right off, making the truth of his words so clear I could hardly breathe.
I had spent my whole life feeling off balance, never knowing what small thing would escalate with Paul.
Now I was still unbalanced, but in a different way.
Before, there had been strict rules to follow, and even if they hadn’t always protected me, they had been a constant.
I didn’t know what the rules were here or how to obey them.
Obviously what I had come from didn’t apply with this pack, but I wished they could give me an orderly list so I could teach the children.
“Are you cold?” Carter asked, gently squeezing my hand in his.
“A little, but it’s nice.”
November was always crisp, but the grip of winter tended to fluctuate.
Sometimes we would wake up to snow and sometimes the fields would lie uncovered for weeks.
Winter was a mixed experience for me. The landscape was beautiful under snow, and the work of preservation was done for the season, but it also meant more time indoors, more dangerous roads, and snow illuminating my footprints so my movement was easily followed.
I breathed in the scent of the grasslands.
Carter and Wyatt’s scents were sweet whispers in the air.
The alluring earthy fragrance beyond the soil must be Colt.
Bryan had no scent that I could detect. Mine would likely be exposed soon.
Before I left the compound I always took a fast-acting short-term dose of scent blockers so that I was hidden in town, but was back to normal by the time Paul got home.
I had packed the medicine in my purse. I didn’t want to get my distress all over Carter’s nest or their home, so it would be best if I could keep taking it, keep my scent covered the whole time I was here, but I’d run out eventually.
Maybe by then I wouldn’t be so drenched in despair.
When the cold finally did touch me too deeply, we were already heading back to the house. Two white trucks sat in the driveway, but before I could panic, Carter said, “That’s my mom and her alphas.”
A much better arrival than someone from the compound somehow finding me so quickly.
The inside of the house looked like a department store had exploded in it. Carter’s mother was on me in an instant, pulling me into a hug.
“Oh, honey.” She stepped back, cupping both of my cheeks. “I’m so glad to see you. I always worried about you when I volunteered.”
She had?
“Are these your little ones?”
“Yes.” I ushered Paisley and Cody over, taking Nora from Wyatt’s arms, so I could introduce each one of them.
“Angels.” Mrs. Balor beamed. “You can call me Grandma June, or just June. It’s so lovely to finally meet you. Come pick out what you would like.”
I stared with my mouth hung open. Had she organized everything in stations? A brand new high chair and booster seats were already at the dining room table, and the box for a new stroller was propped by the door. Everything else was tidied into clothes, toys, bedding, and toiletries.
“You too, Maisie.” June waved me over.
“Where are the dads?” Carter asked.
“Upstairs painting.”
“Mom,” Carter laughed.
“Don’t you Mom me. You said they needed bedrooms. How was I to resist when you told me what they wanted? I haven’t been able to decorate for children since you and your brother were little.”
“Mrs. Balor, this is…” I couldn’t find words to express how grateful I was that she was so invested in my children’s well-being.
“Hush, hush. Come here. I didn’t know your size and style so I had Carter guess.
I hope you can find some things you like.
All of the shoes should fit, though. I had him check the size on those, and I picked up a size bigger on everything so if there’s something they like they can have a fresh one when they outgrow it. ”
I let her pull me along. She truly had thought of everything. We would take only what we absolutely needed. I refused to allow us to be a burden. Maybe if we were cooperative enough they wouldn’t get tired of us and decide weren’t worth the effort. “It’s too much.”
“I assure you, it’s not.” She hugged me again. “It’s very important to me that you have what you need, and more than that, you should have what you want as well. You and these children have been through a lot. This is a small way I can make your lives easier.”
I gave in, searching first for my children.
This woman was a marvel. Boxes of diapers in Nora’s size, plus extras in the size up as well as potty training ones, and all of the supplies to go with it.
My kids were only marginally patient as I held up outfits to them to check sizing before they could go back to choosing their favorite toys and bedding sets.
For myself, I chose the softest items—sweaters, pajamas, dresses, and fleece leggings. I pulled everything my size from the underwear and bra options. She followed after me, taking note of what size I chose, and folding up twice as many things to supplement my choices.
This was all like a Christmas morning from the movies, not something I could ever experience in real life.
When we had gone through absolutely everything, and the kids were completely outfitted, Mrs. Balor was finally content.
“You have to let me know if there’s something I’ve forgotten.
This is the perfect time of year to buy plenty and have no one blink twice.
Obviously the boys can still go into town for things, but I promise I love doing this.
I buy a lot every year to donate, so you’re not allowed to feel bad.
You’re just getting gifts a little earlier than others.
” She navigated over to the toiletries. “Carter mentioned you weren’t a fan of your hair.
I don’t mean to be presumptuous, but I picked these up on a whim. ”
A bag of hair dye tubes contained a couple dozen different shades.
I sorted through it and found two that closely matched my natural color.
She passed me a basket so I could set them in, then urged me to choose more things.
Everything from shampoo to tweezers and face masks were available.
I’d never met a woman so thoroughly prepared, and so joyful to see me add more and more to the basket.
Three men I didn’t recognize came downstairs. My body’s reaction was to instantly tense.
