Rose
Joel is lifting his hand to knock when I pull open Ben’s bedroom door.
He stumbles back, and I swallow a scream. I’m not sure who's the most startled, him or me.
“Sorry.” His gaze drifts over my shoulder to land on Ben, who briefly stirs from his nap on his bed.
Ben spent most of today playing and napping after the awkward lunch we had with Murph earlier.
It wasn’t awkward for Ben. He was happy to chat about his toys, his new room, anything at all, as he ate the sandwiches and cut-up fruit that Murph had surprised me by preparing for us all.
I couldn’t look at Murph without wanting to fuck him or run away, so I picked at my meal and said nothing.
“Shit,” Joel softly curses. “Did I wake him?”
“It’s okay.” I step out and pull the door closed. “I should wake him in a bit, but he’s spent most of today running around this house and playing with all his toys. Win was teaching him how to do cartwheels in the backyard, and now he is obsessed.”
By silent agreement, we move away from his door and toward my bedroom, separated by one of the two upstairs bathrooms.
“Do you need a hand unpacking?” Joel offers when he sees my suitcase on the bedroom floor, where Murph left it after bringing it up for me. The windows are open, wind stirring the drapes and carrying in the scent of fresh grass and wildflowers from the backyard.
I made my bed with the clean linen that Win brought up for me. That’s all I’ve done in here. This morning and most of this afternoon have been about getting Ben settled, and hiding from my scent match in case Murph came looking to talk to me about feelings I’m avoiding.
A three-week road trip with a five-year-old who struggles to sit still for any length of time required careful planning.
Lots of careful planning. Also, a large duffel filled with games, coloring books, a truly terrifying amount of Legos he refused to leave in Memphis, his iPad to watch his favorite cartoons, and a detailed list of places to stop so he could stretch his legs and explore, to keep him from getting bored.
My bag is significantly smaller than his.
“I wanted to get Ben settled first,” I explain as Joel eyes my untouched suitcase, embarrassed that I’ve had all day to unpack and it’s now 4 p.m. He must be wondering what I’ve been doing.
“I can help,” he offers. “You’ve been sick a lot, so if you need to just chill… I don’t mind hanging clothes in the closet and folding.”
His generous offer, coming soon after he walked in the front door from work, draws a small smile to my lips. “That’s really sweet of you, but I can do it.”
His eyes drop to my mouth, and heat pools in his gaze. My smile fades, and he clears his throat, looking away.
He stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his navy combat trousers.
“Um, I told Murph about meeting you in the diner…” He hesitates.
“And about being attracted to you. Especially since, well, you’re scent matches and are staying here with us now.
To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to walk out of that kitchen with my insides still in my body. ”
I wince. “I can’t imagine that was a fun conversation.”
I was green in the diner. He should not have been attracted to me, and I should not have noticed his smile or the size of his biceps when my focus needed to be on Ben.
And yet, those things did happen, and now I’m living in a house with my scent match, my son, and a man who just admitted he's attracted to me. And Win, who’s handsome and sweet, who I just… like. Things have the potential to be awkward as hell. Maybe moving in wasn’t such a good idea after all.
“It was fucking terrifying,” Joel admits. “But I needed him to know where I stand with you, and that means I need to be clear with you too. Honesty is important to me.”
“Because you’re a firefighter?”
He lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug. “Partly, I guess. Even if Murph wasn’t my friend and roommate, and even if I paid for my honesty by having him pull my arms off, it was still the right thing to do.”
If I hadn’t met Murph, I’d have laughed at that comment. Both men are large, the way most alphas are. Simon was a serial smiler, kind, and usually stooping to speak to Ben, so I rarely noticed his size once we’d been together for a while.
Joel is big, and obviously, he’s a firefighter, and there’s something about his presence that’s reassuringly strong and capable.
Murph is… intense. Rough and rugged, his scent dangerously potent. He has this way of looking at me that stirs the submissive side of my nature to the surface. He throws out this dominant aura that no one could miss.
“Um, well, thanks for telling me,” I say, not admitting to my own attraction.
Looks like today is all about hiding from my feelings.
“He doesn’t mind,” Joel says, watching me intently as if trying to read me.
I blink up at him. “What?”
His eyes slide away from mine. “That I’m attracted to you. Or that Win is too. He said if I have feelings and you have feelings… well, he wasn’t going to kill me for us acting on them. I think we became a pack so quietly that none of us noticed.”
At that point, I choke on my own spit, and even after he’s clapped me on my back to clear my airways and I’ve wiped the tears from my eyes, I still don’t have a response to what he just told me.
