Chapter 31
Icouldn’t make myself move.
Colt dropped down next to me, pulling one of the many blankets over us. “Sounds like you had a good time.”
I let out a stunned laugh. “That description doesn’t really do it justice.”
“Did I do a good job for your first time being eaten out?”
I laughed again, curling into him. “So good I’m definitely going to ask for it again.”
“I’m more than happy to eat my way to your heart through your pussy.” He grinned, drawing me in for a kiss. “I can’t believe no one’s ever done that for you before. I’m going to side-eye Carter and Bryan.”
“You know, now that you say that, I think Carter might have been aiming for that one time, but I was too impatient. Bryan never had a chance. I was sort of in the middle of his and Carter’s first time.”
“Did you like being in the middle?”
“I did. It felt safer, sort of like a fuck with an alpha by proxy.”
“If you get around to things with Wyatt, you should definitely ask him to eat you out. The man has the mouth of a god.”
Heat rushed through me at the idea of Wyatt in the same position Colt had been in only minutes ago.
“You’re all together, then? Not just with Carter?”
“Yeah.” Colt traced over my cheeks. “I mean, usually Carter is our sandwich filling, but we’ve been together lots of times, and I love him.”
My brain replaced Carter with me, bracketed between Wyatt and Colt someday when I was brave enough to have both of them. The idea had me squirming again.
“Miss Maisie,” Colt said with a mischievous smile, “what just went through that beautiful head of yours? Your scent got as sweet as the moment I made you come.”
I both loved and hated his ability to read me so easily. “How does it work?”
“How does what work?”
“Sandwich filling.”
“It depends on your preferences—”
“But we already established I don’t really have any of those.”
“If you wanted to be between us, assuming you mean having both at once, you could have one of us here”—he dipped his fingers under the blanket, gliding them through my slick, then dipping a little lower to nudge my ass cheeks apart—“and one here.”
I shivered, my muscles tensing under his touch.
“Or,” he continued, sliding back up to toy with my slick folds, “two here. Or one here, and another here.” He kissed me then, licking into my mouth with a questing tongue that still carried the taste of me.
I let myself melt into the kiss. Salacious images of each option filled my thoughts.
It was strange in some ways, how easily the thoughts came, and how it all felt imagining Colt and Wyatt in those positions with me.
Paul had never done anything for me and my enjoyment, so it would probably be best to assume everything would be different now.
I knew what I didn’t like with him—everything—and I knew now that I could want more.
The sex I’d had with Carter, and with Bryan added in, was such a radical opposition to everything from before, and now I had this experience with Colt that further proved how much of a difference it made when it was all with someone I wanted.
“You make me want more than I’m ready for.” I brushed my lips over his and pulled in a lungful of his sandalwood and honey.
“Maybe that’s a good sign.”
“What do you mean?”
He planted a kiss on my forehead and drew me closer. “Like your body is accepting things have changed. I know it doesn’t mean you can’t backslide, or that the emotions have caught up, but the body stores trauma. If it wants us, maybe it’s because it knows we’re safe.”
I liked the idea of that, that I was healing in ways I didn’t understand. I wanted to teach my body that touch wasn’t something to fear, that seeking pleasure was an achievable possibility.
“You were brave today.” Colt smoothed a hand over my hair, twirling the tips in his fingers.
I searched his face, finding only genuine pride in his features. The words warmed me through. I suppose it was a sort of bravery, even if it felt silly to ascribe that title to it. “Really?”
“Of course. You have to be brave to trust another person with your body, doubly so when you’ve had someone hurt you before. I don’t take your trust for granted, and I know how much it means that you let me see you this way, that you let me get so close.”
I kind of felt like I was a baby bird in the palm of his hand who’d fallen out of a tree with the way he said it.
Not in a bad way, more that he saw the fragility I tried to hide and acknowledged I needed gentleness.
No one blamed a baby bird for being delicate and requiring care, and Colt didn’t sound like he blamed me for how I’d come into all of this.
A knock at the door startled me.
Carter peeked inside. “Sorry to bug you. The kids are very concerned their mom is going to miss lunch, and Bryan and I agreed you guys were probably finished based on the bonds.”
“Go ahead,” Colt said, pressing a kiss to my lips. “I’ll be along in a few minutes.”
Carter slipped inside, grabbing a robe off the back of the door for me. “You look so cute, all pink and flushed.”
That only made me blush more. I pulled the robe on, pausing to steal a sweet kiss from Carter before sneaking my way into the second level, where I changed into fresh clothes.
Bryan and Wyatt had the kids occupied when I joined them in the kitchen.
They’d given Paisley and Cody some sort of two handed crinkle slicer and she was working on cutting carrots while her brother cut celery.
Nora was helpfully tossing little bowls of their already chopped vegetables into a pot for Bryan.
Cody looked up from his task. “Mama, Bryan’s teaching us how to make soup!”