“These are my alphas, honey. Up front is Carter’s dad, John, and the others are more recent additions to my pack.”
“First coat is done, Junie,” John announced.
“Have to let it dry for a couple hours before we can do the next. Ah, welcome back! Junie has been talking all day about how excited she was to see you again and to meet your kids. I’m John.
These are my packmates, Joe and Lester. I’d offer to shake your hand, but Carter said you’re a little gun-shy about alphas from how you grew up.
We’ll stay over here. Keep going with your shopping.
Heaven knows there’s not much else in this world that June loves more than taking care of folks. ”
I hadn’t expected such thoughtfulness, but maybe I should have. Anyone close to Carter appeared to take on his same level of consideration, and for that, I was grateful.
“We appreciate it more than I can express. You’ve all been so kind.”
John shrugged. “Good to put kindness into the world where we can. Go on and have a look at the rooms. Hallway’s crowded, and there’s nothing special in them yet besides painted walls, but Junie has beds on order.”
“I’ll show you,” Carter offered.
I got my children to temporarily abandon their bounties, but they each carried a toy upstairs.
Were they actually getting their own bedrooms?
They shared at home, but the house was far smaller and what rooms could’ve been used were claimed by Paul.
When Cody turned ten, he was supposed to be allowed to have his own space.
Would they like sleeping apart? How would I keep an eye on all of them at once if they weren’t all in one spot?
We navigated the mattresses leaning in the hall, Carter pausing in front of the first door.
“I’m guessing this one will be the nursery.”
I peeked in to see pale yellow walls and rolls of bunny wallpaper borders waiting to go up. A box for a crib that transitioned to a toddler bed sat among the supplies. The level of thoughtfulness overwhelmed me and I was pushed right to the edge as Paul’s rage met my sentimentality.
This was all so much.
Too much.
Carter clocked the shift in me instantly, cupping my cheek and putting his forehead to mine, lifting my palm to rest on his chest. “Breathe for me.”
I followed his exaggerated breaths, holding Nora tightly while I tried to wrestle myself under control. None of this would be so hard if I could rip the bond out of my being, if I could experience a single positive emotion without Paul being angry. Why did he have to hate me so much?
“Mama, stop crying!” Cody insisted, yanking on the hem of my shirt. “We’re gonna get in trouble and you’re being a baby!”
“No one’s in trouble,” Carter said, pushing back, “and she’s not being a baby.”
He drew me carefully down until I was sitting on the floor with Nora in my lap, and turned to my son.
“Cody, you’re being unkind to your mom.” Carter took Cody’s hand.
“There’s nothing wrong with crying and your mom is under a lot of stress.
Just like no one gets in trouble for mistakes in this house, no one gets in trouble for crying.
I know that’s different from your house, and it’s okay to not understand new rules, but it’s not okay to be unkind. I need you to apologize.”
My little boy looked torn between being angry or starting to cry himself.
He idolized Paul in the way young children do with their fathers, no matter how absent or disinterested in them those fathers might be.
I understood craving a father’s approval even if they were terrifying.
It was a cruel trick of nature sometimes to make children so desperate for their parents’ love, even if the parent had none to give.
“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Colt looked in on us, taking in my red-faced son. “Cody, can I talk to you for a second?”
My son’s tiny hand gripped hard on to me.
“We can talk right here,” Colt offered, settling down next to us. “Things are really different, huh?”
Cody nodded, his eyes glossy. Paul’s emotions in the bond tempered to a smug satisfaction after upsetting me. That was another cruel trick of nature. Why could someone bind themselves to my soul forever when I hated them?
“I’d be nervous in a new house,” Colt said slowly. “Are you nervous staying here?”
Cody nodded again.
“Yeah, I get that. New people, new rules, I know big changes can be really scary. You’re going to stay with us for a while though, and we want you to be happy here.
It’ll take some time to get comfortable, and it doesn’t have to happen overnight, but one thing we can’t do is make this all harder on each other.
Your mom loves you and your sisters a whole lot, and she was so brave to bring you here. You know she loves you, right?”
“Yeah.” Cody’s voice wobbled.
“You and your mom have to be a team, and part of that is being loving to each other. You’re scared, and we get that, but your mom is in your corner, so you have to fight together, not against her.”
Tears slipped over Cody’s cheeks and he flung his arms around me. “I’m sorry, Mama.”
“It’s okay, honey. I wish I could have told you we were leaving so you could have been prepared. Mama is scared, too, but I’m always here for you.”
Paisley patted my shoulder.
“Yes, honey?”
“Can we go see my princess room now?”
I laughed, the question shaking me out of the dire mood. You could always count on a five-year-old for moments of levity. “Sure, honey, we can do that.”
Colt offered his hand and she slapped her tiny one into it, ever trustful. “One Princess Paisley room, ready for Her Majesty’s inspection.”
I got to my feet with Carter’s help, Nora in one arm, Cody’s hand in mine, and his other hand in Carter’s.
Things would be weird and hard, but they were making so much effort, and, god help me, I could imagine a life here, much as I was terrified to do so.
Maybe it wouldn’t last, maybe when we stopped being a novelty their kindness would wear off, but for all our sakes, I would try to enjoy it while I could.