Chapter 28
Hestia
Magnus and Cato kindly got my bath heating, whereupon I quickly shooed them out.
I didn’t notice I had to pee until they turned the water on, and then I was dying. Not surprising, it’s been hours since I last went. Thankfully I held out long enough to do it in private.
After using the facilities and stripping out of my clothes, I gratefully sank into the warm water to enjoy a nice soak.
Washing off the stress sweat was a treat. Cato even found some herbal soap bars in a cabinet, which really livened up this bath.
They left me with the few bottles of descenters they had, along with the ones I have in my bag. The bottles aren’t big, but they’ll last a few days.
Hiding our scents shouldn’t be a concern though. It’s not like it’s a job requirement, it’s just…
The way they responded so strongly to my scent.
I don’t know how I could work with them while ignoring how delicious their natural scents are.
Not to mention, my scent was almost as strong as when I perfume.
I couldn’t walk around embarrassing myself like that, when just talking to them gets me going.
My suppressants are still working, so I wasn’t actually perfuming. It probably seemed that way because it’s been so long since I smelled myself without scent dampeners.
I have a bottle of suppressants in my bag and more in my emergency kit. I won’t have to worry about breakthroughs even if we’re stuck here for a while.
Surely I can handle smelling my teammates for a few days, even if they don’t use descenters.
Currently it feels like their scents are stuck in my nose, tickling my brain in strange and unusual ways (mostly horny ways), but it will be fine. I’ll just pretend that’s not happening, and everything will be okay.
I can restrain myself.
I sink down until the water is just under my nose, hiding my red face in the steam even though there’s no one around to see it.
Getting snowed in with them is just a test of my professionalism. If I think about it like that, I know I’ll ace the exam. I always get the highest marks.
Question #1: What do you do when you get snowed in with your bosses, who you’re desperately attracted to, and everyone’s descenters are wearing off?
Answer: You fuck them.
Wait, no.
Fuck.
You don’t fuck them.
I drop below the surface, hair floating around me in the giant tub.
I blow out all the air through my nose until there’s nothing left, hoping to clear away their scents.
Except even breathless, I can feel them inside me.
I stay under, like somehow that will wash away the memory of my teammates—their scents, their eyes, their smiles, their care, concerns, laughter, teasing, sweetness. Everything, because I love everything about them.
I’m not sure I can do this.
I burst through the surface before I cry and end up inhaling water. I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, trying to physically hold back the tears.
I don’t think I can do this. Denying my feelings, faking being just teammates when I want so much more. And not just for tonight, I’d have to pretend for another 701 days.
But what’s the alternative? Ruin our careers? Leave and never see them again? Move to another station for my training and come back when I’m done?
I don’t think I could stand moving out now. Even considering it makes me feel like my heart will tear in two and half of it will stay here with them.
But the other half of my heart still belongs to me, and it beats for the love of this job. Thinking back on all the people we’ve helped, I can’t imagine doing anything else. Even getting stuck in a blizzard is worth it for the chance to save someone.
I don’t know how to make both halves happy.
And…what if I’ve misread them? What if they’re not into me, or the attraction isn’t anything more than physical? Simple biology between alphas and omegas.
They did say their pack is closed. Would they open it for me?
My emotions are bouncing all over the place, and I laugh at the ridiculousness of it. We’re snowed in after surviving a blizzard, and I’m worried about sleeping with my bosses.
My laughter hits the tiled walls and echoes back, sounding frenzied and distorted, but I can’t stop.
I cover my mouth, but that does nothing to stem my thoughts.
Eventually my laughter subsides, leaving me just as exhausted as when we first got to the cabin.
I drag myself out of the bath and into a towel. It feels extra cold now that I’m out of the water, though the fireplace did a decent job of heating the room. I hastily dab at my body and redress, putting on the clean clothes I had in my pack.
I drop the towel over the rod on my way out, leaving the tub full and my things behind. Staying upright is taking all the energy I have left.
I stumble into the hall in a billow of steam, where Cato scoops me up.
“Did you have fun in there, pet?” he whispers in my ear, making goosebumps break out on my neck.
My potent fruit scent rises around us, acting like I didn’t just use descenting soaps and spray myself down with descenters.
Wait, did I remember to use the descenting spray? What soap did I use? Was it just the herbal one?
Cato’s chest rumbles, vibrating against me.
I don’t know why he’s laughing, but I don’t care because his bare skin is hot on mine and my hands move of their own accord, stroking his chest.
Cato buries his face in my hair, inhaling deeply. He noses lower and scrapes his teeth against my neck. My body goes limp, waiting for him to bite.
But Cato drops me as suddenly as he picked me up.
He keeps a hold of my arm so I don’t fall over, but otherwise stands as far away as possible.
I blink as my mind restarts. Once I’m steady, Cato releases me and ushers me down the hall, staying behind me like a dog herding sheep.
I thought I had him figured out. I thought Cato liked me, but now that I reciprocate, he pulls away? He rejects me?
I bite my cheek to distract myself from the pain.
Was it all meaningless?
Don’t they want me? Don’t they care about me?
It’s all I can think about. Agony consumes me.
“Did you have a good—” Charm says, cutting himself off as we enter the living room.
“What’s wrong?” Orion asks, rushing over.
He grabs my shoulders to get a good look at me.
That’s the other problem with not blocking my scent. I can’t hide my emotions when I want to.
“Nothing,” I say, but my lip trembles.
Magnus pulls me away from Orion and folds himself around me. He’s so big I’m completely surrounded, like he’s taken me into his chest, cracked open his ribs to tuck me in next to his heart.
It helps, but it doesn’t assuage my fear that they only care about me as a teammate or, at best, a friend.
My tears soak Magnus’s shirt.
“It’s probably a delayed reaction to the stress,” Charm murmurs.
“I’m sorry, Hestia. I should have realized you’d be distressed after all of this. We shouldn’t have left you alone,” Orion says.
I shake my head, face rubbing against Magnus.
“I’m fine,” I say through sniffles.
I can’t have Orion trying to take responsibility for everything again.
This isn’t his fault. Or at least, I can’t blame them if they don’t like me the way I like them.
I don’t know why it’s getting to me now though. It must be the shock of surviving a blizzard, like Charm said.
“Come over by the fire. The warmth will help,” Orion says.
He doesn’t sound panicked like he did earlier, so at least I was able to help him before breaking down myself.
Magnus carries me over and sits down with me straddling his lap, my back to the fire. I keep my face buried in his chest.
Henri, Charm, and Orion join us, rubbing my hair and back, purring. Magnus is like a jet engine with his rumbling purr, ginger scent soothing.
Being surrounded by my alphas is comforting, but it’s a lie. They’re not my pack.
I hiccup, trying to hold back more tears.
“Crying is a normal reaction to shock, let yourself feel your feelings,” Henri says.
“It’s better not to hold things in,” Cato agrees, flat and emotionless, his voice coming from across the room.
I wait to see if he’ll say more, but he’s silent.
I clutch Magnus’s shirt and can’t stop the tears anymore. I try to keep my sobs quiet, shaking in his arms.
They hold me until I’m worn out, wrung out, and no longer feel like I’ll burst at the seams.
I doze afterward in the heat of their bodies.