“We’re cheating a bit,” he clarified. “Making the broth takes too long, so we’re using bouillon.”
“I’m sure it’ll still be delicious. What can I help with?”
“Nothing, Mama,” Paisley announced. “This is our soup.”
I settled in across from them and next to Wyatt, watching them work. Bryan passed Nora a bay leaf, and she hurled it into the pot.
“Better make it two for good measure,” I said.
“You’re so right.” He passed Nora another leaf and she grinned, adding it to the rest. “High five.”
Bryan held his hand aloft and Nora slapped hers against it.
The sheer cuteness almost made me want to cry. They all looked so at home, so happy.
Wyatt dutifully supervised the vegetable chopping, having put himself in charge of the onions. His task was already complete, but the kids were working a little slower.
“Horses all taken care of?” Wyatt asked, presumably for the kids’ benefit. He had to know exactly what we had been up to, since he was in a bond with Colt.
“Yep.”
“Good. I’ll check on them a little later.”
Now I wasn’t sure if he meant me or the actual horses. “I bet they would like that.”
His warm amber eyes met mine. “Would they?”
I suppressed a shiver, but not enough that Bryan didn’t sense it in the bond, turning to glance at me. “The mare definitely would. She’s been enjoying extra attention lately.”
“Good to know.” Wyatt collected more of the chopped celery and carrots into a little bowl, bringing them over for Nora to add to the pot.
Did they understand how much I appreciated the care they took with my children?
If they had left everything to me, I would’ve had no energy at all to pursue any sort of relationship with any of them.
Whether they did it for that reason or because they genuinely enjoyed the opportunity for parenting, the result was the same.
My children were surrounded by people who showed an interest in them.
They obviously loved it. I’d never seen them smile so much before.
“Wyatt, can I do more crinkle carrots for snacks?” Paisley asked.
“Sure, you can,” he replied with a smile. “Do up however many you want and we can freeze any extras.”
Wyatt got her to help with washing more carrots, and showed her how to peel them before she got to crinkle cutting even more.
At home, she had only ever wanted to be with me in the kitchen when Paul was out of the house.
When he was home, they had learned the best place to be was quiet in their room, or at my mother’s, if my father was busy.
My siblings had always been good about taking them when Paul was in a mood.
Seeing them in this home’s common areas, taking up space, and being loud about it, was healing more pieces I didn’t realize were so broken.
How had all of us survived in that environment for so long?
I committed the whole scene to memory, etching their smiles into something permanent I could hold on to.
Colt and Carter came downstairs by the time all the ingredients were bubbling away.
Carter’s initial arrival had been distraction enough I hadn’t considered I might’ve been leaving Colt high and dry.
He hadn’t made a peep about it. Was he really okay with devoting himself to my pleasure and letting me walk away?
I left my seat, going to greet them, kissing Carter and climbing a couple of steps to reach Colt better. I whispered so the children wouldn’t overhear. “I’m sorry I left, I didn’t even think…”
“Maisie, it’s fine. I promise. Baby steps, right?” Colt brushed gentle fingertips over my cheek and slid them into my hair where he cupped the back of my neck and leaned in for another kiss.
My eyes slid shut, soaking up the tender way he held me.
“I don’t need you to worry about my pleasure in any of this. They’re all different steps, and I wouldn’t have expected you to do anything even if we hadn’t been interrupted for parenting duties.”
I listened, but didn’t fully understand.
Everything else I had participated in was a mutual act.
What he had done felt like it was just for me.
They had all already done so much for me.
At least if we were having sex they could chase their own pleasure while I got mine.
How was I supposed to balance everything when I was the only one benefitting from something?
Logically, I knew the simple answer was that I could probably do the same for him, but it was something I’d had to do in the past and I wasn’t ready to do that here yet.
I shoved the thought away. I didn’t want to dwell on when I had been forced to endure, no matter how much it informed my thoughts and actions.
“Are you sure? Because I could—”
“I’m absolutely sure,” Colt insisted. “I don’t want you to do a single thing you’re not comfortable with or so excited to do you can’t resist. I can take care of myself.”
“Or I can help,” Carter offered, joining the conversation. “Feeling him get spicy in the bond got me a little revved up, so it was no hardship to take over where you left off.”
Heat rushed through me. Carter had been so impacted by my experience with Colt that he’d gone straight to him?
“I could also help during,” Carter added. “Like with Bryan, if you’d feel safer with me being there.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
Carter laughed quietly, turning briefly to making sure the kids weren’t paying attention to us.
“Would I mind getting to roll around with my favorite people? Would I mind making sure my childhood sweetheart feels safe enough to integrate herself into the pack? Maisie, being part of any of this is a privilege, to be honest. You really don’t have to worry about any of us. ”
Not having to worry about anyone was a foreign concept, but if that was what they wanted from me, then I was willing to try.