Chapter 34
“How was story time tonight?” I asked as Bryan slipped out of Cody’s room.
“He read to me,” Bryan said with a soft smile. “We got through three chapters, and there were only a few words he didn’t know.”
“Would you stay with me tonight?”
Bryan looked utterly shocked by the question.
I should have had him staying with me right from the start to satisfy the new bond, instead of relying on little hits of his scent through the day.
I didn’t want to treat it as a reward, but seeing him be so understanding with Cody today unlocked something in me.
Maybe part of me was still holding pieces back. I wanted to build a promised life here and an important part of that was getting to know my bondmate better.
“I’d love to.”
It would be easier if I could go upstairs and sleep in the nest, but even with all of the measures they put into place—the baby monitors, the bells, the night lights—I still wasn’t totally comfortable with the idea of sleeping so far away from the kids.
That just meant whoever wanted to spend time with me at night would have to do so in my room.
“Just to sleep,” I added.
“Whatever you need,” Bryan replied with a nod, smiling softly at me. “I have no expectations. Do you want to pick out my pajamas so I know they’re soft enough?”
I hadn’t even considered that might be an issue, but it was such a thoughtful suggestion. “Yes, please.”
The kids were all tucked into bed, courtesy of the pack’s assistance with story time.
They made everything so much easier on me, and I knew the children appreciated the attention.
The days at the compound had always felt endless.
With four others invested in the kids, time was no longer crushing and was far less draining.
I felt like an actual person at the end of the day.
At no point during this process had I expected to have the time to settle into things as my own person, fully anticipating needing all of my energy to help my kids adjust. Having people around us who wanted us to thrive, to do more than survive, was a unique experience I refused to take for granted.
I peeked in at Wyatt. He was rocking Nora in his arms, which seemed to be her new favorite place to be. Guilt swelled in my stomach.
“You’re welcome to spend the night with Wyatt instead,” Bryan offered. “Or ask him to join, if you’re comfortable with that.”
The problem was that I wanted everyone. I’d found safety in their arms and I’d grown so greedy for it.
I wasn’t sure if he’d overheard us or simply sensed we were talking about him, but Wyatt’s gaze snapped to mine, sending a tendril of nervous heat down my spine.
“Go get ready,” Wyatt said quietly, so as not to wake Nora. “I’ll keep an eye on the kids and come say good night when you’re settled in.”
“You’re sure you don’t mind?”
He looked down at Nora with so much affection it made my chest ache. “How could I possibly mind this?”
I slipped into the room, reaching to cup his cheek. “Thank you. I won’t be long.”
Bryan and I headed out to the guesthouse, where I rooted through his drawers, finding a silky satin pajama set.
“I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect you to have pajamas like this.”
“I don’t wear them often anymore. They feel like relics of my old life.”
“Did you get to bring much with you?”
“Not as much as I initially wanted to, but more than I actually needed. After my packmate was arrested, but before my fortune was compromised, I paid a German company to go through everything we had shipped over to Berlin in anticipation of moving there. I stayed on video calls with them for hours, sorting out what was Riley’s and what was mine.
It took some fighting, but we got a decent amount back. ”
“That’s sweet that you did that for her.”
“Well, it was all hers. It wasn’t her fault the alphas in her life had failed her so spectacularly. It was one thing I could still do for her.”
“What’s your favorite thing you recovered?”
“I don’t really know. In all honesty, not much about my old life even felt like me.
My family was difficult, my long-term packmate and the ones we were considering adding were all more of a business arrangement than anything else.
The only thing that brought me any real comfort before coming here was Riley. ”
I stared at him for a long moment, considering his words. He had plainly told me he wasn’t still in love with my sister, and I chose to believe him.
“I know how that sounds,” he continued. “I always felt like I was a fish living among birds. I might have been the variety that flew, but it still wasn’t where I belonged.
Riley never belonged there, either. Sometimes I think how I loved her was closer to a trauma bond.
We understood what it was like to struggle to survive somewhere that we had to be.
Thinking back on it, I suppose I kind of thought of her like a tropical plant, all potted up, and I could convince myself she was thriving simply because I had never seen that plant in its natural habitat.
Back in New York, I lived the way I was expected to, studied what my family demanded, worked the jobs they chose, packed up with an alpha who would benefit them most.”
“I understand what it’s like to live a life that’s chosen for you.” I tucked the satin pajamas back into the drawer, reaching instead for soft flannel. “Do you think the life you live now is better?”
He sat on the bed, watching me. “When I came here, it was like Carter had picked up my flailing, gasping fish self and threw me back into a pond. Being here, at least now that I’ve settled in, is like I can finally breathe.”