“Okay?” he asks, voice husky.
“I can’t,” I blurt out.
He lifts a dark-blond brow. “Can’t do what?”
“Do this… with you. My alpha died, and I need to prioritize Ben. Not me. So…”
“I understand that,” he says softly. “I’m not gonna be pinning you against walls or trying to kiss you. Just…”
“Just?” I whisper, suddenly wishing he would do just that.
“Just that I wanted—no, needed—you to know where I stand. And if your feelings do change or grow or whatever, then I’m right here.”
He’s telling me he likes me, and when I want to do something about it, I can.
“Mommy!” Ben yells.
“I’m here,” I shout back, stepping away from Joel as Ben sprints into my room, nearly colliding with Joel, who catches him.
“Hey there, little man,” Joel says with a grin.
Ben is delighted to see the man who promised him a ride on a fire truck. Obviously. His eyes are like saucers. “You live here?”
“Yup.”
Ben grins at me, jumping up and down. “Mommy, we live with a fireman.”
“Yes, we do,” I tell him.
Temporarily.
“I was just helping your mom—”
“Unpack,” I blurt out, my cheeks burning from the conversation we’d been having before Ben interrupted us.
Ben takes Joel’s hand and pulls him to my suitcase. “Okay. I can help. You open it.”
I should have thought longer before I opened my big mouth.
Joel looks at me, eyebrow raised as he waits for my response.
I smile. “It’s okay if you have something else to do.”
He grins. “Nope. Just got home from work. I can help.” He unzips it and throws the lid open.
There is no missing the shit job I did cramming my clothes in my suitcase while Murph waited outside our room to carry our bags down the stairs to my car.
Or my red, lacy panties staring Joel in the face.
Dinner starts the same way it always does: with bribery.
“Five pieces of broccoli and you can have dessert,” I tell my son, who hates anything green and has to be bribed with the promise of something sweet afterward.
Face twisted with disgust, he pushes broccoli around his plate with his fork. “It doesn’t taste of anything.”
“Sure it does,” Joel says, taking a bite of his broccoli and chewing happily. “All the guys at the firehouse love it. How’d you think we all got this big?”
I haven’t been able to look Joel in the face since he got an eyeful of my underwear while helping me unpack. Cheeks burning, I grabbed the panties and shoved them in the top drawer of the dresser, all while he averted his gaze.
That was an hour ago.
After hanging my jeans and the few dresses I had in the closet, he left, and I finished unpacking while Ben jumped up and down on my bed. When that wasn’t enough excitement for him, he played with Lego that will be in every room of this house before this week is over.
Ben stares at Joel’s muscled arms, then shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”
“That’s too bad,” Murph says, digging into his broccoli. “The guys at my family’s ranch fuel up on broccoli. Can’t ride a horse for hours without the strength that comes from veggies.”
Win is one hundred percent focused on clearing all the broccoli from his plate. Ben gives him a wide-eyed stare, as if impressed anyone could like broccoli that much.
That does it.
Ben eats his broccoli.
While he’s distracted, I mouth ‘thank you’ to Murph and Joel, who nod in response.
Win catches my eye and winks, and I smile back, hiding my amusement as Ben glances up at me.
With Ben now actually eating his veggies instead of ignoring them in favor of the barbecue chicken and potatoes cut up on his plate, I relax and try to enjoy my own meal, even if my stomach isn’t up to eating too much of all this delicious homemade food I didn’t have to cook.
“Did you get settled in okay?” Win asks me once Ben has eaten five pieces of broccoli, as if he were afraid that speaking would distract Ben from an important task.
I smile. “Yes, thanks.”
Win came up to my room and asked me what time I wanted to eat. We’ve been traveling for a while, and although our location keeps changing, I’ve kept Ben’s bedtime routine consistent:
Dinner at 5 to 5:30 p.m. Wind-down activities to avoid stimulating him until around 7, when Ben has a bath, uses the potty, I brush his teeth, and read to him. He’s usually snoring by 8:30.
Before my morning sickness hit, I’d stay up and read or watch TV. Now, even though I’m usually asleep by 9 p.m., and awake at 6 when Ben jumps all over me, nine hours of sleep never feels like it’s long enough.
Murph keeps his head down as he clears his plate. He hasn’t spoken to me since I snapped that I didn’t want to talk to him about Simon, and I’m not sure if I’m disappointed or relieved by his silence.
“So, how’d you find our small town?” Joel asks me.