“I understand that, too.” I walked over to stand in front of him, gently nudging his knees apart so I could step between them. His eyes were curious, burning with an intensity that made my stomach clench. I cupped his face, tracing the apples of his cheeks with my thumbs. “Does it hurt?”
“Does what hurt?”
“The bond. I know what it feels like to experience Paul every day.”
“He’s not furious all the time,” Bryan evaded.
“If he was, I don’t think I could handle it, but it’s not as bad as it was.
I think putting myself between you must muffle his perception of you, so he can’t tell all the times you’re happy.
He can tell when I am, and it pisses him off, so I can only imagine what it would be like if he felt everything. ”
“That didn’t quite answer my question.”
He laid his palms on my hips, an anchor touch more than anything else. “Yes, it hurts, but not as much as it would knowing you were feeling it instead. I can’t undo any of what he’s done, but I can do this.”
I leaned in, brushing my lips over his. Bryan’s fingers twitched against me, his grip tightening.
Emboldened, I kissed him again. His desire tumbling through the bond knocked me breathless.
Affection and anxiety accompanied it in equal measure, but the anxiety melted, slowly but surely, the longer I stayed close.
My own need reflected back at me. I climbed onto his lap, slotting my knees on each side of his hips and locking my arms behind his neck.
His hands swept up my back, holding me so I could comfortably stay right where I was.
There was nothing urgent about the kiss.
The slow, deep exploration let us find the rhythm we needed to learn what suited us best.
I hadn’t realized what a bond would feel like with a bondmate who actually cared about me.
Before, feeling anything in the bond had been suffocating, but this?
My bond with Bryan cradled me. It was closer to sinking into a warm bath, the perfect temperature where I could close my eyes and drift away.
Ignoring the hot pulls of desire was an interesting task.
I didn’t want to rush things. We had already gone so fast with the bond, and we needed time to learn each other.
He didn’t push for anything more. The bond was so cozy, like he was savoring every second, and that only made my own affection for him grow.
His cock was wide awake beneath me, and while I still intended to take things slow, I couldn’t stop the compulsion to rock my hips against it. Bryan’s breath stuttered. A strange sense of power washed over me. I rocked again, grinding on him, giddy at the moan that snuck out against my lips.
It wasn’t fair to tease him, no matter how drunk on the sensations his responses made me. I pulled my mouth from his, but otherwise didn’t move.
“Should we head inside?” he asked. “As much as I’d love to stay right here for eternity, I know Wyatt is expecting us.”
I smiled, kissing his cheek. “I suppose, if you want to get responsible about it.”
We collected his flannels and ventured back to the main house. Wyatt was in the rocking chair with Nora, carefully getting to his feet when he saw us to lay her in the crib.
“Do you still want to stay tonight, too?” I asked when he met us in the hall.
“I’d love to. Let me go tell Colt and Carter.”
While he did that, I washed up for the night and stripped down slowly in my room, goose bumps erupting on my skin at the sensation of Bryan’s gaze tracing over me. He was in his flannels when I turned around. His cock was tented again behind the plaid fabric.
Wyatt came back down in an almost identical set.
“I don’t think we need shirts tonight,” I told them. “Unless you would prefer them.”
Their pajama tops lasted barely two seconds beyond that and I hid my giggle behind my hand. I climbed into the bed first, patting each side in invitation. Anticipation had me practically vibrating.
They joined me, stretching out on my sides, cocooning me between them.
It settled something deep in my soul. When they each curled an arm over me, my purr erupted into a dull roar that filled the silence and triggered their own purrs, too.
Tension melted out of my muscles. The only thing that would make this more perfect was if Carter and Colt were here, too.
There was technically room for everyone, but it would be a snug fit.
A tendril of guilt twisted in my stomach that I was monopolizing Carter’s alphas.
“What is it?” Bryan asked.
I chewed my lip, but opted for honesty. “If you’re both with me, you can’t be with Carter.”
“He’s plenty happy with Colt, I promise,” Wyatt assured me. “Besides, you’re our omega, too. You deserve time with us as much as he does, and as you get more comfortable, maybe we can all spend time together like this.”
“If I wasn’t so nervous about the kids being on their own floor, we could all be up in the nest right now.”
“It’s a reasonable fear, though. Kids get up to shenanigans.” Wyatt’s thumb traced over the curve of my hip. “Part of making sure you feel secure here is knowing the kids are safe, too.”
They were so good to me. Maybe too good. How was I ever going to repay all their patience and the blessings they had given me? How was I ever going to become an omega truly worthy of this pack?